Will Joel Ever Learn?

Sometimes one has to wonder why certain actors make the movie they do.

Take for example Robin Williams. He's both a talented actor and comedian, so one would expect the films he does to have a higher quality to the material. Up until recently he was the star of what I considered to be the worst film EVER made by a Hollywood Studio...Being Human. But I could understand the potential appeal to him taking on a film that tried to tackle the concept of man's existance.

With RV, I have no clue and assume he was either paying the rent or on dealing with substance abuse (yes...this film does explain why he recently checked into rehab).

Just released on DVD, RV is not the worst comedy ever made (that distinction belongs to Date Movie), but it is a pretty pointless waste of time. The film reeks of starting its life as another installment in the popular Vacation series that even Chevy Chase was unwilling to touch. Williams stars as a husband/father who is trying to balance work and family life. When the two come into conflict over a potential vacation, he combines them by renting an RV for the family trip and travelling to a business meeting (without telling his family the real reasons they're doing this). Much hilarity and resentment ensues and in the end everyone realizes the error of their ways...except the viewer who may have just wasted a bit more than an hour and a half of his life.

The only saving grace this film does have is the appearance of Jeff Daniels and Kristen Chenowith as a couple who live in their RV with their family (think hick versions of The Partridge Family). Whenever these two are involved in the story, the film does pick up a bit...but not enough to save the entire endeavor. I expect better from Williams and director Barry Sonnenfeld (The Addams Family and Men in Black). Heck, I expect better from myself....

But I never learn as Scary Movie 4 is almost as bad, but at least here I didn't expect much. There was a time, which seems like long ago, when this type of comedy was not only funny, but well done. Look back at Top Secret, Airplane!, any Mel Brooks film before Robin Hood: Men In Tights and even Airplane II: The Sequel and you'll find well crafted films that are funny and have plots that work. Even the first Scary Movie had what makes this kind of film successful.

This type of film works best when a well-worn plot has been grafted to comedic situations and pop culture gags that naturally come from both the film being parodied and the time the film is being made. Maybe the adverse effects of MTV which has shortened everyone's attention spans beyond believeability has caused this type of comedy to evolve (or devolve) into little more than a string of topical jokes wrapped around some other film. Its like watching a Saturday Night Live sketch that was extended well past the expiration date. And is probably best avoided by everyone (and yet this was still funnier than Date Movie which was made by two of the six writers of this film)...at least until Scary Movie 5 arrives. It's coming...so be afraid, be very afraid.

Lastly, to end on something of a high note...Spike Lee's Inside Man is a well crafted caper film that pits cops versus robbers during a hostage stand-off at a bank. Denzel Washington & Clive Owen play opposing forces in this wonderful film that shouldn't be missed.

Be seeing you.

Let's Go To The Movies

With peace finally coming to the Middle East (I mean it must be peaceful if all the 24 hour news networks can focus every waking moment on a decade old murder case), Tash & I decided to take some time off from child reaering (and work) to go on a date. So we dropped Malcolm off with his grandparents and trekked out to the theater.

When we didn't have a child, we'd go to the movies often. We'd trade off seeing things the other really wanted to see and mix it with things we both wanted to see. Now that we don't go as often, we're a bit more selective about what we do see on the big screen (well...the big screen is a bit of a misnomer as we saw Clerks II on a theater screen that is a bit smaller than the drop down we have at home). Here's a peak at our process:

Here is a list of what was playing on Friday August 18 in our theater-going area (not including things playing at local IMAX Theaters):

Zoom
Scoop
The Devil Wears Prada
World Trade Center
Little Miss Sunshine
Accepted
Material Girls
Snakes on a Plane
Pulse
Barnyard
The Decent
Miami Vice
You, Me and Dupree
Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Step Up
John Tucker Must Die
The Boyton Beach Club
An Inconvenient Truth
Wordplay
Monster House
The Night Listener
Little Man
The Ant Bully
Clerks II


So...let's look at how we came to decide what we saw. We eliminated things we had already seen (Clerks II, The Devil Wears Prada). We then eliminated kids films as we'll catch those on video where Malcolm may get some brief use out of them (so long to The Ant Bully, Monster House and Barnyard). Neither of us felt like seeing comedies from the current "hot" group of "young" comedians (so there'd be no You, Me and Dupree or Talladega Nights or Little Man). Since it was a date night, documentaries were out (Wordplay, An Inconvenient Truth) and Tash doesn't like horror films (Snakes on a Plane, Pulse, The Decent). We both agreed that while we wanted a fun film, we'd catch Pirates of the Caribbean on video like we did with the first one. Wanting a fun film also ruled out World Trade Center (which we both want to see) as well as Miami Vice and The Night Listener.

Now we're left with choices of:

Zoom
Scoop
Little Miss Sunshine
Accepted
Material Girls
Step Up
John Tucker Must Die
The Boyton Beach Club

Neither of us had any interest in Zoom, Material Girls, Step Up (in spite of Kevin Smith's thumbs up when substituting for Roger Ebert) or John Tucker Must Die.

Scoop has gotten mediocre reviews, so it's not "special" enough to warrant a potential theater-going experience.

We had no idea what The Boyton Beach Club was about.

So now we've got it narrowed down to Little Miss Sunshine and Accepted.

We both have an interest in seeing both films at some point. Little Miss Sunshine has that indie appeal we both like and has gotten loads of acclaim. Accepted looks like it could either be funnier than it has any right to be (like Eurotrip) or just terrible (like any other comedy we had already eliminated).

And the winner was...

Accepted (pretty much because Tash wanted to stop off at a store near a particular theater and Little Miss Sunshine wasn't playing at this theater -- even though it has 14 screens).

So...how was Accepted?

It was just what we needed. Sure, the plot is preposterous, but it was very funny (although not as funny as Eurotrip to give an example of another teen comedy of the last few years that looked like it could have been a stupid waste of time and thankfully wasn't).

Justin Long stars as Bartleby Gaines, a loser of a high school senior who has been rejected by all the colleges he applied to. To ward off the inevitable criticism from his parents, he fakes an acceptance letter from a fictional college (South Harmon Institute of Technology) and with the help of some friends (who have also been rejected from everywhere they applied) get another friend to fabricate a website to make it seem legit.

But then things get a bit out of control. Mom & Dad want to see the campus, so he uses the tuition money to rent a building (an abandoned mental institution that they renovate). Then his parents want to meet the dean, so they hire his friend's uncle. And then as a final complication, Bartleby and his friends discover that the website was made to look too legit as hundreds of students who have also been accepted (since acceptance is just a click away) show up for the first day of school

Can Bartleby keep the sham going without getting into real trouble? Will his friend Sherman join them in this endeavour or continue trying to fit in with the frats of a real college? Will the other college's dean get his way and but up the land that S.H.I.T. sits on to build the new entrance for the real school? Will Bartleby get the girl? (No, Yes, No, Of Course)

Sure the film was predictable, but it was fun in its own way. The cast is exteremly likable and very believable as kids who have no real direction (let's face it, Justin Long is almost 30 and he's still playing high school kids...if that isn't an example of not having a direction, I don't know what is). Lewis Black appears as Sherman's Uncle Ben who gets hired to be the Dean of S.H.I.T. and whenever he's on screen, the film becomes something else. What spends most of its time being something of a "lite" version of Animal House surprisingly becomes a biting commentary on the current state of the American educational system.

Fun and a message? What more could anyone ask for?

Maybe you don't need to rush out and catch this in theaters, but don't miss it on video.

So...what will catch in theaters next time? Since we don't know when that will be (aside from November 17 when Casino Royale opens cause there's no fucking way I'm not seeing a new James Bond film opening day in theaters), who knows what we'll choose that will cause people to look at us funny and think we've gone off the deep end (We had a chance to go to the movies and you saw ACCEPTED??)

I'll be back in a few days with some more reviews of DVDs.

Be seeing you.

Hippo Birdie 2 Me

So yesterday was my 37th birthday.

Yawn.

I haven't felt so blah about turning a year older in quite some time. What is 37 anyway? I'm that much closer to 40 (I can remember a time when 40 seemed so far away). I've lived longer than my father did (try wrapping your brain around that one...you should be able to say that when you hit 70, not this young). I've survived an aneurysm (again...you should be able to say this much later in life). I've gotten married and had a kid all in the last 5 years (since the aneurysm). And life is pretty good.

And yet, yesterday was just kind of blah.

Don't get me wrong...I had a great day. My wife changed all of the dirty diapers (as I did for her on her birthday recently). She let me sleep late. She was even willing to take the boy out for the day so I could spend it alone doing whatever. But my plans were just to go to Borders (I had a few gift cards that needed using), so I wanted them to come with me (maybe they'd help me use up the gift cards).

I've had my eye on a few things for a while...and I'm realizing that my tastes and desires are changing a bit. When I was younger, I had read most of the Sherlock Holmes stories...but I don't own a copy of the complete works. A few years ago, I noticed an "annotated" hardcover collection that I thought would be fun to own. I've had it sitting in my Amazon.com basket for a while, just kind of waiting until the right time. I thought maybe with the gift cards, the right time was now.

I picked it up. Examined it carefully. And put it back down. I then found a copy of the complete works that was a bit more compact and now as expensive. I picked that up. Examined it. And put it back down.

