lousy smarch weather
Welcome to another fun packed issue, folks. This month there's lots to cover....so let's get started.
genitalia
While I've never been a fan of his radio show, I've also never really found anything that Howard Stern says truly offensive (at least not personally), but I could understand why others did (hey we live in one of the most narrow-minded countries on the planet). Stern has proclaimed himself the "King Of All Media" and I have to wonder exactly as to what this term might mean. In spite of the fact that his film has gotten generally good reviews (and he gets another one in the next paragraph) and made a decent showing opening weekend, has he truly conquered the film industry? I think not. He keep proclaiming that his film tested with the highest scores out of any film in the history of Paramount Pictures, including Forrest Gump. Yet he doesn't seem to realize that this amounts to a whole lot of nothing in Hollywood. Gump got a C in its tests, yet it made a shitload of money and won a crapload of Oscars. So much for Hollywood tests. Anyway...my review....
Private Parts gives us a side of Stern that you don't get on the radio. Here's where you see the sensitive, I'm only joking side. And there isn't too much of his "radio" humor involved in this story (what is there has been toned down for the general public). Surprisingly, especially since he's playing himself, Stern has some acting ability (perhaps because his whole "bad boy" persona is an act). The film is skillfully directed by Betty Thomas (of Hill Street Blues who has also directed The Brady Bunch and The Late Shift - a film that this one resembles in almost every way). Whether you love or hate Stern, this film is entertaining and will be enjoyed even if you're determined not to.
those damn jedi are back again?
The release of Return of The Jedi: Special Edition brings the Star Wars Trilogy: Special Edition to a less than stunning climax. But this was also true of the previous theatrical version. This third chapter has always been something of a letdown. The first third of the film deals with the rescue of Han Solo from the evil slug-gangster Jabba The Hutt. It is here that the special edition has most of its reworking. A musical number has been added to replace a previous one and it makes the death of Jabba's dancer Oola a bit more logical (she doesn't want to dance again for him). Boba Fett has been added into close-ups wherever possible. This is completely disconcerting because the new Fett footage is more colorful than the old Fett footage. The Sarlaac (the creature in the desert pit) has been given more tentacles and a beak that comes out and swallows people. Lucas could have taken the opportunity to keep Boba Fett alive, by having the Sarlaac spit him out (and thereby keep continuity with the novels that have been written of late where Fett's still alive due to this exact happening), but he doesn't and so Fett slides into the creature. With all the big hoopla of spruced up special effects, one scene that needed it and didn't get it is Luke's battle with the Rancor in Jabba's palace. Both Luke and the Rancor looked superimposed (depending on the shot) and nothing was done to correct this....it still looks cheesy. After Han's rescue the movie gets boring for a while (the middle third involves setting up everything for the final third). The Ewoks are still cute and annoying and pointless (couldn't they have digitally wiped out this race of creature and replaced them with Pirhana-people or something like that?). The end of the film is divided into three parts, two of which work (the one that doesn't involves the Ewoks). The very end of Jedi has had the most changes. The music of the Ewoks has been replaced with what sounds like a world music version of the Star Wars theme. The visuals now include celebrations and fireworks displays on Bespin's Cloud City, Tatooine's Mos Eisley Space Port, and the Imperial Homeworld of Coruscant (which has not appeared in any of the films until now, is untitled in the film, and can only be known by descriptions from the recent novels and the toppling of the Emperor's statue - which you might blink and miss) before returning to Endor and the Ewoks and that silly "photo" of main characters that ends the film. Don't get me wrong...this isn't a horrible film, it's just the least of the three. Oh and on a side note....while watching this film, it dawned on me....if Ben's a ghost....why does he have to move branches out of his path, walk around trees, and sit on rocks? Any answers are welcome.
oscar chat
What follows is a transcript of predictions for the 69th Annual Academy Awards. The two speakers are myself and Jason Victor. The transcript is only slightly edited.
Flmfrk: hello
Flmfrk: hooray
OscarBug: Okay Lets get this show on the road. .you want to do the intro.?
Flmfrk: okay let's get started
Flmfrk: sure I'll do the intro.
Flmfrk: hellllooooo readers
Flmfrk: welcome to the first annual "siskel & ebert-type" Oscar previews
Flmfrk: what you're reading is a transcript of an online conversation between
Flmfrk: Joel Fenster (Flmfrk) and Jason Victor (OscarBug)
OscarBug: Helloooooo
Flmfrk: hopefully I'll remember to save this and you'll actually be reading it
Flmfrk: that's hopefully
OscarBug: Don't worry I'm making periodic back ups as we type
Flmfrk: So Jason....do you wanna start with the crap categories
OscarBug: Sure. . .let's start with the big ones. .or better known as the Top 5
OscarBug: They are: Picture, Actor, Actress, Supporting Actor/Actress
Flmfrk: I meant crap as in shorts, documentaries, and foreign...but this year
Flmfrk: the top five are also crap
OscarBug: OOPS. .my mistake. .sorry :)
Flmfrk: Supporting Actress nominees are
Flmfrk: Joan Allen for The Crucible
Flmfrk: Lauren Bacall for The Mirror Has Two Noses
Flmfrk: Juliette Binoche for The English Patient
Flmfrk: Barbara Hershey for Portrait of A Lady
Flmfrk: and Marianne Jean-Baptiste for Secrets and Lies
OscarBug: Let me start by digressing
Flmfrk: I've seen one of these films
Flmfrk: digress away
OscarBug: I think we should make it clear that although we may not have seen al the films
OscarBug: that does not prevent us from having a good opinion about them
Flmfrk: true true
OscarBug: Well I'm going to jump out of the gate and say clearly Bacall has it in the bag
Flmfrk: Personally...I've always loved Bacall so she should win before she croaks
OscarBug: I mean really, she's never won, Hollywood Loves her and she needs her due
OscarBug: Hollywood always gives it to the "Elder" statesman. Look at Geraldine Paige or
Flmfrk: The others I could care less about....I saw Secrets And Lies and felt that
OscarBug: Jessica Tandy
Flmfrk: Ms. Jean-Baptiste was good, but nothing special
OscarBug: So we are in actual agreement on this one eh?
Flmfrk: Apparently so....any comments on the others....any omissions, or move along
OscarBug: I think everyone knows she is going to win. I mean I'd still give Bacall one for the
OscarBug: "Big Sleep"
Flmfrk: what about Key Largo
OscarBug: I'm just glad that English patient wont be getting this one
Flmfrk: Let's hope
OscarBug: Lol. . okay let move on?
Flmfrk: Supporting Actor nominees are
Flmfrk: Cuba Gooding Jr. for Jerry Maguire
Flmfrk: William H. Macy for Fargo
Flmfrk: Armin Mueller-Stahl for Shine
Flmfrk: Edward Norton for Primal Fear
Flmfrk: and James Woods for Ghosts Of Mississippi
Flmfrk: Why is Macy here when he had more screen time than
Flmfrk: Frances McDormand in this film and she got lead actress
OscarBug: The probably thought he had a better chance. .they were wrong!
Flmfrk: Really...who wins here
OscarBug: I think while this is a close call between Gooding and Norton
OscarBug: Norton has already won a few awards as have Gooding. .. Thought they may split it
Flmfrk: Close call...try Gooding all the way...Norton was better in the film he wasn't nominated for
OscarBug: I know and that is why he may still have a chance. But I'll agree that Gooding should get it
Flmfrk: And what is James Woods (who looked like a walking condom) doing here
Flmfrk: (no I haven't seen the film, but who cares)
Flmfrk: Usually, I can think of dozens of people who should have been in this category
Flmfrk: but aren't....this year I can think of two
OscarBug: Gooding though really gave Nuanced performance, Really tender stuff
Flmfrk: And that's why he should get it
OscarBug: He was real without seeming preachy
Flmfrk: show him the Oscar!!!
OscarBug: Wow I can't believe we are two for two. I hope this doesn't last ;)
Flmfrk: it won't
OscarBug: But you have to admit that Norton did give a great performance in Primal Fear
Flmfrk: Didn't see it
Flmfrk: Rather didn't see the whole thing
OscarBug: Well then you (and all of your readers out there) Should. Plus it has Frances McDormand
Flmfrk: This is fun.....shall we move on?
OscarBug: Ah Yup
Flmfrk: Best Actress nominees are
Flmfrk: Brenda Blethyn for Secrets And Lies
Flmfrk: Diane Keaton for Marvin's Room
Flmfrk: Frances McDormand for Fargo
OscarBug: yea
Flmfrk: Kristin Scott Thomas for The English patient
OscarBug: boo
Flmfrk: Emily Watson for Breaking The Waves
Flmfrk: What Boo? Did you see English Patient?
OscarBug: You know if I knew all you had to do was have a private conversation with God to get a Nom?
Flmfrk: Ouch!
OscarBug: I'd have done it long ago. . .uh no I didn't see English Patient.
Flmfrk: Well...we apparently agree again. McDormand all the way
OscarBug: Yea. .that is really all anybody is talking about. She won
Flmfrk: Brenda Blethyn only reminded me of a weepy Jennifer Tilly with a cockney accent
OscarBug: NY Critics, SAG, and many many others
OscarBug: And we all just Love any of the Tilly women for their acting ability
OscarBug: I think I see your point
Flmfrk: Hey...you didn't see Bound....she should have been nominated
OscarBug: For what Indecent Exposure. .oh well all right I'll take your word for it
Flmfrk: just for the lesbian sex scene alone
OscarBug: Hey if that's all you need, I've a few Swedish movies to show you
Flmfrk: been there, done that
OscarBug: But again we digress
Flmfrk: Anyway...the nominees for Best Actor are
Flmfrk: Tom Cruise for Jerry Maguire
Flmfrk: Ralph Fiennes for The English Patient
Flmfrk: Woody Harrelson for The People Vs. Larry Flynt
Flmfrk: Geoffrey Rush for Shine
Flmfrk: and Billy Bob Thornton for Sling Blade
OscarBug: Having Just seen "Sling Blade" I can say "WOW" he just might have it
Flmfrk: I wanna see this
Flmfrk: without having seen it...we'll Cruise all the way
OscarBug: But voting for a guy like him (a convicted killer (twice)) makes it hard
OscarBug: I like Cruise as well but he won't win
Flmfrk: something about his performance touched me...why won't he win
Flmfrk: I think he's paid his dues
Flmfrk: and he's a POPULAR HOLLYWOOD ACTOR...isn't this a HOLLYWOOD
Flmfrk: AWARDS SHOW
OscarBug: He's too liked. . .Like Speilberg Was. People are going to think it was a fluke
OscarBug: Yea but he's too Hollywood. . I think Rush is going to get it
Flmfrk: a fluke....Costner directing one film, winning Best Director, and not directing again
Flmfrk: for a few years is a fluke
Flmfrk: While Cruise is my personal pick....Rush will most likely win
Flmfrk: Which makes us 5 for 5
OscarBug: I agree Cruise really won me over as well? Okay now to Picture eh? The biggies
OscarBug: Or should we wait till the end ?
Flmfrk: Now more importantly....why wasn't Bill Murray nominated for Larger Than Life
OscarBug: Oh you rascal you ?
Flmfrk: Do you know how hard it is to act with an elephant?
Flmfrk: Best Picture nominees are
OscarBug: No wait. .
Flmfrk: okay
OscarBug: We have to make them sit through all the unbearable awards to tantalize them
OscarBug: We just can't blurt it out. . lets do director?
Flmfrk: good point....the nominees for best achievement in art direction are
OscarBug: Good job :)
Flmfrk: Birdcage....English Patient...Evita...Hamlet....and
Flmfrk: William Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet
OscarBug: R&J all the Way man. .That was Soo Bitch'n
Flmfrk: Let's cross out the first and last....they're both just Miami movies
OscarBug: But I guess Evita will win it
Flmfrk: Hamlet or Evita....my picks
OscarBug: Hey you got a prob. with Miami. .we'll table that for another time
OscarBug: Yea. ..Evita then.
Flmfrk: no prob. with Miami....just there's no originality in shooting a movie there...
OscarBug: Okay then lets move to Costumes?
Flmfrk: did they have to "dress" sets...no they just point and shoot
Flmfrk: Costume Nominees are...
Flmfrk: Angels & Insects...Emma...English Patient...Hamlet...Portrait Of A Lady
Flmfrk: Hamlet's my pick
OscarBug: Shall we say Hamlet or do you think Portrait has a chance?
Flmfrk: Portrait's got no chance....I tried watching this and turned it off after 15 minutes
OscarBug: Is that good or Bad?
Flmfrk: there's a reason it made less than $1 million at the box office
Flmfrk: Stinkeroonie
OscarBug: You mean it wasn't a feminist backlash? like with Flynt?
Flmfrk: The nominees for cinematography are...
OscarBug: oh boy oh boy
Flmfrk: The English Patient...Evita...Fargo...Fly Away Home (huh)....and Michael Collins
Flmfrk: My pick's Evita...but English Patient will win
Flmfrk: Evita was top notch in all technical categories and deserves them all
OscarBug: I'm going to Have to Agree with you (gosh I'm tired of all this agreeing)
Flmfrk: well I'm not tired of agreeing (there we've disagreed)
OscarBug: But everyone is calling English Patient the next "Lawrence of Arabia"
Flmfrk: That's funny....Dances With Wolves was the last Lawrence Of Arabia
Flmfrk: Best Director?
OscarBug: Please do. . . .
Flmfrk: Anthony Minghella for The English Patient
Flmfrk: Joel Coen for Fargo
OscarBug: Yea
Flmfrk: Milos Forman for The People Vs. Larry Flynt
OscarBug: Sorta yea
Flmfrk: Mike Leigh for Secrets And Lies
OscarBug: eh eh
Flmfrk: Scott Hicks for Shine
OscarBug: okay
Flmfrk: Fargo was not Coen's best film so I hope he doesn't win just for that
Flmfrk: I like Forman a lot.....
OscarBug: He will win for Best Screenplay and Anthony will win though
Flmfrk: The first half of Secrets and Lies was boring and felt like a made for British TV movie
Flmfrk: I can agree with Anthony Minghella winning
OscarBug: That's because they didn't have a story then
Flmfrk: Best Documentary Feature?
OscarBug: Sure. .I've seen almost none (actually all of the none)
Flmfrk: I saw one....
Flmfrk: When We Were King.....the Muhammad Ali film
Flmfrk: It was great and will win.
Flmfrk: Best Documentary Short?
OscarBug: I have to agree. .
OscarBug: About the Short. .let's digress a moment
Flmfrk: sure....digress away
OscarBug: I just have to point out that the likely contender is a Failed Pilot
OscarBug: DreamWorks SKG, made a TV show (with Bebe Neuworth) Couldn't sell it and so entered
OscarBug: it to the Academy. Boy wasn't that special?
OscarBug: It's believed that it will win
OscarBug: okay I'm done
Flmfrk: That's Live Action Short...you're jumping ahead...and I agree
OscarBug: Ooops. .I guess I can't read either?
OscarBug: I'll cut that out and paste it in the right place later
Flmfrk: Documentary Short will go to either the Imax film Special Effects or The Wild Bunch
Flmfrk: no...leave it...it works in context
OscarBug: I'll go for Imax
OscarBug: That's waaayyy cooolll
Flmfrk: I'll go for Peckinpah...there we've officially disagreed
OscarBug: FX FX FX FX FX I WANT MY FX
Flmfrk: Film Editing nominees are....
OscarBug: and no I'm not talking about Fox
Flmfrk: English Patient...Evita...Fargo...Jerry Maguire...Shine
OscarBug: OH well. ..editing will go to Fargo
Flmfrk: Again Evita's my pick...but watch it go to Fargo
OscarBug: Fargo was better paced and thought out, plus it was done under pseudonyms
Flmfrk: Evita should get it just because of the way the music and picture were used
Flmfrk: in conjunction with each other
Flmfrk: Pseudonyms are not a reason to win
OscarBug: If you say so. . . no but pretty darn funny don't you think?
Flmfrk: Evita was better paced and thought out...they had to edit to music
OscarBug: Yea but there was no sync sound how hard is it edit a 2 hour music video?
Flmfrk: and did a damn good job as well...but it'll lose to Fargo (which I'll say again...
Flmfrk: isn't the Coen Brother's best film)
Flmfrk: Foreign Film?
