The Palz of Lemony Snickett

Before we start today’s movie review, just a couple of quick bits of what I consider to be some cool news.

In March of 2005, Fox Home Video will be releasing a DVD box set of The Lone Gunmen. This comedic action spin-off of The X-Files only ran for 13 episodes before being unjustly cancelled. Not only will this set include the unedited version of the pilot episode (the one that aired in March of 2001 and featured a plot by terrorists to fly an airplane into the World Trade Center), but it will also feature the Season 9 episode of The X-Files entitled “Jump the Shark” that ties up all the loose ends from this series…thereby making this collection as complete as it can get (there will also be a few other extras included).

In a bit of related The X-Files news…Palisades Toys has jumped into the block action figure craze with a vengeance. Their new line of 2 ½ inch tall figures with 14 points of articulation and loads of accessories is called “Palz” and the first license has just started to hit stores. The first batch of figures based on Buffy the Vampire Slayer look amazing (I’ll have reviews when I’m back in CT) and are just plain cool. Palisades has 7 waves planned so far (one for each season) and the first wave consists of Buffy, Willow, Giles, Xander, Darla and The Master. Each figure has a “transformation” feature: turn the head around, switch out some body parts (included in the package) and presto you’ve got a new version of the same character (for example, Darla can go from human to vampire in a switch). There are also two exclusive figures of Angel and Vampire Buffy available online. A second series arrives in April and includes Oz, Cordelia, Buffy, Spike, Drusilla and Jenny Calendar. There will also be three packs of monsters (without the transformation features). The first pack arrives in April and includes The Anointed One, Marcie Ross and Der Kinderstod.

What does all this have to do with The X-Files? Well, that’s the second line of Palz that Palisades has licensed from Fox (and since they’re all the same size, Mulder & Buffy can go hunt Vampires and other monsters together while Angel and Scully get it on). The first series arrives in March of 2005 and includes Mulder, Scully, Deep Throat, Frohike, Grey Alien, Conundrum, Flukeman (who comes with his own Port-O-Potty) and Donnie Pfaster. There will be variant versions of Mulder, Scully and Donnie Pfaster. These will also feature loads of cool accessories, but no transformations. If you pick up extra Deep Throats and Frohikes you could probably make a Kolchak the Night Stalker Palz. A second series is in the planning stages and could include Scully, Mulder (both different from the previous releases), Cigarette Smoking Man, Langley, X, Eugene Victor Tooms, the Bat Thing, Marita Covarrubius, Krychek and Skinner (as in Assistant Director Skinner, not Principal Skinner from The Simpsons).

Meanwhile in other cool Palisades Toys news, they’ve picked up the license for Sesame Street and are planning at least two waves for 2005 to match their highly successful, yet about to come to an end line of figures from The Muppet Show. The first wave consists of Ernie, Oscar, Guy Smiley and the Two Headed Monster – which continues a pattern established by their other Muppet line of two popular characters, a fan favorite and an obscure one. There will be two versions of the figures available. Mass market retailers will be selling just the figure. Specialty outlets will be selling a set that includes the figure and a section of Sesame Street (with a bit of a cheated scale, but if you’ve seen Palisades Back Stage playset from The Muppet Show you’ll see how close they come). The section included with this group of figures will be where Oscar’s can sits (just in front of the fence to Big Bird’s nest). There will also be a Super Grover exclusive available at Wizard World Chicago Convention in March to kick off the line. With a phone booth, inter-changeable heads and a cloth trench coat Grover can change from super hero to mild mannered reporter in seconds (but don’t expect to make him plain old regular or “naked” Grover as the “G” is part of his chest sculpt and is not removable).

Meanwhile, look for the other Muppet line to wind down a bit as it switches to retail exclusives only. So far, Gonzo & Rizzo from Muppet Treasure Island, Scoutmaster Kermit and Uncle Deadly are the only figures to have found homes, but the entire cast of Veterinarian’s Hospital and Johnny Fiamma’s monkey pal Sal are sculpted and looking for homes. There may be a few more before the line officially ends sometime in 2005.

Lastly, in the block figure category…look for Art Asylum to continue their highly successful line of Minimates with more characters from Marvel Comics and Lord of the Rings as well as more C3 construction sets that feature DC Comics characters from various Batman incarnations as well as Justice League Unlimited. Rumor also has them teaming up with Dc Comics to create comic versions of the rest of the DC Universe and release them through DC’s own toy company DC Direct. We’ll keep our fingers crossed.

And finally…with Playmates line from The Simpsons at an end, Mezco’s line from Family Guy has picked up the slack. The first six figures are already in stores and are a good mix of the family (Peter, Chris, Lois, Brian and two different Stewies). The second wave is even better (Rufus Griffen, Quagmire, Meg, Mutant Stewie, Naked Peter and Death as well as an S&M two pack of Lois & Peter) and the third wave just continues the crazy fun (Cristobel, Peter in drag, Brian’s cousin Jasper, next door neighbor and handicapped cop Joe, the Pope and Mayor Adam West – which will easily be the coolest toy of 2005). Can’t wait to see where else they take this line.

Obviously, I can’t wait to have a kid now just so I can play with all the cool toys I’ve been collecting (and we’re gonna be getting rid of some in the process that just aren’t worth keeping anymore – and obviously some will have to wait until Baby Faced Fenster is old enough to play without swallowing small removable parts – it’s a good thing that all these mini figures can fit into one shoe box and reside on a very high shelf until then).

Now…on to our first movie review from Napa…

I must admit to not being too familiar with the popular series of children’s books known as Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events beyond knowing they exist, they’re popular and they’re currently up to book 11. So I went into the film version a complete tabula rasa.

The titular Lemony Snicket is a writer who has been detailing the lives of the Beaudelaire orphans. There’s the eldest, Violet, who is good at inventing things. There’s Klaus, the middle child, who loves to read and has memorized every book he’s ever read. And then there’s the infant Sunny who loves to bite things. Unfortunately, Mr. Snicket informs us of the tragic death of their parents and the children are shipped off to live with their closest relative, Count Orloff (closest in the sense that he lives 37 blocks away…we’re never sure how the children are actually related to him).

Orloff is an actor along the lines of Master Thespian from the old Saturday Night Live sketches with Jon Lovitz. And he’s not just a bad actor, he’s a bad person. He’s only interested in the Beaudelaire fortune. So he sets about trying to kill the children so he can get the money. He’s foiled of course (although not in any way that he gets caught because no one believes the children) and the orphans are shipped off to live happily with their Uncle Monty.

Of course, it isn’t long before Uncle Monty’s new assistant arrives and the kids quickly discover that it’s Count Orloff in disguise. Orloff dispatches Monty and the kids are again shipped off (after Orloff escapes again) to live with their Aunt Josephine…can you see where this is now headed? The film doesn’t have the happy ending one would find in a typical children’s film…but it does have a very satisfying one that sets up a continuation of adaptations of the books.

The story is one of the best types of children’s stories as it doesn’t talk down to children and is rather dark, yet does manage to send a rather positive message. It is also the type of children’s story that adults should thoroughly enjoy as it works on many levels. In my research on the books, I’ve discovered that the film adapts the first three and that further books continue the pattern of the orphans winding up in a new living arrangement and then Orloff shows up before long in a disguise to try and get the money or kill the children or both. It will be interesting to see how any further films continue this pattern.

Jim Carrey stars as Count Orloff and it gives him the opportunity to mug, overact and prance about on screen like he usually does. Meryl Streep and Billy Connolly also give good performances as the other doomed guardians of the children. But it is the naturalness of the three child actors that keeps things moving along nicely. If these children weren’t believable as people who survived a tragedy, the entire film would have easily fallen apart. Jude Law provides the voice of Lemony Snicket (who is an amazing narrator of these tales…both witty and informative without being saccharine and clichéd).

The movie, like life, explains how we must find the strength to survive what tends to be one unfortunate event after another. Savor the good moments because they are what will give you that strength. Look to family carefully because while they are supposedly there to give you the strength, not all of them can be there all the time and some of them are there for their own purposes. And always, always listen to children…because they will always, surely be listening to you.

I’ll be back tomorrow with another review (probably Ocean’s Twelve or Spanglish).

Be seeing you

Vacation in Napa

So…it’s been a while…and now we’re on vacation in Napa…

It’s been a crazy year between the house renovations that don’t seem to end (we’ve been gone 24 hours and they’ve slipped another week behind schedule…grr) and rolling from one community theater show into another pretty much since March with barely a break along the way…

And now…for those of you who haven’t already heard through the grapevine…Natasha is pregnant. The baby is due somewhere around June 19, 2005. We’ve seen three images of the baby so far and surprisingly it’s rather camera shy (the last time, just this past week before leaving for Napa, it would turn and wave us away every time the sonogram came into view). We’re both very excited…and now we have excuses to whip the workmen into going faster and to quit community theater for a while if need be (and I may need to as the frustration level with the group I’m Vice President of doesn’t seem to wane even with forward progress).

Anyway…so that’s the big news…

While we’re taking a break here in sunny, foggy and chilly Napa (sure it’s a warmer 58 degrees than the 18 degrees we left in…but it still feels cold), we’re going to be catching up on a number of movies currently in theaters (or just opening in theaters).

So while today brings you a rather short piece, tomorrow will bring you a review of Lemony Snickett’s A Series of Unfortunate Events…followed by quite possibly Ocean’s Twelve, Meet the Fockers, The Phantom of the Opera, Spanglish, Sideways and Finding Neverland. So until then…

Be seeing you

Cable Shows: Backwards and Forwards 2004

Hey folks,

See…this is what happens when you are up writing early in the morning. I couldn’t remember where I had left off in the whole TV thing…so I sent out the previous entry when I should have sent out this last entry. To quote Maxwell Smart “Sorry about that, Chief.”

Anyway…here’s the Fugue you should have gotten.

This issue contains the rundown of a bunch of odd shows. These are the shows we watch on cable, in syndication or on DVD release.

Sex and the City – 6 Seasons/94 Episodes
Well. It’s over. And quite honestly I don’t have much to add beyond what’s already been said by others (and I don’t necessarily agree with a lot of it). It’s one of those shows that I feel will lose its “classic” status over the years since it was thrust upon the show unjustly (as it is with almost any show…a “classic” has staying power and timelessness…you can’t tell if a show has either until its been gone for a while). It was fun while it lasted.

