lousy smarch weather
Welcome to another fun packed issue, folks. This month there's lots to cover....so let's get started.
genitalia
While I've never been a fan of his radio show, I've also never really found anything that Howard Stern says truly offensive (at least not personally), but I could understand why others did (hey we live in one of the most narrow-minded countries on the planet). Stern has proclaimed himself the "King Of All Media" and I have to wonder exactly as to what this term might mean. In spite of the fact that his film has gotten generally good reviews (and he gets another one in the next paragraph) and made a decent showing opening weekend, has he truly conquered the film industry? I think not. He keep proclaiming that his film tested with the highest scores out of any film in the history of Paramount Pictures, including Forrest Gump. Yet he doesn't seem to realize that this amounts to a whole lot of nothing in Hollywood. Gump got a C in its tests, yet it made a shitload of money and won a crapload of Oscars. So much for Hollywood tests. Anyway...my review....
Private Parts gives us a side of Stern that you don't get on the radio. Here's where you see the sensitive, I'm only joking side. And there isn't too much of his "radio" humor involved in this story (what is there has been toned down for the general public). Surprisingly, especially since he's playing himself, Stern has some acting ability (perhaps because his whole "bad boy" persona is an act). The film is skillfully directed by Betty Thomas (of Hill Street Blues who has also directed The Brady Bunch and The Late Shift - a film that this one resembles in almost every way). Whether you love or hate Stern, this film is entertaining and will be enjoyed even if you're determined not to.
those damn jedi are back again?
The release of Return of The Jedi: Special Edition brings the Star Wars Trilogy: Special Edition to a less than stunning climax. But this was also true of the previous theatrical version. This third chapter has always been something of a letdown. The first third of the film deals with the rescue of Han Solo from the evil slug-gangster Jabba The Hutt. It is here that the special edition has most of its reworking. A musical number has been added to replace a previous one and it makes the death of Jabba's dancer Oola a bit more logical (she doesn't want to dance again for him). Boba Fett has been added into close-ups wherever possible. This is completely disconcerting because the new Fett footage is more colorful than the old Fett footage. The Sarlaac (the creature in the desert pit) has been given more tentacles and a beak that comes out and swallows people. Lucas could have taken the opportunity to keep Boba Fett alive, by having the Sarlaac spit him out (and thereby keep continuity with the novels that have been written of late where Fett's still alive due to this exact happening), but he doesn't and so Fett slides into the creature. With all the big hoopla of spruced up special effects, one scene that needed it and didn't get it is Luke's battle with the Rancor in Jabba's palace. Both Luke and the Rancor looked superimposed (depending on the shot) and nothing was done to correct this....it still looks cheesy. After Han's rescue the movie gets boring for a while (the middle third involves setting up everything for the final third). The Ewoks are still cute and annoying and pointless (couldn't they have digitally wiped out this race of creature and replaced them with Pirhana-people or something like that?). The end of the film is divided into three parts, two of which work (the one that doesn't involves the Ewoks). The very end of Jedi has had the most changes. The music of the Ewoks has been replaced with what sounds like a world music version of the Star Wars theme. The visuals now include celebrations and fireworks displays on Bespin's Cloud City, Tatooine's Mos Eisley Space Port, and the Imperial Homeworld of Coruscant (which has not appeared in any of the films until now, is untitled in the film, and can only be known by descriptions from the recent novels and the toppling of the Emperor's statue - which you might blink and miss) before returning to Endor and the Ewoks and that silly "photo" of main characters that ends the film. Don't get me wrong...this isn't a horrible film, it's just the least of the three. Oh and on a side note....while watching this film, it dawned on me....if Ben's a ghost....why does he have to move branches out of his path, walk around trees, and sit on rocks? Any answers are welcome.
oscar chat
What follows is a transcript of predictions for the 69th Annual Academy Awards. The two speakers are myself and Jason Victor. The transcript is only slightly edited.
Flmfrk: hello
Flmfrk: hooray
OscarBug: Okay Lets get this show on the road. .you want to do the intro.?
