I Certainly Picked The Wrong Year To Quit Therapy

I know its been sporadic and uneven when it comes to my "blogging", but let's face it...I have two kids who take up a lot of my time these days...so there's a lot less of everything I used to do...and in most cases I'm getting to be okay with that.

Duncan will be six months old very soon. He's still getting up for middle of the night feedings. He can still be a giant crankapotamus when he wants to be...but he's such a cute kid. I love watching him roll around on the floor (he's gonna start crawling soon...you can just see it in him...he's trying to get to other places and things). And his laugh and smile are so infectious...

Malcolm is having some issues...or maybe we're having some issues with Malcolm. We've known for a while that he has some transitional issues. Abruptly deviating from a routine or plan throws him off. Large groups in small spaces throw him off. When he started pre-school last year, he was in a class of 8 kids with two teachers. He had some issues that the teacher worked with us on to try and alleviate (mostly he would knock over a chair when we came to pick him up in a defiant "You left me here" kind of mode...it was more of a safety issue for the other kids, but we fixed the problem and things went back to normal).

We put him in camp this past summer (at the same place he had school) and there were no problems (we even did it after everyone had left from visiting for Duncan's birth). And after camp ended we had three weeks to get him potty trained to start school again in the fall. We felt he needed structure and consistancy in his day to help work through the transitional issues...so we had signed him up for the 5 day a week program, but he HAD to be potty trained (last year he went 3 days a week and we could have done the same this year because they don't have to be potty trained for that).

We spent the three weeks between camp ending and school starting in "potty training boot camp". We basically just stripped him naked and threw him outside to run around. It took a few days, but he eventually got the concepts of what was happening and what he needed to do. Yet at the same time, he didn't quite get it.

As a father, I don't really know what my expectations were. I'd be an idiot if I thought we'd get him potty trained and that would be that and everything would be perfect. Of course there are going to be accidents (I've spoken to parents who tell me that even at 6 their kids still have accidents), but Malcolm has become problematic when it comes to poop. He tends to do it in the bath or shower (or his pullup that we put him in at night). He was doing well during "boot camp" and then something happened (no idea what -- maybe school) that caused him to hold it until he is somewhere he can relax (shower or bath). Its gotten tiresome doing the cleaning (or having my wife doing the cleaning because when I do it, there's potential of more cleaning as my gag reflex tends to kick in -- luckily when I have it hasn't gotten messier -- and I don't know why that happens to me...I don't have that problem changing diapers).

But beyond that, Malcolm has become a bit more willfull and stubborn about things. When he started school, we would get reports from his new teachers that he needs to listen better, but no real specifics as to what that meant. After a few days, my wife got an e-mail from another mother of a child in Malcolm's class. It was a bit unnerving as she said she knew what was going on with her son and Malcolm, her son was coming home crying and that my wife should call her so they could talk things out. What did that mean? Was that part of Malcolm's "listening problem"?

Turned out that the other mother was getting similar reports from the teachers as her son was a lot like Malcolm. But her son was getting "yelled at" more when the two of them got into one of their "distracting" modes (don't know that these teachers actually yell, but you get the point...maybe heavily reprimanded). We were never told anything beyond Malcolm needing to work on his "listening". Eventually, my wife requested to meet with the teacher. She put it off until after the Jewish holidays and then basically ambushed my wife by having the head of the school in on the meeting with her and her assistant.

But the meeting was productive. Because of his known transitional issues and the thought that he had some sensory issues as well (for example, he doesn't like shirts with cuffs on them), they suggested we get him evaluated by professionals. We had done this the previous year as well, but at that point the people we had gone to on the teacher's suggestion couldn't help us. Well...that's the wrong choice of words, they didn't really see a problem that was worth solving at the time when he was 2...he was 2...he'd either grow out of them or we could move up the ladder to a different group and get re-evaluated. So now that he was 3 and displaying similar and new traits, we opted for re-evaluation.

I took Malcolm to his evaluation. It was interesting. Normally they don't let parents in the room for the testing, but Malcolm refused to go in without me. They told me I could come in as long as I didn't say anything (they impressed upon me that some parents who wind up in on the testing will coach or assist their kids -- I didn't say a word). I saw many good things that didn't surprise me and a few that did (all good -- didn't know or even think that he could pour from a bottle into a cup). But this was all easy stuff -- drawing a straight line, coloring, sharing, etc.

The second test I was not privy for as by then Malcolm was more comfortable with his evaluators. When the second part was done, they let me observe him doing free play and the obstacle course in their gym. The most interesting aspect was when the evaluator put on music. The first bit was just some jungle rhythms. Malcolm pretty much ignored them, which I found odd for a kid that is always singing, dancing and drumming -- he's very musical. The second song was "ABC" by The Jackson Five. As soon as it started he went into a typical Malcolm dance and then ran over to their inflatable ball pit and straddled the ledge and started bouncing to the music. The evaluator must have noticed something because she then put on the soundtrack to Mortal Kombat and repeated a set of instructions she had given him earlier that he didn't even listen to. With the thumping club music in the background, Malcolm did exactly what she said without hesitation. It was kind of amazing. She then put The Jackson Five back on and he did the exact same thing he did before while listening to it.