Jeremiah – 2 Seasons/35 Episodes/8 Unaired
This Showtime series was the brainchild of J. Michael Straczynski, creator of “Babylon 5”. Here he adapted a French comic book series into a wonderful TV show. The first season is available on DVD and that’s how I wound up watching most of it (I had actually started watching the series when it aired, but lost track of it after a while figuring there’d be a DVD). The second season started and then mysteriously stopped. Eight episodes remain and no one knows when or if they’ll air. JMS is on record as saying if the show did return for a third season it would be without him. He has nothing but good things to say about the network, but it’s the production company MGM that has pissed him off. There are no specifics, but part of his animosity may come from how they treated his script for the film version of his comic book “Rising Stars” (I won’t get into that here other than to say it’s being rewritten by other people). Perhaps Showtime figured that without JMS the series isn’t worth continuing. Time will tell. Meanwhile, catch the DVDs of the first season (even though they’re not presented in widescreen like the series was when it aired).

Carnivale – returns for a second season on HBO in early 2005
This slow boiler still hasn’t laid out exactly what it’s really about…but it was fun getting to the end of the season. Hopefully the second season will start to narrow the focus a bit more.

Dead Like Me – returns for a second season to Showtime on July 25
This is the living definition of “quirky”. If you didn’t catch season one, it’s out on DVD soon. One of the best shows anywhere on the dial.

The Dead Zone – returns for a third season of 13 episodes to USA on June 6
While Stephen King himself doesn’t seem to be fairing too well in the weekly series arena, this show remains well written and engaging. It could be gimmicky at times, but does its best to stay above that. Reporter Dana Bright will not be returning for the third season and I haven’t heard yet if the mystery man from season two (played by Frank Whaley) will be back this season (which means there better be a fourth season). Season 2 arrives on DVD in mid-June.

Six Feet Under – season four begins June 13 on HBO
I’ve missed chunks of this show over the last two seasons…but it remains well written and engaging (I’m starting to sound like a broken record…where’s my thesaurus).

Monk – returns for a third season of 16 episodes to USA on June 18
If the pilot didn’t cement Adrian’s place in the pantheon of great detectives, then all the episodes that have aired since definitely have. This is a wonderful show where half the time the actual mystery is almost irrelevant to how Monk’s going to get through his neuroses. Season One arrives on DVD in June.

The Sopranos – the fifth season comes to an end on June 6
And what a season it’s been. Things are coming to a head on a number of fronts and yet it all seems a bit lackluster. Maybe it’s the long waits between season? Maybe it’s the fact that last season wasn’t all that and this season’s trying to make up for it? The next season (number six) will be the last, but who knows when it will start.

Deadwood – the first season comes to an end on June 13
Never a fan of Westerns, I love this show…if only for the weird “Who’s on First” inspired routine between Al Swearengen (Ian McShane) and the non-English speaking Mr. Wu that prevalently featured the word “cocksucker”. It’s not a comedy by any means, but this show is well written and very well rounded for a “western” (which I’m not so sure it is at times in spite of its setting). A second season will arrive in 2005.

South Park – the second half of season eight will air starting in October
Between poking fun at the special Olympics, Mel Gibson and Michael Jackson, Parker and Stone gave us an episode that became an instant favorite of mine…Cartman disguising himself as a robot just to play a joke on Butters which backfires horribly when Butters admits he’s got a video of Cartman dressed like Brittany Spears dancing around his back yard. Cartman is one of the most reprehensible characters on TV (he falls somewhere between Lionel Luthor and Al Swearengen as far as TV villains go) and I love episodes where he gets his comeuppance. Season four arrives on DVD this summer.

Teen Titans – there are 4 episodes left to air from season two. The show has been renewed for both a third and a fourth season. This will bring the total number of episodes to 52. Hmmm…must be a Warner cartoon. The anime aspect to the show keeps things a bit silly at times, but the show has found a nice balance between playing to its intended audience (kids) and playing to older people. Now if they would just come out and tell us which universe the stories take place in (is it the same one as all the previous animated DC Comics shows).

Justice League – Cartoon Network has retooled this show for its 3rd season (in addition to renewing it for a fourth as well). Look for the current seven members of the team (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Martian Manhunter, Hawkgirl, Flash and Green Lantern) to be joined by just about everyone else from DC Comics history. The new season starts on August 7 and each stand alone episode will pair one or two of the old members with a few of the new ones. Look for appearances by Supergirl, Captain Atom, The Question, Booster Gold, Green Arrow, Black Canary, Elongated Man, Wildcat, The Atom, Vixen, Vigilante, Zatanna, Red Tornado, Hawk & Dove, Star Spangled Girl & S.T.R.I.P.E. and many others. We can even look forward to an adaptation of an Alan Moore story. Look for a name change as well (it’s now Justice League Unlimited).

Penn & Teller: Bullshit! – Two Seasons and 21 episodes
The comedic magic team debunk various myths, fads and hoaxes each week (the end of the world, feng shui and P.E.T.A. are examples of things they’ve tackled). They do it in the same humorous way that Michael Moore does…only they seem to tackle it from the other end of the political spectrum with a bit less distortion of “facts” and they do it as entertainment, not as a one-sided political tract. Season One is on DVD. I’m unsure if the show will be returning for a third season yet.

Battlestar: Galactica – 13 episodes will premiere on Sci-Fi in early 2005
The re-imagining of the cheesy sci-fi cult classic is a bazillion times more interesting than the original (and actually leaves room for the original to be something of a prequel). The entire cast of the four hour mini series will be returning (well…those that survived anyway) and an appearance by Richard Hatch is also scheduled (as who or what we don’t know…but obviously he got over his anger at his own version of a remake not being done). The four hour mini series should be arriving on DVD around the same time the episodes premiere.

Babylon 5 – With the entire series now on DVD (and a box set of the TV movies on its way in August…and a set for “Crusade” due later in the year), you’d think that life for this franchise was over. Creator J. Michael Straczynski has been hinting around for a while about a project that’s brewing and while nothing official has been announced yet, it’s pretty obvious from what JMS has said online that it’s a feature film (whose initials are B5: TMoS). He’s also recently said that there’s more than one B5 project on the horizon. My guess is that like with “Family Guy” and “Firefly”, the DVD sales have fired up the new interest. Now is the time to start watching this great series from the beginning if you haven’t already (just put it in your Netflix queue). As we go to press, we must report on the sad passing of Richard Biggs who played Dr. Franklin on the show. He was a talented man and will be sorely missed in any upcoming endeavors in this universe.

Farscape – While the series came to an abrupt end in March of 2003 (after 4 seasons and 88 episodes), the DVD releases are still playing catch up (the final volume will be out in July). Couple that with a four hour mini-series airing on Sci-Fi before the year is out and it’s gonna be a great year for this show. I’m still muddling through Season 3, but having a lot of fun doing so.

CSI/CSI: Miami – Since my boycott of CBS is still in place, I’ve had to catch these shows in reruns on other networks…this has led to me doing marathon runs on DVD. These are well written shows with good casts and I look forward to eventually seeing the new version CSI: New York when it arrives on DVD.

Poirot – David Suchet returns to play Agatha Christie’s most famous detective in four more adaptations. While they have yet to air in the U.S., they have done so in the U.K. where they are also available on DVD. Look for “Sad Cypress”, “Death on the Nile”, “Five Little Pigs” and “The Hollow” to hopefully appear either on TV or DVD on this side of the Atlantic soon. Four more movies will go into production by year’s end for airing in 2005 in Britain (and who knows when here). I’m looking forward to these and hope they eventually redo “Murder on the Orient Express”. Rumor also has it that a Japanese anime version of Poirot will be appearing in the near future.

Miss Marple – Speaking of Agatha Christie’s detectives…Geraldine McEwen has been cast in the role of Jane Marple for a new series of remakes. The previous run starring the late Joan Hickson was the definitive version of the character and they did film all of the novels (leaving only the short stories unfilmed) so I’m not sure why we’re getting new versions of “The Body in the Library”, “A Murder is Announced”, “Murder at the Vicarage” and “4:50 from Paddington” so soon…but they may be worth a watch as they are a good crop of mysteries. The rumor about the Japanese anime Poirot also extends to Miss Marple. Interesting.

Prime Suspect – This wonderful mystery series returned after a 7 year hiatus with a sixth series. They are all available on DVD and are worth watching. Supposedly Helen Mirren will return for a seventh series and then call it quits for good.

The Shield – the third season is currently still airing. There will be a fourth season.
If you ever needed a reason to think that Michael Chiklis would make the ultimate Ben Grimm of the “Fantastic Four” (he’s the Thing), this show provides it. It’s the dark side of the law and it’s very well done. Boy am I getting repetitive.

Doctor Who – Well…the BBC finally figured out how to bring back this show. While a lot remains under wraps, we can tell you that Christopher Eccleston will officially be the ninth actor to play the Doctor (but it remains to be seen if this is the ninth incarnation of the Doctor or a reboot from the beginning). There will be 13 episodes in the first season. Each episode will run 45 minutes and there will be a combination of one and two part stories. There is currently no distributor for airing the show in the U.S. The rights to use the Daleks have been sorted out, so expect the dated looking robots to return (hopefully with something of a facelift). The show starts filming in July and will air as early as Christmas (according to rumor).

Well…I think that covers everything else I’m watching these days (or have been watching in off hours…or am waiting to watch again). I’ve said I watch way too much TV (and you can add to all that the shows that Natasha watches when I’m just in the room…mostly Food Network and Home & Garden shows like “Unwrapped”, “Iron Chef”, “Trading Spaces”, “House Hunters” and “Clean Sweep”).

Next up will be an update on things around here and then a massive crop of movie reviews (assuming I get around to watching most of what’s on the list).

Be seeing you.

Spleenless Joel

The WB: Backwards and Forwards 2004

Hey folks,

Here’s the rundown of the Frog Network.

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

Tarzan – 8 Episodes
Just because it worked for Superman, doesn’t mean it’s gonna work for everyone (case in point, the aborted new version of “The Flash” that didn’t get past the launching gate). I’m not sure that Jungle Boy and modern day America mix. The show did have a decent supporting cast however in Mitch Pileggi and Lucy Lawless.