I have the Jeremy Brett TV versions on DVD and I have the Basil Rathbone/Nigel Bruce movies as well. I haven't read these stories since G-d knows when. Why do I need to own either version? I don't. Is it something I want to share with my son when he's older? Maybe, but we'll burn that bridge if we have to cross it.

I've accumulated a lot of crap over the years. Some of it I still cherish, some I look at and go "why?". Since getting married, my priorities have changed (even moreso since Malcolm arrived). We've been slowly going through all the movies, toys and books and trying to figure out what's worth keeping and what's just going out the door (and onto eBay or getting donated). And I've discovered that what makes us feel good when we're younger, doesn't necessarily still do that when we get older.

So what did I walk out of Borders with:

A few computer magazines
The Jewish Book of Why
If You Can't Say Anything Nice, Say It In Yiddish
The Whole Equation: A History of Hollywood
The Illustrated History of Magic
Toddler 411 (for my wife and I)
Debunking History
Conservatives Without Conscience
The Official Movie Guides for both Superman Returns and Batman Begins (there is still something of a kid in this 37 year old)
A Plush Snuffleupagus (for my son to go with his plush Big Bird)

An interesting grouping, no?

Well...I've got some reading to do. I'll be back in a few days with the usual crap.

Be seeing you.

Some DVD Complaints and other things

Before we get to day's movie reviews, I'd like to lodge a couple of complaints.

First is about the concept of "Bonus DVDs" that are exclusive to various chain stores. Normally I don't have an issue with this (you buy Lost Season 1 at Best Buy and get a bonus disc that contains extras not found on the rest of the set), but it has now hit silly preoportions. Tomorrow Prison Break Season 1 arrives on DVD. If you purchase it at Best Buy, you get a disc that contains the "Behind The Walls" featurette which aired on FOX as a recap episode during the break in the season. If you purchase it at Target you get all 26 episodes of the mobile phone spin-off series (which didn't feature any of the main cast and followed Lincoln's son around I believe).

Now while neither of these is a big deal in the greater scheme of things, it is a bit of a pain in the ass for the completist (for the record I'm not getting either version having pre-ordered it for a better price elsewhere). Shame on the studios (Particularly FOX) for this...

And speaking of FOX and DVD complaints...so fans of a series dutifully buy every season as it comes out only to have the company release a complete series box set with even more extras?? That just sucks. They did it with Buffy and they're doing it with M*A*S*H. Following their example it has also happened with Sex and the City (although admittedly the extras are pretty blah) from HBO, and will happen with Alias and Homcicide: Life on the Street (which is also having the Law & Order crossover episodes added for the complete series set).

It's gotta stop folks.

The SciFi Channel will be airing the second season of Doctor Who starting on September 29 from 9 to 11 (They have a marathon that morning of the last 8 episodes of season 1). While it is great the show is airing this soon (hopefully fueling a DVD release sooner as well) and that it is being paired with Battlestar Galactica, It kicks off with "The Christmas Invasion" occupying the entire 2 hour slot (what else will help fill that slot besides more commercials you can shake a stick at is anyone's guess...at least the entire 59 minutes will be shown).

Oh well...lastly, I've got a few movie reviews.

She's The Man -- I have this affinity for Shakespear adaptations and I also like teen comedies (maybe because they remind me of my youth), so I had to check this out as it's Twelfth Night set in a high school. Being from some of the same people who made 10 Things I Hate About You (which was The Taming of the Shrew set in high school), I was expecting something a bit better. While it's not bad, it's more cute than anything else. 10 Things did the Shakespeare in High School bit better and Just One of the Guys did the whole girl trying to pass as a guy in high school bit better. In that film, Joyce Hyser actually looked like she could be a guy. Here, Amanda Bynes looks more like Urkel's white cousin. It's a bit creepy.

Walk The Line -- It took us forever to see this, but it was well worth the wait. Great film about the relationship between Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash. Deserved all the accolades it got. Made me download a few Cash songs from iTunes that should be in everyone's collections (even found a great cover of "Heart of Gold" by him).

Bring It On: All Or Nothing -- Universal Home Video has been doing direct to video sequels of some of there lesser popular films for quite some time (Darkman, Tremors, American Pie) with some mixed results. This is the third installment in their cheerleader series Bring It On. The first film was a quirky novelty with a great cast (Kirsten Dunst, Eliza Dushku). The second installment was forgettable (I even had to look up the actual title...Bring It On Again) and one wonders why there is even a third one. Luckily, this time some of the charm is back (and the film doesn't try to take itself too seriously). It's cute if you like fun and mindless movies.

Ultimate Avengers 2 -- Marvel Comics Productions is in the process of bringing four direct to video movies out. We're now halfway through the announced titles and I'm a bit worried. The first film, Ultimate Avengers, was a decent, if toned down, version of their hit comic series, The Ultimates, about a team of super heroes that include reimagined (just slightly) versions of Thor, Iron Man, Captain America and a few others. The problem with the first story was the villains. We get a bunch of aliens with some Nazi connections. But the setup of how the team came together was great. Here we get the return of these aliens and the addition of Black Panther and the whole thing seems a bit warmed over and blah. Hopefully, the new two films will be a bit more exciting as we get single hero stories with Iron Man (coming October 2006) and Doctor Strange (coming February 2007).

That's all for today.

Be seeing you.

Playing Catch Up Yet Again

Hey folks,

Sorry it's been a bit longer than I intended, but you know how it is. Life intrudes.

Anyway...let's get right to the chase. Here's a whole bunch of mini reviews to keep you happy and up to date for a while.

The Devil Wears Prada is a funny film in spite of Meryl Streep actually seeming to repeat herself from Death Becomes Her. It can wait until its on DVD though.

The Pink Panther is probably the most useless remake ever made. I don't understand why Steve Martin & Kevin Kline were even involved in this dreck. The only thing funny about it is listening to all the bad French accents. Steve Martin's is outlandish, Kevin Kline's is either non-existant or British and Jean Reno (taking the place of Burt Kwok as a Kato wannabe) who is actually French even sounds like he's doing a bad French accent. When the best part of the film is the opening credit sequence and main title theme, you know you've got a long night ahead of you. Avoid it like the plague.

Clerks II sees Kevin Smith selling out by bringing back Jay & Silent Bob when he said that Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back would be their last appearance. Luckily, it's still a very funny film (not sure how it got an R rating as there's a scene involving a man having sex with a donkey) and utilizes Smith's wonderful gift for dialog and character very well. I only wish it had tied into the Clerks animated series a bit. Still hoping we eventually get that animated feature.

Cold Comfort Farm is an older film (1996) that I finally got around to watching. Based on a classic novel it's very funny. If you like things like Pride & Prejudice then you should also get a kick out of this film.

Transamerica is a great movie that got much deserved acclaim. Felicity Huffman definitely deserved the Oscar she got for her portrayal of a transgendered man. Funny and touching.

Psych joins USA Network's Friday night lineup and is the perfect companion for Monk. It's about a man who helps the police solve crimes with psychic powers. Of course, it's all an act he's just very smart and has a photographic memory. It's a great way to spend a Friday night if you're in.

Eureka airs on Tuesday nights on SciFi and is a fun, quirky new show that is another notch in the network's belt of good programming (unlike their made for TV movies which are pure drivel). A federal marshall stumbles upon a town that houses a whole bunch of geniuses who work for the government creating new technologies. Of course things don't always go right. Plus there's a small arc story (involving stolen technologies and a conspiracy) that seems to be brewing nicely as well. Add it to your watching list.

Who Wants To Be A Super-Hero is a truly bizarre entry in the "reality" show genre. Stan Lee hosts this show where 12 people are competing to become a super hero...well...sort of...if they prove their moral fiber to Stan, they may get a comic book deal and SciFi TV movie out of the deal if they win. So far the characters are just silly for the most part (Cell Phone Girl?? Fat Momma?? Major Victory -- who is actually a DC Comics villain) and the one task so far was hysterical to watch. The heroes had to change into their costumes in public without being seen and then race to a finish line...but what Stan didn't tell them is that there would be a lost girl along the way who needed help. Only 4 of the ten remaining contestants stopped to help (of the original 12 one turned out to be a spy and Stan booted one after the spy revealed the guy was a jackass). It's very surreal and just plain weird, but a hoot to watch.

Doctor Who finished its second season in Britain. David Tennant steps into the role very nicely. He's different enough from Christopher Eccleston while still retaining certain personality traits set in the character when the first season aired. Unfortunately, a few of the stories were a bit clunky...but the return of the Cybermen more than made up for that. See it however you can. DVDs won't be released here in the U.S. until it gets a broadcast (presumably on SciFi), but who knows when that'll happen.

Well...that's all for today. Not sure when I'll be back next...so...

Be seeing you.

Psych

A Short Trip

So we came down to Florida to visit some relatives that haven’t been feeling to well of late. Mostly because they hadn’t met Malcolm and we thought maybe he’d bring some good cheer. Before leaving Connecticut, Malcolm had taken on the nickname of Hurricane Malcolm as the amazing amount of mess he’d leave behind in any given room was truly epic in proportions.

Departure day brought on a fall that produced a small cut on his forehead. With an appropriately placed bandage, we proceeded to the airport. The last time Mac flew on a plane he was six months old and we were taking a six hour flight to California to spend Christmas with Tash’s family. Back then, he didn’t have much of a personality yet and he was pretty good on the plane. We had no idea of what we’d be in store for this time as he’s just over a year and VERY ACTIVE.

