baldly going where everyone seems to have gone before
Well...this month marks the culmination of the 30th Anniversary festivities for Paramount's Star Trek franchise. And to celebrate the festivities, we've gotten bombarded with "special" things from each of the four incarnations. Here are my reviews and insights of each part of the world of Trek:
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - I'm gonna get clobbered here, but in my opinion, this has grown into the best version of Star Trek yet. It has tossed aside Roddenberry's sterile, happy version of the future and given it the gritty, realistic edge it deserves. We have a Captain (Benjamin Sisko) who is plagued not only by the death of his wife (at the hands of the Borg), but who has also been elevated to a revered religious status which he has no idea how to handle. The Chief Security Officer (Odo) used to be a shapeshifter, but he not only found out about his mysterious past rather early in the series, but was also exiled from his people who made him a solid before casting him out. Worf's on board for all those Trekkos who love Klingon crap. We have a gossip loving Science Officer who is in love with the grumpy Worf and also happens to be over 300 years old. The Starfleet Medical Officer is a horny little bastard. The bar's run by a greedy Ferengi whose idiot brother is now part of O'Brien's engineering crew. And there's the Bajoran First Officer who is currently carrying the O'Briens second child (for reasons I won't get into). These are great characters who are played by perfect actors. The stories they've been given are wonderful and full of a nice blend of suspense and humor (when called for). In celebration of the 30th Anniversary, we got an episode which combined both Classic Trek and this show quite seamlessly. Sisko and crew were thrown back in time to the original episode The Trouble With Tribbles and were forced to find a fugitive Klingon (who was disgraced by Kirk in that episode) before he can kill James T. Kirk. The episode mixed footage of the original episode in so seamlessly that it was just amazing to watch. This is a perfect example of a 30th Anniversary tribute as it keeps the integrity of the original relevant to the plot.
Star Trek: First Contact - Captain Picard and his crew of the Enterprise E travel back in time to stop the Borg from preventing the first warp flight which was spotted by some Vulcans, resulting in first contact between humans and aliens. This eighth film in the series is fun and entertaining, but has a few problems. Allow me to indulge some nit-picking for a few moments. There are seven major cast members of this show (Picard, Data, Riker, Worf, Dr. Crusher, Geordi, Troi). With Patrick Stewart and Brent Spiner demanding more money and bigger parts with each successive film, it's obvious that most of the screen time is taken up by Picard (hell bent on vengeance against the Borg for assimilating him) and Data (seduced by the Borg Queen into helping her). The others (who all had plenty of times in the seven year run of the TV series to shine) are reduced to bit parts and cameos. Now while some have bigger parts more than others, some are treated poorly. Riker and Worf get the next amount of screen time. Worf doesn't even belong here anymore (but they'll keep finding ways to throw him of the goddamn Enterprise...mark my words). Riker continues to be the Kirk clone he always was. Both Troi and Geordi shine in their even smaller roles (and we don't even get an explanation of Geordi's new "eyeballs"). Dr. Crusher however has been relegated to a role so small that even Lt. Barclay (Dwight Schultz), who was one of those great re-occurring characters on the TV series, puts in a larger cameo than Gates McFadden. I guess her pay justifies the shitty treatment (a first draft I read spread the crew out evenly...but sacrificed the great Zephram Cochran who spent most of the script in a coma). James Cromwell and Alfre Woodard are great as the drunken scientist Cochran and his assistant Lily and they bring some much needed humor to this dark, gritty script. Other cameos include Nurse Ogawa (another series holdover), Robert Picardo as the Enterprise's own Emergency Medical Holographic Program (I'm a doctor, not a doorstop), and Ethan Phillips (who plays Neelix on Voyager, but doesn't here). Time travel stories are always tough to keep track of if you think about them too long (especially here since the crew pretty much tell Cochran all that he's going to do in the next few years....Prime Directive my ass). My biggest complaint comes in the change of Picard. He's now a bitter old man and while I think it's a great change....the justification's weak. It's been six years since the Borg assimilated him, and only now he's starting to feel the effects like this? I don't think so. Also as someone who used to risk his entire ship for even the lowliest crew member and who knows that people can be de-Borgified, Picard has no qualms about killing off half his crew when they become assimilated. He's a heartless, bitter bastard and while he's more interesting now than he ever was, it was much of an evolution. On a last note: The most impressive thing about this film is Jonathan Frakes' directorial debut (better than some other actors who have won Oscars for doing less impressive work their first time out). The funniest thing was a line from the six year old behind me the second time I saw it. When the Phoenix (Cochran's warp ship) got into outer space and spread it's nacelles, the kid said: "Mommy, I saw that on TV, I want that for Christmas."