Angel – 5 Seasons/110 Episodes
This show will go down in TV history as one of the best examples of how to go out while still on top. The series finale will be the subject of discussion for eons whether there is ever another piece to this story or not. Whatever reasons The WB had for canceling this show are, quite honestly, just plain stupid. The fifth season not only re-charged the show creatively, the ratings were up. This past season is also easily its best (in spite of the last minute introduction of The Circle of the Black Thorn and their subsequent dispatch in the final episode). Joss Whedon was able to create a spin off that not only stood out on its own, but did so in such an amazing manner that in the end it surpassed the quality of the show it came from. This show was always about fighting the good fight no matter the odds and it went out doing just that.

X-Men: Evolution – 4 Seasons/52 Episodes
This cartoon is actually a well thought out version of the X-Men mythos. It’s entertaining and well written. It got an unjustified axe.

The Help – 7 Episodes
I honestly don’t know why I liked this show. It made me laugh and yet it was probably the dumbest thing to hit TV in quite some time. Oh well.

Run of the House – 17 Episodes
Maybe someday Joey Lawrence will get a show he can star in that doesn’t flop. He’s actually got some talent.

All About the Andersons – 16 Episodes
See my entry for “Run of the House” and replace Joey Lawrence with Anthony Anderson.

The Jamie Kennedy Experiment – 3 Seasons/62 Episodes
This “hip” and “young” version of “Candid Camera” wasn’t much of a bold experiment. Luckily, the experiment finally failed.

Like Family – 22 Episodes/1 Unaired
What was this show about? I missed the meeting.

The Surreal Life – 2 Seasons/14 Episodes
This weird show is actually moving networks. Next time it’ll be on VH1 where it belongs (isn’t that where all the old 80’s stuff pops up and this show is made up of plenty of old 80’s stuff).

Static Shock – 4 Seasons/52 Episodes
Hey…just by looking at the number of episodes you can tell this is a cartoon made by Warner Brothers. “X-Men: Evolution”, “Superman: The Animated Series”, “Batman Beyond” and “Samurai Jack” all hit the same number and stopped. Is there something about good cartoons and rerun potential that I haven’t figured out? I’d think more episodes would be better…like live shows. Make 100 episodes get into syndication. Oh well. This one was mostly notable for the episodes with guest stars like Batman, Superman and the Justice League.

RETURNING SHOWS

Charmed – Wow. This show is coming back for a 7th Season. How did this show, which isn’t bad mind you, survive this long but the WB went and cancelled “Angel”?? Grrrrr. Arrgh.

7th Heaven – This show’s been on for 9 seasons? Where does time go??

Everwood – Returning for its third season in the fall, this show remains a well written examination of family life. Treat Williams is a rock of an actor and deserves more recognition than what he gets.

Smallville – The fourth season sees the removal of Sam Jones III from the cast (no more Pete Ross…like he was doing much beyond keeping Clark’s secret and getting beat up on occasion by people wanting the secret). The show remains an incredible re-imagining of the boy who would become Superman. Even the occasional additions of things that we know from Clark’s future in Metropolis (Perry White for example) make sense and work well. Easily one of the best shows on TV, but it took a while to find its stride (the first season was mostly freak of the week stories, but they worked) and this season easily goes down as the best so far. The season ending cliffhanger put no doubt in anyone’s head that Lionel Luthor is the most evil and despicable character currently walking the airwaves.

Grounded for Life – This cast off from FOX found a great new home on The WB and in spite of some changes (regular character Grandpa Walt became a recurring character with no real reason) it remains a funny and well done show. It enters its fifth season with two episodes still to air from its third season (the last FOX run).

What I Like About You -- Oh. So this is where Amanda Bynes comes from. All these blonde teenage harlot…er, I mean starlets are starting to look alike. She should stay on this show (now entering its third season) so I can remember the difference between her and Lindsey Lohan.

Reba – Coming back for a fourth season, this show is cute and entertaining…but I still don’t watch it regularly enough to comment on it in any way other than a snarky way. Since I respect Reba as an artist, I’ll refrain.

Steve Harvey’s Big Time – This variety/freak show will expand from 30 minutes to an hour for its second season.

Gilmore Girls – Four seasons have gone by already?? Wow. I still don’t watch. Maybe I’ll try catching up via DVD? Probably not.

One Tree Hill – I’m not sure what this show is really about. I tended to confuse it with “The OC” but I know that’s on FOX and has Peter Gallagher in it. So I don’t know what this show is. Obviously I don’t watch it.

High School Reunion – Another reality show. I think the title says it all.

NEXT SEASON’S LINE UP
When two shows are listed for one time slot it means the second show is currently scheduled to take over at mid-season or after a complete uninterrupted run of the first show

Mondays
8pm 7th Heaven
9pm Everwood

Tuesdays
8pm Gilmore Girls
9pm One Tree Hill

Wednesdays
8pm Smallville
9pm Blue Collar TV
9:30 Drew Carey’s Green Screen Show

Thursdays
8pm The Mountain
9pm Studio 7

Fridays
8pm What I Like About You
8:30 Commando Nanny
9pm Reba
9:30 Grounded For Life

Saturdays
No Programming

Sundays
5pm One Tree Hill
6pm The Mountain
7pm Steve Harvey’s Big Time
8pm Charmed
9pm Jack and Bobby

NEW SHOWS
Blue Collar TV – If you saw the “Blue Collar Comedy Tour” on TV, then picture that as a “sitcom”. Each episode’s “theme” is set up by Jeff Foxworthy and then it’s acted out by the rest of the cast. I guess Blue Collar is more PC than Red Neck?? As an aside, I’ve been told by a few people that Rodney Carrington of ABC’s new show “Rodney” comes from this school of comedy.

Drew Carey’s Green Screen Show – Drew and the casts of his last two shows (“The Drew Carey Show” and “Whose Line Is It Anyway”) return to reenact sketches suggested by the audience. It all gets “animated” via use of the title’s Green Screen. Meh.

The Mountain – The creators of “The O.C” bring us the story of the Carver family and their ski resort. When the patriarch dies, his heir is the son no one expected to take over the business. Look for lots of soap suds.

Studio 7 -- If anyone didn’t think that “reality” shows were already game shows, think again. Here we get seven contestants on a quiz show that are forced to live with each other. Viewers get to play along at home. Ugh. When will this trend end?

Commando Nanny – the reigning King of “reality” shows Mark Burnett brings us a sitcom based on either his real life or two Hulk Hogan movies. Or maybe it’s a combination. Gerald McRainey stars as the dad who is reluctant to hire the British commando as a nanny for his son, but he gets overruled by his wife.

Jack and Bobby – Christine Lahti stars as Grace McAllister, single mom of two teenage boys…one of whom is destined to become the President of the United States. From the creators of “Everwood”, this show will use flash forward techniques to show us snap shots and interviews from the future President’s term in office.

MID-SEASON REPLACEMENTS
Shacking Up – Fran Drescher returns to TV in this sitcom about a 25 year old med school drop out who returns home to live with his mom (Drescher), his sister and his mom’s 25 year old boyfriend. We won’t mention the extra character…the border that’s also living in the closet…literally.

Rocky Point – yet another coming of age drama about a female college drop out who gives up Princeton for Hawaii and surfing…until her father shows up looking for her. Billy Campbell is the father.

Global Frequency – Producer Mark Burnett enters the hour long drama game with this series based on a comic book about a covert intelligence agency.

Big Man on Campus – A “reality” series in which a group of sorority sisters pick the title man from a group of fraternity brothers. The twist is that the winning guy then whittles the girls down until he finds his “queen”. Ugh. Meh.

Wannabes – Yet another “reality” series (making me pine for the good old days of “Friends” clones now). This one follows the lives of a bunch of starlets as they wait tables and show how bad they are and don’t deserve to have big Hollywood careers. Pretty much like everyone already there.

Well…that’s all for The WB. Next up is the amazing and innovative FOX lineup.

Until then…

Be seeing you.

Spleenless Joel

ABC: Backwards and Forwards 2004

Hey folks,

Today we look at ABC’s fall lineup. I think they may have the most number of new shows I’ve actually got even a slight interest in trying out (that would be five).

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

10-8 – 15 Episodes/1 Unaired
I watched the first few episodes of this show, but there wasn’t much to keep me interested beyond that. I usually like seeing Ernie Hudson get work as he’s a very versatile actor.

The Practice – 8 Seasons/168 Episodes
I had stopped watching this show after the 6th Season. I had become bored with the ever silly plotlines dealing with the various characters within the firm. I had also always felt that the addition of Lara Flynn Boyle’s Assistant DA was a one note part that ended long ago. Luckily, this past season brought about a number of invigorating changes. A pairing down of the cast to the few interesting ones, the addition of James Spader and a rotating list of high profile guests kept this show fresh and energetic for most of the season. Unfortunately, instead of keeping the energy up, the end of the season devolved into the setup for a spin-off. This essentially made all storylines involving the remaining original characters into secondary plots while the antics of William Shatner and his law firm took center stage. Even Spader started taking a back seat at points. (I won’t even get started on the very pointless return of Dylan McDermott to the last two episodes) Hopefully the new show will find it’s footing rather quickly and not continue the silliness.

It’s All Relative – 22 Episodes Produced/2 Episodes Unaired
Missed this one. Who was in it? Oh…right…that’s the show with the very funny Lenny Clarke that seemed to be very unfunny…I did see an episode. My mistake.

Karen Sisco – 10 Episodes Produced/7 Aired on ABC/3 Aired on USA
This TV version of the movie “Out of Sight” was much better than that really good film and deserved a better fate than what ABC gave it. They pulled the show early in the season with a promise to relaunch it at a better time. That never came and they just dumped it months later. Luckily, USA had enough success with the reruns to air the remaining episodes (and most of the series is still parked on our Tivo for a marathon viewing in the near future). Maybe we’ll see this on DVD (with whatever unproduced scripts are floating around).

Threat Matrix – 16 Episodes/2 Unaired
This action/thriller took the post 9/11 world of Homeland Security and made it into a weekly series. I figured since “24” had been doing this so much better for so much longer and had “name” talent involved, why should I bother.

L.A. Dragnet – 2 Seasons/22 Episodes/5 Aired on USA
The first season of this update was good…not great…but good. With Ed O’Neill’s Joe Friday as mentor and Ethan Embrey’s Frank Smith as student it showed a lot of promise. Unfortunately, ABC added the “L.A.” to the title and a bunch of “students” to replace Embrey for the second season. It wasn’t as interesting and all potential went away. So did the show after 5 episodes on ABC.