Flmfrk: okay let's get started
Flmfrk: sure I'll do the intro.
Flmfrk: hellllooooo readers
Flmfrk: welcome to the first annual "siskel & ebert-type" Oscar previews
Flmfrk: what you're reading is a transcript of an online conversation between
Flmfrk: Joel Fenster (Flmfrk) and Jason Victor (OscarBug)
OscarBug: Helloooooo
Flmfrk: hopefully I'll remember to save this and you'll actually be reading it
Flmfrk: that's hopefully
OscarBug: Don't worry I'm making periodic back ups as we type
Flmfrk: So Jason....do you wanna start with the crap categories
OscarBug: Sure. . .let's start with the big ones. .or better known as the Top 5
OscarBug: They are: Picture, Actor, Actress, Supporting Actor/Actress
Flmfrk: I meant crap as in shorts, documentaries, and foreign...but this year
Flmfrk: the top five are also crap
OscarBug: OOPS. .my mistake. .sorry :)
Flmfrk: Supporting Actress nominees are
Flmfrk: Joan Allen for The Crucible
Flmfrk: Lauren Bacall for The Mirror Has Two Noses
Flmfrk: Juliette Binoche for The English Patient
Flmfrk: Barbara Hershey for Portrait of A Lady
Flmfrk: and Marianne Jean-Baptiste for Secrets and Lies
OscarBug: Let me start by digressing
Flmfrk: I've seen one of these films
Flmfrk: digress away
OscarBug: I think we should make it clear that although we may not have seen al the films
OscarBug: that does not prevent us from having a good opinion about them
Flmfrk: true true
OscarBug: Well I'm going to jump out of the gate and say clearly Bacall has it in the bag
Flmfrk: Personally...I've always loved Bacall so she should win before she croaks
OscarBug: I mean really, she's never won, Hollywood Loves her and she needs her due
OscarBug: Hollywood always gives it to the "Elder" statesman. Look at Geraldine Paige or
Flmfrk: The others I could care less about....I saw Secrets And Lies and felt that
OscarBug: Jessica Tandy
Flmfrk: Ms. Jean-Baptiste was good, but nothing special
OscarBug: So we are in actual agreement on this one eh?
Flmfrk: Apparently so....any comments on the others....any omissions, or move along
OscarBug: I think everyone knows she is going to win. I mean I'd still give Bacall one for the
OscarBug: "Big Sleep"
Flmfrk: what about Key Largo
OscarBug: I'm just glad that English patient wont be getting this one
Flmfrk: Let's hope
OscarBug: Lol. . okay let move on?
Flmfrk: Supporting Actor nominees are
Flmfrk: Cuba Gooding Jr. for Jerry Maguire
Flmfrk: William H. Macy for Fargo
Flmfrk: Armin Mueller-Stahl for Shine
Flmfrk: Edward Norton for Primal Fear
Flmfrk: and James Woods for Ghosts Of Mississippi
Flmfrk: Why is Macy here when he had more screen time than
Flmfrk: Frances McDormand in this film and she got lead actress
OscarBug: The probably thought he had a better chance. .they were wrong!
Flmfrk: Really...who wins here
OscarBug: I think while this is a close call between Gooding and Norton
OscarBug: Norton has already won a few awards as have Gooding. .. Thought they may split it
Flmfrk: Close call...try Gooding all the way...Norton was better in the film he wasn't nominated for
OscarBug: I know and that is why he may still have a chance. But I'll agree that Gooding should get it
Flmfrk: And what is James Woods (who looked like a walking condom) doing here
Flmfrk: (no I haven't seen the film, but who cares)
Flmfrk: Usually, I can think of dozens of people who should have been in this category
Flmfrk: but aren't....this year I can think of two
OscarBug: Gooding though really gave Nuanced performance, Really tender stuff
Flmfrk: And that's why he should get it
OscarBug: He was real without seeming preachy
Flmfrk: show him the Oscar!!!