We got some good advice from some friends. They told us when they “pre-board” people with small children, for one of us to go on with all the stuff and set up shop and the other to keep the kid off the plane until the very end (this way he runs around and burns off energy before having to sit for a long time). This was pretty easy since my mom was flying with us. She and I went on early and had everything set up by the time Mac & Tash got on at the end.

The flight itself was smooth and uneventful (aside from some heavy turbulence passing through a cloud). Malcolm was good (if a bit loud…he can be very vocal when he wants). And one of the flight attendants recognized us from the Christmas trip and commented on how well behaved a flier he was both times. I hope she didn’t jinx it for the return trip.

Desperate Dreams

While my ability to read anything longer than a comic book these days has pretty much evaporated, I still remain a loyal (if somewhat backlogged), Stephen King fan. I plan on bringing his latest (The Cell) with my on our trip to Florida next week. In the meatime, I'm catching up on viewing some stuff that was adapted from his works.

Desperation is an interesting novel by King. Published in 1996 as part of a marketing ploy in which Desperation and The Regulators (billed as a lost Richard Bachman book...Bachman being King's alter ego that was "outed in the 1980s). The two novels shared the same cast, just slightly askew (in one book a character would be a young man, in the other it was an old lady...for example). And like most of King's writing it had a very visual flair to it. I still have the image of the crucified cat burned into my brain (and not just because I'm a dog person who's allergic to cats). And I thought it would eb cool if they ever made one into a film that they could do the other using the same cast.

Anyway...at the end of May, ABC aired a three-hour TV movie version of Desperation directed by the King go-to-guy Mick Garris with an adaptation by KIng himself. The story starts off as a "typical" horror story about a psychotic sheriff who arrests and kills people for undisclosed reasons and evolves into a disertation on the existance of G-d and how "he" operates. The novel was a well crafted and sprawling piece with lots of character devlopment. The TV movie is a bit of a mess.

To make this story work on film it either needed to be a mini-series of about 4 or 6 hours, or an effective boiling down of the essence that ran around 2 hours. This seems to be trying for the latter, but doesn't quite succeed. The best example of this is the use of Matt Frewer as Ralph Carver. I'm a bit of a loss as to why an actor of his calibur took on a role that could have been completely removed from the proceedings without really changing anything. Same with Henry Thomas as Peter Jackson (he's dead within the first ten minutes and we don't really get to know much about him).

The casting works pretty well as Ron Perlman makes a forboding Sheriff Entragian and Tom Skerrit does a good job as the writer who's lost his way. But the story's main focus is young David Carver and Shane Haboucha doesn't quite give us what we need to believe in David as a character. At the end of the day, it's not a bad adaptation of a King novel, but it could have been so much better.

King's novels tend to be such rich tapestries of character and story that they are hard to adapt to film properly (in spite of that cinematic aspect his writing does seem to have). His short stories are another entity entirely. Sleek and direct, most of these are wonderfully crafted tales that are perfect for TV. Which is probably why TNT picked up an eight episode anthology series based on the short story collection Nightmares & Dreamscapes (although a few of the stories come from a couple of his other short story anthologies).

The series kicked off last night with one of my personal favories, Battleground, which finds hired assassin Jason Renshaw (William Hurt) receiving a package after killing the head of a major toy manufacturing company. The package contains twenty little green army men, a couple of jeeps and helicopters for them to ride in and a few other surprises. Needless to say, the army guys are there for revenge and Renshaw spends the night defending his apartment from a tiny invasion force.

Brilliantly directed by Brian Henson and adapted by Richard Christian Matheson this story is perfectly adapted to the screen. Running 11 pages in the original hardcover printing it fills out the 50 minutes of screentime (it ran commercial free on first airing) with a wonderfully suspenseful, dark and witty attitude. Matheson has not only updated the story (it was written in the 70s) to take advantage of modern technologies, he has stripped away all dialog from the original story. The tale doesn't need any exposition...it's all in the visuals and William Hurt is the perfect actor for that job. The effects are impressive for TV.

I haven't had a chance to watch the second episode Crouch End yet, but TNT will be airing two episodes back to back every Wedensday night for 4 weeks. The other six stories are Umney's Last Case, The Fifth Quarter, The Road Virus Heads North, The End of the Whole Mess, Autopsy Room 4 and You Know They Got a Hell of a Band. While it's cool to use Nightmares & Dreamscapes as an overall title, if you go looking for some of the stories you'll find them in other collections. Battleground is from Night Shift and both Autopsy Room 4 and The Road Virus Heads North are contained in Everything's Eventual. Let's hope these do well enough in the ratings to warrant more adaptations (like maybe a proper version of Children of the Corn).

That's all for now. Back next week with...something...

Be seeing you.

Big Mac's First Birthday

For Malcolm's first birthday we decided to have a small gathering of immediate family. This would consist of Malcolm (of course), Tash & I (also of course), four grandparents, two pairings of Aunts & Uncles (one from each side), two cousins (from Tash's side) and a great-grandfather (from my side). Of course, not everyone could make it. Tash's brother & his family live in Burbank, CA and have already made a trip out here this year and it was also their 10th Anniversary, so plans had already been made. My brother's wife had to work late. And Hoppy (my grandfather, Malcolm's great-grandfather) wasn't feeling well.

So it'd be a bit smaller than we hoped, but still nice.

Tash decided the menu: make your own pizzas, a salad and carrot cake for dessert. We asked the photographer who's been chronicling Malcolm's first year to be there so we didn't have to think about taking pictures (more on that later).

We spent the day prepping things. While my father-in-law and I put the finishing touches on the playset (the picture is of us using Malcolm to level the swing...you can get an idea of why the thing took us 5 days aside from rain issues)
Tash spent the time finishing up a matching bib and table cloth for the party as well as putting the finishing touches on the carrot cake (it's an Alton Brown recipe). When we were done with the playset, I showered and cut up vegetables for pizza toppings.

When Lori (the photographer) arrived at 6pm, everyone else who was coming was there...so we started dinner. Unfortunately, Mac was already getting sleepy and he barely made it through dinner (He rubbed pizza sauce in his eyes he was so tired).






With him so tired, we decided it was time to move onto the cake.







We lit the candle and brought it out. Malcolm knew something exciting was happening, but was too tired to really enjoy it. We quickly sang happy birthday and demonstrated how to blow out a candle (something Tash was hoping to practise with him a few times before). Unfortunately, just as the candle went out, Mac reached for the wick and hurt his fingers.
Tash quickly cut a piece of cake (as in true Fenster tradition let's make the mistake of using food for comfort at such an early age), but he just kind of looked at it.












He then proceeded to use the frosting to soothe his sore fingers he burnt on the just extinguished wick.











What's this? Yummy!





Yes...the kid likes cake (well...at least carrot cake)...so much so that when Tash cut a piece for someone and accidentally passed the plate over Mac, he grabbed it and started eating it as well. It then took mommy and both grandmothers to clean him off he made such a mess...and then was up for quite some time because of all the sugar.

So now Malcolm is one year old. He's just over 24 pounds and about 32 inches long (he's gonna be tall). He got some cool presents in addition to the playset that Granny & Grandpa bought him. The one that he wanted to like, but had a hard time with is the talking Elmo doll that Tash & I got him. It can be programmed to say his name and know when his birthday is (though for some reason, even though I programmed it right, the doll thought Malcolm was 2). He wanted to smile and laugh at it, but everytime it spoke he ran away (at least he wasn't running away screaming like he does when I pull out my remote control Daleks).

You can catch more of the birthday photos at http://www.seemegrow.net/gallery/fenster. The new photos should be up in a day or so.

I'll be back in a day or so with other new stuff.

Be seeing you.

You'll Believe A Man Can Fly Again

I was nine years old when Superman arrived on the silver screen. When someone asks me what my favorite film is, Superman is one of a dozen that I use as part of my stock "I don't have ONE favorite film" response. I love this movie so much that I've actually sat and just watched the opening credits because they get my blood pumping and the hair on the back of my neck stands up. Between John Williams amazing march (his best piece EVER) and those streaking blue titles flying through the cosmos towards Krypton, I get jazzed watching this wonderfully lyrical film.

Needless to say, I was excited, intrigued and a bit nervous when I heard that Bryan Singer had finally gotten a new movie into production and that it would use the 1978 Richard Donner directed classic as a base for re-energizing the franchise. With a lot of pressure riding on this film, how does it stack up to the original as well as all the comic book adaptations of the last few years. Pretty well if you ask me. It's not perfect, it's not great like the original film, but it is damn good and should easily pave the way for at least a sequel or two.

Putting the events of Superman into a vague past (with room for parts of Superman II and the potential existance or non-existance of Superman III and Superman IV: The Quest For Peace), Superman Returns starts exactly as I would have wanted it to...with John Williams march blaring as we see a full opening credits sequence (how often do you see that in any movie these days) of blue titles streaking towards us against the cosmos. That's enough to get things off on the best foot. Then we quickly discover that Lex Luthor (Kevin Spacey) has done a stint in prison, is bitter about it and has gotten on with his life by marrying a dying old woman (to inherit her money...which he does right off the bat) and hatching his latest land grab scheme (which is a weak link in the film if you look at it too closely) which involves stealing the crystals from Superman's Fortress of Solitude and using them to create a new continent off the USA's East Coast, destroying much of North America in the process.