Kingdom Hospital – 13 Episodes
While the show is currently on hiatus, it will not be returning in the fall (look for the episodes to be burned off in June). The series was interesting, but obvious to start with. I actually gave up about five episodes in when I realized I just didn’t care much. Being the Stephen King fan I am, I’ll pick it up and try again when the DVD comes out in October.

The D.A. — 4 Episodes
Generally speaking I like Stephen Weber, but I missed this show’s airings entirely.

I’m with Her – 22 Episodes
This was the mediocre sitcom based on the lives of Brooke Shields and her non-celebrity husband…I don’t think I ever even bothered.

Married to the Kellys – 22 Episodes
Breckin Meyer strikes out in his second sitcom (that NBC Must See TV comedy about the sports commentator whose title eludes me now was the previous one). What was this about?

Life with Bonnie – 2 Seasons/44 Episodes
Bonnie Hunt is a very funny and talented lady. While this sitcom wasn’t great, it was given the chance to prove itself. I’m not sure it deserved being cancelled now (when other crap remains), but I didn’t watch often enough to miss it.

The Big House – 6 Episodes
I think I blinked and missed this. What was this about?

Line of Fire – 13 Episodes/2 Unaired
I missed this also. It sounded a bit like “Wiseguy”.

Celebrity Mole – 4 Seasons/35 Episodes
This was on for fourth seasons?????!!!!!!

RETURNING SHOWS

Alias – Due to all the chaos that is Sunday at 9pm, I stopped watching this show early into the third season. Now that it won’t premiere until January and I’ll have caught up (since Season Three arrives on DVD in September), I’ll add it back to my viewing list.

8 Simple Rules – The only thing this show had going for it initially was its two leads: John Ritter and Katey Sagal. Tragically, Ritter died early this season…but I’m a bit surprised the show is still going. I sampled it after his death and found it to be a bit of an oddity. Trying to work in the character’s death in what is a sitcom was odd enough, but then they brought in guest stars to fill the void. When you have to add David Spade, you’ve hit rock bottom.

According To Jim – Another “cutesy” sitcom that’s going on too long. The fourth season starts in the fall. I smell a “Coach” or “Wings” in the making.

Less Than Perfect – It’s not bad, but it’s not good. Starts a third season this fall. I’m still amazed that a sitcom with Eric Roberts can be as funny as this one can get at times.

NYPD Blue – Coming back for a 12th and final season in the fall. I stopped watching well before Jimmy Smits left the show. Does Dennis Franz even have a partner anymore??

My Wife and Kids – See my entry for “According to Jim”.

The Bachelor – At the rate this show’s going all the available hunks should be married off (and divorced) by the end of next season.

George Lopez – See my entry for “My Wife and Kids”.

Hope and Faith – The teaming of Faith Ford and Kelly Ripa was inspired. This is the one show currently on TV that I actually regret not watching more of (I’ve seen maybe three episodes). It’s made me laugh every time I watch. Maybe this fall I’ll try again.

Extreme Makeover – Sorry folks, this and “The Swan” have pretty much made me give up on the concept of reality shows. ABC may as well air “Faces of Death” once a week as far as I’m concerned. Watching people with low to no self esteem go through needless, unnecessary and risky surgery for our entertainment is foolish and disgusting. Surprisingly, I feel the same way about the “Home Edition” of this show (and I generally like home remodel shows…maybe it’s just the connection to the title here).

America’s Funniest Home Videos – Tom Bergeron is a funny guy. He probably deserves better than this show which still remains mostly watching animals fall, babies fall and men getting hit in the crotch. How many years of that stuff can we take??

The Wonderful World of Disney – Not sure what this really is anymore. It ain’t wonderful and it’s no longer Disney’s. But it is back yet again.

NEXT SEASON’S LINE UP
When two shows are listed for one time slot it means the second show is currently scheduled to take over at mid-season or after a complete uninterrupted run of the first show.

Mondays until January
8pm The Benefactor
9pm Monday Night Football

Mondays starting in January
8pm Monday Night Movie
10pm Gray’s Anatomy

Tuesdays
8pm My Wife and Kids
8:30 George Lopez
9pm According to Jim
9:30 Rodney
10pm NYPD Blue/Blind Justice

Wednesdays
8pm Lost
9pm The Bachelor
10pm Wife Swap

Thursdays
8pm Extreme Makeover
9pm Life As We Know It
10pm Primetime Live

Fridays
8pm Eight Simple Rules
8:30 Savages
9pm Hope and Faith
9:30 Less Than Perfect
10pm 20/20

Saturdays
8pm Wonderful World of Disney

Sundays
7pm America’s Funniest Home Videos
8pm Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
9pm Desperate Housewives/Alias
10pm The Practice: Fleet Street

NEW SHOWS

The Benefactor – Wasn’t this an episode of “The Simpsons” where Grandpa had to figure out what to do with money he was left by a dead friend? Here, we’ve replaced Grandpa Simpson with a millionaire. But he still has to decide which of the applicants most deserves his money. This is another entry in the long line of “Reality” shows. Yawn.

Rodney – It’s a male version of “Roseanne” with a stand up comic named Rodney Carrington. I have no idea who he is and couldn’t care less.

Lost – J.J. Abrams, creator of “Alias” and “Felicity” brings us what sounds like the most interesting new show on any network in years. Its “Castaway” meets “Survivor” as 48 people try to stay alive on an island after a deadly plane crash. The cast includes Terry O’Quinn, Dominic Monoghan and Daniel Dae Kim among others.

Wife Swap – Apparently this “reality” show is a hit in the U.K. where stuff like this goes on in the open. What? You mean it’s not quite as dirty as it sounds? You mean there’s no sex? It’s just cleaning and shopping that the wives do for other families? How boring. What’s the point?

Life As We Know It – This hour long drama is about three teenage boys growing up and facing the world. It sounds like it’s on the wrong network, but there was no room on The WB. However, it is from some of the team behind “Freaks & Geeks” so there might be something here.

Savages – Keith Carradine stars as Mel Gibson. No kidding. It’s based on Gibson’s experiences raising a brood of boys. Look for lots Holocaust denial, anti-Semitism and religious preaching to pass as humor. As the lyrics to “The Flintstones” go “you’ll have a gay old time”. Oh…wait…no you won’t…I forgot Gibson’s a homophobe too. So look for gay stereotypes abound. Gibson’s trying to put the G-d back in TGIF on ABC. Okay…I joke…but it sounds about as interesting as having a colonoscopy. And Keith Carradine’s a better actor than this. He was the best thing on “Deadwood” until they killed him off (they had to…Wild Bill got shot in the town of Deadwood in real life).

Desperate Housewives – This prime time soap opera gives us all the juicy bits from the point of view of a deceased suburban housewife (played by “Twin Peaks” Sheryl Lee). It actually sounds interesting. Also stars Marcia Cross, Felicity Huffman and Teri Hatcher.

The Practice: Fleet Street – Ummm…it’s the spin-off we pretty much saw in the last half of “The Practice” starring James Spader, William Shatner, Rhona Mitra and Lake Bell. With any luck Rebecca DeMornay will appear every so often as the slinky, sexual and despicable Hannah. I’d also like to see law firm of Crane, Poole & Schmidt subsume the newly formed Berlutti and Pescatore as the “cast” of that “show” would be just as much fun.

MID-SEASON REPLACEMENTS
Gray’s Anatomy – Patrick Dempsey and Katherine Heigl star in this hour long medical drama. It’s “Scrubs” with twice the length and half the laughs.

Eyes – Tim Daly heads up a Private Investigation firm. What’s the twist to this oft used scenario? It stars Tim Daly. Hey…he’s likeable enough I’ll give it a shot.

Blind Justice – Ron Eldard stars as a cop blinded in the line of duty who continues working on the job no one wants him on. Kind of like series creator Steven Bochco.

Well, that’s it for ABCDisney (hey…they should change the name). Next up is The WB and FOX.

Until then…be seeing you.

Spleenless Joel

FOX: Backwards and Forwards 2004

Hey folks,

Okay…so today we look at FOX’s lineup. This one is easily the most interesting as here’s a “young” network who seems to have realized that people do watch TV all year round and not just from September until May (when the other networks seem to have locked themselves into the old formula). They also probably realized that PVRs such as Tivo and Replay are becoming more prevalent. Add to this the constant competition from cable and the whole idea of a “season” lasting from September to May seems silly at best. So when FOX announced their new “fall” schedule, they actually announced three different schedules. Of course, with things this far in advance, some stuff could change (time slots, premiere dates, show titles and casts), but it all seems new, exciting and somewhat reinvigorating. Check them out below. But first…

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

Skin – 4 Episodes Produced/1 Episode Unaired
I wanted to catch this, but I didn’t because of the wedding. Apparently so did everyone else (I didn’t realize we had that many guests). You’d think a show about Porn Stars and Politicians would play well on FOX (pre Nipplegate of course).

A Minute with Stan Hooper – 11 Episodes Produced/6 Episodes Aired
A minute was apparently all the time we really had for this funny and quirky Norm MacDonald comedy. FOX has a habit of not giving good comedies enough time (or the right slot) to find their audience. Stan Hooper will now reside in the sitcom graveyard next to other shows unduly cancelled before they should have been (“The Tick”, “Andy Richter Controls The Universe”, “Undeclared”, “Greg the Bunny” and “The Pitts”).

Cedric the Entertainer Presents – 18 Episodes/???
There may be an extra six unaired episodes but I’m not sure. The show was supposed to be a mid-season replacement during this past season, but FOX never brought it back. It was mildly entertaining at best. Cedric’s funnier than this show.

Wanda at Large – 2 Seasons/19 Episodes/5 Unaired
This show should have a place in the sitcom graveyard with the shows mentioned above in my comments on “Stan Hooper”, but for some reason the second season just wasn’t as funny as the first. Two characters disappeared and two new producers were brought on to oversee things. They oversaw the show right into a much deserved cancellation. Wanda Sykes deserves better than the second season of this show (maybe something more like the first season).

Luis – 10 Episodes Produced/4 Episodes Aired
Ugh. Luis Guzman is a talented man. Unfortunately, he’s not talented enough to know when he’s been roped into a pile of crap. I barely remember even watching the pilot at this point.