OscarBug: Wow I can't believe we are two for two. I hope this doesn't last ;)
Flmfrk: it won't
OscarBug: But you have to admit that Norton did give a great performance in Primal Fear
Flmfrk: Didn't see it
Flmfrk: Rather didn't see the whole thing
OscarBug: Well then you (and all of your readers out there) Should. Plus it has Frances McDormand
Flmfrk: This is fun.....shall we move on?
OscarBug: Ah Yup
Flmfrk: Best Actress nominees are
Flmfrk: Brenda Blethyn for Secrets And Lies
Flmfrk: Diane Keaton for Marvin's Room
Flmfrk: Frances McDormand for Fargo
OscarBug: yea
Flmfrk: Kristin Scott Thomas for The English patient
OscarBug: boo
Flmfrk: Emily Watson for Breaking The Waves
Flmfrk: What Boo? Did you see English Patient?
OscarBug: You know if I knew all you had to do was have a private conversation with God to get a Nom?
Flmfrk: Ouch!
OscarBug: I'd have done it long ago. . .uh no I didn't see English Patient.
Flmfrk: Well...we apparently agree again. McDormand all the way
OscarBug: Yea. .that is really all anybody is talking about. She won
Flmfrk: Brenda Blethyn only reminded me of a weepy Jennifer Tilly with a cockney accent
OscarBug: NY Critics, SAG, and many many others
OscarBug: And we all just Love any of the Tilly women for their acting ability
OscarBug: I think I see your point
Flmfrk: Hey...you didn't see Bound....she should have been nominated
OscarBug: For what Indecent Exposure. .oh well all right I'll take your word for it
Flmfrk: just for the lesbian sex scene alone
OscarBug: Hey if that's all you need, I've a few Swedish movies to show you
Flmfrk: been there, done that
OscarBug: But again we digress
Flmfrk: Anyway...the nominees for Best Actor are
Flmfrk: Tom Cruise for Jerry Maguire
Flmfrk: Ralph Fiennes for The English Patient
Flmfrk: Woody Harrelson for The People Vs. Larry Flynt
Flmfrk: Geoffrey Rush for Shine
Flmfrk: and Billy Bob Thornton for Sling Blade
OscarBug: Having Just seen "Sling Blade" I can say "WOW" he just might have it
Flmfrk: I wanna see this
Flmfrk: without having seen it...we'll Cruise all the way
OscarBug: But voting for a guy like him (a convicted killer (twice)) makes it hard
OscarBug: I like Cruise as well but he won't win
Flmfrk: something about his performance touched me...why won't he win
Flmfrk: I think he's paid his dues
Flmfrk: and he's a POPULAR HOLLYWOOD ACTOR...isn't this a HOLLYWOOD
Flmfrk: AWARDS SHOW
OscarBug: He's too liked. . .Like Speilberg Was. People are going to think it was a fluke
OscarBug: Yea but he's too Hollywood. . I think Rush is going to get it
Flmfrk: a fluke....Costner directing one film, winning Best Director, and not directing again
Flmfrk: for a few years is a fluke
Flmfrk: While Cruise is my personal pick....Rush will most likely win
Flmfrk: Which makes us 5 for 5
OscarBug: I agree Cruise really won me over as well? Okay now to Picture eh? The biggies
OscarBug: Or should we wait till the end ?
Flmfrk: Now more importantly....why wasn't Bill Murray nominated for Larger Than Life
OscarBug: Oh you rascal you ?
Flmfrk: Do you know how hard it is to act with an elephant?
Flmfrk: Best Picture nominees are
OscarBug: No wait. .
Flmfrk: okay
OscarBug: We have to make them sit through all the unbearable awards to tantalize them
OscarBug: We just can't blurt it out. . lets do director?
Flmfrk: good point....the nominees for best achievement in art direction are
OscarBug: Good job :)
Flmfrk: Birdcage....English Patient...Evita...Hamlet....and
Flmfrk: William Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet
OscarBug: R&J all the Way man. .That was Soo Bitch'n
Flmfrk: Let's cross out the first and last....they're both just Miami movies
OscarBug: But I guess Evita will win it
Flmfrk: Hamlet or Evita....my picks
OscarBug: Hey you got a prob. with Miami. .we'll table that for another time
OscarBug: Yea. ..Evita then.