Meanwhile, Martha Kent (Eva Marie Saint in what amounts to an extended cameo) is all alone until her son, who has been away for five years, comes hurtling back to Earth. Clark (Brandon Routh) quickly inserts himself back into his old life at The Daily Planet (which is a bit odd that his job is conveniently available as someone else has just died leaving a vacancy). Unfortunately, everyone else...particularly Lois Lane (Kate Bosworth) has moved on. She's living with RIchard White (James Marsden) and has a five year old son.

The film plays not just as a "sequel" of sorts, but also as a "remake" of sorts. Luthor's plan is almost exactly the same as it was the first time around (only on a bigger scale). We even have a ditzy girlfriend whom he tends to treat badly in Kitty Kowalski (Parker Posey...who isn't bad here, but the character doesn't hold a candle to Valerine Perrine's Miss Tessmacher). Heck, we even get whole lines of dialog lifted verbatim ("When I was six years old, my father said to me..."). Superman saves an airplane (in a spectacular sequence that seems to follow laws of physics better than most films as the wing rips off when he tries to grab it, the nose crumples when he stops it, etc) and then goes on a spree of stopping crimes in a montage.

There are also plenty of "neat" nods to the original. If you look closely at the pictures on the mantle in the Kent farm house, you'll see Glenn Ford among them. The meteorite that Luthor steals from the museum is labelled as being from "Addis Ababa, 1978". Superman makes a few clothes changes that are very similar in shot and intent...he even says "swell" at one point (prompting a great reaction from Richard White).

The film is a lot of fun, remains as lyrical as the original and has a lot of heart behind it. Brandon Routh steps into the dual roles of Superman & Clark Kent without doing a Christopher Reeve impression, but maintaining that essence Reeve brought to both. Kate Bosworth's Lois Lane is very different from Margot Kidder's, but she works very well as a character and has great chemistry with Routh. Spacey's Luthor is an oddity to me. He's got some of Gene Hackman's qualities, but at the same time I think I've grown so used to the more recent interpretations in other media that it's hard for me to see this as a great continuation. Rather than his new land grab deal, I'd have rather seen that as an excuse for dealing with Superman (which it is to an extent as Lex's new continent is laced with Kryptonite). I guess I was hoping for more in this area.

Which brings us to the most potentially troubling aspect of the film...and you can stop reading now if you don't want spoilers or don't know how to read numbers...and that's Lois' kid Jason. The hints are there from the start that the kid is really Superman's and once we find out the truth it opens up a whole other can of worms. Thankfully, this film doesn't have the kid flying about and saving the day (he's just five) and the one real instance of him displaying any sort of power makes sense in the context of the film. But what do you do with the character in a sequel? It's almost as if the franchise has "jumped the shark" before it even got started again. It's not a horrible aspect in and of itself, just a bit troubling for the future.

This film needs, no deserves, to be seen on the big screen. Superman has always been larger than life and while this film may not be quite Superman, it is as good as Batman Begins and Spider-Man 2. Superman Returns is a good restart to something that could be great.

Meanwhile, on the animated Superman front we get what is a terrible end to something that had been great. The recent animated series (which has been completely released on DVD) is, in my book, the definitive word on Superman as it mixes and matches, almost to perfection, decades and decades of mythology. So, it was natural that with a new movie on the big screen a no-brainer would be a direct to video movie based on this prior success.

So we've got Superman: Brainiac Attacks.

Apparently, no-brains was the operative word. It's not so much that the voices of Luthor and Brainiac have changed from Clancy Brown and Corey Burton to Powers Booth and Lance Henrikson respectively, it's that the characters have been changed so drastically in persoanlity. Luthor is a ruthless businessman who also has loads of scientific accumen. Brainiac is an emotionless recepticle of stolen knowledge. Here, Luthor is like a bad clone of the Joker from the 1960's Batman TV show and Brainiac has more emotion than an after school special.

There are a few positives as Tim Daly and Dana Delany return to voice Superman & Lois and the design of the animation remains top notch, but the negatives outweigh all this. The "movie" is a travesty to the memory of the animated series and flags should have gone up once we saw that Bruce Timm (the master mind behind the recent animated Batman, Superman and Justice League) wasn't involved. Let's hope they do another direct to video movie just to redeem the characters from this one.

Tomorrow...a recap of Malcolm's first birthday.

Be seeing you.

So We Live On A Hill...

A while ago my mom told us that she wanted to buy Malcolm a swingset for his birthday. Not being sure what a one year old needs a playset for, but knowing full well how my mom operates, we started researching these things to find something we would want in our backyard that would suit our needs.

Many factors went into making this decision. Play value was important because we wanted Mac, future siblings and potential friends of theirs to have fun on the structure. Flexibility was important because we wanted to be able to add things or change things over the years as the kids got older. Lack of maintenence was important because I didn't feel like having to constant ly clean or sand, stain or weatherproof anything. And most important were safety issues in two areas: I wanted to feel safe that kids wouldn't get splinters (assuming we went with wood) or injured easily and I wanted to know that I (being the big person that I am) would feel safe and comfortable on the structure (meaning would it hold my weight without feeling like it would collapse).

We looked at everything out there from plastic to metal to different wood materials...from cheap to expensive. And at the end of the day found a company called Cedarworks that intriuged us. Their set was going to be a bit more expensive than we had anticipated but it looked like the benefits would be worth it. Unfortunately, they only sell direct from their headquarters in Rockport, Maine and we wanted to see a set in person. Now, while they do have a program where they'll call up costumers who own one of their sets and ask them if they'd be willing to let potential new customers see one closer to home, we decided it would be fun to take Malcolm on a road trip for a few days.

I won't bore you with the details of our three day trip to Rockport. It was fun and exhausting and Mac did very well in the car and in the hotels we stayed at. But the results of the trip were that we bought a playset from Cedarworks after spending a while at their offices looking at sets and then designing something from scratch that would fit our needs, concerns and more importantly, our backyard (of course, while we were there all Malcolm wanted to do was eat the small stones on the ground around the models they had set up).

By the time we were headed to Rockport, I had become convinced that this soon-to-be one year old would get some major use out of this playset as he's constantly on the move and loves climbing things (and has enjoyed being in swings when we put him in them). So now all we had to do was sit back and wait for delivery. We did decide to forgo the installation fee because I'm pretty good atfollowing instructions when they're detailed enough to tell you the right tools and all the materials are provided and also because my father-in-law, who has been building things for quite some time in his spare time, was on his way.

We had discussed with Cedarworks that we have a steep driveway and that there would be a large motor home in our steep driveway when the set was delivered. They said they would request a small truck from the shipping company they use so that the truck could get up the driveway. The day before delivery, when the shipping company called to cofirm, Natasha again explained the situation and requested a small truck. Of course, when the giant 18 wheeler pulled into our cul-de-sac on Thursday June 22 I knew it was going to be the start of a long process.

The truck driver, Natasha and myself proceeded to walk the 21 boxes up from the bottom of our driveway and store them in the garage (we had just gotten our cars back in the garage not more than a month ago once all the stuff we had been storing from construction had been put back where it belonged). The plan was to assemble small pieces in the garage and then move them to the backyard which is up another steep hill (our house is located smack in the middle of a giant hill that is laden with many rocks...in fact, the middle of our backyard is a giant sloping rock...luckily there is a relatively flat area at the top of the hill which was where the set would be located when done).

Friday June 23 was overcast and threatening rain, but my father (who was also on hand to help, despite still recovering from shoulder surgery), my father-in-law and myself decided to start and get as far as we could. Five and a half hours later (and many trips up and down the hill from the garage to the flat part of the backyard) we were exhausted and had almost reached my goal of finishing the main support structure (what Cedarworks refers to as a gazebo...it's a two level playdeck with a canvas covering). All that was left was to put on the canvas top and the flag, but we stopped for the day as it finally started to rain.

Saturday, June 24, it rained. And it rained. And it rained. After being cooper up all day, and during a brief stop in the deluge, my father-in-law and I put on the canvas top and flag. It then started pouring again, so we quit while we were ahead having finished my initial goal.

Sunday June 25, it was overcast and threatening rain again. And of course, the ground was saturated. But I was determined to get this thing done, come hell or high water (both of which seemed just around the corner) before Malcolm's birthday on Tuesday June 27. So we started back on work with the installation of the swing section (consisting of an overhead ladder the swings hang from and a slanted ladder that supports the side not connected to the play structure). Luckily, just as we had gotten to the step where we had to raise the two structures into place, a job which would take more than two people (in spite of my thinking it wouldn't based on the instructional video that came with the set where two small and skinny people got this monstrosity into place) my dad and a couple of his friends arrived. Now while this was great timing on their part, it was rather headcahe inducing as now instead of it being me with my instuction manual and my father-in-law with his ideas on doing things a bit different, we now had a contractor and another guy who builds things (thankfully my dad, who normally has his own opinions on how things should be done, kept his mouth shut). So after much debate (okay...arguing) and my insisting that we at least look at the instructions, the five of us got the damn thing in place. And then we quit for a while (plus it started raining again).