Boston Public – 4 Seasons/81 Episodes/2 Unaired
It started as a cool and edgy new show from producer David E. Kelley and eventually followed all the stages one would go through in high school. Freshman year was new and exciting. The second season brought a Sophomore Slump as a number of characters were removed and others were brought in. Junior year seemed to revive things a bit (maybe they were looking to improve things to get into a good college…syndication?). This past season was like being on a permanent Senior Skip Day. The show was spinning its wheels at best. And it violated a big rule of TV, if you’re going to dangle an actor with a recurring role in front of us (Mandy Patinkin…who was going to potentially be a teacher at some point in the show’s future); you damn well better bring him back (they never did).

Wonderfalls – 13 Episodes/4 Aired
Somewhere there’s a plot in the graveyard of failed TV series for shows like this. This is another great show that died a quick and painful death. As you can see from previous entries, FOX is very good at doing this. Maybe a DVD release will bring us the unaired episodes. It’s the best we can hope for.

Cracking Up – 12 Episodes/6 Aired
This mildly funny show was standing too far in the shadows of both “Malcolm in the Middle” and “Arrested Development”. I also don’t understand the popularity of Molly Shannon. I find her obnoxious, crass and untalented (she’s a female David Spade if that helps). The show’s funny moments came from the talents of Christopher MacDonald and Jason Schwartzman.

Playing it Straight – 3 Episodes
Yet another empty-headed entry in the Reality Series World. The premise: A woman dates 14 men with the intention of picking one to be her life mate (yeah…I know…we’ve all picked our life mates in this “realistic” manner). The twist: Some of them are gay. It would have been more interesting if some of them were dead.

My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé – 6 Episodes
The best practical joke on TV. This “reality” show was really like watching a car wreck as we were all in on the joke that this guy was an actor…but it must say a lot about the greed some people can have if they’re willing to essentially put their family through torture for half a million dollars.

The Littlest Groom – 4 Episodes
Missed it. Make up your own short jokes.

Joe Millionaire – 2 Seasons/17 Episodes
How the hell did they wrangle a second season out of this sham?

Forever Eden – 25 Episodes/7 Aired
Obviously, the definition of forever has changed since this show got the axe rather quickly. Anyone know what this one was about?

Paradise Hotel – 30 Episodes
Okay…now we know the definition of forever.

American Juniors – 16 Episodes
Sorry folks…my opinion on pushing anyone under 16 into the media spotlight is tantamount to child abuse. This show also practiced audience abuse.

RETURNING SHOWS

Oliver Beene – I’ll be the first to admit that I hated this show when it first aired. But for some reason, the second season started to grow on me. Maybe it was just the feeling that it was part of the Sunday night comedy block that made me stick around and enjoy it? I don’t know. There are definitely worse shows on TV…but of course there are better ones. I don’t expect this to last much beyond the summer with FOX’s new schedule.

King of the Hill – Entering its ninth season, this show remains funny and touching. I know some people just find it weird, but it does have a very charming nature to it and unlike most of the other animated shows, this one seems more grounded in reality…even when things are just played for laughs.

The Simpsons – Okay…when you’ve been on the air this long (the show starts its 16th season this fall), you’re gonna have ups and downs. This past season was a mixed bag of both. It started off with some strong stories but by the end of the season it was a whole lot of “what the???” Resetting the entire relationship between Skinner and Krabappel back to the beginning and a bizarre episode of political ranting seem to be pointing in the direction that this stalwart might be starting to run out of steam. Even if that’s the case, I’ll be with it until the bitter end because it’s still funny…even when it’s weird or bad.

Bernie Mac – Going into a fourth season this show remains funny in a hit or miss kind of way. Bernie’s got a good screen presence but sometimes the kids and their antics are too much to take.

Malcolm in the Middle – Oddly enough this show has yet to enter syndication (and the DVD releases are stalled due to some music issues), but it’s coming up on a sixth season next fall. The show still packs a comedy wallop…even when they technically should have “jumped the shark” with the birth of Jamie, they haven’t. And the new baby is used more for comedy than anything else. His addition has even shifted some much deserved attention over to Dewey (the episode where Dewey created the pipe organ out of household items was a classic). This show is gonna get bounced around Sunday nights over the next year, but stick with it. It’s still one of the funniest things currently on TV.

Arrested Development – Wow! I was expecting this show to go the way of so many other FOX comedies that were never given a real chance to flourish. Maybe it’s got to do with Ron Howard being on board? This is a great and funny companion piece to FOX’s Sunday night and I highly recommend the reruns if you haven’t seen it yet. Any show that can bring on Liza Minelli and make her Emmy worthy is a must see.

American Idol – Ick. Any show that can spawn a record album for talentless people (and I’m talking about the winners, not William Huang or whatever his name is), is just useless in my book. Doesn’t current music have enough problems without shit like this being foisted on our ears?

24 – Okay. So this past season fixed the problem of having Kim Bauer being chased by pumas. Unfortunately, they gave her a job at CTU…which makes about as much sense as my becoming an astronaut. At least she wasn’t just silly filler. That stuff was given to President Palmer and his wife…the sub plot of Sherry Palmer’s scheming (while interesting in and of itself) got in the way of the real story…the possible chemical terrorist threat on U.S. soil. Watching week after week definitely keeps you on the edge of your seat…but a marathon viewing of episodes will unravel all that as you realize that there are logic gaps galore (Tony gets shot in the neck, but is up and walking about two hours later…Jack spends half the day fighting a drug addiction in Mexico and the other half of the day like he’s been out of rehab and in L.A. for months). It’ll be interesting to see what a fourth season brings as most of the “loose” ends from previous seasons have been tied up.

That ‘70s Show – I’m tempted to compare this show to “Coach” or “Wings” in that it’s sometimes hard to believe it’s still on the air, but this really is a funny show that still deserves to be on the air. Of course, we have to start questioning what year it really is at this point. The gang first saw “Star Wars” in the first season. So if it was 1977 back then and they’ve graduated from High School at this point…well…I’m pretty sure they need to soon change the name to “That ‘80s Show”…but that would be a horse of a different color. Luckily, this coming season (number 7) will apparently be the last.

Tru Calling – Here’s another show that I’m surprised FOX has stood by and picked up for a second season. I’ve tried watching, but even the eye candy that is Eliza Dushku can’t keep me interested enough.

The O.C. – I tried to get into the sudser, but couldn’t. I generally like Peter Gallagher, but couldn’t get hooked here. Oh well. It’s not like I don’t watch other shows.

Cops – Any jokes or snarky remarks about this show were said long ago. Who knew it was so much fun to watch the misfortune of others? Oh…right…I forgot…we do.

America’s Most Wanted – I have nothing to say about this. It serves a purpose…which is more than I can say for most shows on TV.

The Simple Life – Returning for a second season as Paris & Nicole hit the road and the rest of us wonder why.

The Swan – Waiter! There’s too much “reality” in my TV. This is the most reprehensible show on TV (and that’s saying a lot). It brings us ever so closer to live executions. If you don’t know the premise…a bunch of women are put through a rigorous helping of dieting, plastic surgery and who knows what else to transform from “ugly, no self esteem, ducklings” into “beautiful, artificial, ice sculpture swans”. And then these “pseudo-people” are put into an elimination contest and a beauty pageant. If you thought a regular beauty pageant set the feminist movement back a few decades, this show sends it back before G-d took a rib from Adam to make Eve. Anyone watching this and encouraging its airing should be shot on sight (and then that should be broadcast).

MadTV – returns for a 10th Season this fall. I still miss Will Sasso and Alex Bornstein however.

Family Guy – Okay…it’s not officially scheduled anywhere yet, but this show will be back with fresh episodes on FOX in 2005. That means we’ll have had a three year hiatus (the last new episodes aired on FOX back in February of 2002…but the one episode they didn’t air was broadcast on Cartoon Network just this past November). Why is this happening? We can thank the DVD sales and the very successful reruns on Cartoon Network. This show was way ahead of its time. And now that time has caught up with it. Nothing is sacred to this show and that makes it so much funnier than almost anything else on the air. Now if we could only get more episodes of “Futurama” for the same reasons, I’d be a very happy camper. Look for 35 new episodes next year (the previous 50 are already on DVD).

JUNE 2004 to OCTOBER 2004

Mondays
8pm North Shore
9pm The Casino

Tuesdays
8pm Bernie Mac
8:30 Method & Red (Encores)
9pm The Jury

Wednesdays
8pm That ‘70s Show
8:30 Quintuplets
9pm The Simple Life 2: Road Trip
9:30 Method & Red

Thursdays
8pm North Shore (Encores)
9pm Tru Calling

Fridays
8pm Totally Outrageous Behavior
8:30 World’s Craziest Videos
9pm The Jury (Encores)

Saturdays
8pm Cops
9pm America’s Most Wanted

Sundays
7pm Oliver Beene
7:30 King of the Hill
8pm The Simpsons
8:30 Arrested Development
9pm Malcolm in the Middle
9:30 Quintuplets (Encores)

NOVEMBER 2004 to JANUARY 2005

Mondays
8pm North Shore
9pm The Swan

Tuesdays
8pm The Billionaire
9pm House

Wednesdays
8pm That ‘70s Show
8:30 Quintuplets
9pm Bernie Mac
9:30 Method & Red

Thursdays
8pm The OC
9pm Tru Calling

Fridays
8pm The Next Great Champ
9pm The Jury (Encores)

Saturdays
8pm Cops
9pm America’s Most Wanted

Sundays
7pm King of the Hill
7:30 Malcolm in the Middle
8pm The Simpsons
8:30 Arrested Development
9pm The Partner

JANUARY 2005 to JUNE 2005

Mondays
8pm Athens
9pm 24

Tuesdays
8pm American Idol
9pm House

Wednesdays
8pm That ‘70s Show
8:30 Related by Family
9pm American Idol
9:30 Bernie Mac

Thursdays
8pm The OC
9pm Tru Calling

Fridays
8pm The Inside
9pm Johnny Zero

Saturdays
8pm Cops
9pm America’s Most Wanted

Sundays
7pm The Sketch Show
7:30 King of the Hill
8pm The Simpsons
8:30 Malcolm in the Middle
9pm Arrested Development
9:30 American Dad


The Jury – The creator of “Oz” and “Homicide” bring us a look inside the minds of a jury. Each episode will begin with the jury entering the jury room to deliberate and will end with their verdict and a look back at the actual crime to see if they were right. This could be interesting, but it will have competition as “Law & Order: Trial by Jury” is essentially the same thing. Luckily, that’s a mid-season replacement and this show will have aired its complete run before that show even premieres.