Flmfrk: no prob. with Miami....just there's no originality in shooting a movie there...
OscarBug: Okay then lets move to Costumes?
Flmfrk: did they have to "dress" sets...no they just point and shoot
Flmfrk: Costume Nominees are...
Flmfrk: Angels & Insects...Emma...English Patient...Hamlet...Portrait Of A Lady
Flmfrk: Hamlet's my pick
OscarBug: Shall we say Hamlet or do you think Portrait has a chance?
Flmfrk: Portrait's got no chance....I tried watching this and turned it off after 15 minutes
OscarBug: Is that good or Bad?
Flmfrk: there's a reason it made less than $1 million at the box office
Flmfrk: Stinkeroonie
OscarBug: You mean it wasn't a feminist backlash? like with Flynt?
Flmfrk: The nominees for cinematography are...
OscarBug: oh boy oh boy
Flmfrk: The English Patient...Evita...Fargo...Fly Away Home (huh)....and Michael Collins
Flmfrk: My pick's Evita...but English Patient will win
Flmfrk: Evita was top notch in all technical categories and deserves them all
OscarBug: I'm going to Have to Agree with you (gosh I'm tired of all this agreeing)
Flmfrk: well I'm not tired of agreeing (there we've disagreed)
OscarBug: But everyone is calling English Patient the next "Lawrence of Arabia"
Flmfrk: That's funny....Dances With Wolves was the last Lawrence Of Arabia
Flmfrk: Best Director?
OscarBug: Please do. . . .
Flmfrk: Anthony Minghella for The English Patient
Flmfrk: Joel Coen for Fargo
OscarBug: Yea
Flmfrk: Milos Forman for The People Vs. Larry Flynt
OscarBug: Sorta yea
Flmfrk: Mike Leigh for Secrets And Lies
OscarBug: eh eh
Flmfrk: Scott Hicks for Shine
OscarBug: okay
Flmfrk: Fargo was not Coen's best film so I hope he doesn't win just for that
Flmfrk: I like Forman a lot.....
OscarBug: He will win for Best Screenplay and Anthony will win though
Flmfrk: The first half of Secrets and Lies was boring and felt like a made for British TV movie
Flmfrk: I can agree with Anthony Minghella winning
OscarBug: That's because they didn't have a story then
Flmfrk: Best Documentary Feature?
OscarBug: Sure. .I've seen almost none (actually all of the none)
Flmfrk: I saw one....
Flmfrk: When We Were King.....the Muhammad Ali film
Flmfrk: It was great and will win.
Flmfrk: Best Documentary Short?
OscarBug: I have to agree. .
OscarBug: About the Short. .let's digress a moment
Flmfrk: sure....digress away
OscarBug: I just have to point out that the likely contender is a Failed Pilot
OscarBug: DreamWorks SKG, made a TV show (with Bebe Neuworth) Couldn't sell it and so entered
OscarBug: it to the Academy. Boy wasn't that special?
OscarBug: It's believed that it will win
OscarBug: okay I'm done
Flmfrk: That's Live Action Short...you're jumping ahead...and I agree
OscarBug: Ooops. .I guess I can't read either?
OscarBug: I'll cut that out and paste it in the right place later
Flmfrk: Documentary Short will go to either the Imax film Special Effects or The Wild Bunch
Flmfrk: no...leave it...it works in context
OscarBug: I'll go for Imax
OscarBug: That's waaayyy cooolll
Flmfrk: I'll go for Peckinpah...there we've officially disagreed
OscarBug: FX FX FX FX FX I WANT MY FX
Flmfrk: Film Editing nominees are....