Star Trek: Voyager - guess where Gilligan and the Skipper went this month? You guessed it, back in time....all the way back to 1996 (oohhhh....a budget saver...and two parts no less). This time the lost in space (and ratings) crew fight the evil Ed Begley, Jr. (now here's the most sinister man in Gotham) before he can destroy the future when he....oh, who cares (which should be the motto of this show, not Millennium) . This show had some promise, but it was flushed down the toilet long ago. The interesting characters (Chakotay, The Doctor, and give me a minute or a year...I might come up with a third) are either underused or have had their interesting parts thrown out and then got restarted from scratch. If I were on Voyager, I'd lead a mutiny. Kill Janeway and force the writers to bring us home. Maybe that'll fix the show....maybe not. Anyway...the less said about this show, the better. Expect the Borg to show up here sometime this season.
toe jam
Before I say a lot of nasty and negative things, let me state that Space Jam was entertaining. HOWEVER, it embodies EVERYTHING that is wrong with Hollywood movies today. All style and no substance. This movie came to life as a commercial and it's still caught in that reprehensible role. The special effects are nothing too special (they haven't advanced the mixing of humans and cartoons any further than Who Framed Roger Rabbit - all they've done is add computer effects). And if you were going to pick a basketball team out of the Looney Tunes, would any of the five picked here actually be on the team (Speedy Gonzales would probably have been a good choice, but remains in the background). All in all, miss this if you can.
quick shots
Matilda - will be appearing on video soon after you read this. It's a great adaptation of Roald Dahl's book and is well directed by actor Danny DeVito. Great family viewing.
Joe's Apartment - this comedy was extended from a group of MTV shorts and while it does have a jumpy pace, it's a real hoot watching a bunch of cockroaches sing and dance.
Thinner - it's amazing that a rather faithful adaptation of a Stephen King novel could remove all the humor and suspense from the book and come up this flat (every pun intended).
Pandora's Clock - this tense and well acted mini-series is worth a second airing and a viewing if you missed it the first time.
update on bond prices
Unconfirmed rumor has it that the 18th James Bond film will be entitled Avatar. It will be directed by Roger Spottiswood (And The Band Played On, Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot). Pierce Brosnan will return for his second outing as Bond, as will Judi Dench as M and Samantha Bond as Miss Moneypenny. Terrence Stamp will play the villain, a British businessman who would rather see Hong Kong destroyed than handed over to the Chinese. Natasha Henstridge (Species) is in the running for the female lead. As I get more confirmed info, I'll pass it along.
In the meantime, Raymond Benson's first Bond short story, Blast From The Past, has appeared in the January 1997 issue of Playboy (it has Marilyn Monroe on the cover). Benson proves himself worthy of taking the pen from the three previous Bond authors, and even comes very close to imitating Fleming's style without copying it or ripping it off. The story concerns Bond's investigation into the death of his son living in New York. Bond has a son, you ask? When did that happen? In Fleming's novel You Only Live Twice, Bond gets revenge on Blofeld for the death of his wife Tracy. He escapes from the exploding castle, but is hit by debris and loses his memory. When he finally leaves Japan in search of his past, he leaves behind a pregnant Kissy Suzuki, who later gives birth to a son she names James. Benson offs this character without letting the reader, or Bond, for that matter get to know him. While he could have made an interesting addition to the world of Bond, Benson uses James to almost cut off Bond from his past...he has nowhere to go but forward. Oh and who killed James Suzuki? All I'm gonna say is that it has something to do with the epic story Fleming laid out in both On Her Majesty's Secret Service and You Only Live Twice. Benson's got me hooked by this exciting and simple story. I can't wait for his novel, Zero Minus Ten coming this spring.