What does all this mean? I'm not entirely sure. I'm still a bit ovewhelmed by things and trying to process it all. Malcolm seems to have his own soundtrack constatntly playing in his head (like in that episode of Family Guy where Peter had his own incidental music -- "riding on the bus, riding on the bus, riding on the bus"...). And apparently this may be what causes him to not listen or focus when instructed. The Mortal Kombat music apparently drowned it out or negated it in some way.

So we've been recommended to get him auditory therapy as well as occupational therapy. All of which costs money and most of which may not be covered by insurance. And there's been plenty of stress on the money front as investments have gone south due the economy and real estate for my wife has pretty much dried up. I've been slowly and cautiously looking for a job to no avail...and while we're not in dire need of doing completely drastic things yet, that light all the way down at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train...

We were waiting to share the written evaluation with Malcolm's teachers before getting further into things with them, but his teacher is no recommending that we get a "minder" for him while he's in school...which in my book basically amounts to hiring a private teacher for him to keep an eye on him in the class because she can't do her job properly because she's either understaffed, incapabale, doesn't care, has other kids who are more important/less needy or a combination of all three. Maybe this isn't the right place for him anymore...maybe some of this is a legitimate issue and some of it is because he's a three year old.

I don't know...its all new to me and rather overwhelming...toss in everything else and there are days I'm surprised neither my wife nor I have had complete meltdowns. This is partially because we are lucky to have the situatin we are in. There are people who are worse off than we are when it comes to dealing with issues like this...

There was a time when kids with Malcolm's issues would just be given a swift kick in the ass and "everything would be all right" (which pretty much led to the over-medicating of almost every kid in the 1990s as a reverse). Somewhere there's a happy medium. Somewhere there's a real path. I don't know what it is...but we're doing all we can to figure it out and not get completely depressed and despondent about things...

So there we are...a chunk of why I haven't been keeping this updated is now somewhat explained...the rest of it is connected in various ways...it gets harder for me to write about anything the deeper we get...and this is the first time in a long time I've felt up to the task in some manner and not felt like the finished product was utter shit.

Confessions of a Bond Geek

So obviously, we saw Quantum of Solace yesterday on its opening day (haven't missed a Bond movie on opening day since 1983). So we got a sitter and went out.

After the glossy relaunch of the Bond franchise with Casino Royale, I really had no idea what to expect or where they'd go next. While I would have loved to see them start to remake the Fleming novels in the way they did Daniel Craig's first outing, I'm good with where they've taken the character and where they seem to be headed with him.

Picking up almost immediately where we left off, Quantum of Solace hits the ground running and almost never stops. Bond is motivated by revenge for Vesper's betrayal and her death and he is letting nothing get in his way. As he stumbles from one lead to the next (pretty much killing off everyone as he goes), he eventually winds up uncovering a large international cabal that seems to be manipulating the actions of governments (the plot here is a bit convoluted, but not too difficult to figure out if you think about it and a second viewing will clear up everything).

Some of the complaints from about the film are unwarranted and others are unfounded. You can't praise Casino Royale for deviating from the "Bond formula" and refreshing the franchise and then deride this film for not adhering to it (even though it actually does if you dissect it properly). And while there may be too many instances of the "Bourne effect" present in the editing, it actually works well for this film.

This film is the next necessary step in the evolution of Craig's Bond. This "blunt instrument" (as M refers to him), needed to go full force to get back to his center...to find his moment of comfort so he can evolve more into the suave agent we've known and loved. I'm sur ethe next film will continue him on this route (and give us more insight into this new evil organization).

When the producers have need to refresh Bond over the years they always return to Fleming and this film is no exception. Where Casino Royale went back to Fleming's first book it also had the feel of Fleming's On her Majesty's Secret Service. Here, Quantum of Solace takes its title from a Fleming short story and has the feel of the novel You Only Live Twice. Its a fast moving and gritty travelogue that barely gives you time to breathe. Its easily up there with the best of the series (haven't figured out where on my list it will land yet) and I can't wait to see this again and see where they go next (but whatever they do, we need more of Jeffrey Wright's Felix Leiter -- maybe take the "buddy" film and give it a Bondian twist with Bond & Leiter).

Oh...there is one MAJOR complaint I have about the film...I didn't like the theme song "Another Way to Die" by Jack White and Alicia Keyes when I first heard it, but a Bond theme song needs to be heard in context with the opening titles. The titles made me like the song even less. This is easily one of the worst Bond themes ever...luckily, its not quite bottom of the barrel Madonna's "Die Another Day" bad as I think someone could do justice to this song with a good cover version using better orchestration -- Madonna's song is a lost cause). I do miss Daniel Kleinman's title sequences from the Brosnan films though.

Meanwhile, Cartoon Network has premiered a new animated Batman series entitled Batman: The Brave and the Bold. This is a fun series that mixes the humor of the 1960s series with the more fun aspects of the 1990s animated series (and its sister series). Each episode finds the Dark Knight teamed up with another hero of the DC Universe to defeat some villain. The pilot episode starts with Batman & Green Arrow fighting Clock King (in all his silly 1960s costume glory) and then turns to an outer space adventure where Batman and Blue Beetle (the modern Jaime Reyes version with the alien space armor) defending a race of alien blobs from Kanjar Ro. Its silly fun, but worth watching.

I hope to be back sooner rather than later, but life's been geting in the way (mostly in good ways with the boys)...

Be seeing you.