OscarBug: and no I'm not talking about Fox
Flmfrk: English Patient...Evita...Fargo...Jerry Maguire...Shine
OscarBug: OH well. ..editing will go to Fargo
Flmfrk: Again Evita's my pick...but watch it go to Fargo
OscarBug: Fargo was better paced and thought out, plus it was done under pseudonyms
Flmfrk: Evita should get it just because of the way the music and picture were used
Flmfrk: in conjunction with each other
Flmfrk: Pseudonyms are not a reason to win
OscarBug: If you say so. . . no but pretty darn funny don't you think?
Flmfrk: Evita was better paced and thought out...they had to edit to music
OscarBug: Yea but there was no sync sound how hard is it edit a 2 hour music video?
Flmfrk: and did a damn good job as well...but it'll lose to Fargo (which I'll say again...
Flmfrk: isn't the Coen Brother's best film)
Flmfrk: Foreign Film?
OscarBug: 'ell if I know?
Flmfrk: Who gives a rat's ass?
OscarBug: Moving right along?
Flmfrk: Make-Up nominees are....
OscarBug: DON KING!!
OscarBug: Whoops
Flmfrk: Ghosts Of Mississippi (that's good make-up?)
Flmfrk: The Nutty Professor (winner)
OscarBug: yea (sigh)
Flmfrk: Star Trek: First Contact (should win just cause it'd be cool)
OscarBug: The Queenie was pretty cool, along with the other BORG!
Flmfrk: Best Achievement in Music (Original Musical or Comedy Score)
Flmfrk: nominees are....
Flmfrk: Emma by Rachel Portman
Flmfrk: First Wives Club by Marc Shaiman
Flmfrk: Hunchback Of Notre Dame by Alan Menkin and Stephen Schwartz
Flmfrk: James & Giant Peach by Randy Newman
Flmfrk: and Preacher's Wife by Hans Zimmer
OscarBug: First Wives Club deserves something ,. .why not this? But Hunchback will win
OscarBug: But James was rather good too
Flmfrk: This is a race between Hunchback and James and Hunchback HAD BETTER Win since it wasn't
Flmfrk: nominated for Best Song and is (in my opinion) the best Disney score yet
OscarBug: I have to say (again digressing) that Disney is best with it's villains songs
Flmfrk: Best Achievement in Music (Original Dramatic Score) nominees...
OscarBug: The Judges number was great, and remember Scar's Song. .Villains get the coolest songs
Flmfrk: English Patient by Gabriel Yarad
Flmfrk: Yes villains get the coolest songs....just look at Cruella DeVille
OscarBug: but you were saying...
Flmfrk: sorry I got interrupted....
Flmfrk: Hamlet by Patrick Doyle
Flmfrk: Michael Collins by Elliot Goldenthal
Flmfrk: Shine by David Hirshfelder
Flmfrk: Sleepers by John Williams
OscarBug: Shine will win this, Sleepers????!?!?!?!?oh poor john Williams?
Flmfrk: Personally...I don't care who wins this one....
Flmfrk: Best Song nominees
OscarBug: Well then How about FX FX FX FX FX
OscarBug: Drat. .oh well go on
Flmfrk: Because You Loved Me from Up Close & Personal
OscarBug: No WAY!!!!! AWFULL
Flmfrk: For The First Time from One Fine Day
Flmfrk: I Finally Found Someone from Mirror Has Two Noses
Flmfrk: That Thing You Do from That Thing You Do
Flmfrk: You Must Love Me from Evita (my pick)
OscarBug: I have to say that any song you can listen to for 90min and till tap
OscarBug: has got to be worth something so I'm going for "That Thing you do"
OscarBug: You Must Love me is not only Madonna's Anthem but her stab at being Babs Striesand
Flmfrk: Barf....Image Entertainment has that on their hold music...it makes me wanna barf
OscarBug: Well Barf away from me 'cause it's going to win
Flmfrk: Yeah...but You Must Love me is from a great musical and fits in seamlessly after twenty year
OscarBug: Yea its the only song that doesn't have "Don't Cry for me Argentina" refrain in it
OscarBug: Moving Right along?