My father-in-law and I did go back later to anchor the whole structure. Of course, this being New England and us having a giant rock in the middle of our backyard, we did hit rock a few times trying to drive the stakes through the support bars. After doing a test swing (with me as the subject) we needed to anchor it a bit better, so Tash and her father went and bought some rebar to drive through and into the ground. Tash & I are satisfied that the structure is stable enough for kids (as now only the far corner of the slant ladder's stabilizer bar moves ever so slightly when either of us are swinging...so adults be warned...don't swing too high).

On Monday June 26, under threat of more rain, we started to assemble the lower play deck that would connect to the larger gazebo. Unfortunately, here is where we discovered our location was not exactly as level as we thought. The smaller deck is angled a bit into the larger one. It's not a big deal, just looked a bit odd as we were assembling things. Completion was called off on account of exhaustion. If I never have to go up that hill again, it'll be too soon.

Tuesday June 27 is Malcolm's first birthday and I am DETERMINED to finish. Thankfully, the sun came out for a bit. I worked feverishly alone for a bit, then with Tash and then again with my father-in-law. We finished the lower deck, put on the entrance ramp, the booster step from the lower deck to the upper deck, added the slide, hung the swings and put up the extra safety fences.

During Mac's party, we took him up the hill (my ten thousandth trip in five days) and put him on the swing and slide. He didn't seem to enjoy it much. We're hoping that if he sees other kids having fun on it, he'll get a bit more excited about it (he seems to perk up about things when he's around older kids as he loves trying to keep up with them).

So we'll see...maybe a one-year-old doesn't need a playset like this, but at least its something he'll eventually get some use out of. And it was a great bonding experience for me and my father-in-law. And I definitely got plenty of exercise. At the end of the day, I can say with confidence and pride that I built something. Of course, a Lego set would have been cheaper and would not have been as tiring.

I'll be back next time with my Superman review...

Be seeing you.

Wrestling The Octopus

What a strange, crazy, fun, long, short, fast, tiring, amazing year it has been.

Malcolm is turning one today. It feels like barely yesterday when we were calling the nurse in to show us how to change a diaper properly after opening it up and discovering this black, tar-like substance...or I could hold Malcolm completely resting on my forearm...or he couldn't even roll over on his own...

Now he walks (like a drunken sailor most of the time), he talks (pretty much the same way, but with even less understanding) and he gets into everything (especially the cabinets we've been too lazy to figure out what to do with...we've labelled these "The Forbidden Cabinets of Doom" and usually just scoot him away with a terse "No" that rarely works).

He's proud of the one word he knows and can say with confidence, even when he's somewhat wrong. The word is fan and he knows it's the thing on the ceiling that creates wind...but you can also blow in his face to get him to say the word or show him the lights and he'll also say it (we're working hard on explaining the difference).

Its also amazing watching his reactions to both new and old foods. He hates broccoli. When he was smaller and still being spoon fed, we'd give it to him mashed up and he ate it no problem. Now we give him a floret and it immediately becomes part of the floor. We've even tried wrapping it in turkey. He just unwraps it, shoves the turkey in his mouth and tosses the offending green on the floor.

It seems like just yesterday he and I would wake up early Saturday mornings (well...he'd wake me up early) and we'd go down and watch the previous night's Battlestar Galactica while mommy slept late after a long night of feedings. Now, he has pretty much nothing to do with "adult" TV. If we're watching something and he's in the room, he'll pretty much ignore the TV and play by himself. He does like his TV shows, however.

It kind of amazes me how children's TV programming has changed since I was a kid watching the first episode of Sesame Street all those years ago. Even that show has changed. It's become a bit more regimented as you know the show's format doesn't really change from day to day (Elmo's World is always on 45 minutes in). And while I may get sick of seeing the same segments over and over (I'm constantly having to remove the Journey To Ernie theme from my head on a daily basis...that is if I'm not singing it to calm Mac during a crying session), I do learn new things on occassion (did you know that Cookie Monster's real name may have been Sid...he mentioned it in a song about the time when he was a baby before he ever ate Cookies).

Other shows he enjoys are Between The Lions (a great show about reading), Go Baby (an innocuous and short show about a baby that's rather appropriate for Mac's age), Little Einsteins (a weird Disney Channel show that is rather enjoyable), Higgleytown Heroes (a weird show I don't get at all...what's with the squirrel on the kid's head all the time) and The Wiggles (who seem to dress as if they're the official band of Starfleet...I keep expecting the guy in the red shirt to be vaporized by a rock monster any minute).


We are doing our best to keep his TV viewing to a minimum (heck...we don't really need another me in the house), but sometimes when you're exhausted from being awake earlier than you want, or having to chase him away from Forbidden Cabinets of Doom, or from trying to change the poopiest diaper EVER while all he wants to do is flip over and stand up and toss clothes on the floor (or put his hands in the diaper as you're trying to reomve it), the TV becomes an easy crutch to keep him occupied...of course knowing this is half the battle of controlling it better.

Anyway...it's been an amazing and wonderful and exhausting year. Sometimes I miss my "old" life (where we could easily go see friends in shows or go to see whatever movie we wanted whenever we wanted), but I wouldn't want it back if I had to trade him in to get it. Being a parent is awesome...even though at this stage you've got to wrestle an octopus just to get a clean diaper on him (or to give him his first haircut...which was off because once his hair was short we thought Malcolm had been switched with another baby he looked so different....of course as soon as he started babbling about that non-existant fan on the ceiling we knew he was still ours).

If you want to see how Malcolm's grown over the last year check out:

http://www.seemegrow.net/gallery/fenster

You can even see how tired we are at times...but we're happy.

How could we not be?

Next....Superman Returns...

Be seeing you.

A Mess O' Mutants & Other Movies

I've found a posted my reviews for the first two X-Men movies in anticipation of reviewing the latest entry in the series X-Men: The Last Stand. This third film is not horrible, but it doesn't live up to the first two for a variety of reasons.

I think it's rather obvious that the folks at Fox were a bit miffed that director Bryan Singer jumped the X ship to commandeer Warner's Superman Returns. If they were that attached to Singer, they would have waited (and probably should have) for him to be free. Instead they seem to have raced into production in an effort to not only beat the man of steel to the silver screen, but to throw in almost everything that Singer has talked about using from the comics and not having gotten around to yet.

The third film starts off with a flashback to when Professor X and Magneto first encountered a young Jean Grey. Through the use of CGI, we are shown that Patrick Stewart is not too old to play Captain Picard again. Then the "plot" starts. We see Wolverine and Storm training with the younger members (Iceman, Colossus, Rogue and Kitty Pryde) in the Danger Room (a holographic simulator...and take that Singer...you couldn't work it in to the first two films, but here it is...ever so briefly) against a Sentinel (a giant mutant hunting robot...another thing Singer talked about using...take that again...of course, we barely see it...only a severed head and glowing lights are really seen...after all, it's not really in the budget). And then we move on...

A depressed Cyclops is still mourning Jean's death. But he hears her voice and runs off to Alkalai Lake where she died to discover that she's still alive (Ahhh...the whole Resurrection of Phoenix storyline from the comics...minus all the aliens and such...another slap at Singer). But she's unstable and evil now, so she kills Cyclops before Storm and Wolverine arrive to take her home (where she can do more damage).

Meanwhile, a cure has been found for the X gene that cuases mutations. Multi-billionaire Warren Worthington II has been trying to "fix" his son ever since he grew wings (hey...it's Angel...yet another slap at Singer). This pisses off Magneto who gathers up other mutants who don't like the idea of being "cured" (including Jean Grey after she disintegrates Professor X) and then a giant battle ensues and the movie ends (but not before a scene at the end of the final credits which was so obvious in its set up earlier in the film it's not even funny...guess which character who "died" is still "alive" but can now be played by someone else).

The film is workman-like at best as it tackles way too many things. The look of the film is a mess. The script is all over the place. The only thing holding the film together is the acting (it's like watching a Cliff Notes version of 40 years of X-Men stories as acted by The Royal Shakespeare Company). Worth seeing once, but the repeat value that the first two films had is nowhere to be seen.

Capote is a gripping and fascinating film that deserves all the accolades it got. Don't have much more to say beyond that it would have made the top 5 of last year had I seen it in time.

Date Movie claims to be from two of the six writers of Scary Movie. If it is, its from the two that know nothing about comedy. There's an art to doing parody films. The good ones take the plot of a real film and then hang other pop culture refernces and funny jokes off of it. The bad ones turn out like this waste of time. Really...I've seen a lot of bad movies...and I rarely place movies onto my "Worst of All Time" List...but this one rises to the top of that list. It's badly written, badly executed and just plain bad. I always thought Alyson Hannigan could be a great comedic lead. If one were judging by this film alone, you'd think she could barely breathe let alone act or do comedy.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith turns out to be a fun film. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie play a marriec ouple who don't really know much about each other. Turns out that they're both paid assassins and now they've essentially been pitted (pun intended) against each other. The leads have great chemistry and the action is just over the top enough to keep everything moving at a nice pace.