OscarBug: 'ell if I know?
Flmfrk: Who gives a rat's ass?
OscarBug: Moving right along?
Flmfrk: Make-Up nominees are....
OscarBug: DON KING!!
OscarBug: Whoops
Flmfrk: Ghosts Of Mississippi (that's good make-up?)
Flmfrk: The Nutty Professor (winner)
OscarBug: yea (sigh)
Flmfrk: Star Trek: First Contact (should win just cause it'd be cool)
OscarBug: The Queenie was pretty cool, along with the other BORG!
Flmfrk: Best Achievement in Music (Original Musical or Comedy Score)
Flmfrk: nominees are....
Flmfrk: Emma by Rachel Portman
Flmfrk: First Wives Club by Marc Shaiman
Flmfrk: Hunchback Of Notre Dame by Alan Menkin and Stephen Schwartz
Flmfrk: James & Giant Peach by Randy Newman
Flmfrk: and Preacher's Wife by Hans Zimmer
OscarBug: First Wives Club deserves something ,. .why not this? But Hunchback will win
OscarBug: But James was rather good too
Flmfrk: This is a race between Hunchback and James and Hunchback HAD BETTER Win since it wasn't
Flmfrk: nominated for Best Song and is (in my opinion) the best Disney score yet
OscarBug: I have to say (again digressing) that Disney is best with it's villains songs
Flmfrk: Best Achievement in Music (Original Dramatic Score) nominees...
OscarBug: The Judges number was great, and remember Scar's Song. .Villains get the coolest songs
Flmfrk: English Patient by Gabriel Yarad
Flmfrk: Yes villains get the coolest songs....just look at Cruella DeVille
OscarBug: but you were saying...
Flmfrk: sorry I got interrupted....
Flmfrk: Hamlet by Patrick Doyle
Flmfrk: Michael Collins by Elliot Goldenthal
Flmfrk: Shine by David Hirshfelder
Flmfrk: Sleepers by John Williams
OscarBug: Shine will win this, Sleepers????!?!?!?!?oh poor john Williams?
Flmfrk: Personally...I don't care who wins this one....
Flmfrk: Best Song nominees
OscarBug: Well then How about FX FX FX FX FX
OscarBug: Drat. .oh well go on
Flmfrk: Because You Loved Me from Up Close & Personal
OscarBug: No WAY!!!!! AWFULL
Flmfrk: For The First Time from One Fine Day
Flmfrk: I Finally Found Someone from Mirror Has Two Noses
Flmfrk: That Thing You Do from That Thing You Do
Flmfrk: You Must Love Me from Evita (my pick)
OscarBug: I have to say that any song you can listen to for 90min and till tap
OscarBug: has got to be worth something so I'm going for "That Thing you do"
OscarBug: You Must Love me is not only Madonna's Anthem but her stab at being Babs Striesand
Flmfrk: Barf....Image Entertainment has that on their hold music...it makes me wanna barf
OscarBug: Well Barf away from me 'cause it's going to win
Flmfrk: Yeah...but You Must Love me is from a great musical and fits in seamlessly after twenty year
OscarBug: Yea its the only song that doesn't have "Don't Cry for me Argentina" refrain in it
OscarBug: Moving Right along?
Flmfrk: Digressing...did you see the SNL sketch this weekend
OscarBug: no?
Flmfrk: It was funny.
Flmfrk: Best Short Animated film?
Flmfrk: Who cares?
Flmfrk: Best Short Live Action Film?
OscarBug: If Wallace and grommet aren't in it who cares
Flmfrk: We covered that previously by mistake.
Flmfrk: Best Sound
OscarBug: FX FX FX FX
OscarBug: SFX SFX
Flmfrk: The English Patient....Evita....ID4....Rock....Twister
OscarBug: TWISTER. .the only good things was THAT DAMM COW
OscarBug: Give it to them for that
Flmfrk: My pick's Evita....but it'll probably go to Twister and that damn cow
Flmfrk: Best Sound Effects Editing?
OscarBug: Ghost and the Darkness. . .AS IF!!!! ID4 All the way
Flmfrk: ID4 wasn't nominated
Flmfrk: Daylight...Eraser....Ghost & Darkness
OscarBug: OOPS. ..well it should have been :?. Maybe G&D should get it then?
Flmfrk: Just saw Daylight (insert jokes here)....that's my pick...but G&D will win
Flmfrk: Best Visual Effects....now go for it
OscarBug: ID4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Flmfrk: Dragonheart....ID4...Twister
OscarBug: Any one that can not only blow up the White House but use over
Flmfrk: I'll agree...but Twister's gonna win
OscarBug: 20 Different FX houses should deserve something
Flmfrk: Best Original Screenplay
OscarBug: FARGO, maybe Lone Star
OscarBug: Whoops am doing this too fast?
Flmfrk: No....I keep getting e-mail...I'm holding two conversations at once....
OscarBug: Naughty Boy. . .You should be paying full attention here
Flmfrk: it's rude...I'm sorry...but this stranger has been e-mailing me and I'm intrigued to see
Flmfrk: where it might go.
OscarBug: I gotta go to work tomorrow. .let's kick this into high gear
OscarBug: Hey this isn't Ricky Lake?!
Flmfrk: Anyway....nominees are Fargo...Jerry Maguire...Lone Star...Shine
Flmfrk: and Secrets And Lies
Flmfrk: Fargo wins only if it don't pick up anything else
OscarBug: Fargo. .but Jerry and Lone Star have a chance
Flmfrk: Maguire or Lone Star should get it
Flmfrk: Best Adapted Screenplay
OscarBug: Adapted Screenplay? Shakespeare Anyone?
Flmfrk: Crucible...English Patient...Hamlet....Sling Blade...Trainspotting
OscarBug: Naw he's not good enough for Hollywood
OscarBug: Trainspotting or Patient?
Flmfrk: Haven't seen any of these...but Sling Blade gets my pick
Flmfrk: Trainspotting was too icky
Flmfrk: Trainspotting was also too foreign...I've never seen an English language
Flmfrk: film that NEEDED subtitles like this one
Flmfrk: Well we're there.
Flmfrk: It's time for Best Picture
OscarBug: Okay BEST PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OscarBug: ,
OscarBug: .
OscarBug: ..
OscarBug: ::Waiting::::
Flmfrk: Sorry.....
OscarBug: Aahhh. .much better
OscarBug: Where were we?
Flmfrk: English Patient...Fargo.....Jerry Maguire....Secrets And Lies...Shine
Flmfrk: Patience is a virtue....but Jerry's my friend
OscarBug: Okay I'd love to see Fargo win it, but it won't. Hell I'd even like Jerry,
OscarBug: But yea English Patient will take this away. .how very very disturbing eh?
OscarBug: Maybe Shine and Patient will split it and Fargo will win?
Flmfrk: Possible...but don't count on it....
OscarBug: It's something to hope for? :(.
Flmfrk: I'm rooting for Jerry
Flmfrk: Did we cover anything?
Flmfrk: I mean everything?
OscarBug: nothing and everything. ..a little of this a little of that
OscarBug: With a schmere on the side?
OscarBug: I hope we have entertained as well as educated (yea right)?
Flmfrk: Yuuummmmm...schmere
Flmfrk: Well at least everyone knows that I'm being stalked by some psycho on line
Flmfrk: Actually she seems really nice
OscarBug: I'm hungry too. .I think it time for some Pre-Oscar Food?
Flmfrk: Pre-Oscar food? Aren't you a few days early?
OscarBug: don't want it to get stale?
OscarBug: Oh well. ..shall we end this. ..we need a catchy ending. ..like Siskle and Ebert?
Flmfrk: Sure let's end this on a high note
Flmfrk: LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Flmfrk: or better yet.....
OscarBug: gee and I was going to say c-sharp?! -- go figure ;]
Flmfrk: C is for Cookie and we'll be c-ing you at the movies
OscarBug: Oh that is so bad :--(
Flmfrk: can you tell I'm a bit giddy?
Flmfrk: I can do worse
OscarBug: Well Till next year save your Chocolate Oscars for Us
Flmfrk: MMMMMM....Chocolate Oscars
OscarBug: And we'll be singing youuuuuu
OscarBug: Okay say goodnight Joel
Flmfrk: Goodnight Gracie
OscarBug: Thanks folks. .Cya
Flmfrk: Th....th....that's all folks
OscarBug: that's a wrap
OscarBug: Whew. .boy are my fingers tired
Flmfrk: are we gonna fight over who gets the last word?
OscarBug: you can have it
Flmfrk: I don't want it
OscarBug: Fine. ..I'll take it
Flmfrk: go for it
OscarBug: Bye Folks! and Have a pleasant Tomorrow
berating that empire again
Perhaps by now some of you might have had the chance to see the trailer for this summer's Batman And Robin. If you have, you know how "cool" the movie "looks" and how sucky the movie looks. The former is about the look of the film (costumes, sets, backgrounds), the latter is the plot. What schmuck decided to cram Batman, Robin, Batgirl, Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy, and Bane (all as major characters) with Alfred, Commissioner Gordon, Bruce Wayne's latest girlfriend, Dr. Jason Woodrue, Mr. Freeze's wife, and Mr. Freeze's girlfriend? Is there any room for plot? And what the hell are Freeze and Ivy doing together to begin with? Talk about two characters with two completely separate agendas! It's time for the people at Warner to have their heads examined. Fire Joel Schumacher......that's the only way to put this train back on the right track. The first two films had their own problems, but they seem insignificant to what Schumacher's mangled for his two films....make that three films. Look for Batman 5 (to be titled later....my suggestion....Batman Sucks) in the summer of 1999...directed by Schumacher....with Clooney as Batman.....O'Donnell as Robin.....Mel Gibson as the Mad Hatter......Jenny McCarthy as Harley Quinn.....and either Howard Stern or Michael J. Fox (depending on the rumor) as the Scarecrow. God help us all.
bond trading
Well folks....it's got a title....the 18th James Bond film will be called Tomorrow Never Dies. Pierce Brosnan returns as agent 007 teams up with a Hong Kong cop (Michelle Kahn of Supercop) and tries to stop a mega-million media mogul from destroying the world (specifically Hong Kong before it goes back to the Chinese). Jonathan Pryce plays the villain. Samantha Bond returns as Miss Moneypenny, Dame Judy Dench returns as M, and in the put-the-old-horse-out-of-its-misery-department....Desmond Llewelyn returns as Q (hopefully director Roger Spottiswood will get Llewelyn to not look at cue cards). Look for it at Christmastime. BTW Brosnan will only be doing one or two more Bond films after this. His initial contract was for three films, with an option on the fourth and he's publicly stated that he will fulfill his contract and then leave the role.
the end of the world as we know it
Well we've reached the end of another episode...Next month...the issue shows up sometime in the month again.....a comparison of dueling volcano films (even though one's gone already).....more on Crash....the second part to the laser article from January.....a DVD update....my Professional Wrestling article....and other stuff that's been brewing for quite some time.
Be seeing you
Joel
Saturday, March 01, 1997
Saturday, February 01, 1997
New Fountain of Useless Information Issue 5
welcome to the show
It's the extra-special-February-Empire-Strikes-Back-With-A-Vengeance-issue, in which the evil Darth Vader reveals to his son Luke Skywalker that even though it's the hot new thing running around the Empire, his adventures won't be available on DVD anytime in the near future. So without any further baloney.....here's the show....everything somehow winding up as a full frontal assault on that evil empire we all know as Warner Brothers.
the 5 worst films of 1996
5) THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT - it's time for Geena Davis to stop working with her latest husband. She's probably assuming that since her and her previous husband created screen magic (and it was before they were married), that she and her current one can replicate that magic. Well Renny Harlin ain't Jeff Goldblum. Hell Renny Harlin's barely Paul Verhoeven. This movie doesn't suck as bad as Cutthroat Island, but it does come very close. And what's with humans being able to outrun explosions. I'm tired of bullshit like this, no matter how cool it looks. ON VIDEO & LASERDISC MARCH 18
4) CHAIN REACTION - this tired retread of The Fugitive proves that it was the story and not Keanue Reeves that made Speed the hit it was (and what will make Speed 2: Cruise Control as big a pile of shit as this film). AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
3) THE PALLBEARER - if ever there was an opportunity for a good film to happen, this was it. David Schwimmer is likable on TV's Friends, but here he's annoying....I mean annoyingly annoying. This tired retread of The Graduate could have been original and funny. Instead it's boring and painful. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
2) MULLHOLLAND FALLS - this film has one of the best casts in the history of movies. Nick Nolte, Chaz Palminteri, Chris Penn, Michael Madsen, John Malkovich, Melanie Griffith, Jennifer Connally, Andrew McCarthy, and Treat Williams are some of the best (except maybe Melanie) actors working today. What the hell attracted them to this crappy film noir about the Hat Squad getting involved with a murdered prostitute whose death is connected to the explosion of the A-bomb? What a waste! AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
1) SPACE JAM - brought to you by the evil empire known as Warner Brothers, this "film" is nothing more than a very long commercial for basketball, sneakers, stuffed dolls, and cheeseburgers. This film is a monument to everything that is wrong in Hollywood today. The creators of the Looney Tunes are either rolling in their graves or dropping dead over this shit. I could go on and on over this, but what's the point. The film has one saving grace: R. Kelley's song "I Believe I Can Fly" is one of the most beautiful and inspiring songs to come along in a long time. Never have I walked out of a film craving a Big Mac. I hope it never happens again. ON VIDEO MARCH 18, ON DVD MARCH 24, ON LASERDISC JULY 1
the 25 best films of 1996
25) THE FIRST WIVES CLUB - entertaining and funny. This film shows that there are still decent parts for Hollywood's older women. They're just few and far between and keep being given to the same people. ON VIDEO & LASERDISC MARCH 11
24) STAR TREK: FIRST CONTACT - hey...whaddya know...this franchise could easily survive the death of James T. Kirk and still contain a good story. I'm still distressed that Picard and Data are stealing center stage again, but maybe the next one'll give the others a chance to shine (and leave Worf on DS9 where he belongs). PROJECTED VIDEO RELEASE JUNE 1997 BOTH VIDEO & LASERDISC
23) ALADDIN AND THE KING OF THIEVES - what...you don't remember this being in theaters...surprise! It wasn't. This is the second sequel to Disney's Aladdin and the third time is a charm. This direct to video film reunites Robin Williams' Genie with the rest of the cast and brings Aladdin into contact with his long lost father on the day of his wedding to Jasmine. Catch it if you can...it's still better than most other animated films (aside from Disney theatricals). AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
22) THE ROCK - as action films go, this one has it all. A great cast, great special effects, and a great story (in spite of a long drawn out chase sequence that, while fun, belongs in a cartoon and not here). Connery is fine fashion as a convict who is essentially James Bond, but over the hill. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC. CRITERION COLLECTION LASERDISC AVAILABLE IN APRIL
21) RANSOM - Ron Howard directs an on fire Mel Gibson in this suspense film where the good guy does an aberrant thing and turns the tables on the bad guy in a way that you'd never guess (unless you saw the previews which gave this twist away). ON VIDEO MAY 13, AVAILABLE ON LASERDISC WITH 15 MINUTES OF EXTRA FOOTAGE MAY 27
20) MATILDA - Danny DeVito, the newest master of macabre, has adapted Roald Dahl's novel for children into a wonderful film for the whole family. It's just dark enough for kids to enjoy without having nightmares forever. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC. ON DVD JUNE 1997
19) JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH - Roald Dahl at the movies again, but this time he's animated by the same team that brought us The Nightmare Before Christmas. And like the previous film...it too is dark without being inaccessible to children. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO. PROJECTED LASERDISC RELEASE SUMMER 1997
18) THE TRIGGER EFFECT - it's an extended Twilight Zone episode about people coping with a mysterious statewide (?) blackout. A great character study that should not be missed. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO AND LASERDISC
17) THE BIRDCAGE - hey....look...a funny comedy. There's a rarity these days. Oh...it's a remake of a French film you say. That explains it. So does the cast. Robin Williams is overshadowed by Nathan Lane here. Gene Hackman is hysterical and Hank Azaria almost steals the show. If you haven't already, see it. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
16) TRAINSPOTTING - this is one of those well made films that leaves you with an awful aftertaste IF you can finish it. It's about heroin users in Scotland, so there's lots of needles, gross bathrooms, and thick completely unintelligible Scottish brogues. If ever there were an English language film that needed subtitles, this is it. Don't see it alone or after dinner. You just might like it. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO. CRITERION COLLECTION LASERDISC AVAILABLE ON MARCH 26
15) MANNY AND LO - this kiddie version of Thelma & Louise is well written, well acted, and heartwarming. Two orphaned sisters traveling cross country because they want to remain together kidnap a woman to help the teenager through her pregnancy. Highly recommended if you want to stay away from the usual Hollywood crap. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
14) WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE - another small film that examines life in junior high when you're the middle child of three and completely ignored by your parents who adore your older genius brother and your younger cuter sister. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
13) THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME - Disney does it again. This is easily their most romantic and poetic animated film since Beauty And The Beast. And even though none of the songs got Oscar nominations, it's easily one of the best scores for a Disney animated classic. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO. PROJECTED LASERDISC RELEASE NOVEMBER 1997
12) THE PEOPLE VS. LARRY FLYNT - Milos Forman isn't quite up to his speed here, but he's tackling a contemporary real life subject. The story could have gone further into Flynt's background, but perhaps that wasn't the point. Woody Harrelson and Edward Norton are great. Courtney Love is playing what she knows best...a drug addict.