Flmfrk: Digressing...did you see the SNL sketch this weekend
OscarBug: no?
Flmfrk: It was funny.
Flmfrk: Best Short Animated film?
Flmfrk: Who cares?
Flmfrk: Best Short Live Action Film?
OscarBug: If Wallace and grommet aren't in it who cares
Flmfrk: We covered that previously by mistake.
Flmfrk: Best Sound
OscarBug: FX FX FX FX
OscarBug: SFX SFX
Flmfrk: The English Patient....Evita....ID4....Rock....Twister
OscarBug: TWISTER. .the only good things was THAT DAMM COW
OscarBug: Give it to them for that
Flmfrk: My pick's Evita....but it'll probably go to Twister and that damn cow
Flmfrk: Best Sound Effects Editing?
OscarBug: Ghost and the Darkness. . .AS IF!!!! ID4 All the way
Flmfrk: ID4 wasn't nominated
Flmfrk: Daylight...Eraser....Ghost & Darkness
OscarBug: OOPS. ..well it should have been :?. Maybe G&D should get it then?
Flmfrk: Just saw Daylight (insert jokes here)....that's my pick...but G&D will win
Flmfrk: Best Visual Effects....now go for it
OscarBug: ID4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Flmfrk: Dragonheart....ID4...Twister
OscarBug: Any one that can not only blow up the White House but use over
Flmfrk: I'll agree...but Twister's gonna win
OscarBug: 20 Different FX houses should deserve something
Flmfrk: Best Original Screenplay
OscarBug: FARGO, maybe Lone Star
OscarBug: Whoops am doing this too fast?
Flmfrk: No....I keep getting e-mail...I'm holding two conversations at once....
OscarBug: Naughty Boy. . .You should be paying full attention here
Flmfrk: it's rude...I'm sorry...but this stranger has been e-mailing me and I'm intrigued to see
Flmfrk: where it might go.
OscarBug: I gotta go to work tomorrow. .let's kick this into high gear
OscarBug: Hey this isn't Ricky Lake?!
Flmfrk: Anyway....nominees are Fargo...Jerry Maguire...Lone Star...Shine
Flmfrk: and Secrets And Lies
Flmfrk: Fargo wins only if it don't pick up anything else
OscarBug: Fargo. .but Jerry and Lone Star have a chance
Flmfrk: Maguire or Lone Star should get it
Flmfrk: Best Adapted Screenplay
OscarBug: Adapted Screenplay? Shakespeare Anyone?
Flmfrk: Crucible...English Patient...Hamlet....Sling Blade...Trainspotting
OscarBug: Naw he's not good enough for Hollywood
OscarBug: Trainspotting or Patient?
Flmfrk: Haven't seen any of these...but Sling Blade gets my pick
Flmfrk: Trainspotting was too icky
Flmfrk: Trainspotting was also too foreign...I've never seen an English language
Flmfrk: film that NEEDED subtitles like this one
Flmfrk: Well we're there.
Flmfrk: It's time for Best Picture
OscarBug: Okay BEST PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OscarBug: ,
OscarBug: .
OscarBug: ..
OscarBug: ::Waiting::::
Flmfrk: Sorry.....
OscarBug: Aahhh. .much better
OscarBug: Where were we?
Flmfrk: English Patient...Fargo.....Jerry Maguire....Secrets And Lies...Shine
Flmfrk: Patience is a virtue....but Jerry's my friend
OscarBug: Okay I'd love to see Fargo win it, but it won't. Hell I'd even like Jerry,
OscarBug: But yea English Patient will take this away. .how very very disturbing eh?
OscarBug: Maybe Shine and Patient will split it and Fargo will win?
Flmfrk: Possible...but don't count on it....
OscarBug: It's something to hope for? :(.
Flmfrk: I'm rooting for Jerry
Flmfrk: Did we cover anything?
Flmfrk: I mean everything?
OscarBug: nothing and everything. ..a little of this a little of that
OscarBug: With a schmere on the side?
OscarBug: I hope we have entertained as well as educated (yea right)?