Debbie Does Dallas: Uncovered is a documentary that at first glance is like Inside Deep Throat, but turns out to be more like an episode of A Current Affair. The earlier, and better, film tackled the making of a classic porn film in relation to First Amendment issues. This one starts off in attempt to document how the film (and the pron industry) changed the lives of those involved. The problem is that the lead disappeared in the mid 80s (rumor has it she died, but many of the participants involved feel she just changed her life around and doesn't want to be found) and most of the other female leads have moved on and refused to be interviewed. So we're left watching middle aged men talk about porn. I used to own a video store where I could watch that on an almost daily basis. Luckily at 48 minutes it's little more than a blip on the radar.

The Ringer is an odd comedy starring the usually obnoxious Johnny Knoxville as a man who tries to rig the Special Olympics. This should be an odious concept (like when Cartman did it on South Park), but since Knoxville's character is doing this under duress and the friend he makes are so likeable, the film comes off rather sweet until the unrealistic ending (he still gets the girl even after a big "reveal" scene that should have had ended with him being lynched by a mob).

The Squid and the Whale is a well acted, well written small story about a family coping with divorce and change. Worth watching.

That's all for today...it was mostly catch up/clean out (there'll be a few more of these over the next couple of days). The next big (and up-to-date) piece will be published on June 27 (all about one year as a father) and another on June 28 (Superman Returns).

Be seeing you.

FOX 2005-2006 Review/2006-2007 Preview

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
Unan1mous -- 8 episodes (should have been much shorter with the premise...like 8 episodes shorter)
Bernie Mac Show -- 5 Seasons/104 Episodes -- The show started off somewhat original and funny, but by the middle of the second season it had run out of steam and was coasting on Mac's personality and standup. It ended at the right time and with little fanfare. Season 1 is on DVD.
Free Ride -- 6 Episodes. Tried watching, but didn't really care much.
So You Think You Can Dance -- 2 Seasons -- While it's possible this will come back for a third season (season two starts at the end of the month), let's hope it doesn't.
Stacked -- 2 Seasons/17 Epsidoes/3 Unaired -- While it's always nice to see Christopher Lloyd get work, he was so much better than this show deserved. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great.
Arrested Development -- 3 seasons/53 episodes/DVDs available of all seasons -- While the show never got the ratings it deserved, it did get the respect. It's a great show that should have done better. While I will miss it, the show did go out with the same style it came in with.
Head Cases -- 6 episodes/4 unaired -- It was obvious this show was trying to right itself (with the quick addition of Richard Kind to the cast), but it was too late. This legal drama (or was it a comedy) barely got out of the starting gate.
Killer Instinct -- 13 episodes/4 unaired -- Didn't bother with it, so I got nothing to say.
Kitchen Confidential -- 13 episodes/9 unaired -- I really enjoyed this show and wish it had been given more of a chance. Oh well.
Malcolm In The Middle -- 7 seasons/151 episodes/DVD of Season 1 -- This show has been consistently funny since it premiered. That is a rarity. There are shows that also just ended after longer runs that didn't have the consistency of quality that this show carried. Malcolm didn't get the respect it deserved in the end. There was no retrospective special, no expanded episode, no big send-off. It slid quietly into the night doing what it does best, making you laugh. Of all the shows that had to go now, this one went out a bit early in my book, but it went out on top. Now hopefully, Fox Home Video will get off their asses and release the series on DVD beyond season one.
Reunion -- 13 episodes -- The show had an interesting concept that, while a bit cliched at times, did keep me interested. It's too bad we'll never know who the killer was (although we did find out who the victim was before the show came to an abrupt close).
That 70s Show -- 8 seasons/201 episodes -- This is the perfect example of a show that should have ended at least a year before it did (like Will & Grace). The last season was goofy and didn't really live up to the rest of the series. Once Topher Grace and Ashton Kutcher left, it should have been put out of our misery. The final episode felt rushed and dumb...as if even the show's creators had grown tired of things and didn't know how to end it. Oh well. Seasons 1 thru 4 are on DVD.

MONDAYS
8pm Prison Break -- Returning for a second season, we get to watch the biggest manhunt in history. My wife thinks it's a bit unbelievable if they're not caught in the season premiere as the cops were about 40 steps behind them. Great show that keeps you on the edge of your seat and tosses lots of believability out the window. You've also got to wonder how the subplot of Lincoln being framed will carry out with the actors (Patricia Wettig and John Billingsly) tied up in other shows next fall. The DVD of Season 1 will be out by summer's end.
9pm Vanished -- A Seantor's wife goes missing and the FBI not only has to track her down, but figure out who she really is (or may be). We'll see. Not sure about this one. It'll get the one episode tryout.

TUESDAYS
8pm Standoff (moves to Mondays at 8 in January 2007) Ron Livingston and Gina Torres are part of a Crisis Negotiations Unit. Sounds like The Nine but with more standalone episodes. It will get the one episode tryout.
9pm House M.D. -- Returns for a 3rd Season of crotchety medical fun. Season 1 is on DVD. I assume Season 2 will be out before the start of Season 3, but since its a Universal Home Video release who knows (remember, they're the people who have brought us odd releases of Law & Order on DVD...and don't get me started on how House M.D. Season 1 is widescreen, but not anamorphic...that's just assinine in this day and age...kinda like George Lucas deciding to release the original versions of the Star Wars Trilogy and not making them anamorphic or in surround sound...wait...he's doing just that?? More ranting on that some other time).

WEDNESDAYS
8pm Bones (moves to Fridays at 8 in January 2007) -- This like Criminal Minds is not a great show, but it is a fun one. It's the chemistry between David Boreanaz and Emily Deschannel is what keeps it in motion.
9pm Justice (moves to Wednesdays at 8 in January 2007) -- Its a Jerry Bruckheimer produced law show starring Victor Garber. At least Garber got more work after the implosion of Alias. I like Garber, but do I like him enough to watch during the busiest hour in Prime Time...for at least one episode.

THURSDAYS
8pm 'Til Death -- Brad Garrett & Joely Fisher play an old married couple with newleywed next door neighbors. Could be funny given the cast (which also includes Eddie Kaye Thomas)
8:30 Happy Hour -- A generic sounding sitcom about aimless 20-somethings. Not even worth describing. I guess we'll be Tivoing the above show to watch after My Name Is Earl.
9pm The O.C. -- Don't watch the show, so I gots nothing beyond it returns for a 4th Season. Seasons 1 & 2 are on DVD.

FRIDAYS
8pm Nanny 911 -- returns for a 3rd season. There is no G-d!
9pm Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy -- see above comments.

SATURDAYS
8pm Cops -- returns for a 17th Season.
9pm America's Most Wanted -- returns for an 18th Season.

SUNDAYS
7pm Football Overruns
8pm The Simpsons -- returns for an 18th Season. The first 8 seasons are on DVD. There's a movie coming out in July 2007. While the quality (and the amount of merchandising) has dropped a bit in recent years, it's still good for a laugh or four.
8:30 American Dad -- returns for a 2nd Season. It took a while for this show to grow on me and while it's not as funny as Family Guy it's still funnier than most live sitcoms on TV today. The first half of Season One is already available on DVD.
9pm Family Guy -- returns for a 6th season. Yay! Everything up to the first three episodes of Season 5 are on DVD (Don't ask...it would take a lot of explaining about production runs versus seasonal airings...and I got better things to write about).
9:30 The War At Home -- why this show is returning for a 2nd season is beyond me. Its little more than a Married With Children clone...and a bad one at that.

MIDSEASON
24 (Mondays at 9 in January 2007) -- The first 4 seasons are on DVD and I'm pretty sure Season 5 will show up before Season 6 starts (it's Fox Home Video...very reliable). Season 6 features Jack finally going to the bathroom since he apparently hasn't done that in five years.
American Idol (Tuesdays at 8 for Performance Show, Wednesdays at 9 for Results Show in January 2007) -- My wife'll be happy. To me its background noise (though I did kind of like Mandisa and Taylor this past season).
The Loop (Wednesdays at 9:30 in January 2007) -- This funny funny show deserved a second season. Just wish we'd see it before January. Maybe we will as one of those new sitcoms sounds like its just generic enough to have no viwers.
The Wedding Album (Fridays at 9 in January 2007) -- Bruno Campos stars as a photographer who takes wedding photos. Yawn.
King of the Hill (Sundays at 7:30 in January 2007) -- Returns for Season 11. The first 6 are on DVD. Not sure where to go with this one. Its still a good show, but it does feel a bit tired (and I had heard it would be ending after Season 10). Hopefully, this season will get a bit better.
The Winner -- Rob Cordry stars as a 32 year old man who still lives with his parents and is just starting to find himself and blossom. Julie Haggerty and Lenny Clarke are his parents.
Duets -- Established singers get paired with celebrities who aren't known for singing in this Simon Cowell produced show. It's a bit like Dancing With The Stars only more painful (for our ears).
On The Lot -- Think of this as a cross between Project Greenlight and The Apprentice only instead of Ben Affleck, Matt Damon and Donald Trump, we have Steven Spielberg. Sixteen contestants are divided into teams and each week have to make a film in an assigned genre. The show will air two nights a week. The first night is "Premiere Night" when the shorts (films) of aspiring filmmakers are show and the second is "Box Office Night" where we get to vote on the results. The "director" of the losing team is executed on live TV (okay...he's just fired...but we're gonna get to that point eventually the way we're going).

Well...that covers the Network Upfronts. I'll be back with a recap of what I plan on watching next season...and a look at shows that aren't on the "major" networks...

Be seeing you.