11) MOTHER - Albert Brooks creates another craftily funny comedy and gives a new lease on acting life to Debbie Reynolds (who should have been nominated for an Oscar). If you ever had a mother, you owe it to yourself to see this. And if you don't get it, you never had a mother.
10) THE YOUNG POISONER'S HANDBOOK - another small film based on a true story. A young boy becomes fascinated by what various poisons can do to the human body and decides to commit the ultimate undetectable crime by slowly poisoning members of his family. Here's the twist...he gets caught and rehabilitated, or does he? Darkly funny...if you like your funny that way. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO
09) BIG NIGHT - hey look....another small film, albeit with a name cast. Stanley Tucci (the evil Richard Cross during the first season of Murder One) and Tony Shalhoub (Antonio Scarpacci of TV's Wings) play two Italian brothers who own a small struggling restaurant. As much about sibling relationships as it is about food and art. Masterful performances by all involved. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC APRIL 22
08) EVITA - this movie should have revived the musical as a viable film genre without being animated, but it didn't and I can't explain why. Beautifully shot and edited with a wonderful score and surprisingly good acting by Madonna (and surprisingly good singing by Antonio Banderas), this film should have done better...a pity.
07) THE FRIGHTENERS - if ever there was the wrong time to open a horror film, an over-crowded crap-fest summer was it. This film undeservedly got lost in the shuffle. Michael J. Fox plays a charlatan of a ghostbuster who, with the help of his ghost friends, is trying to stop an otherworldly serial killer from taking the woman he loves from him again. Great supporting performances by Chi McBride, John Astin, Trini Alverado, and Jeffrey Coombs (in his creepiest role since Re-Animator). It's got a bit of everything for everyone and you won't be disappointed. Aussie director Peter Jackson directed (in case you want to check out his other films...particularly Heavenly Creatures). AVAILBLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC. SIGNATURE COLLECTION LASERDISC AVAILABLE FALL 1997
06) MOTHER NIGHT - Nick Nolte comes of my worst films list to portray an American playwright living in Berlin at the start of World War II. The story is told completely in flashback by Nolte sitting in a cell in Israel awaiting his trial for war crimes. Nolte is approached by a CIA man about becoming a spy for the United States, but he winds up playing the part so well that he gets caught up in a downward spiral that has only one outcome. Darkly funny, yet brilliantly directed by Keith Gordon (you might remember him as Arnie in Christine or Rodney Dangerfield's son in Back To School). And yes Sheryl Lee (of Twin Peaks) does yet another topless scene. ON VIDEO & LASERDISC APRIL 22
05) FARGO - everyone's creaming the jeans over this one, but I'm bucking the trend. It only makes the five spot here because while it's good, it's not the Coen Brothers best (I like Barton Fink and The Hudsucker Proxy better). AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
04) FLIRTING WITH DISASTER - another funny comedy...this time about parent-child relationships (wait wasn't Mother a funny comedy about the same thing). Ben Stiller and Patricia Arquette play new parents, but he won't name the child until he knows who his real parents are (aging hippies played by Alan Alda and Lily Tomlin). His foster parents (George Segal and Mary Tyler Moore) object to his quest which is helped along by screwy, sexy social worker Tea Leoni. ON VIDEO MARCH 25. ON LASERDISC APRIL 9
03) JERRY MAGUIRE - I rarely cry at movies, but this one moved me (and not in the same way that Glory and Schindler's List did). Tom Cruise, who proved he could act in Born On The Fourth Of July, extends his talents here. Jerry Maguire is a sports talent agent who decides that he and his co-workers are greedy bastards, he writes a memo and has a change of heart, but his whole world falls apart. He's fired (by a guy he trained), his fiancee and him break up, and all but one of his clients leave. His new secretary admires him for his new beliefs and they slowly fall in love. She has a kid and we're never quite sure what he's up to with this new relationship, but it's obvious that he at least loves the kid. For the rest see the movie.
02) BOUND - a crime film in the same vain as The Usual Suspects since all we know from the beginning is that somehow Gina Gershon will wind up tied up and gagged in a closet. How does she get there? Well it has something to do with a lot of money that she and Jennifer Tilly may have stolen from Tilly's mob boyfriend, but then again....maybe it doesn't. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
01) CRASH - what's this....I don't remember this being in theaters in 1996. Well folks, it wasn't. Thanks to Ted Turner's merge with the evil empire known as Warner Brothers, only the United States has yet to see this film. It's already turned a profit overseas and was nominated for 2 Genie Awards (Canada's equivalent of the Oscar). And they weren't paltry Genies...they were Best Director and Best Adapted Screenplay (I unfortunately don't remember if it won). It also got the Jury Prize 1996's Cannes Film Festival. And did I mention every country where it opened people tried to ban or censor it? Why? Because the film is about sex....and death. James Spader plays James Ballard, a married man who gets off on having sex in cars...near cars....around cars. His wife's the same way. And one night they get into an accident with a man (who dies) and discover an even greater sexual turn on. And then they discover, through the dead man's wife (Holly Hunter), that there's a whole group of people who have a similar "problem". Elias Coteas is a doctor who heads a group of "artists" who re-enact famous car crashes (like the one that killed James Dean). Ted Turner didn't want anyone to see this film until after Warner Brothers had sold off New Line/Fine Line to a third party. It hasn't happened yet, but the film opens at the end of March. Yes....this film is sick, twisted, and disturbing. But it's also daring, audacious, and thought-provoking. Try getting all of that out of Space Jam the next time you go to the movies.
file-o-philes
For those of you who are fans of The X-Files you may not know that Fox Home Video has been systematically releasing the best of each season on both videotape and laserdisc. So far we've gotten half (the best, I guess) of season one and a quarter of season two (with another quarter scheduled for May). There are two episodes per video and each contains an introduction by creator Chris Carter as well as two trading cards. Here's the rundown (in the order they were released...three videos to a group...the last three listed will be out in May):
SEASON ONE
Pilot/Deep Throat (Episode 1)
Conduit/Ice (Episodes 3 & 7)
Fallen Angel/Eve (Episodes 9 & 10)
Squeeze/Tooms (Episodes 2 & 20)
Beyond The Sea/E.B.E. (Episodes 12 & 16)
Darkness Falls/The Erlenmeyer Flask (Episodes 19 & 23)
SEASON TWO
Little Green Men/The Host (Episodes 1 & 2)
Sleepless/Duane Barry (Episodes 4 & 5)
Ascension/One Breath (Episodes 6 & 8)
Irresistible/Die Hand Der Verletzt (Episodes 13 & 14)
Colony/End Game (Episodes 16 & 17)
Humbug/Anasazi (Episodes 20 & 25)
So far it seems that most of the episodes being released are the "Conspiracy Arc" episodes. These are the episodes in which Mulder and Scully search for the "truth" about alien contact with humans (not all of the episodes fall here though...the rest are just great stories). Even though you can get Japanese laserdisc box sets of the complete run of each season (all the way to the middle of season three so far), Fox Home Video cannot release the entire run of the show here in the U.S. until after the show has finished it's run in syndication. And that may be a while since starting in September FX will be the only channel showing reruns for three years exclusively (like they're currently doing with Picket Fences). After that it has to go into regular syndication before these "missing" video episodes can start showing up...Oh well. In the meantime...a prediction: September 1997 sees the release of the first half of the best of season three which will contain the following three tapes: The Blessing Way/Paper Clip, Nisei/731, and Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose/an undetermined story. May 1998 sees the release of the second half of the best of season three which will contain the following tapes: Piper Maru/Apocrypha, War Of The Coprophages/Jose Chung's "From Outer Space, and an undetermined story/Talitha Cumi.
All video tapes can be bought in box sets of three (in the groups they were released in). The laserdiscs for wave one have trading cards for those episodes. Wave Two laserdiscs have no trading cards. Wave Three laserdiscs should have trading cards for wave two and wave three episodes (but there were some major screwups which I won't get into here...if you have a problem contact Fox Home Video)
the empire strikes another goldmine
Well, if you haven't been in a cave for the last three months, you know that 20th Century Fox and George Lucas have been systematically remastering and re-releasing the Star Wars Trilogy. The middle film was the best film. The middle film is now an even better film and there were minor changes made. Like it's predecessor, Star Wars: Special Edition, The Empire Strikes Back: Special Edition has had it's entire soundtrack remixed (a bit too loud from what I understand...I thought it was just the theater I saw it in, but it's apparently a problem popping up all over) and all the special effects digitally remastered. Matte lines, which were evident before, have been cleaned up and made invisible. However, unlike Star Wars: Special Edition, this film has not had any added footage. There was no footage to put back. Instead what we've gotten is a wonder to behold. First on the ice planet Hoth, we get a good close look at the Wampa as it feasts on Luke's Tauntaun. Then we get a good look at it screaming after Luke severs it's arm (and...as someone pointed out it foreshadows Luke's losing his hand and shows us that the lightsaber cauterizes the wound as it strikes...yeah..okay). More importantly, during the scenes on Bespin's Cloud City, we get some amazing special effects work. Sterile white walls have been changed to picture windows and balconies. Now, in almost every shot, you can see the outside of the Cloud City as people are walking inside. It's a bigger and airier place and it's a wonder to behold. Not so effective is a scene that was added for no real reason. Darth Vader leaves the city he now tells his troopers to inform his Star Destroyer for his arrival (in a line James Earl Jones had to record new for this version). We then get an impressive shot of Vader and company walking across a Cloud City platform to Vader's waiting shuttle. From there things get pointless. We see Vader's shuttle take off, go into space, and then dock in the shuttle bay of his Star Destroyer. However, the docking bay footage is actually an outtake from Return Of The Jedi because it is Moff Jerjerrod who greets Vader in that film and here he is waiting in Vader's Star Destroyer. It's too too obvious that it's an outtake from the third film and it interrupts the flow of events during this film's end. Oh well....it's still the best (and why couldn't they digitally change Han's shirt in his close ups in the carbon freezing chamber, it's all white in long shots, but it looks like he's also got a black vest over it in close ups).
three new tv shows to catch before they're gone
Spy Game -- comes from the creative minds behind Hercules and Xena (film director Sam Raimi is one of the producers of all three shows). This show is a mixture of just about every '60's spy show if they had been updated for the '90's. The actors are likable and don't take the stories (or their jobs) too seriously. The show's fun and entertaining and probably won't last much farther beyond it's trial run this season.
Just Shoot Me - this is the living definition of mixed emotions because I HATE David Spade! Here's an unfunny comedian (using the term loosely) whose fifteen minutes of fame ended about three years ago. This man is almost single-handedly responsible for the downfall of Saturday Night Live. However, I LOVE the rest of the cast and the concept. Maya (the beautifully sexy Laura San Giacomo) is down on her luck and reluctantly contacts the father she hasn't spoken to in a year (George Segal) who married a high school classmate of hers. They attempt to reconcile and she winds up working for him at his fashion magazine with hopes of making it more than a fluff rag. Wendie Malik (from HBO's Dream On) plays the tainted and bitter old fashion model who is the magazine's marketing and advertising exec. Enrico Collanti (I probably spelled his name wrong and couldn't find a TV guide, but he is best known as the stupid, yet lovable Louis Utz from the unjustly murdered comedy Hope & Gloria) plays the fashion photographer who seems to have the good on everyone and knows how to press everyone's buttons (especially Wendie Malik's). George Segal is in fine form as the slightly daffy, uncaring father and publisher. Oh yeah! David Spade plays his faggy annoying assistant who I hope dies a horrible death soon (please G-d)!
The Practice - David Kelly strikes gold a third time with this wonderful new show about lawyers in a small time, down-on-it's-luck law firm. Dylan McDermott stars as the head of the firm and hopefully Linda Hunt and Edward Herrmann will make more than just token appearances as a judge and a professor/lawyer/mentor of one of our heroes. Like Picket Fences and Chicago Hope this show seems poised to tackle today's hard-hitting and though-provoking issues in an entertaining, yet provocative manner. Hopefully Mr. Kelly will stay on board for a while (He left Picket Fences during it's third season and the show lost it's focus and never recovered so CBS canceled it after 4 seasons. He left Chicago Hope during it's second season and it has yet to recover...bring back Kelly or Mandy Patinkin please). If he doesn't and turns it over to people not involved in it's creation, it could lose it's edge (you know I just realized you could write a whole article about TV shows whose creators left midway only to have the shows crap out).
the titanic will be docking in less than a month
In case you've been on Mars (or haven't been watching NBC's Must See TV), the new technology known as DVD-Video (how redundant...perhaps) is about to break loose on the unsuspecting public. DVD stands for Digital Video Disc or Digital Versatile Disc (depending on who you ask) and it's designed to do some amazing things. Many hardware companies will be making players (only Pioneer is smart enough to make a combi-player that also handles the current high-end format of choice Laserdiscs). Only a handful of studios will be making software available (and even they can't agree on how to do it....sell through or rental priced....jewel case or new packaging....day and date with tape or weeks or months later). Warner is the most gung ho and will be releasing about 40 titles by the beginning of summer (some are Warner titles, some are MGM/UA titles, later they'll do some HBO titles), but the rollout starts at the end of March. Sony will be releasing Columbia and TriStar titles in batches of four every few months starting in April. Polygram will release some catalog stuff at sell-through in April or May, but new titles (The Portrait Of A Lady named specifically) will be rental priced. Oh...some stores have already started selling players (no software in the marketplace though) and Warner's titles will only be available in seven cities until summertime when it might expand to fifteen or twenty. So what can this second coming of Christ do, you ask? Well, it's a digitally compressed picture with digitally compressed sound on a five inch disc. Each disc can hold up to 135 minutes on one side and each side can be given two layers...so that's a lot of information (not that any of the initial batch will come close to doing this). Each disc can contain up to eight subtitle tracks and eight dubbed tracks (so foreign films can be watched either way...or you could buy a disc here in the states of Batman Forever and take it to France and watch it in their native language either dubbed or subtitled....Oh wait....you can't do that.....there's a country code lock in the players and discs that prevents what could have been a neat marketing tool....this is so the studios don't lose their precious worldwide theatrical distribution pipelines). You can also get perfect digital still frame access on the movies. They can cram extras like you get on laserdiscs: text, audio commentary, still photos, trailers, you name it. They can even put a pan&scan, a letterboxed widescreen, and an anamorphic widescreen version all on one disc (anamorphic is for those rectangular TV's we're all supposed to have bought by now). You can even encode the disc so that at a touch of a button a parent can put on The Exorcist for their six-year-old and they'll get all the nasty, violent, scary, sexy parts edited out (is that Scorsese and Allen rolling in their graves). You can even put alternate camera angles from Lethal Weapon on the disc and let the viewer choose angles (I think Hitchcock just died...again). Of course, it'll be a while before the studios start implementing any of this stuff. So in the meantime sit back and watch your DVD's on your computer monitor like a good sheep....the way movies were meant to be seen....digitally compressed into a bleary, smudgy, streaky mess (like Digital Satellite Dishes) on a small nine inch VGA monitor with two small speakers on your sound board. Like Toshiba's ads say...you've senses, use them. They obviously didn't use the most important one....common.
next issue blurb
Return with us, as the Jedi, do to a time from high school when we all remembered that Goonies were good enough and Hulk Hogan and Rowdy Roddy Piper were cartoon characters on CBS as well as in the wrestling ring. That's right folks an article on professional wrestling (I know I should be embarrassed). Also...the annual look at Oscar picks. A review of Private Parts and a whole lotta other stuff (possibly even the second half of that laserdisc article from last month).