this is the way the world ends
While it takes forever to get started, Tim Burton's Mars Attacks!, is ten times better than Independence Day. Burton has concocted a great spoof of alien invasion movies. First, unlike the summer blockbuster, this film has an A-list of stars: Jack Nicholson (as both the President and a Las Vegas hotel owner), Glenn Close (the first lady), Pierce Brosnan (a pompous scientist), Annette Benning (wife of Las Vegas Hotel Owner), Danny DeVito (gambler....part lasts about a minute), Sarah Jessica Parker (fluff news reporter), Martin Short (Presidential Press Secretary), Michael J. Fox (GNN New Reporter), Natalie Portman (daughter of President), Lucas Haas (teenager), Joe Don Baker (teenager's father), Christina Applegate (teenager's brother's girlfriend), Jim Brown (Casino bouncer), Pam Grier (Jim Brown's wife), Rod Steiger (war-bent army general), Paul Winfield (peaceful army general), and Tom Jones (Tom Jones). Secondly, unlike the summer blockbuster (where you could predict the outcome without knowing anything about the movie), nothing is sacred here...there are only six survivors of this major cast (and yes Tom Jones is one of them, but surprisingly none of them is Nicholson). The cruelest fates go to Brosnan and Parker (I won't mention what happens to them here). The film has the look of a Burton movie and that look remains consistent throughout (including the special effects which are very smooth, unlike the summer blockbuster). However, this film is not for everyone. It is rated PG-13 and unlike ID4, I think the Martians will scare the shit out of little kids. Danny Elfman brings his usual musical bag of tricks to the table and Peter Suchitzsky's widescreen photography captures everything very nicely. If you've liked Burton's other films (Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Beetlejuice, Batman, Edward Scissorhands, Batman Returns, Ed Wood, and hell even though he didn't actually direct it The Nightmare Before Christmas) you'll like this. It isn't his best work, but it's very funny (in spite of the fact that it takes about an hour to really get rolling).
look, up in the sky...
Since the first season of Superman: The Animated Series only consists of 13 episodes, here's a quick guide to the first 11 (the last two will air in February):
The Last Son Of Krypton - this originally aired as a 90 minute special, but is broken up into three half hours for Saturday mornings. Part one gives us the Krypton story where we meet scientist Jor-El, his wife Lara, and their son Kal-El. Jor-El discovers that Krypton will soon explode, but the council of elders won't believe him because the super computer that stores all Kryptonian knowledge, Brainiac, tells the council Jor-El is wrong. Brainiac does this because he doesn't want to have to formulate an evacuation plan for the planet. He downloads his entire memory core into a satellite and escapes. Jor-El sends Kal-El to earth. Krypton explodes. Part two covers the Smallville years and the beginning of the Metropolis years. The young Kal-El is found by Jonathan and Martha Kent and renamed Clark Kent. He has a high school sweetheart Lana Lang and then discovers his Kryptonian heritage. Clark then moves to Metropolis where he gets a job as a reporter for the Daily Planet. We meet Perry White, Jimmy Olsen, and Lois Lane. We also find that Metropolis is pretty much owned by multi-billionaire Lex Luthor. In Part Three, Luthor unveils a super-suit for the army to use as a line of defense, but it's stolen by terrorist John Corben. Superman arrives. Fights Corben, who's using the Lexoskel suit, and saves the day. It turns out Corben was being backed by Luthor. There is a great scene between Luthor and Superman (who has no physical proof of Luthor's involvement). Clark, of course, gets the story to the paper before Lois. This is a great start to the series (and much better than ABC's live action Lois And Clark which was good it's first season and has gone downhill ever since.)
Fun And Games - Metropolis' other multi-billionaire, Bruno Mannheim is kidnapped by Toyman, who then also kidnaps Lois Lane. It seems that Mannheim may have destroyed the career of a toymaker and his son is now out to get revenge, and Lois will tell his story. Superman saves the day, but the Toyman isn't found in the wreckage of his warehouse. A great story with some wild animation effects and story ideas (like the super ball that gets faster the more it bounces and makes large dents in things).
A Little Piece Of Home - Luthor opens his new museum of natural history, but some robbers (financed by Luthor) break in and try to steal something. Superman stops them, but is strangely affected by some moon rocks. It turns out the rocks are actually Kryptonite, meteorites from Krypton's explosion that are radioactive and harmful to Kryptonians. Luthor uses this to his advantage in bringing Superman down, but lead protects Clark from the harmful effects. Another wonderful story that continues plotlines from the pilot.
Feeding Time - Roy Jones, a janitor at S.T.A.R. labs helps out in the theft of some chemicals, but is exposed to them in the process. He now has the ability to absorb energy (as well as thoughts and memories) from whatever he touches. Of course he eventually touches Superman, discovers his secret identity, and kidnaps him, using him as a battery to recharge himself whenever he needs a fix. Jimmy Olsen, being the snoop that he is, saves the day. Fun, but slightly on the weak side. The Parasite (Jones's name after the accident) has never been one of Superman's more interesting villains, but an attempt is made to make him sympathetic. It almost works.