North Shore – This drama is about a Hawaiian Hotel. Maybe they’ll have a crossover with that mid-season replacement on The WB (“Rocky Point”) which also takes place on Hawaii’s North Shore. Now, my question is when we talk about Hawaii’s North Shore are we talking about just the big island of Hawaii or the northern most shores of all the Hawaiian Islands. Something to ponder instead of watching this show I suppose.

Quintuplets – Andy Richter and Rebecca Kreskoff play the parents of five 15 year olds…they were cute when they were all born at the same time, but now they’re teenagers and well….Richter’s a funny guy and his previous show died an early and undeserved death (can we please get all of “Andy Richter Controls the Universe” on DVD?). So this one gets a shot in my book.

Method & Red – Two hip hop artists move into a wealthy neighborhood and hilarity ensues. Well, they hope it ensues.

The Casino – A reality series in which two guys buy the Golden Nugget Casino and try to bring it back to its heyday.

The Partner – You’ve got my “reality” show on my lawyer show. I’m not even gonna bother explaining it. Its law students competing in mock trials or some such crap like that.

The Billionaire – Not to be outdone by Donald Trump, Richard Branson steps up to find his own “apprentice”.

House – It’s a medical drama starring Hugh Laurie, Omar Epps and Robert Sean Leonard. What’s the twist? I have no clue.

The Next Great Champ – Remember my description of “The Contender” on NBC next fall? Well, it’s the same thing…only replace Sylvester Stallone (who played a boxer) with Oscar de la Hoya (who is a boxer) and remove producer Mark Burnett from the equation.

The Sketch Show – It’s produced by Kelsey Grammar. Beyond that if you want to know more re-read the title. It explains the show.

American Dad – This is THE show to look for. Seth MacFarlane, creator of “Family Guy” brings us a new animated show. Meet Stan Smith, dad and right-wing CIA Agent always on the lookout for terrorist activity (the fridge has its own terror alert system). In addition to the human family members we also get a goldfish that speaks German and an alien that Stan rescued from Area 51. If it’s half as funny as “Family Guy” that’ll make it twice as funny as just about every other comedy on TV these days.

Athens – From the creators of “The OC”, it’s the same show (I think) set in New England (I know).

Related by Family – This sitcom seems more appropriate on ABC than on FOX. A blended family as seen through the eyes of the teenage kids who were friends but are now siblings.

The Inside – An agent (FBI? CIA? They don’t say) goes undercover as a teenager (In a school? At a camp? They still don’t say).

Johnny Zero – Its “Wiseguy” from the producer of “ER” and “The West Wing”

OTHER SHOWS

The Complex: Malibu – Yet another “reality” series as couples compete to renovate a Condominium in a set amount of time and then hope it gathers the highest bid at public auction.

Well…that’s all for FOX. I’ll be back tomorrow with an update on cable, syndication and DVD shows. Later this week look for a bunch of reviews and some news of upcoming events (yes…The Fensters are going on tour this summer…will they be in your neck of the woods).

Be seeing you

NBC: Backwards and Forwards 2004

Hey folks,

Welcome to my annual look at the TV season. Usually I do a review of the season as its ending and then a preview of the newly announced season before it starts as two separate pieces. This year I’m combining them.

Today we’ll look at NBC. Tomorrow will be ABC. Then The WB and then FOX. There will be nothing on CBS or UPN as I don’t watch any shows on either of them and don’t care about what they may be adding. You’ll have to look elsewhere for them. After the piece on FOX, I’ll do a quick bit on cable/syndication and DVD. We’ll then return you to your regularly scheduled movie reviews (I’m sitting on “Van Helsing”, “Scary Movie 3” and a few others right now and once the TV stuff is done, “Noises Off” will be over and I can get back to what we all like best…me reviewing movies).

So…away we go…

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN – The following shows will not be returning to NBC’s airwaves next season.

Lyon’s Den – 12 Episodes Produced/6 Episodes Aired
Never saw this…but I’ll bet that Rob Lowe is regretting leaving “The West Wing”. Or is he? Have you seen that show lately? Me neither.

Frasier – 11 Seasons/264 Episodes
Wow. Eleven years is a very long time to be on TV…especially since eight of them were on the same level of consistency (Seasons 9 & 10 were a bit off…11 didn’t have enough time to recover completely as they knew the show was coming to an end). Here is a show I will miss seeing new episodes of next season. Luckily, it’s still on in syndication and the first three seasons are on DVD (with the final season to join them in September…that’ll be an interesting experiment…they better be releasing Seasons 4 through 10 at some point).

Ed – 4 Seasons/83 Episodes
It’s unfortunate that this show never really took off the way it should have. However, we’re fortunate enough to have gotten four full seasons out of it. This last season’s been a bit lacking as the whole Ed/Carol romance started moving away from the will they/won’t they phase. The quirky and fun minor characters got pushed to the side. The series’ end was obvious and disappointing. Oh well.

Friends – 10 Seasons/236 Episodes
Here’s the perfect example of a show that should have left us many years ago (sometime around season six or seven). This show has been limping to its very obvious and unfunny finish line for quite some time. Add to that the fact that NBC advertised the final season like it was the coming of the Messiah (or second coming depending on your religion) and you wind up with what has to be the most obnoxiously unfunny final 18 episodes of any show in the history of television…okay…it wasn’t that unfunny…Joey still managed to be funny…which is why I’ll look forward to his spin-off and hope that none of the others show up on it for a very long time.

Coupling – 10 Episodes Produced/4 Episodes Aired
Here’s the perfect example of how “Friends” could have gone wrong. This clone of a clone (it’s a British version of “Friends” that got Americanized) died a swift and deserved death.

Boomtown – 2 Seasons/24 Episodes
It always sucks when the network executives stick their two cents in to “help” good shows that are stuck in “bad” time slots. Such was the case of “Boomtown”. The first season (soon on DVD) gave us a great twist on the crime drama. Events unfolded from various points of view in a non-linear time frame. When the show returned for its second season, gone were the multiple points of view and non-linear time frame. Luckily, the show had other strengths (great characters played by great actors in great stories). Unfortunately, the timeslot was now Friday nights at 10pm. I still miss this show.

Good Morning Miami – 2 Seasons/40 Episodes/9 Unaired
This show is proof that good and evil are universal constants. It is evil that kept it on the air for 2 seasons and good that finally put it out of our misery. With all the good Must See Thursday TV shows finally gone, we will no longer be subjected to the “slot fillers” like this piece of shit.

Miss Match – 18 Episodes/7 Unaired
I like Alicia Silverstone, but her talents were wasted in this “cute” show.

The Tracy Morgan Show – 18 Episodes/2 Unaired
Tracy Morgan is more talented than this show ever was and we deserved better.

Whoopi – 22 Episodes
I HATED the pilot to this show and skipped the next few episodes. But then people were telling me the show got better and there were so many people telling me this I had to take a second look. It got much better. It was never great, but it had a crisp freshness that you rarely see on TV sitcoms. The show wasn’t afraid of any topic and did its best to play the center line on most of them (everyone got skewered…black, white, rich, poor, Christian, Muslim, Jew, Republican, Democrat, male and female). I was looking forward to a second season…but alas it’s not to be.

Happy Family – 22 Episodes
I don’t think we’ve ever had a show with two very funny and talented people trapped in an inane, contrived, clichéd and boring sitcom. Thankfully both Christine Baranski and John Larroquette can now find better work.

RETURNING SHOWS

American Dreams – It’s entering its third season and I still don’t watch it.

Law & Order: Criminal Intent – Entering its 4th Season, this is the best of the franchise just because of Goran and Eames. They’re Holmes and Watson for the 21st Century. There’s still a reason to watch NBC on Sundays.

Crossing Jordan – I saw some of this show during its first season and in spite of the talented cast, couldn’t find a reason to stick around. It returns for a fourth season, but who knows if it’ll be a full season or not (the third season was only 12 episodes).

Fear Factor – Ugh. When did a show that started as a contest to overcome fears become a show about people eating disgusting things and jumping from moving vehicles??? This show is a reason to stay away from all reality shows.

Las Vegas – I like James Caan, but couldn’t get into this show. It returns for a second season.

Third Watch – This show is the “Coach” and “Wings” of the hour long dramas. I can’t believe it’s going into a sixth season. Don’t care for it much.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit – The branch of the franchise I don’t watch and don’t know why as I was a big fan of Richard Belzer’s character when he was on “Homicide” oh so long ago. Entering its sixth season.

The West Wing – I hate politics and politicians. It’s all about lying, manipulating and deceit. In fact, it’s more entertaining watching the real ones go at it, so why bother with what tends to be liberal claptrap?? Entering its sixth season.

Law & Order – Wow. This show will be entering its 15th Season come September and losing its longest running cast member as Jerry Orbach’s Lenny Briscoe moves to the fourth entry in the series (see below). Will he find better food and drink there? Will Dennis Farina’s replacement character nosh as much as Lenny? Will Elizabeth Rohm ever return to “Angel”? (That’s a big no.) Will Fred Thompson vote for John Kerry? (Another big no.)

Scrubs – NBC finally has done the smart thing and renewed this for two seasons…so we get this show through at least 2006 (and then we’ll get it ad nauseum as it enters syndication). This is easily the best sitcom the network has for the next two seasons and while I believe the best spot for it is on Sunday nights on FOX (wedged in that slot they can’t fill between “The Simpsons” and “Malcolm in the Middle”), NBC is keeping it on Tuesdays (instead of moving it again).

Will & Grace -- NBC needs to change the name of this show. Regardless of Debra Messing’s pregnancy, the show was already turning into “Will & Jack & Karen & Their Friends Played by Famous Guest Stars in Stunt Casting Bits”. The only reason to watch at this point is to find out who’s gonna stop by next.

ER – I still stand by decision when I picked watching “Chicago Hope” instead back in 1994 when both shows debuted. And that’s why I’ve got one less hour of wasted TV time on my hands now.

Dateline – I forget how many times this really winds up being on each week, but according to the new fall schedule we’re only subjected to it on Fridays and Sundays in September (until something gets cancelled).