Until then....TTFN....and be seeing you
Joel Fenster
It's the extra-special-February-Empire-Strikes-Back-With-A-Vengeance-issue, in which the evil Darth Vader reveals to his son Luke Skywalker that even though it's the hot new thing running around the Empire, his adventures won't be available on DVD anytime in the near future. So without any further baloney.....here's the show....everything somehow winding up as a full frontal assault on that evil empire we all know as Warner Brothers.
the 5 worst films of 1996
5) THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT - it's time for Geena Davis to stop working with her latest husband. She's probably assuming that since her and her previous husband created screen magic (and it was before they were married), that she and her current one can replicate that magic. Well Renny Harlin ain't Jeff Goldblum. Hell Renny Harlin's barely Paul Verhoeven. This movie doesn't suck as bad as Cutthroat Island, but it does come very close. And what's with humans being able to outrun explosions. I'm tired of bullshit like this, no matter how cool it looks. ON VIDEO & LASERDISC MARCH 18
4) CHAIN REACTION - this tired retread of The Fugitive proves that it was the story and not Keanue Reeves that made Speed the hit it was (and what will make Speed 2: Cruise Control as big a pile of shit as this film). AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
3) THE PALLBEARER - if ever there was an opportunity for a good film to happen, this was it. David Schwimmer is likable on TV's Friends, but here he's annoying....I mean annoyingly annoying. This tired retread of The Graduate could have been original and funny. Instead it's boring and painful. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
2) MULLHOLLAND FALLS - this film has one of the best casts in the history of movies. Nick Nolte, Chaz Palminteri, Chris Penn, Michael Madsen, John Malkovich, Melanie Griffith, Jennifer Connally, Andrew McCarthy, and Treat Williams are some of the best (except maybe Melanie) actors working today. What the hell attracted them to this crappy film noir about the Hat Squad getting involved with a murdered prostitute whose death is connected to the explosion of the A-bomb? What a waste! AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
1) SPACE JAM - brought to you by the evil empire known as Warner Brothers, this "film" is nothing more than a very long commercial for basketball, sneakers, stuffed dolls, and cheeseburgers. This film is a monument to everything that is wrong in Hollywood today. The creators of the Looney Tunes are either rolling in their graves or dropping dead over this shit. I could go on and on over this, but what's the point. The film has one saving grace: R. Kelley's song "I Believe I Can Fly" is one of the most beautiful and inspiring songs to come along in a long time. Never have I walked out of a film craving a Big Mac. I hope it never happens again. ON VIDEO MARCH 18, ON DVD MARCH 24, ON LASERDISC JULY 1
the 25 best films of 1996
25) THE FIRST WIVES CLUB - entertaining and funny. This film shows that there are still decent parts for Hollywood's older women. They're just few and far between and keep being given to the same people. ON VIDEO & LASERDISC MARCH 11
24) STAR TREK: FIRST CONTACT - hey...whaddya know...this franchise could easily survive the death of James T. Kirk and still contain a good story. I'm still distressed that Picard and Data are stealing center stage again, but maybe the next one'll give the others a chance to shine (and leave Worf on DS9 where he belongs). PROJECTED VIDEO RELEASE JUNE 1997 BOTH VIDEO & LASERDISC
23) ALADDIN AND THE KING OF THIEVES - what...you don't remember this being in theaters...surprise! It wasn't. This is the second sequel to Disney's Aladdin and the third time is a charm. This direct to video film reunites Robin Williams' Genie with the rest of the cast and brings Aladdin into contact with his long lost father on the day of his wedding to Jasmine. Catch it if you can...it's still better than most other animated films (aside from Disney theatricals). AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
22) THE ROCK - as action films go, this one has it all. A great cast, great special effects, and a great story (in spite of a long drawn out chase sequence that, while fun, belongs in a cartoon and not here). Connery is fine fashion as a convict who is essentially James Bond, but over the hill. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC. CRITERION COLLECTION LASERDISC AVAILABLE IN APRIL
21) RANSOM - Ron Howard directs an on fire Mel Gibson in this suspense film where the good guy does an aberrant thing and turns the tables on the bad guy in a way that you'd never guess (unless you saw the previews which gave this twist away). ON VIDEO MAY 13, AVAILABLE ON LASERDISC WITH 15 MINUTES OF EXTRA FOOTAGE MAY 27
20) MATILDA - Danny DeVito, the newest master of macabre, has adapted Roald Dahl's novel for children into a wonderful film for the whole family. It's just dark enough for kids to enjoy without having nightmares forever. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC. ON DVD JUNE 1997
19) JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH - Roald Dahl at the movies again, but this time he's animated by the same team that brought us The Nightmare Before Christmas. And like the previous film...it too is dark without being inaccessible to children. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO. PROJECTED LASERDISC RELEASE SUMMER 1997
18) THE TRIGGER EFFECT - it's an extended Twilight Zone episode about people coping with a mysterious statewide (?) blackout. A great character study that should not be missed. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO AND LASERDISC
17) THE BIRDCAGE - hey....look...a funny comedy. There's a rarity these days. Oh...it's a remake of a French film you say. That explains it. So does the cast. Robin Williams is overshadowed by Nathan Lane here. Gene Hackman is hysterical and Hank Azaria almost steals the show. If you haven't already, see it. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
16) TRAINSPOTTING - this is one of those well made films that leaves you with an awful aftertaste IF you can finish it. It's about heroin users in Scotland, so there's lots of needles, gross bathrooms, and thick completely unintelligible Scottish brogues. If ever there were an English language film that needed subtitles, this is it. Don't see it alone or after dinner. You just might like it. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO. CRITERION COLLECTION LASERDISC AVAILABLE ON MARCH 26
15) MANNY AND LO - this kiddie version of Thelma & Louise is well written, well acted, and heartwarming. Two orphaned sisters traveling cross country because they want to remain together kidnap a woman to help the teenager through her pregnancy. Highly recommended if you want to stay away from the usual Hollywood crap. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
14) WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE - another small film that examines life in junior high when you're the middle child of three and completely ignored by your parents who adore your older genius brother and your younger cuter sister. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
13) THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME - Disney does it again. This is easily their most romantic and poetic animated film since Beauty And The Beast. And even though none of the songs got Oscar nominations, it's easily one of the best scores for a Disney animated classic. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO. PROJECTED LASERDISC RELEASE NOVEMBER 1997
12) THE PEOPLE VS. LARRY FLYNT - Milos Forman isn't quite up to his speed here, but he's tackling a contemporary real life subject. The story could have gone further into Flynt's background, but perhaps that wasn't the point. Woody Harrelson and Edward Norton are great. Courtney Love is playing what she knows best...a drug addict.
11) MOTHER - Albert Brooks creates another craftily funny comedy and gives a new lease on acting life to Debbie Reynolds (who should have been nominated for an Oscar). If you ever had a mother, you owe it to yourself to see this. And if you don't get it, you never had a mother.
10) THE YOUNG POISONER'S HANDBOOK - another small film based on a true story. A young boy becomes fascinated by what various poisons can do to the human body and decides to commit the ultimate undetectable crime by slowly poisoning members of his family. Here's the twist...he gets caught and rehabilitated, or does he? Darkly funny...if you like your funny that way. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO
09) BIG NIGHT - hey look....another small film, albeit with a name cast. Stanley Tucci (the evil Richard Cross during the first season of Murder One) and Tony Shalhoub (Antonio Scarpacci of TV's Wings) play two Italian brothers who own a small struggling restaurant. As much about sibling relationships as it is about food and art. Masterful performances by all involved. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC APRIL 22
08) EVITA - this movie should have revived the musical as a viable film genre without being animated, but it didn't and I can't explain why. Beautifully shot and edited with a wonderful score and surprisingly good acting by Madonna (and surprisingly good singing by Antonio Banderas), this film should have done better...a pity.
07) THE FRIGHTENERS - if ever there was the wrong time to open a horror film, an over-crowded crap-fest summer was it. This film undeservedly got lost in the shuffle. Michael J. Fox plays a charlatan of a ghostbuster who, with the help of his ghost friends, is trying to stop an otherworldly serial killer from taking the woman he loves from him again. Great supporting performances by Chi McBride, John Astin, Trini Alverado, and Jeffrey Coombs (in his creepiest role since Re-Animator). It's got a bit of everything for everyone and you won't be disappointed. Aussie director Peter Jackson directed (in case you want to check out his other films...particularly Heavenly Creatures). AVAILBLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC. SIGNATURE COLLECTION LASERDISC AVAILABLE FALL 1997
06) MOTHER NIGHT - Nick Nolte comes of my worst films list to portray an American playwright living in Berlin at the start of World War II. The story is told completely in flashback by Nolte sitting in a cell in Israel awaiting his trial for war crimes. Nolte is approached by a CIA man about becoming a spy for the United States, but he winds up playing the part so well that he gets caught up in a downward spiral that has only one outcome. Darkly funny, yet brilliantly directed by Keith Gordon (you might remember him as Arnie in Christine or Rodney Dangerfield's son in Back To School). And yes Sheryl Lee (of Twin Peaks) does yet another topless scene. ON VIDEO & LASERDISC APRIL 22
05) FARGO - everyone's creaming the jeans over this one, but I'm bucking the trend. It only makes the five spot here because while it's good, it's not the Coen Brothers best (I like Barton Fink and The Hudsucker Proxy better). AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
04) FLIRTING WITH DISASTER - another funny comedy...this time about parent-child relationships (wait wasn't Mother a funny comedy about the same thing). Ben Stiller and Patricia Arquette play new parents, but he won't name the child until he knows who his real parents are (aging hippies played by Alan Alda and Lily Tomlin). His foster parents (George Segal and Mary Tyler Moore) object to his quest which is helped along by screwy, sexy social worker Tea Leoni. ON VIDEO MARCH 25. ON LASERDISC APRIL 9
03) JERRY MAGUIRE - I rarely cry at movies, but this one moved me (and not in the same way that Glory and Schindler's List did). Tom Cruise, who proved he could act in Born On The Fourth Of July, extends his talents here. Jerry Maguire is a sports talent agent who decides that he and his co-workers are greedy bastards, he writes a memo and has a change of heart, but his whole world falls apart. He's fired (by a guy he trained), his fiancee and him break up, and all but one of his clients leave. His new secretary admires him for his new beliefs and they slowly fall in love. She has a kid and we're never quite sure what he's up to with this new relationship, but it's obvious that he at least loves the kid. For the rest see the movie.
02) BOUND - a crime film in the same vain as The Usual Suspects since all we know from the beginning is that somehow Gina Gershon will wind up tied up and gagged in a closet. How does she get there? Well it has something to do with a lot of money that she and Jennifer Tilly may have stolen from Tilly's mob boyfriend, but then again....maybe it doesn't. AVAILABLE ON VIDEO & LASERDISC
01) CRASH - what's this....I don't remember this being in theaters in 1996. Well folks, it wasn't. Thanks to Ted Turner's merge with the evil empire known as Warner Brothers, only the United States has yet to see this film. It's already turned a profit overseas and was nominated for 2 Genie Awards (Canada's equivalent of the Oscar). And they weren't paltry Genies...they were Best Director and Best Adapted Screenplay (I unfortunately don't remember if it won). It also got the Jury Prize 1996's Cannes Film Festival. And did I mention every country where it opened people tried to ban or censor it? Why? Because the film is about sex....and death. James Spader plays James Ballard, a married man who gets off on having sex in cars...near cars....around cars. His wife's the same way. And one night they get into an accident with a man (who dies) and discover an even greater sexual turn on. And then they discover, through the dead man's wife (Holly Hunter), that there's a whole group of people who have a similar "problem". Elias Coteas is a doctor who heads a group of "artists" who re-enact famous car crashes (like the one that killed James Dean). Ted Turner didn't want anyone to see this film until after Warner Brothers had sold off New Line/Fine Line to a third party. It hasn't happened yet, but the film opens at the end of March. Yes....this film is sick, twisted, and disturbing. But it's also daring, audacious, and thought-provoking. Try getting all of that out of Space Jam the next time you go to the movies.
file-o-philes
For those of you who are fans of The X-Files you may not know that Fox Home Video has been systematically releasing the best of each season on both videotape and laserdisc. So far we've gotten half (the best, I guess) of season one and a quarter of season two (with another quarter scheduled for May). There are two episodes per video and each contains an introduction by creator Chris Carter as well as two trading cards. Here's the rundown (in the order they were released...three videos to a group...the last three listed will be out in May):
SEASON ONE
Pilot/Deep Throat (Episode 1)
Conduit/Ice (Episodes 3 & 7)
Fallen Angel/Eve (Episodes 9 & 10)
Squeeze/Tooms (Episodes 2 & 20)
Beyond The Sea/E.B.E. (Episodes 12 & 16)
Darkness Falls/The Erlenmeyer Flask (Episodes 19 & 23)
SEASON TWO
Little Green Men/The Host (Episodes 1 & 2)
Sleepless/Duane Barry (Episodes 4 & 5)
Ascension/One Breath (Episodes 6 & 8)
Irresistible/Die Hand Der Verletzt (Episodes 13 & 14)
Colony/End Game (Episodes 16 & 17)
Humbug/Anasazi (Episodes 20 & 25)
So far it seems that most of the episodes being released are the "Conspiracy Arc" episodes. These are the episodes in which Mulder and Scully search for the "truth" about alien contact with humans (not all of the episodes fall here though...the rest are just great stories). Even though you can get Japanese laserdisc box sets of the complete run of each season (all the way to the middle of season three so far), Fox Home Video cannot release the entire run of the show here in the U.S. until after the show has finished it's run in syndication. And that may be a while since starting in September FX will be the only channel showing reruns for three years exclusively (like they're currently doing with Picket Fences). After that it has to go into regular syndication before these "missing" video episodes can start showing up...Oh well. In the meantime...a prediction: September 1997 sees the release of the first half of the best of season three which will contain the following three tapes: The Blessing Way/Paper Clip, Nisei/731, and Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose/an undetermined story. May 1998 sees the release of the second half of the best of season three which will contain the following tapes: Piper Maru/Apocrypha, War Of The Coprophages/Jose Chung's "From Outer Space, and an undetermined story/Talitha Cumi.
All video tapes can be bought in box sets of three (in the groups they were released in). The laserdiscs for wave one have trading cards for those episodes. Wave Two laserdiscs have no trading cards. Wave Three laserdiscs should have trading cards for wave two and wave three episodes (but there were some major screwups which I won't get into here...if you have a problem contact Fox Home Video)
the empire strikes another goldmine
Well, if you haven't been in a cave for the last three months, you know that 20th Century Fox and George Lucas have been systematically remastering and re-releasing the Star Wars Trilogy. The middle film was the best film. The middle film is now an even better film and there were minor changes made. Like it's predecessor, Star Wars: Special Edition, The Empire Strikes Back: Special Edition has had it's entire soundtrack remixed (a bit too loud from what I understand...I thought it was just the theater I saw it in, but it's apparently a problem popping up all over) and all the special effects digitally remastered. Matte lines, which were evident before, have been cleaned up and made invisible. However, unlike Star Wars: Special Edition, this film has not had any added footage. There was no footage to put back. Instead what we've gotten is a wonder to behold. First on the ice planet Hoth, we get a good close look at the Wampa as it feasts on Luke's Tauntaun. Then we get a good look at it screaming after Luke severs it's arm (and...as someone pointed out it foreshadows Luke's losing his hand and shows us that the lightsaber cauterizes the wound as it strikes...yeah..okay). More importantly, during the scenes on Bespin's Cloud City, we get some amazing special effects work. Sterile white walls have been changed to picture windows and balconies. Now, in almost every shot, you can see the outside of the Cloud City as people are walking inside. It's a bigger and airier place and it's a wonder to behold. Not so effective is a scene that was added for no real reason. Darth Vader leaves the city he now tells his troopers to inform his Star Destroyer for his arrival (in a line James Earl Jones had to record new for this version). We then get an impressive shot of Vader and company walking across a Cloud City platform to Vader's waiting shuttle. From there things get pointless. We see Vader's shuttle take off, go into space, and then dock in the shuttle bay of his Star Destroyer. However, the docking bay footage is actually an outtake from Return Of The Jedi because it is Moff Jerjerrod who greets Vader in that film and here he is waiting in Vader's Star Destroyer. It's too too obvious that it's an outtake from the third film and it interrupts the flow of events during this film's end. Oh well....it's still the best (and why couldn't they digitally change Han's shirt in his close ups in the carbon freezing chamber, it's all white in long shots, but it looks like he's also got a black vest over it in close ups).
three new tv shows to catch before they're gone
Spy Game -- comes from the creative minds behind Hercules and Xena (film director Sam Raimi is one of the producers of all three shows). This show is a mixture of just about every '60's spy show if they had been updated for the '90's. The actors are likable and don't take the stories (or their jobs) too seriously. The show's fun and entertaining and probably won't last much farther beyond it's trial run this season.