The CW 2005-2006 Review/2006-2007 Preview

What happens when two flagging networks decide to join forces? Welcome to The CW, the offpsirng of UPN and The WB. Now instead of two networks that have two different off nights of programming and neither one is cleared in more than 90% of the country, we have one network that has programming every night and can be viewed in almost every part of the cuntry.

Of course, now it means there's less room for new shows. And not everyone from both networks is going to make the cut. So here's what the two networks have cancelled.

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
One on One -- 5 Seasons/111 Episodes
Half and Half -- 4 Seasons/91 Episodes
Everwood -- 4 Seasons/89 Episodes -- While this show is still airing and has a few more episodes before its officially over, I'm going to be sorry to see it go. It got a bad rap for a variety of reasons and none of them were deserved. More than a teen soap, more than a fish out of water story, this was a show with heart that wasn't afraid to tackle life's little complexities. Unfortunately, only the first season is available on DVD
The Bedford Diaries -- 8 Episodes
Love, Inc. -- 19 Episodes
Eve -- 3 Seasons/65 Episodes
Cuts -- 2 Seasons/31 Episodes
Survival of the Richest -- 6 Episodes
Modern Men -- 7 Episodes
South Beach -- 8 Episodes
Charmed -- 8 Seasons/178 Episodes -- 5 Seasons on DVD.
Get This Party Started -- 2 Episodes
Just Legal -- 3 episodes of 9 aired
Sex, Love and Secrets -- 4 of 8 episodes aired
What I Like About You -- 4 Seasons/86 Episodes
Related -- 18 Episodes
Living With Fran -- 20 Episodes
Twins -- 18 Episodes
Pepper Dennis -- 13 Episodes (not sure if all will have aired, The WB has a few more scheduled through the end of May, but there would still be four more episodes to air in June).

And now without further ado, here it is, the premiere lineup of a new network: The CW.

MONDAYS
8pm 7th Heaven -- 11th Season -- This show was supposed to end (to leave room for Everwood or Mercy Reef, the Aquaman show), but instead, for some reason, at the very last minute (and after a series finale had aired), the show was renewed. It better be worth it (it was the highest rated show on the WB). The first two seasons are on DVD.
9pm Runaway -- Donnie Wahlberg and Leslie Hope star as the heads of a family that is on the run because the father was wrongly accused of a crime. It's The Fugitive with a family in tow.

TUESDAYS
8pm Gilmore Girls -- 7th Season -- The first 5 seasons are on DVD.
9pm Veronica Mars -- 3rd Season -- One of the best shows on TV almost didn't make the cut (in fact, we've been told that while the show did get a full season pickup of 22 episodes, if the ratings are still low it will get shrunk to 13). The first season is on DVD now and season 2 will be out by the end of the summer. You should be watching this show.

WEDNESDAYS
8pm America's Next Top Model -- 7th Season -- Season 1 on DVD.
9pm One Tree Hill -- 4th Season Seasons 1 & 2 on DVD.

THURSDAYS
8pm Smallville -- 6th Season -- While the show tends to be hit or miss at times, it's still a fun show to watch. This past season started off with a bang (more Kryptonians arrive, then Brainiac) and kept up good storylines (Lionel possessed by Jor-El, Jonathan running for Senator). But at the same time it ended badly in a creative way (Lana with Lex was bad enough, but now Lex is housing the spirit of General Zod?? He's not evil enough on his own?). Hopefully next season will smooth things out a bit.
9pm Supernatural -- 2nd Season -- Season 1 on DVD this summer.

FRIDAYS
8pm WWE Friday Night Smackdown -- There was a time I enjoyed watching wrestling. I'm sure it'll happen again when Malcolm's old enough to appreciate it, but by then all my favorites will be too old or too dead (heck, I'm sure most of them are already).

SATURDAYS
No Programming

SUNDAYS
7pm Everybody Hates Chris -- 2nd Season
7:30 All Of Us -- 4th Season
8pm Girlfriends -- 7th Season
8:30 The Game -- This new sitcom is about the wives of professional football players. Didn't HBO pass on a show like this?
9pm Repeats

MIDSEASON
Reba -- 6th Season -- The first three seasons are on DVD.
Beauty And The Geek -- 3rd Season
Hidden Palms -- How well do you know your neighbors? Well enough to see this as an attempt to cash in on Desperate Housewives??

CBS 2005-2006 Review/2006-2007 Preview

CBS has announced its new fall schedule. This poses a bit of a problem for me since I really haven't watched many CBS shows over the last few years. I stopped watching when Now and Again was cancelled back in May of 2000. I just started watching again this past season (because of Criminal Minds...more on that later). So all you'll get from me are lists of what's been cancelled and what's new for next year with a few comments on some surviving shows. Sorry...it's the best I can do.


GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
Courting Alex -- 7 episodes of 13 aired.
Out of Practise -- 14 of 20 episodes aired.
Threshold -- 9 of 13 episodes aired. DVD to be released this summer. Wasn't a bad show. I'd but the DVD. Maybe.
Yes, Dear -- 6 Seasons/122 episodes
Love Monkey -- 3 of 9 episodes aired. VH1 has been running the entire show and will have completed airing all nine episodes next week. This show was fun. It sits on our DVR awaiting a marathon. A DVD release would be nice, too.
Still Standing -- 4 Seasons/88 Episodes

MONDAYS
8pm How I Met Your Mother -- Returns for a 2nd Season.
8:30 The Class -- Look, folks. Friends gets remade as a show about 20-somethings. Yawn.
9pm Two And A Half Men -- Returns for a 4th Season.
9:30 The New Adventures of Old Christine -- Returns for a 2nd Season.
10pm CSI: Miami -- Returns for a 5th Season. First 3 Seasons on DVD.

TUESDAYS
8pm NCIS -- Returns for a 4th Season
9pm The Unit -- Returns for a 2nd Season. Tried watching this because of the talent (Dennis Haysburt, Robert Patrick, David Mamet), but it just didn't click for me.
10pm Smith -- Ray Liotta stars as a thief with a family who don't know what he does for a living. Could be interesting and I do like Liotta.

WEDNESDAYS
8pm Jeircho -- Skeet Ulrich and Gerald McRaney star in this just after the apocaypse drama about a town that believes that the end has come and they're cut off from anyone else. How will they make it on their own? Did the world end? Sounds interesting.
9pm Criminal Minds -- This was the show that got me to break my boycott of CBS. Mandy Patinkin is an amazingly talented actor and I'll watch him in almost anything. This show is not great, but it is a good proecdural about the FBI's Behavior Analysis Unit (they profile serial killers and such). The stories have been decent, but predictable. Hopefully next season will delve a bit more into the backstories of the team members. And it'd be nice next time when theyy have a season finale to advertise it as such. We didn't know and we're left with a maddening cliffhanger.
10pm CSI: NY -- Returns for a 3rd Season. I was watching these in reruns and on DVD and this would be my favorite part of the "franchise" (since I gave up watching the other two on DVD and in reruns). Maybe we'll start watching "live" now that the boycott's over. The first Season is on DVD. I assume Season 2 will be out before the new one starts.

THURSDAYS
8pm Survivor -- Now entering its 13th Season. Seasons 1, 2, 7 & 8 are on DVD.
9pm CSI -- Now entering its 7th Season. The first 5 Seasons are on DVD.
10pm Shark -- James Woods and Jeri Ryan star in a law drama whose pilot is directed by Spike Lee. I'll give it the one episode shot because of the talent, but the concept leaves me cold (there's no more room in my heart for a law show just now...even Boston Legal is skating on thin ice as I stack up episodes to watch when I find the time).

FRIDAYS
8pm Ghost Whisperer -- 2nd Season in the fall.
9pm Close To Home -- 2nd Season in the fall.
10pm Numb3rs -- 3rd Season in the fall. Season 1 is on DVD by month's end.

SATURDAYS
8pm Crimetime Saturday (Why can't they just call it CSI: Repeats?)
10pm 48 Hours Mystery -- 18 Seasons and three name changes.

SUNDAYS
7pm 60 Minutes -- Running since 1968, it should be called 19972800 Minutes now (unless my math is off).
8pm The Amazing Race -- Returns for a 10th Season. Seasons 1 & 7 are on DVD.
9pm Cold Case -- Returns for a 4th Season.
10pm Witout A Trace -- Returns for a 5th Season. The 1st Season is on DVD.

MIDSEASON
The King Of Queens -- Returns for a shortened 9th Season. 1st Five Seasons on DVD.
3 LBS. -- Stanley Tucci stars in a medical drama. See my comments about Shark and apply them here (just change Boston Legal to House M.D. and drop the comment about skating on thin ice).
Rules of Engagement -- Hmmm...Patrick Warburton in a sitcom about two married couples and a single guy (wasn't this known as The Single Guy when it aired on NBC back in the 190s?). Warburton is what would get it a shot in my book. The concept is blah.
Waterfront -- Joe Pantoliano is a Mayor. Meh.

A quick addendum to yesterday's news about ABC....There may be a movie or two based on Commander In Chief, but I'll believe it when I see it. I also inadvertantly left Less Than Perfect off my "Gone But Not Forgotten" list. I forgot this show was burning off episodes this summer. I don't know how many, but up until now it's had 4 seasons and 71 episodes (this being the 4th season right now)...but I don't care how many more are coming, do you?