Average Joe – While the first one was an interesting experiment (will a “hot” girl choose an “average” guy over the washboard male models), the second one was an experiment in torture (why did we want to see a second guy get shot down??). And the return of Adam just proved that guys are just as dumb as the hot females. I think next season if I want to deal with people being let down on “dates” I’ll just follow my single friends around.

The Apprentice – Whether it was watching The Donald’s hand gestures when he punctuated “You’re fired” or watching Omarossa distort the truth worse than any politician she may have worked with, this show put the “real” back in “Reality TV Series”. It’ll be interesting to see how they keep it fresh for the next season.

Saturday Night Live – While the show still has a few talented people hanging around, it amazes me that anyone would leave for other things. Beyond Will Ferrell, who’s done other good things? The show will be 30 years old next season.

For Love or Money – Another “reality” show. I didn’t watch it the first time. I didn’t realize there had been four versions so far. And I’ll be damned if I could actually tell you what the premise is. They’ve all started to blend together.

NEXT SEASON’S LINE UP
When two shows are listed for one time slot it means the second show is currently scheduled to take over at mid-season or after a complete uninterrupted run of the first show.

Mondays
8pm Fear Factor
9pm Las Vegas
10pm LAX

Tuesdays
8pm Average Joe/The Contender
9pm Father of the Pride
9:30 Scrubs
10pm Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Wednesdays
8pm Hawaii
9pm The West Wing/Revelations
10pm Law & Order

Thursdays
8pm Joey
8:30 Will & Grace
9pm The Apprentice
10pm ER

Fridays
8pm Dateline
9pm Third Watch
10pm Medical Investigation

Saturdays
8pm Crap on a stick (okay…its NBC’s Night at the Movies, but does it matter?)

Sundays
7pm Dateline
8pm American Dreams
9pm Law & Order: Criminal Intent
10pm Crossing Jordan

NEW SHOWS

LAX – Heather Locklear and Blair Underwood star in what essentially sounds like “Hotel” set in an airport. Yawn!

Father of the Pride – This CGI sitcom follows the trials and tribulations of the white tigers owned by Siegfried and Roy. The voices are done by John Goodman, Carl Reiner, Orlando Jones and Dave Herman among others. Siegfried and Roy will not be providing voices for themselves. I honestly don’t know what to say about this show. Is it a tribute to the two men and their fame or just in bad taste and silly? Only time will tell.

Joey – If anything had to be spun off from “Friends” this would be the one to do it with (although I’d prefer Joey & Chandler together again for their own show minus the other four). Joey moves to Hollywood (or just around the block as the NY set is probably just around the corner or just being redressed) and moves in with his sister (Drea de Mateo from “The Sopranos”) and his nephew (who’s a genius). Toss in the hot next door neighbor and hilarity will ensue for at least one season. Will this be the next “Frasier” or another “After M*A*S*H*”? You decide.

Medical Investigation – This new series is based on true events of members of the National Institute of Health. These doctors travel all over and take over cases when they need to as they’re experts in life or death matters. The only reason this medical show gets a shot from me is the wonderful Neal McDonough. He was previously the dark and brooding D.A. in “Boomtown”. The show also stars Kelli Williams formerly of “The Practice”.

Hawaii – Add the word “Vice” to the title and you’ll have a pretty good idea of what the show’s about. YAWN! Did Michael Biehn lose a bet or is James Cameron mad at him that he had to take on this show?

MID-SEASON REPLACEMENTS

Revelations – Bill Pullman tries to stop the Apocalypse. That’s pretty much all it is (except that he’s a scientist who much reject fact and embrace faith). He’s got help of course.

The Contender – Sylvester Stallone teams up with Mark Burnett (producer of “The Apprentice” and “Survivor”) to bring us what is essentially “Rocky: The Reality Series”. I think there’s another version of this on another network also. When it rains, it pours.

Law & Order: Trial by Jury – Jerry Orbach’s Lenny Briscoe gets Jury Duty (and maybe better access to more snacks) as the franchise’s tentacles claim another slot. This time we see how FOX’s “The Jury” gets done by someone else. Will it be better? Don’t know until I get a look at both.

Crazy for You – A Shitcom about a negative genius and a positive occupational therapist who fall in love. Awww….isn’t that sweet? No? Didn’t think so. I don’t know where this show will wind up as the slot between “Friends” and “Will & Grace” is gone and not available to stupid shit like this anymore.

The Men’s Room – Three guys start seeing a male guru to better their lives. See the above entry for further commentary.

Medium – The amazing Glenn Gordon Carron returns to TV with a show that sounds like a rip-off of “The Sixth Sense” starring Jake Webber and Patricia Arquette. But if you look at other stuff Carron has created (“Moonlighting” and “Now and Again”) you know that this is worth catching because it’ll be different.

The Office – Look…another hit British show that won’t be translated to U.S. audiences well.

Well…that’s NBC. Of the new shows, I’ll catch “Joey” and “Medical Investigations” for a bit. I look forward to “Medium” replacing something and I’ll check out the new “Law and Order” simply because it’s “Law and Order”. Of the returning shows, well…I’ve got “Scrubs”, the two versions of “Law and Order”, “The Apprentice” and most likely another go-round of “Will and Grace” (the wife still likes it). It’s starting to look like I’ll be watching even less TV than this season. Miracles can happen.

Look for ABC and The WB in your e-box next.

Be seeing you.

Spleenless

An Upside Down Show

When I was younger and read Mad Magazine on a consistent basis, one of the things I loved were their musical movie parodies. We’d get “The Force and I” (based on “Star Wars”) and a “Jaws” based musical (which I believe was called “The Shark and I”). These parodies took scenes from famous movie and took famous songs and rewrote the lyrics to fit the film. So, for example, we’d have C-3PO explaining to the tune of “The Sound of Music’s “Do-Re-Mi” all the sounds a droid makes. There are plenty of other fuzzy examples rummaging around my head.

One of those fuzzy memories is that the magazine had published a musical parody of “The Poseidon Adventure” (in fact, the September 1973 issue featuring the regular parody called “The Poopsidedown Adventure” was their highest selling issue up to that time). Now, here is a movie that was ripe for musical parody in the pages of Mad Magazine. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect someone to actually attempt a live stage musical version.

The NYC Fringe Festival is a month-long parade of about 200 shows presented in various venues all over the city. These are shows that range all over the place, but the one thing they have in common is that they will most likely never be seen by such a wide audience. Occasionally, something comes out of this Festival and “makes it” (like “Urinetown”). “Poseidon: An Upside Down Musical” easily has the potential to make it as an Off-Broadway show (or even a Broadway show). But it needs some work before it gets there.

For those unfamiliar with the film, the plot concerns a luxury ship that is hit by a tidal wave and capsized on New Year’s Eve. A group of survivors slowly makes their way up towards the hull for possible rescue through many dangerous obstacles. The group includes a charismatic, if unorthodox, preacher Reverend Scott (Gene Hackman), police lieutenant Mike Rogo (Ernest Borgnine), his ex-hooker wife Linda Rogo (Stella Stevens), old married yenta Belle Rosen (Shelley Winters), her husband Manny Rosen (Jack Albertson), bachelor haberdasher James Martin (Red Buttons), band singer Nonnie Parry (Carol Lynley), Susan Shelby (Pamela Sue Martin), her bratty brother Robin Shelby (Eric Shea) and ship steward Acres (Roddy McDowall). As they slowly make there way, they argue over the right thing to do and try and convince others to join them. Most of the tension comes from Scott and Rogo arguing over who is right. Unfortunately, not all of them survive.

The musical adds a twist to break us into this story. The scene is set at a New Year’s Eve party being attended by fans of the film. They have all come as their favorite characters (including oddball background characters such as the Purser and Indian Lady). As they watch the movie on DVD, we see the musical unfold. Occasionally they stop to explain what it is about the movie that enthralls them.

The musical version of the film starts with Robin Shelby (Joshua Campbell…who is much older than 13) and the cast singing “Poseidon” in which we learn about the ship (it hold fifteen hundred passengers and a crew of five oh one) and the various characters (for example, he sings that “Mike and Linda Rogo, they really like to yell, he tells her not to worry and she tells him go to hell, my sister thinks they’re crazy, but they know what they’ve got, and you can bet when they make up the sex is really hot”) except for Reverend Scott (a Jennifer Connelly, not to be confused with THE Jennifer Connelly). We meet him in the next scene where he’s preaching how the lord is really only willing to look after triers (which prompts a discussion of the fact that this isn’t a word).

At the New Year’s Eve party on the ship, Belle Rosen (Steve Kimbrough) tries to badger James Martin (Joe Waterman) about the fact that he’s not married. He explains that “deep down I’m a normal a regular guy, I tell folks I’m happy it’s kind of a lie, I’d like to meet a woman but I’m kind of shy, I get by with Playboy and lots of KY” in “Bachelor Haberdasher” (where he’s backed up by the rest of the cast in this very bouncy number).

After the ship capsizes, the entire group (both survivors and the dead) sing of today being just an “Ordinary Day” until their world was turned upside down. Reverend Scott quickly realizes they need to climb up in order to live and they pull the Christmas Tree back up to climb to a balcony. As he starts sending people up, he has to make the women wearing long dresses take them off so it’s easier for them to climb. When he gets to Linda Rogo (Molly Faithe), she explains that the only thing she’s wearing is “Just Panties (What Else Do I Need?)”.

Once the small group is on the next level, some arguments break out and Reverend Scott explains “The Only Way Is Up” (“the floor is on the ceiling, the ceiling’s on the floor, I don’t know how it happened, I don’t know what’s in store, the only thing I do know we haven’t got a prayer, if we don’t try we all may die our only hope’s up there”). As they’re climbing through an air duct, Scott and Mike Rogo start to argue again as the rest of the group comment on their predicament in “Airpockets?!” Once through the duct the group needs to cross over a pool of water on a tightrope and they lose Acres (Brannen Daugherty) to a giant man-eating lobster.

Once on the next level, they reach Broadway, a corridor that runs the length of the ship (although they say the neon lights are bright on Broadway). It is here they run into Doctor Caravello (Talon Beeson) and his nurse (Brigette Ditmars) leading a group of survivors in the wrong direction. The Doctor tells the Reverend exactly how he feels in “Shut Up!” (“Shut up! Shut Up! Mind your business, zip your lip, please Reverend, spare us all your power trip, Shut Up! Shut Up! You’re an asshole and we wish you’d go away.”)