Just Shoot Me - this is the living definition of mixed emotions because I HATE David Spade! Here's an unfunny comedian (using the term loosely) whose fifteen minutes of fame ended about three years ago. This man is almost single-handedly responsible for the downfall of Saturday Night Live. However, I LOVE the rest of the cast and the concept. Maya (the beautifully sexy Laura San Giacomo) is down on her luck and reluctantly contacts the father she hasn't spoken to in a year (George Segal) who married a high school classmate of hers. They attempt to reconcile and she winds up working for him at his fashion magazine with hopes of making it more than a fluff rag. Wendie Malik (from HBO's Dream On) plays the tainted and bitter old fashion model who is the magazine's marketing and advertising exec. Enrico Collanti (I probably spelled his name wrong and couldn't find a TV guide, but he is best known as the stupid, yet lovable Louis Utz from the unjustly murdered comedy Hope & Gloria) plays the fashion photographer who seems to have the good on everyone and knows how to press everyone's buttons (especially Wendie Malik's). George Segal is in fine form as the slightly daffy, uncaring father and publisher. Oh yeah! David Spade plays his faggy annoying assistant who I hope dies a horrible death soon (please G-d)!
The Practice - David Kelly strikes gold a third time with this wonderful new show about lawyers in a small time, down-on-it's-luck law firm. Dylan McDermott stars as the head of the firm and hopefully Linda Hunt and Edward Herrmann will make more than just token appearances as a judge and a professor/lawyer/mentor of one of our heroes. Like Picket Fences and Chicago Hope this show seems poised to tackle today's hard-hitting and though-provoking issues in an entertaining, yet provocative manner. Hopefully Mr. Kelly will stay on board for a while (He left Picket Fences during it's third season and the show lost it's focus and never recovered so CBS canceled it after 4 seasons. He left Chicago Hope during it's second season and it has yet to recover...bring back Kelly or Mandy Patinkin please). If he doesn't and turns it over to people not involved in it's creation, it could lose it's edge (you know I just realized you could write a whole article about TV shows whose creators left midway only to have the shows crap out).
the titanic will be docking in less than a month
In case you've been on Mars (or haven't been watching NBC's Must See TV), the new technology known as DVD-Video (how redundant...perhaps) is about to break loose on the unsuspecting public. DVD stands for Digital Video Disc or Digital Versatile Disc (depending on who you ask) and it's designed to do some amazing things. Many hardware companies will be making players (only Pioneer is smart enough to make a combi-player that also handles the current high-end format of choice Laserdiscs). Only a handful of studios will be making software available (and even they can't agree on how to do it....sell through or rental priced....jewel case or new packaging....day and date with tape or weeks or months later). Warner is the most gung ho and will be releasing about 40 titles by the beginning of summer (some are Warner titles, some are MGM/UA titles, later they'll do some HBO titles), but the rollout starts at the end of March. Sony will be releasing Columbia and TriStar titles in batches of four every few months starting in April. Polygram will release some catalog stuff at sell-through in April or May, but new titles (The Portrait Of A Lady named specifically) will be rental priced. Oh...some stores have already started selling players (no software in the marketplace though) and Warner's titles will only be available in seven cities until summertime when it might expand to fifteen or twenty. So what can this second coming of Christ do, you ask? Well, it's a digitally compressed picture with digitally compressed sound on a five inch disc. Each disc can hold up to 135 minutes on one side and each side can be given two layers...so that's a lot of information (not that any of the initial batch will come close to doing this). Each disc can contain up to eight subtitle tracks and eight dubbed tracks (so foreign films can be watched either way...or you could buy a disc here in the states of Batman Forever and take it to France and watch it in their native language either dubbed or subtitled....Oh wait....you can't do that.....there's a country code lock in the players and discs that prevents what could have been a neat marketing tool....this is so the studios don't lose their precious worldwide theatrical distribution pipelines). You can also get perfect digital still frame access on the movies. They can cram extras like you get on laserdiscs: text, audio commentary, still photos, trailers, you name it. They can even put a pan&scan, a letterboxed widescreen, and an anamorphic widescreen version all on one disc (anamorphic is for those rectangular TV's we're all supposed to have bought by now). You can even encode the disc so that at a touch of a button a parent can put on The Exorcist for their six-year-old and they'll get all the nasty, violent, scary, sexy parts edited out (is that Scorsese and Allen rolling in their graves). You can even put alternate camera angles from Lethal Weapon on the disc and let the viewer choose angles (I think Hitchcock just died...again). Of course, it'll be a while before the studios start implementing any of this stuff. So in the meantime sit back and watch your DVD's on your computer monitor like a good sheep....the way movies were meant to be seen....digitally compressed into a bleary, smudgy, streaky mess (like Digital Satellite Dishes) on a small nine inch VGA monitor with two small speakers on your sound board. Like Toshiba's ads say...you've senses, use them. They obviously didn't use the most important one....common.
next issue blurb
Return with us, as the Jedi, do to a time from high school when we all remembered that Goonies were good enough and Hulk Hogan and Rowdy Roddy Piper were cartoon characters on CBS as well as in the wrestling ring. That's right folks an article on professional wrestling (I know I should be embarrassed). Also...the annual look at Oscar picks. A review of Private Parts and a whole lotta other stuff (possibly even the second half of that laserdisc article from last month).
Until then....TTFN....and be seeing you
Joel Fenster
Tuesday, December 31, 1996
The New Fountain of Useless Information Issue 4
of plants and other strange things
Latest unconfirmed rumor puts the 18th James Bond film behind schedule. An unfinished script, no cast and no locations may delay the release from November 1997 to December 1997. However, I'm sure that Michael Wilson and Barbara Broccoli will make sure that it doesn't go any later than that. Meanwhile rumors abound. Bruce Fierstein has turned in his first draft and director Roger Spottiswood held a pow wow of Hollywood scribes to award one of them the rewrite. It supposedly went to writer/director Nicholas Meyer (The Day After, Time After Time and Star Trek II, IV, & VI). The title may now be Shamelady, which is a type of plant that happens to grow around Fleming's estate Goldeneye in Jamaica (and also almost became the name of the estate). Writer Raymond Benson also claims this is one of his chapter titles in his upcoming novel Zero Minus Ten, so the rumor may have started there.
As we go to press...a number of things have changed. Second unit shooting has started in France. Michelle Yoeh (Jackie Chan's female friend from Supercop)has been signed as one of the female leads and an Italian horror actress is the other. Jonathan Pryce will most likely play the villain. Principal shooting starts in March.
fit to be tied
A gangster's moll meets a butch lesbian plumber in the elevator one day. The next thing you know they're not only in the sack together, but they're planning on relieving her man of $2 million in cash that he's guarding in the apartment. This is the basic plot of Bound, easily one of the best films of 1996. The attractive, yet squeaky-voiced Jennifer Tilly is the gangster's moll. Joe Pantoliano is the gangster and Gina Gershon is the butch lesbian. I don't want to say too much about the film's storyline, but it is one of the most tense in quite some time. All three leads give incredible performances (especially Pantoliano whose stock mobster defies all rational thought as the film progresses). I've never been one to be turned on by sex scenes in movies, but whoa-ho-ho....Gershon and Tilly have a scene that will leave all men (and probably most women) wanting...no needing...a cold shower. This is as close to a 10 as it gets.
crap that should stay in the vaults
There is a possibility that 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment will release the long lost 70's camp classic Myra Breckinridge sometime in 1997. The film is based on a novel by Gore Vidal and stars Mae West, Raquel Welch, John Huston, Farrah Fawcett, Rex Reed, Jim Backus, and Tom Selleck (in a minor cameo that might be his first film appearance). With this much talent what could you expect? Well having gotten my hands on a screener of this, let me just say that Fox shouldn't waste their money. I don't think the curiosity factor would produce enough revenue to justify this shit. Oh...what's the film about you may ask? Rex Reed plays Myron Breckinridge who has dreams of being Raquel Welch and then getting revenge on his bastard of an uncle (John Huston) who runs an acting school/sex school. Let me save you the trouble of ever having to see this. Myron dreams the whole thing between the time John Carradine as his surgeon removes his genitals and the time his new doctor (Jim Backus) wakes him up after the operation. Everything in between is confusing and pointless....hell....it ain't even funny.
and now our feature presentation
This month's feature article is a review of the various home video companies laserdisc divisions. Each review is based on film selection, film to disc transfers, packaging, pricing, and scheduling. The reason I'm doing this has to do with the impending DVD launch next year. If the companies can't get their acts together with existing formats, what makes one think they'll be able to handle a yet to be born one. Companies are presented in random order (and only comprise major studios, next month I'll deal with the minor ones):
20th Century Fox Home Entertainment - keeps a decent selection of films on disc, most of which have decent transfers from the best available sources (I'm forgiving them their late 80's widescreen remasters which were admirable, but abysmal). They have a good in house art department which tries to put some sort of liner notes on the discs. Their pricing is a bit high especially on some of their deluxe special editions (their recent Young Frankenstein is about $10 too high), but they've gotten better at this (their initial widescreen Star Wars cost $70, while their more recent widescreen THX version only cost $60 and looks infinitely better). As for their scheduling titles; they rarely, if ever, hit the same day as their VHS counterparts. And most of the time the intentional month delay turns into a longer delay. Whenever possible a release will be THX and/or Dolby Digital. All product from this company is exclusively distributed by Image Entertainment. Their best product released this year: The King And I 40th Anniversary Box Set. Upcoming titles to look forward to: special editions of Patton, Wall Street and David Cronenberg's The Fly.
MCA/Universal Home Video - soon to be known as Universal Home Video, they probably have the best selection of films on laserdiscs (both classics and recent hits). All have great transfers from great sources (although there is the occasional flub). They have a good art department that reuses theatrical art whenever possible. And they've just started bleeding to all four corners on their widescreen releases (although I liked the old look). Their pricing on regular titles and double features is reasonable, but their Signature Collection series of collector's editions is way too expensive. The worst offender is Scarface which at $130 contains some stills, a trailer, and a 45 minute documentary...they even used the same old crappy transfer. What gives? There always used to be a week's delay between VHS and laser, but that gap seems it may have closed. Universal has yet to encode laserdiscs with Dolby Digital sound (although the upcoming Signature versions of 12 Monkeys and Dragonheart are rumored to have it) because they have money invested in DTS Digital Sound. Universal distributes their own laserdiscs, their upcoming line of DTS Digital Sound titles will be exclusively distributed by Image Entertainment. Their best product released this year: 1941 Signature Collection Box Set. Upcoming titles include special editions of Vertigo, Psycho and John Carpenter's The Thing.
Warner Home Video - a company that of this writing has two discs (Bogus and a 40th Anniversary Collector's Edition of Giant) in solicitation obviously doesn't give a rat's ass about laser. Their library does consist of mostly recent films and some decent remasters of older films, but there are too many key films in dire need of remastering (although to their credit they canceled a widescreen Mister Roberts because they couldn't find decent source material). Packaging is perfunctory (good chapter stops, no real liner notes). Pricing is standard ($35 for single discs, $40 for double discs). They rarely do collector's editions, but when they do they're over-priced (Wyatt Earp & JFK both go for $150...these films didn't need to be all in CAV). Warner almost always hits day and date with VHS counterparts (unless they stick to doing the title in Dolby Digital then tack on two weeks because there's only one pressing plant that can handle these titles). Warner distributes their own laserdiscs. Their best product released this year: Heat. Not much to look forward to from this company by way of interesting titles.
Paramount Home Video - Here's a company that has a great catalog that they obviously don't know what to do with. Nashville, Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and The Elephant Man are on the top of everyone's want lists. But Paramount's picks for widescreen remasters seem about as logical as a dart throw. And the quality varies greatly (Ferris Bueller is great, Ragtime isn't). On top of this their widescreen remasters of the Star Trek and Indiana Jones series are in desperate need of new remasters (due to technology upgrades). But even those are a long time off. Paramount only does special editions when they release one on tape also (like their not-so-special director's series that currently consists of Fatal Attraction, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home and Paper Moon - what a series). Pricing is a bit high ($40 for single disc remasters). They always hit day and date with their VHS counterparts. Paramount is distributed exclusively by Pioneer. Their best product released this year: Braveheart. Unsure of what titles they're working on for this year.
Walt Disney Home Video - this company actually encompasses several smaller ones (Touchstone, Hollywood, Miramax, Dimension, Buena Vista, Jim Henson, and Walt Disney Home Videos). Their product is top notch and is priced a bit high (that same $40, but that even tends to go for new movies that need to spread to three sides). They're not really into remastering older films, but when they do, look out. Most product hits about 2 weeks after the VHS counterpart. Of course all these rules get thrown out the window when dealing with Disney's line of animated masterpieces. We're lucky if these show up at all. The pattern currently seems to be this: if the film has already been on video, we get an inexpensive CLV movie only version and a real expensive CAV box set chock full of extras on the same day as the VHS re-release. Their newer classics seem to get released on VHS early in the year following their theatrical run (example: Hunchback in February 1997) and then we get the dual laser releases (CLV movie only and CAV box set) sometime fourth quarter of that year (or more than a year after the theatrical release). If it's new to video, it's anybody's guess. Disney has yet to release 101 Dalmatians, The Fox And The Hound, or Oliver And Company on laserdisc. On the plus side there are a few laser exclusives: Saludos Amigos and the full feature version of The Adventures Of Ichabod And Mr. Toad (these are official masterpieces, the latter is available on two separate tapes under their "Mini-Classics" line). Their best product this year: Toy Story the CAV box set (with the CAV version of Pocahontas running a very close second). Titles to look forward to are special editions of Sleeping Beauty and The Hunchback of Notre Dame as well as the release of Disney's 9th Animated Classic Fun And Fancy Free for the first time.
Columbia/TriStar Home Video - out of the seven major Hollywood studios, this one is the most inconsistent and sporadic when it comes to laser. Currently, they are releasing decent product at decent prices (meaning their quality and pricing fluctuates). But they are only releasing new theatrical films. They had embarked upon a series of bi-monthly remasters, but that came to a grinding halt at the end of the summer. They canceled a number of titles and never released a number of others that were proposed. This company is a high proponent of DVD (it's parent company Sony is making players) which might explain the lackadaisical attitude towards laserdisc. Their releases vary from day and date with VHS to four months later depending on which way the wind seems to be blowing. This company distributes their own discs, but we'd be better off if they didn't. Their best product of the past year: Stand By Me in a widescreen remaster.
MGM/UA Home Video - recently taken over as an Image exclusive, this company was one of the best laser companies for one of the longest times. There is very little left in their catalog that hasn't been on laser at least at one time. With Image at the helm, we will now be getting the best and worst of the company. Before the Image take over, titles were lacking, but their prices were low (like Warner), now prices have gone up, but Image is attempting to release or re-release just about everything in this library. There isn't much I can think of that we need from these guys (other than more James Bond box sets, which seem to be in limbo right now). Releases are either day and date with VHS or a week or two later (depending on Image's scheduling and what else they need to get out). Their best product of the year: a tie between the box sets for Goldfinger and Thunderball.