The Way Of All Flesh - John Corben returns. This time he's in jail and has contracted some rare disease. Luthor is willing to help, but his solution is ghastly. Corben's brain is transferred into an exo-skeleton covered in a synthetic skin. He still looks like Corben and acts like Corben, but he's completely metallic. And his metal body is powered by radiation from Kryptonite which is now his "heart". Corben gets frustrated that he can't feel, and tries to take it out on Superman at Luthor's urging. Lois and Clark discover that Corben was injected with the rare virus to begin with by a prison doctor on Luthor's payroll. Superman saves Luthor from Corben, who is lost at sea. A great episode that truly humanizes another of Superman's lesser villains.
Stolen Memories - Brainiac shows up on earth and wants to trade information with humans (okay Luthor). But he has a far more sinister plan. Brainiac wants to store all the information he can about earth in his collection of knowledge orbs and then destroy the planet. Superman learns more about his heritage and even gets an offer from Brainiac to join him. But the man of steel declines and defeats the super-computer before he can accomplish his goals. Superman is able to save the Kryptonian orb and Brainiac downloads himself into Lexcorp's computers before his ship is destroyed. Another great twist on a confusingly written Superman villain. My only complaint is the destruction of all the other planetary orbs. Why did we have to lose all that info about other planets?
Main Man - this two part episode features Lobo, a bounty hunter, who is hired to bring Superman to the collection of a man who keeps a museum of "lasts", Superman being the "last" son of Krypton. Lobo delivers the goods, but instead of being paid, he is also added to the collection, being the last Czarnian (Lobo destroyed his own people...probably in a drunken stupor). The second part of the story involves Superman and Lobo teaming up to escape from the museum. Part one is fun just watching Lobo and Superman beat the crap out of each other, part two is fun watching Lobo double-cross Superman at every turn. The storywriters have taken one of the DC Universe's most annoying characters and given him a nice spin (he's still annoying, but it's now fun to watch).
My Girl - Lex Luthor shows up at a fashion show, being covered by Lois and Clark, with famous fashion designer Lana Lang on his arm. Superman saves Lana from being kidnapped and she knows exactly who he is. She is still in love with him and tries to prove her love by spying on Luthor and giving Clark the info to stop him. Of course, Luthor finds out about this and tries to kill her. Of course, Superman saves the day and Lana gives up her spying. This is one of the most bizarre twists on the Lana Lang character I've ever seen, but it works. Luthor and his bodyguard/chauffeur, Mercy Graves, are developed even more in this tightly written story.
The last two episodes will air in February. One features The Flash and the other features Darkseid, the evil ruler of Apokalypse.
delayed video disaster
As you may well know (by walking into any electronics store), the new home entertainment system dubbed DVD, which either stand for Digital Video Disc or Digital Versatile Disc, or nothing, has yet to hit the market after much hype and ballyhoo from the Major players (Toshiba and Warner). They are promising a first quarter 97 rollout, but we'll see what happens. Meanwhile, computer companies are gearing up for DVD-ROM players and software to hit soon after the new year. DVD-ROM is faster and can hold much more data than the current CD-ROM technology. Of course, DVD-ROM is not backward compatible (so don't think you can play all those CD-ROM games on a new DVD-ROM player). The only way this format will succeed is through the computer industry. People are looking for faster and more powerful access to information. The home entertainment industry is treating this like the tail wagging the dog. Their sales in VCR's and Laserdisc players have been waning for years. The software companies see an opportunity to resell their libraries all over again (Batman Forever in yet a new format). While DVD for home entertainment uses has lots of potential, they're going about it all wrong. And the first generation of discs will be crap. Stripped down, watered down versions of movies that don't use the format to its potential. They also may not be compatible with second generation players (thanks to the convergence of two technologies not having been hammered out completely). More info will be passed on as it arrives. The format's having many problems in the Japanese market right now, not all the discs work on all the players.
that's all folks
Well, that ends another issue. Be here next month for more reviews, news, and stuff you can't use. Hopefully, reviews of TV shows I haven't done yet this season, Daylight, the new Toy Story laserdisc box set, and whatever else floats my boats.
Be seeing you,
Joel
The Very Model Of A Modern Major General
BONUS REVIEW
My Fellow Americans - what do you get when you cross The Fugitive with Grumpy Old Men and A Clear And President Danger. You get this hysterically funny film about two ex-presidents (James Garner and Jack Lemmon) who hate each other, but find themselves on the run from the NSA when they uncover a plot by the current administration (Dan Aykroyd). Yes, the film does have something of a political message, but that can be overlooked due to the humor of the whole thing. The film also stars Wilford Brimley, Sela Ward, and Lauren Bacall (who has the best lines and should have had a bigger role). Warning: there are three really horrible digital effects near the end of the film. It's obvious that Lemmon and Garner's faces were digitally plastered over two other men riding horses. But run out and see the film anyway. You won't be disappointed.