As the Reverend goes off alone to find the Engine Room, Susan Shelby (Cody Cosmic), Manny Rosen (Michael Miller) and Robin Shelby all sing “But I Love Him” and express their loves for the special people in their lives (for Susan it’s her unrequited love of Reverend Scott, for Manny it’s Belle and for Robin it’s Charlie the Third Engineer). Scott returns and takes them to the engine room, but part of the path is now underwater. Belle steps up to do her share of the job since she used to be a champion swimmer with “(In the Water) I’m A Very Skinny Lady”. Scott tells her that it’s not necessary and he swims through but gets stuck. Belle rescues him, but dies afterwards. Scott then leads the survivors up a catwalk as Linda Rogo sings “Bad Girls Need Love Too”. She’s interrupted by an explosion and dies. Reverend Scott then sacrifices himself so the others can open the hatchway to the hull. Robin is killed by the falling panel cut open by their rescuers.

The entire cast then sings “Keep on Climbing”, an inspirational message for any musical to give, no matter how silly it may be.

The show’s biggest strengths are its source material, the respect it has for it, the songs and the very energetic cast. The show does make fun of some aspects of the movie (like Nonnie’s spaciness) and adds some subtext that isn’t there (Robin’s homosexuality and a lot of homoeroticism) but makes sense if you read way too much into things. The songs are all catchy and very hummable and they all seem to come from dialogue in the film (or at least dialogue and situations suggested by the film). The cast is great and doing the gender switching for Reverend Scott, Belle Rosen and Nonnie Parry all just add to the level of comedy. Ron Kelly’s Mike Rogo is an almost dead on re-enactment of Ernest Borgnine’s performance (right down to the hunched over ape-lie crying and wailing when Linda dies…which is referred to as his “Oscar moment” here). Connelly’s Reverend Scott is more of a mix of Gene Hackman and William Shatner than anything else, but it works well. Ed Jones’ Nonnie is a work of art and needs to be seen to be believed (when Susan breaks into hysterics, Nonnie is the only one who can understand her as she also “speaks hysteric”…and when Martin tells her that she just needs to hold her breath when they’re “swimming” they’re well out of the water for about five minutes before she is told she can breathe again).

There are a few problems with the show. The framing device either needs to be re-enforced and used more or it needs to be eliminated. There are really only about four or five stories told by the various partygoers. Only two of those are memorable. Of the memorable ones, one is funny (one women tells how she gave Red Buttons a blow job) and the other poignant, but perhaps out of place (a dying friend used the movie to help get through the illness kind of puts a damper of what is essentially a very funny show).

I’m not going to comment on the staging. From press photos it looks like the show had a set in Chicago when it ran for several weeks in one theater. But here, in NYC, at the Fringe Festival, where it’s running for 5 performances (all of which are sold out) in the basement of a church at the corner of Bleeker and Carmine, there is little more than a representational space (a stage-wide platform about three feet off the ground, a ship backdrop and some other moveable platforms that don’t go up more than a foot). The Christmas tree is a step-stool attached to a cardboard cut out (of course, it’s referred to being just that in the dialogue anyway).

I could easily see this becoming an Off-Broadway hit with a little work and a modest budget…or even a Broadway cult item with an even bigger budget (like massive sets that flip over). But as it currently stands this is a fun and interesting curio that needs a rewrite or two of its book (and maybe some additional songs).

Anyone interested should note that the production company does have a CD available on their website (www.handbagproductions.org) of the entire score (it even includes a bonus track of a Belle Rosen solo called “It Comes From Caring” which was cut from the show – it would have been the second or third number based on the line in the movie). If you’re a fan of fun musical theater and can’t see a staged version of this, the $15 spent on the CD is well worth it.

Anyway…I’ll be leaving on August 27 for Napa and I’ll be away until September 1. So my Fugue before I leave will just be a general update on things in life.

Until then.

Be seeing you.

Spiders Lost In Your Hairspray

There are very few directors making films these days that I would consider talented enough to truly challenge their audiences. Today we’ll look at projects connected to three of them.

Anyone who knows me well knows that my absolute favorite director is David Cronenberg (although I will admit the same thing about George Romero, Martin Scorsese and Billy Wilder on other days of the week). Cronenberg’s films are not for everyone. In fact, if you look at his entire body of work, you’ll discover a bunch of cult classics and only two “popular” films (“The Dead Zone” and “The Fly”). But his films are always interesting, regardless of the subject matter… which always tends to be dark, depressing and offbeat.

His most recent work is “Spider” and it’s just been released on DVD. Ralph Fiennes stars as Dennis “Spider” Clegg, a mentally disturbed man who mutters a lot, collects things he finds on the ground and has recently moved into a halfway house from the asylum. The film is a look at just what it is that has caused Spider’s madness. We see Spider’s present day activities and we watch him watching his own past unfold around him. Because of his mental illness, you will not be able to trust anything that you see by the film’s end. And that is where the film’s genius and frustrations lay.

Patrick McGrath adapts the story from his own novel. Cronenberg has made a very grungy looking and time-displaced film (you’re never really sure of the era the parts of the film seem to take place in). And this all works in the film’s favor. I’m not going to go into some of the “tricks” used to move the viewer into trying to understand Spider’s plight, but some of them are brilliant (some are just weird). The supporting cast includes Gabriel Byrne as Spider’s father, John Neville as another mental patient, Lynn Redgrave as the director of the halfway house, Mrs. Wilkinson and Miranda Richardson in three roles as Spider’s mother, Spider’s stepmother and Mrs. Wilkinson (yes…the same Mrs. Wilkinson played by Lynn Redgrave).

This is one of those films that needs to be seen more than once to truly be understood and appreciated (or one could just listen to Cronenberg’s commentary and let him tell you what it’s all about). While the film isn’t as accessible as some of his other works, it’s not as weird and obtuse as it could have been. I enjoyed this slow boil film and look forward to subsequent viewings. For most of you, I’d suggest staying away unless you’ve sat through and liked some of his other films like “Naked Lunch” or “Crash”.

Next we come to Terry Gilliam. Gilliam has come a long way from being the token American in “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”. In just over the past twenty years he has made six films. Almost all of them have been highly entertaining, visually challenging films to watch, but all of them have had long and rocky roads to hitting the silver screen. It was inevitable, I think, that Gilliam would eventually make a film that would never be completed. The subject matter he chose and tried to capture on film was “Don Quixote”. He should have learned the lesson from Orson Welles who also made an unfinished version of this story.

The making of Gilliam’s “The Man Who Killed Don Quixote” is chronicled in the wonderful documentary “Lost in La Mancha”. Here we see a modern day Quixote in Gilliam who has been dreaming this film since 1991. He tried to get it made in Hollywood and eventually had to get European financing to do it. Working on a much smaller budget and a very tight schedule, Gilliam tried to get this film off the ground in 2001. But the production was plagued with problems from the start of pre-production. They can’t nail down the actors for rehearsals, they can’t get prop built, they can’t find a suitable studio for set work and when they finally start the train rolling and start shooting the first six days are pure hell (for example, the second day on location is plagued by a storm that destroys equipment and changes the look of the location). And then the lead becomes ill and everything comes to a halt.

The film gives a very good insight into the stress that can go into a major production that hasn’t been budgeted or scheduled properly. It’s obvious from what we do get to see of the film shot that Gilliam was compromising his vision just to get the film started as if that would put everything on the right track. This is a great look at what might have been (and what may someday still be as Gilliam is still trying to raise new money to buy the film back from the insurance company that now owns it). If you like seeing how films are made, or unmade, this is a great example to watch.

The DVD is actually a two disc set that contains two hour-long looks at Gilliam’s career, several scenes deleted from the documentary, a twenty minute very frank interview with actor Johnny Depp and some other interviews and candid comments from various cast and crew. The one thing missing is a longer look at some of the footage actually shot for the unfinished film (only some of it is on display in the documentary).

Gilliam was unfairly tagged with the notion of being a difficult director during the making of “The Adventures of Baron Munchausen”. He’s made a few films since then and the moniker should have been taken off by now, but it hasn’t. His next film is “The Brothers Grimm” starring Matt Damon and Heathe Ledger. Thankfully, he’s back in the director’s chair doing something, even if it’s not his dream project.

John Waters took a long path to go from cult favorite to “mainstream”. The start of that “mainstreaming” of Waters would be 1988’s “Hairspray”. The proof is in the fact that this movie was turned into a Tony Award winning musical that is selling out night after night.

Waters’ film is a fun and kitschy look at the TV dance show craze of the 1960’s. He’s propped the idea up with the story of a chubby high school girl who only wants to be on a TV dance show, added in a beauty contest and a thread about segregation. It’s fun, makes sense and moves along nicely. The musical has changed around parts of Waters’ film for dramatic staging purposes (combining some characters, eliminating others) and in doing so has left a few gaping plot holes. Luckily, the music is so much fun and so infectious that you’ll forgive this flawed piece any flaws it does show.

Like “The Producers” this show is moving mostly on star power and pure energy. Harvey Fierstein stars as Edna Turnblad, the hefty mother of our chubby hero and it’s gonna be tough to replace him when his contract is up (although when they do, they should find someone with a less gravelly voice…it was hard to understand some of his dialogue at times). There is only one misfire song in the whole show (it’s the Act Two penultimate scene that just brings all the energy that’s been built up over two hours to a screeching halt). Luckily, the show quickly recovers and flies to its final number that will have you dancing and clapping in the aisles (if you saw the Tonys you’ve seen this number)/

“Hairspray” isn’t art. It isn’t great musical theater. It’s a lot of fun and highly entertaining. You shouldn’t be disappointed.

Lastly, “The Dead Zone” finished its extension to the second season last night and it ended on a doozy of a note. The creators of this show have kept the feel of Stephen King’s novel intact while going off in some very wild directions. Last night’s episode, “Visions” was no exception and added an amazing level to the show that astounded and amazed. This show had better come back for a third season and the folks at USA had best leave the creators alone and let them do what they need to do.

That’s all for today. I’ll be back later in the week with a review of “American Wedding”, a personal update and a review of a musical from the New York City Fringe Festival.

Until then, be seeing you.

“Just panties. What else do I need?” – Linda Rogo (Stella Stevens) in “The Poseidon Adventure” on what she’s wearing after being asked to take off her long dress so she can climb up to the hull of the ship.