Next month, part two: This will include the minor Hollywood studios and independent laser companies: New Line Home Video - a minor studio handled by Image
Orion Home Video - a minor studio handled by Image
Live Entertainment - a minor studio handled by Pioneer
Pioneer Special Editions - a line of collector's discs from Pioneer
Criterion Collection - a line of collector's discs handled by Image
Elite Entertainment - a small company specializing in remasters and collector's versions of horror films
Lumivision - a small company specializing in remasters and collector's versions of whatever they can get their hands on
The Roan Group - a small company specializing in remasters and collector's versions of whatever's in the public domain that they can get their hands on
don't cry for her argentina
If ever there was an excuse to bring back the live action musical, Alan Parker's new film Evita is it. It is hands down one of the most beautifully shot films I have ever seen. If you don't know what this is about, then you're missing one of the more interesting musicals ever written. Unlike a number of previous musicals taken from the Broadway stage, this one represents Andrew Lloyd Weber and Tim Rice's original vision very well (and doesn't do any major damage through cuts made in the score - of which there are few). Madonna handles herself very capably in the role of Eva Peron, the beloved wife of Argentine dictator Juan Peron (Jonathan Pryce). Antonio Banderas is great as Che, the ringmaster for this "circus". This musical has taken a long time to get to the silver screen and over the course of many years (and many productions) a number of changes have been made. For the movie, a new song has been written for Madonna to sing (and so the film could get a Best Original Song nomination at the Oscar's) and another song has been shifted to an earlier spot so that Madonna could sing it ("Another Suitcase In Another Hall" was originally sung by Peron's mistress as Eva through her out, now Eva sings it after she arrives in Buenos Aires with Magaldi and discovers that she is being tossed aside as his mistress.) Another major change from both stage versions (the London and Broadway shows were different in a number of spots, the former containing a subplot concerning Che's invention of a new and powerful insecticide) concerns the song detailing Peron's rise to power. While we still get a verse from Broadway's "The Art Of The Possible", we are given a re-written (to remove the insecticide plot) version of "The Lady's Got Potential". The are other minor lyrical changes throughout (including the deletion of one of Che's best lines just before "Don't Cry For Me Argentina"), but the film is not marred by any of them. As stated above, this is easily one of the best looking films ever made, and that is created through the sumptuous cinematography, the rapid fire editing, and the lush production design. Don't miss this if you can help it....hopefully, there will be a resurgence of what is a dead genre because of this film.
woody's attempt
Woody Allen's latest film, Everyone Says I Love You, is another attempt at reviving the musical as a viable form of movie entertainment. This one is a failure in that respect. There isn't much of a plot to this film, in fact most of the characters only exist to sing in various musical numbers. While all of the musical numbers are handled by actors who aren't known for their singing prowess, they aren't shot very well by Mr. Allen and they seem cramped most of the time. Mr. Allen has attempted to make a gimmick film once again (along the lines of The Purple Rose Of Cairo), unfortunately, here he's come up short.
another nebbish makes a film
The Los Angeles version of Woody Allen happens to be Albert Brooks and his new film Mother is a laugh riot. Brooks plays a grown man who moves back into his mother's house after yet another failed marriage. The film examines the relationship between Brooks and his mom (Debbie Reynolds in an Oscar worthy performance) and his younger brother (Rob Morrow with a bad haircut). While not as funny or as cleverly original as Brooks' last film, Defending Your Life, you should still enjoy this film (especially if you've ever had a mother).
porn takes a stand
If you've never heard of Hustler magazine's publisher Larry Flynt and don't know anything about his life, you may want to check out Milos Foreman's new film The People Vs. Larry Flynt which tries to present Flynt in a light he's not quite been presented in before. Woody Harrelson plays Flynt, the crazy magnate of a porno publishing empire who is constantly winding up in court for various reasons. Edward Norton plays his attorney who wishes he'd keep himself out of trouble. Courtney Love plays Althea Leisure, Flynt's drug addict wife who died of AIDS at a very young age. The film does seem to paint Flynt as a defender of free speech (which he was), but at the same time portray something of his seedy side (he is the owner of Hustler magazine). It is at this second task that the film fails (slightly), Althea was Flynt's third wife (we never hear a peep about the first two) and there are many other aspects that get glossed over (which can be a necessity in a biopic in order to keep the story focused), but the story has a strong focus (Flynt's fight for free speech and his subsequent legal fight with the Reverend Jerry Fallwell) and never loses sight of it's objectives. Harrelson is great as Flynt, and Norton brings Alan Issacman's exasperation and dedication to the forefront nicely, but Courtney Love is playing nothing but herself. There isn't much of a stretch for this singer/heroin addict-turned actress to play a dancer/heroin addict.
if it's not a sequel, what the hell is it
Former Monty Python member John Cleese has finally fulfilled his promise to reunite the cast of A Fish Called Wanda in an unrelated film. Fierce Creatures gives us Kevin Kline in two rolls: an Australian billionaire who will stop at nothing to get what he wants and his American son, an idiot and simpleton who has always tried to take the easy (and vulgar) way out of things. When the elder Kline buys a British zoo, he installs Cleese to run it and get it making the requisite 20% profit. His first attempt involves getting rid of any animals that don't pose a threat to humans. Of course his only option winds up being to kill them, which he can't do so he hides them in his apartment (which leads to some greatly funny misunderstandings about his sexual appetite). Curtis and the younger Kline arrive to also help the zoo make money, but they have ideas that differ from each other and Curtis winds up falling for Cleese, while the younger Kline institutes a policy of having celebrity and corporate endorsements (for example you could see Bruce Springsteen's Tortoise) as he tries to woo Curtis. Palin plays one of the crazy zoo keepers who are constantly trying to keep up with the exasperating changes being made around them. While the film isn't as funny or as bitingly mean-spirited as A Fish Called Wanda, it is still funnier than most of what seems to pass as comedy in Hollywood these days. Try not to miss it.
returning to a point twenty years ago
Everyone who's a part of Generation X (whatever the hell that's supposed to be) remembers where they were back in 1977 when they first saw Star Wars (in fact I do believe that having seen the film at least once is what makes you a part of Generation X). Now the classic film has returned to the big screen in a way that no ever thought.
Star Wars is a turning point in the history of filmmaking. It has influenced both the way Hollywood has continued to make films and the filmmakers who try to get films made. Before the first part (or fourth part depending on your outlook) of George Lucas' epic story, Hollywood made smaller films that had stories and turned profits without having to pay out millions of dollars to overpriced hackneyed actors. Star Wars changed all that. With some special effects (and not much else), the studios decided it was more important to hit home runs every time at bat instead of just trying to get on base. Luckily, looking back on this twenty year old film, it has everything that something like Twister or Independence Day doesn't; a heart and a soul and a story that gripped an entire generation.
By now everyone out there knows how Luke Skywalker became a hero and how and why Darth Vader was redeemed, but what surprises are in store for you in this 20th anniversary re-release? First and foremost, a remixed soundtrack. Every sound has been tweaked and remixed into today's technologies, without sacrificing the integrity of the original. All the special effects have been digitally touched up and enhanced, without sacrificing the integrity of the original. And about four minutes of extra footage has been restored, without sacrificing the integrity of the original. That's the key to "updating" a classic of this nature....the original version of the film, must be kept intact. There was a plan a number of years ago to redo several episodes of the classic TV show Star Trek by redoing the special effects with today's technology. The key there was redo not enhance. Lucas has taken what he started with and made it all look smoother, slicker, and nicer than it did before, without making it look different.
That said, there have been some changes that do look a bit different. The four extra minutes is where this stuff comes into play. The most changes have come in the scenes at the Mos Eisley spaceport on Tatooine. When Ben, Luke, and the droids first enter the city, it now looks like a bustling spaceport. There are ships taking off in the background. There are a lot more creatures and people moving around in the background. Yes, some of it is a bit distracting, but it fits very seamlessly into what has already been there. On top of these snippets of footage here and there (including extra creatures inside the cantina), there is a two minute scene between Han Solo and Jabba The Hutt before Luke and Ben arrive at the Falcon. Originally, Lucas wanted to include this scene, but the technology wasn't available to him to replace the fat man stand in for Jabba with a creature (like the one we came to know two films later). Now he could, so he did. It's a nice addition. Also the Falcon shooting it's way out of Mos Eisley is exactly that. (There is a downside to all this, some genius decided that the good guy can't shoot the bad guy without provocation, so Greedo gets a shot off in this version before Han kills him....thank you politically correct assholes!) As for the other scenes, there is a half a minute or so scene between Luke and his friend Biggs before they take off in their X-Wings to blow up the Death Star. For years people have talked about the many extra scenes of Biggs and Luke at the beginning of the film on Tatooine and even Mark Hamil wanted to see them restored for this, but Lucas wisely left those out. The first third of the film is the slowest and wwe get enough of Luke's wining without actually seeing Biggs to re-inforce that he's unhappy on the planet. The short scene before the battle establishes who Biggs is (we've heard the name over and over out of Luke's mouth...now we have a face) and gives more meaning to his death, without adding twenty long minutes to an already draggy opening. The last major renovation is the battle of the Death Star....the fleet of thirty ships (heard in dialogue for years) now looks like a fleet of thirty ships (and they take off from Yavin in close-up....not like a swarm of white mosquitoes in the distance).
Even if you've seen this film enough times to recite dialogue as it runs ("Stay on target"), treat yourself and see it on the big screen again. So you own it on video, it's a theater experience. So you own a widescreen THX CAV laserdisc with a six speaker set up and a 100 inch video projector screen, it doesn't come close to recreating the communal experience that you get in the theater. See it now while you still can (and then see it again when all three are playing at once).
ratings, ratings, who's got the ratings
By now we've all seen the new TV ratings system as we watch our must see TV on Thursdays. Is there anyone else out there who thinks that this ratings system is the biggest pile of horse-shit this side of the Andes? Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with the concept of a ratings system. I don't think that it's censorship (although it is a form of self-imposed censorship - whatever that is - which will stay outside this discussion). The movie ratings system, for all it's imperfections, does what it's supposed to do. It lets parents know "Hey this movie's about people who have sex during car accidents and they're nude and bloody, don't bring your fucking kids, moron?" The TV ratings system doesn't say this at all. It generalizes what the content of each program is by giving the show a rating and not the particular episode. While one episode of Friends may be about Phoebe trying to get to know her father another may feature enough penis jokes to sink a ship. Is that appropriate for children at the 8:00 hour? So the whole show gets a PG rating instead of TV14. Millennium is a show crying out for TV-M, but no, it's TV14. And the height of silliness I just saw the other day. The Adventures Of Batman And Robin (an animated kids show which falls under the kids ratings of Y and Y7) was rated Y7 because it contains superheroic action (that's what was stated on screen and read by a narrator, I kid you not). What the fuck does that mean? Talk about vague? I think Jack Valenti needs to keep his nose in the movies and away from TV. Let the TV people rethink their system (without bullshiting us by saying "We can't rate every episode! That's too much TV to watch?" You make the shows people, you watch 'em anyway to know what you can and can't air - like pushing Roseanne back an hour for a gay wedding- so put up or shut up). I could rate an episode without even watching it just by the description. DO it right or don't do it at all. Otherwise, pinheaded government putzes are gonna step in. Then you'll know the meaning of the word censorship!
that's all she wrote
Well...another day, another dollar. That's all for this issue. Be here next month for my top 25 films of 1996 and my bottom 5 (were these bad?) of 1996. Also my review of The Empire Strikes Back: Special Edition, Dante's Peak, and whatever else I may have seen by then....so until then
Be seeing you!
Joel
Latest unconfirmed rumor puts the 18th James Bond film behind schedule. An unfinished script, no cast and no locations may delay the release from November 1997 to December 1997. However, I'm sure that Michael Wilson and Barbara Broccoli will make sure that it doesn't go any later than that. Meanwhile rumors abound. Bruce Fierstein has turned in his first draft and director Roger Spottiswood held a pow wow of Hollywood scribes to award one of them the rewrite. It supposedly went to writer/director Nicholas Meyer (The Day After, Time After Time and Star Trek II, IV, & VI). The title may now be Shamelady, which is a type of plant that happens to grow around Fleming's estate Goldeneye in Jamaica (and also almost became the name of the estate). Writer Raymond Benson also claims this is one of his chapter titles in his upcoming novel Zero Minus Ten, so the rumor may have started there.
As we go to press...a number of things have changed. Second unit shooting has started in France. Michelle Yoeh (Jackie Chan's female friend from Supercop)has been signed as one of the female leads and an Italian horror actress is the other. Jonathan Pryce will most likely play the villain. Principal shooting starts in March.
fit to be tied
A gangster's moll meets a butch lesbian plumber in the elevator one day. The next thing you know they're not only in the sack together, but they're planning on relieving her man of $2 million in cash that he's guarding in the apartment. This is the basic plot of Bound, easily one of the best films of 1996. The attractive, yet squeaky-voiced Jennifer Tilly is the gangster's moll. Joe Pantoliano is the gangster and Gina Gershon is the butch lesbian. I don't want to say too much about the film's storyline, but it is one of the most tense in quite some time. All three leads give incredible performances (especially Pantoliano whose stock mobster defies all rational thought as the film progresses). I've never been one to be turned on by sex scenes in movies, but whoa-ho-ho....Gershon and Tilly have a scene that will leave all men (and probably most women) wanting...no needing...a cold shower. This is as close to a 10 as it gets.
crap that should stay in the vaults
There is a possibility that 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment will release the long lost 70's camp classic Myra Breckinridge sometime in 1997. The film is based on a novel by Gore Vidal and stars Mae West, Raquel Welch, John Huston, Farrah Fawcett, Rex Reed, Jim Backus, and Tom Selleck (in a minor cameo that might be his first film appearance). With this much talent what could you expect? Well having gotten my hands on a screener of this, let me just say that Fox shouldn't waste their money. I don't think the curiosity factor would produce enough revenue to justify this shit. Oh...what's the film about you may ask? Rex Reed plays Myron Breckinridge who has dreams of being Raquel Welch and then getting revenge on his bastard of an uncle (John Huston) who runs an acting school/sex school. Let me save you the trouble of ever having to see this. Myron dreams the whole thing between the time John Carradine as his surgeon removes his genitals and the time his new doctor (Jim Backus) wakes him up after the operation. Everything in between is confusing and pointless....hell....it ain't even funny.
and now our feature presentation
This month's feature article is a review of the various home video companies laserdisc divisions. Each review is based on film selection, film to disc transfers, packaging, pricing, and scheduling. The reason I'm doing this has to do with the impending DVD launch next year. If the companies can't get their acts together with existing formats, what makes one think they'll be able to handle a yet to be born one. Companies are presented in random order (and only comprise major studios, next month I'll deal with the minor ones):
20th Century Fox Home Entertainment - keeps a decent selection of films on disc, most of which have decent transfers from the best available sources (I'm forgiving them their late 80's widescreen remasters which were admirable, but abysmal). They have a good in house art department which tries to put some sort of liner notes on the discs. Their pricing is a bit high especially on some of their deluxe special editions (their recent Young Frankenstein is about $10 too high), but they've gotten better at this (their initial widescreen Star Wars cost $70, while their more recent widescreen THX version only cost $60 and looks infinitely better). As for their scheduling titles; they rarely, if ever, hit the same day as their VHS counterparts. And most of the time the intentional month delay turns into a longer delay. Whenever possible a release will be THX and/or Dolby Digital. All product from this company is exclusively distributed by Image Entertainment. Their best product released this year: The King And I 40th Anniversary Box Set. Upcoming titles to look forward to: special editions of Patton, Wall Street and David Cronenberg's The Fly.
MCA/Universal Home Video - soon to be known as Universal Home Video, they probably have the best selection of films on laserdiscs (both classics and recent hits). All have great transfers from great sources (although there is the occasional flub). They have a good art department that reuses theatrical art whenever possible. And they've just started bleeding to all four corners on their widescreen releases (although I liked the old look). Their pricing on regular titles and double features is reasonable, but their Signature Collection series of collector's editions is way too expensive. The worst offender is Scarface which at $130 contains some stills, a trailer, and a 45 minute documentary...they even used the same old crappy transfer. What gives? There always used to be a week's delay between VHS and laser, but that gap seems it may have closed. Universal has yet to encode laserdiscs with Dolby Digital sound (although the upcoming Signature versions of 12 Monkeys and Dragonheart are rumored to have it) because they have money invested in DTS Digital Sound. Universal distributes their own laserdiscs, their upcoming line of DTS Digital Sound titles will be exclusively distributed by Image Entertainment. Their best product released this year: 1941 Signature Collection Box Set. Upcoming titles include special editions of Vertigo, Psycho and John Carpenter's The Thing.