Flmfrk: Yuuummmmm...schmere
Flmfrk: Well at least everyone knows that I'm being stalked by some psycho on line
Flmfrk: Actually she seems really nice
OscarBug: I'm hungry too. .I think it time for some Pre-Oscar Food?
Flmfrk: Pre-Oscar food? Aren't you a few days early?
OscarBug: don't want it to get stale?
OscarBug: Oh well. ..shall we end this. ..we need a catchy ending. ..like Siskle and Ebert?
Flmfrk: Sure let's end this on a high note
Flmfrk: LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Flmfrk: or better yet.....
OscarBug: gee and I was going to say c-sharp?! -- go figure ;]
Flmfrk: C is for Cookie and we'll be c-ing you at the movies
OscarBug: Oh that is so bad :--(
Flmfrk: can you tell I'm a bit giddy?
Flmfrk: I can do worse
OscarBug: Well Till next year save your Chocolate Oscars for Us
Flmfrk: MMMMMM....Chocolate Oscars
OscarBug: And we'll be singing youuuuuu
OscarBug: Okay say goodnight Joel
Flmfrk: Goodnight Gracie
OscarBug: Thanks folks. .Cya
Flmfrk: Th....th....that's all folks
OscarBug: that's a wrap
OscarBug: Whew. .boy are my fingers tired
Flmfrk: are we gonna fight over who gets the last word?
OscarBug: you can have it
Flmfrk: I don't want it
OscarBug: Fine. ..I'll take it
Flmfrk: go for it
OscarBug: Bye Folks! and Have a pleasant Tomorrow
berating that empire again
Perhaps by now some of you might have had the chance to see the trailer for this summer's Batman And Robin. If you have, you know how "cool" the movie "looks" and how sucky the movie looks. The former is about the look of the film (costumes, sets, backgrounds), the latter is the plot. What schmuck decided to cram Batman, Robin, Batgirl, Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy, and Bane (all as major characters) with Alfred, Commissioner Gordon, Bruce Wayne's latest girlfriend, Dr. Jason Woodrue, Mr. Freeze's wife, and Mr. Freeze's girlfriend? Is there any room for plot? And what the hell are Freeze and Ivy doing together to begin with? Talk about two characters with two completely separate agendas! It's time for the people at Warner to have their heads examined. Fire Joel Schumacher......that's the only way to put this train back on the right track. The first two films had their own problems, but they seem insignificant to what Schumacher's mangled for his two films....make that three films. Look for Batman 5 (to be titled later....my suggestion....Batman Sucks) in the summer of 1999...directed by Schumacher....with Clooney as Batman.....O'Donnell as Robin.....Mel Gibson as the Mad Hatter......Jenny McCarthy as Harley Quinn.....and either Howard Stern or Michael J. Fox (depending on the rumor) as the Scarecrow. God help us all.
bond trading
Well folks....it's got a title....the 18th James Bond film will be called Tomorrow Never Dies. Pierce Brosnan returns as agent 007 teams up with a Hong Kong cop (Michelle Kahn of Supercop) and tries to stop a mega-million media mogul from destroying the world (specifically Hong Kong before it goes back to the Chinese). Jonathan Pryce plays the villain. Samantha Bond returns as Miss Moneypenny, Dame Judy Dench returns as M, and in the put-the-old-horse-out-of-its-misery-department....Desmond Llewelyn returns as Q (hopefully director Roger Spottiswood will get Llewelyn to not look at cue cards). Look for it at Christmastime. BTW Brosnan will only be doing one or two more Bond films after this. His initial contract was for three films, with an option on the fourth and he's publicly stated that he will fulfill his contract and then leave the role.
the end of the world as we know it
Well we've reached the end of another episode...Next month...the issue shows up sometime in the month again.....a comparison of dueling volcano films (even though one's gone already).....more on Crash....the second part to the laser article from January.....a DVD update....my Professional Wrestling article....and other stuff that's been brewing for quite some time.
Be seeing you
Joel