Tomorrow it's time for FOX...and then the new network known as The CW. We already know all the shows that will be airing next season (more Veronica Mars! Yay! no more Everwood! Boo! More Smallville! Yay! No Mercy Reef! -- the Aquaman show -- oh well), we just don't know nights and times. Stay tuned.

Be seeing you.

ABC 2005-2006 Review/2006-2007 Preview

Here's ABC's new fall lineup, but first a moment of silence for those not returning:

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
Crumbs -- 5 episodes of 8 aired -- I really liked this quirky sitcom. I was sorry to see it go.

Emily's Reasons Why Not -- 1 episode of 6 aired -- I really disliked this boring sitcom and was not sorry to see it go.

Jake In Progress -- 2 seasons/17 episodes/3 unaired -- This show had a good first season and then got changed too much to make the second feel like it was a continuation anyway. It's too bad. It had potential.

Miracle Workers -- 5 episodes of 7 aired -- This reality show featured doctors helping people. I hate to be cynical about things, but haven't we seen enough of that on TV? Don't we want more escapist fare? Apparently we did (or at least more Deal or No Deal).

Sons and Daughters -- 10 episodes of 11 aired -- Missed this entirely. Well...I didn't so much as miss it as didn't bother to check it out.

Alias -- 5 seasons/103 episodes -- What started off as a great show slowly devolved into a mess. I haven't seen much on season 4 yet as after season 2 this became a DVD exclusive show for us. Don't tell me what happens cause I don't know when I'll get around to seeing the end. The first four seasons are on DVD. Season 5 should be out this fall.

Commander in Chief -- 15 episodes of 18 aired -- What started off as the highest rated new show of the 2005-2006 season quickly because one of its lowest for a variety of reasons. Replacing the show's creator never helps. Keeping the show off the air for months to retool it also never helps. Luckily, the last episodes will be burned off (starting the end of this month) and no one will have to buy the DVD set (assuming it's still coming...but I bet they change the title from "Inaugural Edition" to something else).

Hot Properties -- 13 episodes -- While I'm pretty sure there's a successful sitcom to be based in the world of Real Estate, this wasn't it.

Night Stalker -- 4 episodes of 10 aired -- The worst part of this show was the fact that it didn't change its title or character names. Instead of getting a remake of a cult TV series, we got a complete re-invention. It wasn't bad once you got past the idea that this wasn't the same old Carl Kolchak. It got cancelled in the middle of a two part story. Damn you ABC. Luckily, the whole show arrives on DVD at the end of the month and SciFi starts rerunning all the episodes this summer.

Freddie -- 22 episodes -- Not a big fan of Freddie Prinze, Jr. (though his stints on Boston Legal as Donnie Crane were fun). So I never caught this show.

Hope & Faith -- 3 seasons/73 episodes -- This was a mildly amusing sitcom that wasted the talents of a number of people. The walking definition of cute.

Invasion -- 22 episodes -- The series finale airs tomorrow night, so it'll be interesting to see if things get wrapped up or not (they didn't know cancellation was coming when they filmed what would have been the season finale). This was the BEST new show of the 2005-2006 season. Sure it took a while to get into it, but like a great story once it hooked you, it kept its fingers in you. I'll be back with a more in depth review of the whole series when it gets released on DVD later this summer (assuming that release still happens).

Rodney -- 2 Seasons/36 episodes -- Never saw it, never will.

In Justice -- 13 episodes -- This should have been a show I'd watch. Lawyers trying to free the wrongly convicted, led by Kyle Maclachlan? I watch too much TV as it is and there wasn't anything new here that would hook me, after all it's still a lawyer show.

The Evidence -- 6 episodes/2 unaired -- Orlando Jones & Rob Estes starred in yet another procedural cop show. Had they given it a twist (like Orlando Jones shoots 7-Up cans out his butt) maybe it'd have lasted longer.

MONDAYS
8pm Wife Swap
9pm The Bachelor
10pm What About Brian

I have nothing to say about any of these returning shows. I don't watch them.

TUESDAYS
8pm Dancing With The Stars -- Yawn.
9pm Let's Rob...Donal Logue (Grounded For Life) stars in this sitcom about a group of friends who decide to break into Mick Jagger's apartment. Jagger appears briefly in the pilot, but I'd like to know what happens when they pull off the heist. It is a sitcom after all...not a drama. But it is from the creators of Ed, so there may be more there than we can currently see.
9:30 Help Me Help You -- It's group therapy with Ted Danson, Jane Kaczmarek and Jere Burns (wait...didn't he do the group therapy thing in Dear John).
10pm Boston Legal -- Sure it's gotten a bit silly this season, but it's still entertaining.

WEDNESDAYS
8pm Dancing With The Stars -- A Double Yawn!
9pm Lost -- With season two being mostly one step forward, two steps back I'm hoping season three will pick up the pace a bit. Not that slow pacing is bad, but after a while it gets infuriating. The first season is on DVD. Season 2 arrives on DVD just before the start of season 3. The most interesting theory I've read about the show connects it to Shakespeare's The Tempest and the 50s sci-fi classic Forbidden Planet (also based on Shakespeare's play and getting its own DVD special edition, finally, this fall).
10pm The Nine -- This show follows a hostage crisis over 52 hours. Sounds interesting. The cast ups the ante. Starring Chi McBride, Tim Daly, Kim Raver (guess Audrey's not returning to 24 next season), Scott Wolf (guess Jake's not returning to Everwood next season...assuming it even returns..we'll find out Thursday) and John Billingsly (guess the Vice President's brother won't be turning up alive for much longer on Prison Break next season...not that the VP will be around either...check out ABC's Sunday night schedule). This is a must see for me.

THURSDAYS
8pm Big Day -- Imagine Father of the Bride crossed with 24 and you've got this show that follows the planning of a wedding from the beginning of the season to the end. I wonder what a second season would get us? Marla Sokoloff and Josh Bloom are the young couple.
8:30 Notes From The Underground -- This sitcom is about a young couple having a baby. At least this way if it succeeds they can't "jump the shark" by adding a kid.
9pm Grey's Anatomy -- Didn't care much for this show when it premiered. Still don't. Season 1 is on DVD.
10pm Six Degrees -- The creators of Lost bring us a new drama in which six strangers affect each others lives in unknown ways and are slowly drawn together. That's pretty vague huh? So's the cast, but I'd follow these guys off a cliff for an episode just to see where they're going.

FRIDAYS
8pm Betty The Ugly -- Salma Hayek produces this hour long comedy about a large Latino lady who winds up working in the fashion industry.
9pm Men In Trees -- Anne Heche stars as a relationship coach. Yawn
10pm 20/20

SATURDAYS
8pm Saturday Night College Football

SUNDAYS
7pm America's Funniest Home Videos -- are there any men aside from me and six people I know know who have yet to been hit in the crotch and embarassed on national TV?
8pm Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
9pm Desperate Housewives -- Season 2 got a bit silly at times and I wish Bree would get her come uppance, but I look forward to seeing where this goes. Season 1 is on DVD. Season 2 arrives this summer.
10pm Brothers & Sisters -- The biggest problem I have with this family style soap opera-ish show (from descriptions) is that Patricia Wettig is part of the cast. If she's here, who's running the country over on Prison Break? Even though it has a good cast (which also includes Calista Flockhart, Ron Rifkin, Balthazar getty and Rachel Griffiths) and is from Marti Noxon (one of the writers from Buffy The Vampire Slayer) I have ZERO interest in this show.

MIDSEASON REPLACEMENTS/RETURNS
Day Break -- Taye Diggs stars as Eliza Dushku (just kidding, but not really) in this show from Rob Bowman (of The X-Files). Here we have a cop who wakes up to find himself accused of killing someone and has to uncover the clues to his framing. Unfortunately, he wakes up the same day every day...just like in Tru Calling. We'll see.

Traveller -- Two friends are accused of a terrorist act and are hopeful that a third can clear them, but they discover that he may not have existed in the first place. Wrap up every action & sci-fi show of the last decade in a burrito and I think this is what you'd get. Could be interesting. We'll see.

In Case Of Emergency -- It's group therapy with David Arquette, Greg Germann, Jonathan Silverman, Kelly Hu & Lori Laughlin as their doctor. It's a good thing ABC has a backup in case Help Me Help You fails. It's smarter than NBC airing their two backstage looks at SNL right up front. Jon Favreau is the executive producer.

Set For The Rest Of Your Life (airing Tuesdays at 8pm after Dancing With The Stars ends) -- This new game show is like The Newlywed Game but with higher stakes. In the first part, contestants try to gain as much of a monthly stipend as possible. Will it be $10 or $10,000? In the second half, they're playing for time. Will they get just one month? A year? A decade? Or will it be for the rest of their lives?

The George Lopez Show (Wednesdays at 8pm after Dancing With The Stars ends) returns for a sixth season.

According To Jim (Wednesdays at 8:30 after Dancing With The Stars ends) returns for a sixth season. Why?

Just For Laughs -- Candid Camera gets ripped off...again.

Greg Behrendt's Wake Up Call -- Ugh...a self help show in prime time?? Dr. Phil wasn't available? John Edwards?

American Inventor -- Why?

Supernanny (airing Mondays at 8pm after The Bachelor ends)

Up tomorrow...CBS...that'll be interesting, won't it?

Be seeing you.