Warner Home Video - a company that of this writing has two discs (Bogus and a 40th Anniversary Collector's Edition of Giant) in solicitation obviously doesn't give a rat's ass about laser. Their library does consist of mostly recent films and some decent remasters of older films, but there are too many key films in dire need of remastering (although to their credit they canceled a widescreen Mister Roberts because they couldn't find decent source material). Packaging is perfunctory (good chapter stops, no real liner notes). Pricing is standard ($35 for single discs, $40 for double discs). They rarely do collector's editions, but when they do they're over-priced (Wyatt Earp & JFK both go for $150...these films didn't need to be all in CAV). Warner almost always hits day and date with VHS counterparts (unless they stick to doing the title in Dolby Digital then tack on two weeks because there's only one pressing plant that can handle these titles). Warner distributes their own laserdiscs. Their best product released this year: Heat. Not much to look forward to from this company by way of interesting titles.
Paramount Home Video - Here's a company that has a great catalog that they obviously don't know what to do with. Nashville, Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and The Elephant Man are on the top of everyone's want lists. But Paramount's picks for widescreen remasters seem about as logical as a dart throw. And the quality varies greatly (Ferris Bueller is great, Ragtime isn't). On top of this their widescreen remasters of the Star Trek and Indiana Jones series are in desperate need of new remasters (due to technology upgrades). But even those are a long time off. Paramount only does special editions when they release one on tape also (like their not-so-special director's series that currently consists of Fatal Attraction, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home and Paper Moon - what a series). Pricing is a bit high ($40 for single disc remasters). They always hit day and date with their VHS counterparts. Paramount is distributed exclusively by Pioneer. Their best product released this year: Braveheart. Unsure of what titles they're working on for this year.
Walt Disney Home Video - this company actually encompasses several smaller ones (Touchstone, Hollywood, Miramax, Dimension, Buena Vista, Jim Henson, and Walt Disney Home Videos). Their product is top notch and is priced a bit high (that same $40, but that even tends to go for new movies that need to spread to three sides). They're not really into remastering older films, but when they do, look out. Most product hits about 2 weeks after the VHS counterpart. Of course all these rules get thrown out the window when dealing with Disney's line of animated masterpieces. We're lucky if these show up at all. The pattern currently seems to be this: if the film has already been on video, we get an inexpensive CLV movie only version and a real expensive CAV box set chock full of extras on the same day as the VHS re-release. Their newer classics seem to get released on VHS early in the year following their theatrical run (example: Hunchback in February 1997) and then we get the dual laser releases (CLV movie only and CAV box set) sometime fourth quarter of that year (or more than a year after the theatrical release). If it's new to video, it's anybody's guess. Disney has yet to release 101 Dalmatians, The Fox And The Hound, or Oliver And Company on laserdisc. On the plus side there are a few laser exclusives: Saludos Amigos and the full feature version of The Adventures Of Ichabod And Mr. Toad (these are official masterpieces, the latter is available on two separate tapes under their "Mini-Classics" line). Their best product this year: Toy Story the CAV box set (with the CAV version of Pocahontas running a very close second). Titles to look forward to are special editions of Sleeping Beauty and The Hunchback of Notre Dame as well as the release of Disney's 9th Animated Classic Fun And Fancy Free for the first time.
Columbia/TriStar Home Video - out of the seven major Hollywood studios, this one is the most inconsistent and sporadic when it comes to laser. Currently, they are releasing decent product at decent prices (meaning their quality and pricing fluctuates). But they are only releasing new theatrical films. They had embarked upon a series of bi-monthly remasters, but that came to a grinding halt at the end of the summer. They canceled a number of titles and never released a number of others that were proposed. This company is a high proponent of DVD (it's parent company Sony is making players) which might explain the lackadaisical attitude towards laserdisc. Their releases vary from day and date with VHS to four months later depending on which way the wind seems to be blowing. This company distributes their own discs, but we'd be better off if they didn't. Their best product of the past year: Stand By Me in a widescreen remaster.
MGM/UA Home Video - recently taken over as an Image exclusive, this company was one of the best laser companies for one of the longest times. There is very little left in their catalog that hasn't been on laser at least at one time. With Image at the helm, we will now be getting the best and worst of the company. Before the Image take over, titles were lacking, but their prices were low (like Warner), now prices have gone up, but Image is attempting to release or re-release just about everything in this library. There isn't much I can think of that we need from these guys (other than more James Bond box sets, which seem to be in limbo right now). Releases are either day and date with VHS or a week or two later (depending on Image's scheduling and what else they need to get out). Their best product of the year: a tie between the box sets for Goldfinger and Thunderball.
Next month, part two: This will include the minor Hollywood studios and independent laser companies: New Line Home Video - a minor studio handled by Image
Orion Home Video - a minor studio handled by Image
Live Entertainment - a minor studio handled by Pioneer
Pioneer Special Editions - a line of collector's discs from Pioneer
Criterion Collection - a line of collector's discs handled by Image
Elite Entertainment - a small company specializing in remasters and collector's versions of horror films
Lumivision - a small company specializing in remasters and collector's versions of whatever they can get their hands on
The Roan Group - a small company specializing in remasters and collector's versions of whatever's in the public domain that they can get their hands on
don't cry for her argentina
If ever there was an excuse to bring back the live action musical, Alan Parker's new film Evita is it. It is hands down one of the most beautifully shot films I have ever seen. If you don't know what this is about, then you're missing one of the more interesting musicals ever written. Unlike a number of previous musicals taken from the Broadway stage, this one represents Andrew Lloyd Weber and Tim Rice's original vision very well (and doesn't do any major damage through cuts made in the score - of which there are few). Madonna handles herself very capably in the role of Eva Peron, the beloved wife of Argentine dictator Juan Peron (Jonathan Pryce). Antonio Banderas is great as Che, the ringmaster for this "circus". This musical has taken a long time to get to the silver screen and over the course of many years (and many productions) a number of changes have been made. For the movie, a new song has been written for Madonna to sing (and so the film could get a Best Original Song nomination at the Oscar's) and another song has been shifted to an earlier spot so that Madonna could sing it ("Another Suitcase In Another Hall" was originally sung by Peron's mistress as Eva through her out, now Eva sings it after she arrives in Buenos Aires with Magaldi and discovers that she is being tossed aside as his mistress.) Another major change from both stage versions (the London and Broadway shows were different in a number of spots, the former containing a subplot concerning Che's invention of a new and powerful insecticide) concerns the song detailing Peron's rise to power. While we still get a verse from Broadway's "The Art Of The Possible", we are given a re-written (to remove the insecticide plot) version of "The Lady's Got Potential". The are other minor lyrical changes throughout (including the deletion of one of Che's best lines just before "Don't Cry For Me Argentina"), but the film is not marred by any of them. As stated above, this is easily one of the best looking films ever made, and that is created through the sumptuous cinematography, the rapid fire editing, and the lush production design. Don't miss this if you can help it....hopefully, there will be a resurgence of what is a dead genre because of this film.
woody's attempt
Woody Allen's latest film, Everyone Says I Love You, is another attempt at reviving the musical as a viable form of movie entertainment. This one is a failure in that respect. There isn't much of a plot to this film, in fact most of the characters only exist to sing in various musical numbers. While all of the musical numbers are handled by actors who aren't known for their singing prowess, they aren't shot very well by Mr. Allen and they seem cramped most of the time. Mr. Allen has attempted to make a gimmick film once again (along the lines of The Purple Rose Of Cairo), unfortunately, here he's come up short.
another nebbish makes a film
The Los Angeles version of Woody Allen happens to be Albert Brooks and his new film Mother is a laugh riot. Brooks plays a grown man who moves back into his mother's house after yet another failed marriage. The film examines the relationship between Brooks and his mom (Debbie Reynolds in an Oscar worthy performance) and his younger brother (Rob Morrow with a bad haircut). While not as funny or as cleverly original as Brooks' last film, Defending Your Life, you should still enjoy this film (especially if you've ever had a mother).
porn takes a stand
If you've never heard of Hustler magazine's publisher Larry Flynt and don't know anything about his life, you may want to check out Milos Foreman's new film The People Vs. Larry Flynt which tries to present Flynt in a light he's not quite been presented in before. Woody Harrelson plays Flynt, the crazy magnate of a porno publishing empire who is constantly winding up in court for various reasons. Edward Norton plays his attorney who wishes he'd keep himself out of trouble. Courtney Love plays Althea Leisure, Flynt's drug addict wife who died of AIDS at a very young age. The film does seem to paint Flynt as a defender of free speech (which he was), but at the same time portray something of his seedy side (he is the owner of Hustler magazine). It is at this second task that the film fails (slightly), Althea was Flynt's third wife (we never hear a peep about the first two) and there are many other aspects that get glossed over (which can be a necessity in a biopic in order to keep the story focused), but the story has a strong focus (Flynt's fight for free speech and his subsequent legal fight with the Reverend Jerry Fallwell) and never loses sight of it's objectives. Harrelson is great as Flynt, and Norton brings Alan Issacman's exasperation and dedication to the forefront nicely, but Courtney Love is playing nothing but herself. There isn't much of a stretch for this singer/heroin addict-turned actress to play a dancer/heroin addict.
if it's not a sequel, what the hell is it
Former Monty Python member John Cleese has finally fulfilled his promise to reunite the cast of A Fish Called Wanda in an unrelated film. Fierce Creatures gives us Kevin Kline in two rolls: an Australian billionaire who will stop at nothing to get what he wants and his American son, an idiot and simpleton who has always tried to take the easy (and vulgar) way out of things. When the elder Kline buys a British zoo, he installs Cleese to run it and get it making the requisite 20% profit. His first attempt involves getting rid of any animals that don't pose a threat to humans. Of course his only option winds up being to kill them, which he can't do so he hides them in his apartment (which leads to some greatly funny misunderstandings about his sexual appetite). Curtis and the younger Kline arrive to also help the zoo make money, but they have ideas that differ from each other and Curtis winds up falling for Cleese, while the younger Kline institutes a policy of having celebrity and corporate endorsements (for example you could see Bruce Springsteen's Tortoise) as he tries to woo Curtis. Palin plays one of the crazy zoo keepers who are constantly trying to keep up with the exasperating changes being made around them. While the film isn't as funny or as bitingly mean-spirited as A Fish Called Wanda, it is still funnier than most of what seems to pass as comedy in Hollywood these days. Try not to miss it.
returning to a point twenty years ago
Everyone who's a part of Generation X (whatever the hell that's supposed to be) remembers where they were back in 1977 when they first saw Star Wars (in fact I do believe that having seen the film at least once is what makes you a part of Generation X). Now the classic film has returned to the big screen in a way that no ever thought.
Star Wars is a turning point in the history of filmmaking. It has influenced both the way Hollywood has continued to make films and the filmmakers who try to get films made. Before the first part (or fourth part depending on your outlook) of George Lucas' epic story, Hollywood made smaller films that had stories and turned profits without having to pay out millions of dollars to overpriced hackneyed actors. Star Wars changed all that. With some special effects (and not much else), the studios decided it was more important to hit home runs every time at bat instead of just trying to get on base. Luckily, looking back on this twenty year old film, it has everything that something like Twister or Independence Day doesn't; a heart and a soul and a story that gripped an entire generation.
By now everyone out there knows how Luke Skywalker became a hero and how and why Darth Vader was redeemed, but what surprises are in store for you in this 20th anniversary re-release? First and foremost, a remixed soundtrack. Every sound has been tweaked and remixed into today's technologies, without sacrificing the integrity of the original. All the special effects have been digitally touched up and enhanced, without sacrificing the integrity of the original. And about four minutes of extra footage has been restored, without sacrificing the integrity of the original. That's the key to "updating" a classic of this nature....the original version of the film, must be kept intact. There was a plan a number of years ago to redo several episodes of the classic TV show Star Trek by redoing the special effects with today's technology. The key there was redo not enhance. Lucas has taken what he started with and made it all look smoother, slicker, and nicer than it did before, without making it look different.
That said, there have been some changes that do look a bit different. The four extra minutes is where this stuff comes into play. The most changes have come in the scenes at the Mos Eisley spaceport on Tatooine. When Ben, Luke, and the droids first enter the city, it now looks like a bustling spaceport. There are ships taking off in the background. There are a lot more creatures and people moving around in the background. Yes, some of it is a bit distracting, but it fits very seamlessly into what has already been there. On top of these snippets of footage here and there (including extra creatures inside the cantina), there is a two minute scene between Han Solo and Jabba The Hutt before Luke and Ben arrive at the Falcon. Originally, Lucas wanted to include this scene, but the technology wasn't available to him to replace the fat man stand in for Jabba with a creature (like the one we came to know two films later). Now he could, so he did. It's a nice addition. Also the Falcon shooting it's way out of Mos Eisley is exactly that. (There is a downside to all this, some genius decided that the good guy can't shoot the bad guy without provocation, so Greedo gets a shot off in this version before Han kills him....thank you politically correct assholes!) As for the other scenes, there is a half a minute or so scene between Luke and his friend Biggs before they take off in their X-Wings to blow up the Death Star. For years people have talked about the many extra scenes of Biggs and Luke at the beginning of the film on Tatooine and even Mark Hamil wanted to see them restored for this, but Lucas wisely left those out. The first third of the film is the slowest and wwe get enough of Luke's wining without actually seeing Biggs to re-inforce that he's unhappy on the planet. The short scene before the battle establishes who Biggs is (we've heard the name over and over out of Luke's mouth...now we have a face) and gives more meaning to his death, without adding twenty long minutes to an already draggy opening. The last major renovation is the battle of the Death Star....the fleet of thirty ships (heard in dialogue for years) now looks like a fleet of thirty ships (and they take off from Yavin in close-up....not like a swarm of white mosquitoes in the distance).
Even if you've seen this film enough times to recite dialogue as it runs ("Stay on target"), treat yourself and see it on the big screen again. So you own it on video, it's a theater experience. So you own a widescreen THX CAV laserdisc with a six speaker set up and a 100 inch video projector screen, it doesn't come close to recreating the communal experience that you get in the theater. See it now while you still can (and then see it again when all three are playing at once).
ratings, ratings, who's got the ratings
By now we've all seen the new TV ratings system as we watch our must see TV on Thursdays. Is there anyone else out there who thinks that this ratings system is the biggest pile of horse-shit this side of the Andes? Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with the concept of a ratings system. I don't think that it's censorship (although it is a form of self-imposed censorship - whatever that is - which will stay outside this discussion). The movie ratings system, for all it's imperfections, does what it's supposed to do. It lets parents know "Hey this movie's about people who have sex during car accidents and they're nude and bloody, don't bring your fucking kids, moron?" The TV ratings system doesn't say this at all. It generalizes what the content of each program is by giving the show a rating and not the particular episode. While one episode of Friends may be about Phoebe trying to get to know her father another may feature enough penis jokes to sink a ship. Is that appropriate for children at the 8:00 hour? So the whole show gets a PG rating instead of TV14. Millennium is a show crying out for TV-M, but no, it's TV14. And the height of silliness I just saw the other day. The Adventures Of Batman And Robin (an animated kids show which falls under the kids ratings of Y and Y7) was rated Y7 because it contains superheroic action (that's what was stated on screen and read by a narrator, I kid you not). What the fuck does that mean? Talk about vague? I think Jack Valenti needs to keep his nose in the movies and away from TV. Let the TV people rethink their system (without bullshiting us by saying "We can't rate every episode! That's too much TV to watch?" You make the shows people, you watch 'em anyway to know what you can and can't air - like pushing Roseanne back an hour for a gay wedding- so put up or shut up). I could rate an episode without even watching it just by the description. DO it right or don't do it at all. Otherwise, pinheaded government putzes are gonna step in. Then you'll know the meaning of the word censorship!
that's all she wrote
Well...another day, another dollar. That's all for this issue. Be here next month for my top 25 films of 1996 and my bottom 5 (were these bad?) of 1996. Also my review of The Empire Strikes Back: Special Edition, Dante's Peak, and whatever else I may have seen by then....so until then
Be seeing you!
Joel
Friday, November 01, 1996
New Fountain of Useless Information Issue 3
baldly going where everyone seems to have gone before
Well...this month marks the culmination of the 30th Anniversary festivities for Paramount's Star Trek franchise. And to celebrate the festivities, we've gotten bombarded with "special" things from each of the four incarnations. Here are my reviews and insights of each part of the world of Trek:
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - I'm gonna get clobbered here, but in my opinion, this has grown into the best version of Star Trek yet. It has tossed aside Roddenberry's sterile, happy version of the future and given it the gritty, realistic edge it deserves. We have a Captain (Benjamin Sisko) who is plagued not only by the death of his wife (at the hands of the Borg), but who has also been elevated to a revered religious status which he has no idea how to handle. The Chief Security Officer (Odo) used to be a shapeshifter, but he not only found out about his mysterious past rather early in the series, but was also exiled from his people who made him a solid before casting him out. Worf's on board for all those Trekkos who love Klingon crap. We have a gossip loving Science Officer who is in love with the grumpy Worf and also happens to be over 300 years old. The Starfleet Medical Officer is a horny little bastard. The bar's run by a greedy Ferengi whose idiot brother is now part of O'Brien's engineering crew. And there's the Bajoran First Officer who is currently carrying the O'Briens second child (for reasons I won't get into). These are great characters who are played by perfect actors. The stories they've been given are wonderful and full of a nice blend of suspense and humor (when called for). In celebration of the 30th Anniversary, we got an episode which combined both Classic Trek and this show quite seamlessly. Sisko and crew were thrown back in time to the original episode The Trouble With Tribbles and were forced to find a fugitive Klingon (who was disgraced by Kirk in that episode) before he can kill James T. Kirk. The episode mixed footage of the original episode in so seamlessly that it was just amazing to watch. This is a perfect example of a 30th Anniversary tribute as it keeps the integrity of the original relevant to the plot.
Star Trek: First Contact - Captain Picard and his crew of the Enterprise E travel back in time to stop the Borg from preventing the first warp flight which was spotted by some Vulcans, resulting in first contact between humans and aliens. This eighth film in the series is fun and entertaining, but has a few problems. Allow me to indulge some nit-picking for a few moments. There are seven major cast members of this show (Picard, Data, Riker, Worf, Dr. Crusher, Geordi, Troi). With Patrick Stewart and Brent Spiner demanding more money and bigger parts with each successive film, it's obvious that most of the screen time is taken up by Picard (hell bent on vengeance against the Borg for assimilating him) and Data (seduced by the Borg Queen into helping her). The others (who all had plenty of times in the seven year run of the TV series to shine) are reduced to bit parts and cameos. Now while some have bigger parts more than others, some are treated poorly. Riker and Worf get the next amount of screen time. Worf doesn't even belong here anymore (but they'll keep finding ways to throw him of the goddamn Enterprise...mark my words). Riker continues to be the Kirk clone he always was. Both Troi and Geordi shine in their even smaller roles (and we don't even get an explanation of Geordi's new "eyeballs"). Dr. Crusher however has been relegated to a role so small that even Lt. Barclay (Dwight Schultz), who was one of those great re-occurring characters on the TV series, puts in a larger cameo than Gates McFadden. I guess her pay justifies the shitty treatment (a first draft I read spread the crew out evenly...but sacrificed the great Zephram Cochran who spent most of the script in a coma). James Cromwell and Alfre Woodard are great as the drunken scientist Cochran and his assistant Lily and they bring some much needed humor to this dark, gritty script. Other cameos include Nurse Ogawa (another series holdover), Robert Picardo as the Enterprise's own Emergency Medical Holographic Program (I'm a doctor, not a doorstop), and Ethan Phillips (who plays Neelix on Voyager, but doesn't here). Time travel stories are always tough to keep track of if you think about them too long (especially here since the crew pretty much tell Cochran all that he's going to do in the next few years....Prime Directive my ass). My biggest complaint comes in the change of Picard. He's now a bitter old man and while I think it's a great change....the justification's weak. It's been six years since the Borg assimilated him, and only now he's starting to feel the effects like this? I don't think so. Also as someone who used to risk his entire ship for even the lowliest crew member and who knows that people can be de-Borgified, Picard has no qualms about killing off half his crew when they become assimilated. He's a heartless, bitter bastard and while he's more interesting now than he ever was, it was much of an evolution. On a last note: The most impressive thing about this film is Jonathan Frakes' directorial debut (better than some other actors who have won Oscars for doing less impressive work their first time out). The funniest thing was a line from the six year old behind me the second time I saw it. When the Phoenix (Cochran's warp ship) got into outer space and spread it's nacelles, the kid said: "Mommy, I saw that on TV, I want that for Christmas."
Star Trek: Voyager - guess where Gilligan and the Skipper went this month? You guessed it, back in time....all the way back to 1996 (oohhhh....a budget saver...and two parts no less). This time the lost in space (and ratings) crew fight the evil Ed Begley, Jr. (now here's the most sinister man in Gotham) before he can destroy the future when he....oh, who cares (which should be the motto of this show, not Millennium) . This show had some promise, but it was flushed down the toilet long ago. The interesting characters (Chakotay, The Doctor, and give me a minute or a year...I might come up with a third) are either underused or have had their interesting parts thrown out and then got restarted from scratch. If I were on Voyager, I'd lead a mutiny. Kill Janeway and force the writers to bring us home. Maybe that'll fix the show....maybe not. Anyway...the less said about this show, the better. Expect the Borg to show up here sometime this season.
toe jam
Before I say a lot of nasty and negative things, let me state that Space Jam was entertaining. HOWEVER, it embodies EVERYTHING that is wrong with Hollywood movies today. All style and no substance. This movie came to life as a commercial and it's still caught in that reprehensible role. The special effects are nothing too special (they haven't advanced the mixing of humans and cartoons any further than Who Framed Roger Rabbit - all they've done is add computer effects). And if you were going to pick a basketball team out of the Looney Tunes, would any of the five picked here actually be on the team (Speedy Gonzales would probably have been a good choice, but remains in the background). All in all, miss this if you can.
quick shots
Matilda - will be appearing on video soon after you read this. It's a great adaptation of Roald Dahl's book and is well directed by actor Danny DeVito. Great family viewing.
Joe's Apartment - this comedy was extended from a group of MTV shorts and while it does have a jumpy pace, it's a real hoot watching a bunch of cockroaches sing and dance.
Thinner - it's amazing that a rather faithful adaptation of a Stephen King novel could remove all the humor and suspense from the book and come up this flat (every pun intended).
Pandora's Clock - this tense and well acted mini-series is worth a second airing and a viewing if you missed it the first time.
update on bond prices
Unconfirmed rumor has it that the 18th James Bond film will be entitled Avatar. It will be directed by Roger Spottiswood (And The Band Played On, Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot). Pierce Brosnan will return for his second outing as Bond, as will Judi Dench as M and Samantha Bond as Miss Moneypenny. Terrence Stamp will play the villain, a British businessman who would rather see Hong Kong destroyed than handed over to the Chinese. Natasha Henstridge (Species) is in the running for the female lead. As I get more confirmed info, I'll pass it along.
In the meantime, Raymond Benson's first Bond short story, Blast From The Past, has appeared in the January 1997 issue of Playboy (it has Marilyn Monroe on the cover). Benson proves himself worthy of taking the pen from the three previous Bond authors, and even comes very close to imitating Fleming's style without copying it or ripping it off. The story concerns Bond's investigation into the death of his son living in New York. Bond has a son, you ask? When did that happen? In Fleming's novel You Only Live Twice, Bond gets revenge on Blofeld for the death of his wife Tracy. He escapes from the exploding castle, but is hit by debris and loses his memory. When he finally leaves Japan in search of his past, he leaves behind a pregnant Kissy Suzuki, who later gives birth to a son she names James. Benson offs this character without letting the reader, or Bond, for that matter get to know him. While he could have made an interesting addition to the world of Bond, Benson uses James to almost cut off Bond from his past...he has nowhere to go but forward. Oh and who killed James Suzuki? All I'm gonna say is that it has something to do with the epic story Fleming laid out in both On Her Majesty's Secret Service and You Only Live Twice. Benson's got me hooked by this exciting and simple story. I can't wait for his novel, Zero Minus Ten coming this spring.
this is the way the world ends
While it takes forever to get started, Tim Burton's Mars Attacks!, is ten times better than Independence Day. Burton has concocted a great spoof of alien invasion movies. First, unlike the summer blockbuster, this film has an A-list of stars: Jack Nicholson (as both the President and a Las Vegas hotel owner), Glenn Close (the first lady), Pierce Brosnan (a pompous scientist), Annette Benning (wife of Las Vegas Hotel Owner), Danny DeVito (gambler....part lasts about a minute), Sarah Jessica Parker (fluff news reporter), Martin Short (Presidential Press Secretary), Michael J. Fox (GNN New Reporter), Natalie Portman (daughter of President), Lucas Haas (teenager), Joe Don Baker (teenager's father), Christina Applegate (teenager's brother's girlfriend), Jim Brown (Casino bouncer), Pam Grier (Jim Brown's wife), Rod Steiger (war-bent army general), Paul Winfield (peaceful army general), and Tom Jones (Tom Jones). Secondly, unlike the summer blockbuster (where you could predict the outcome without knowing anything about the movie), nothing is sacred here...there are only six survivors of this major cast (and yes Tom Jones is one of them, but surprisingly none of them is Nicholson). The cruelest fates go to Brosnan and Parker (I won't mention what happens to them here). The film has the look of a Burton movie and that look remains consistent throughout (including the special effects which are very smooth, unlike the summer blockbuster). However, this film is not for everyone. It is rated PG-13 and unlike ID4, I think the Martians will scare the shit out of little kids. Danny Elfman brings his usual musical bag of tricks to the table and Peter Suchitzsky's widescreen photography captures everything very nicely. If you've liked Burton's other films (Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Beetlejuice, Batman, Edward Scissorhands, Batman Returns, Ed Wood, and hell even though he didn't actually direct it The Nightmare Before Christmas) you'll like this. It isn't his best work, but it's very funny (in spite of the fact that it takes about an hour to really get rolling).
look, up in the sky...
Since the first season of Superman: The Animated Series only consists of 13 episodes, here's a quick guide to the first 11 (the last two will air in February):
The Last Son Of Krypton - this originally aired as a 90 minute special, but is broken up into three half hours for Saturday mornings. Part one gives us the Krypton story where we meet scientist Jor-El, his wife Lara, and their son Kal-El. Jor-El discovers that Krypton will soon explode, but the council of elders won't believe him because the super computer that stores all Kryptonian knowledge, Brainiac, tells the council Jor-El is wrong. Brainiac does this because he doesn't want to have to formulate an evacuation plan for the planet. He downloads his entire memory core into a satellite and escapes. Jor-El sends Kal-El to earth. Krypton explodes. Part two covers the Smallville years and the beginning of the Metropolis years. The young Kal-El is found by Jonathan and Martha Kent and renamed Clark Kent. He has a high school sweetheart Lana Lang and then discovers his Kryptonian heritage. Clark then moves to Metropolis where he gets a job as a reporter for the Daily Planet. We meet Perry White, Jimmy Olsen, and Lois Lane. We also find that Metropolis is pretty much owned by multi-billionaire Lex Luthor. In Part Three, Luthor unveils a super-suit for the army to use as a line of defense, but it's stolen by terrorist John Corben. Superman arrives. Fights Corben, who's using the Lexoskel suit, and saves the day. It turns out Corben was being backed by Luthor. There is a great scene between Luthor and Superman (who has no physical proof of Luthor's involvement). Clark, of course, gets the story to the paper before Lois. This is a great start to the series (and much better than ABC's live action Lois And Clark which was good it's first season and has gone downhill ever since.)
Fun And Games - Metropolis' other multi-billionaire, Bruno Mannheim is kidnapped by Toyman, who then also kidnaps Lois Lane. It seems that Mannheim may have destroyed the career of a toymaker and his son is now out to get revenge, and Lois will tell his story. Superman saves the day, but the Toyman isn't found in the wreckage of his warehouse. A great story with some wild animation effects and story ideas (like the super ball that gets faster the more it bounces and makes large dents in things).
A Little Piece Of Home - Luthor opens his new museum of natural history, but some robbers (financed by Luthor) break in and try to steal something. Superman stops them, but is strangely affected by some moon rocks. It turns out the rocks are actually Kryptonite, meteorites from Krypton's explosion that are radioactive and harmful to Kryptonians. Luthor uses this to his advantage in bringing Superman down, but lead protects Clark from the harmful effects. Another wonderful story that continues plotlines from the pilot.
Feeding Time - Roy Jones, a janitor at S.T.A.R. labs helps out in the theft of some chemicals, but is exposed to them in the process. He now has the ability to absorb energy (as well as thoughts and memories) from whatever he touches. Of course he eventually touches Superman, discovers his secret identity, and kidnaps him, using him as a battery to recharge himself whenever he needs a fix. Jimmy Olsen, being the snoop that he is, saves the day. Fun, but slightly on the weak side. The Parasite (Jones's name after the accident) has never been one of Superman's more interesting villains, but an attempt is made to make him sympathetic. It almost works.
The Way Of All Flesh - John Corben returns. This time he's in jail and has contracted some rare disease. Luthor is willing to help, but his solution is ghastly. Corben's brain is transferred into an exo-skeleton covered in a synthetic skin. He still looks like Corben and acts like Corben, but he's completely metallic. And his metal body is powered by radiation from Kryptonite which is now his "heart". Corben gets frustrated that he can't feel, and tries to take it out on Superman at Luthor's urging. Lois and Clark discover that Corben was injected with the rare virus to begin with by a prison doctor on Luthor's payroll. Superman saves Luthor from Corben, who is lost at sea. A great episode that truly humanizes another of Superman's lesser villains.
Stolen Memories - Brainiac shows up on earth and wants to trade information with humans (okay Luthor). But he has a far more sinister plan. Brainiac wants to store all the information he can about earth in his collection of knowledge orbs and then destroy the planet. Superman learns more about his heritage and even gets an offer from Brainiac to join him. But the man of steel declines and defeats the super-computer before he can accomplish his goals. Superman is able to save the Kryptonian orb and Brainiac downloads himself into Lexcorp's computers before his ship is destroyed. Another great twist on a confusingly written Superman villain. My only complaint is the destruction of all the other planetary orbs. Why did we have to lose all that info about other planets?
Main Man - this two part episode features Lobo, a bounty hunter, who is hired to bring Superman to the collection of a man who keeps a museum of "lasts", Superman being the "last" son of Krypton. Lobo delivers the goods, but instead of being paid, he is also added to the collection, being the last Czarnian (Lobo destroyed his own people...probably in a drunken stupor). The second part of the story involves Superman and Lobo teaming up to escape from the museum. Part one is fun just watching Lobo and Superman beat the crap out of each other, part two is fun watching Lobo double-cross Superman at every turn. The storywriters have taken one of the DC Universe's most annoying characters and given him a nice spin (he's still annoying, but it's now fun to watch).
My Girl - Lex Luthor shows up at a fashion show, being covered by Lois and Clark, with famous fashion designer Lana Lang on his arm. Superman saves Lana from being kidnapped and she knows exactly who he is. She is still in love with him and tries to prove her love by spying on Luthor and giving Clark the info to stop him. Of course, Luthor finds out about this and tries to kill her. Of course, Superman saves the day and Lana gives up her spying. This is one of the most bizarre twists on the Lana Lang character I've ever seen, but it works. Luthor and his bodyguard/chauffeur, Mercy Graves, are developed even more in this tightly written story.
The last two episodes will air in February. One features The Flash and the other features Darkseid, the evil ruler of Apokalypse.
delayed video disaster
As you may well know (by walking into any electronics store), the new home entertainment system dubbed DVD, which either stand for Digital Video Disc or Digital Versatile Disc, or nothing, has yet to hit the market after much hype and ballyhoo from the Major players (Toshiba and Warner). They are promising a first quarter 97 rollout, but we'll see what happens. Meanwhile, computer companies are gearing up for DVD-ROM players and software to hit soon after the new year. DVD-ROM is faster and can hold much more data than the current CD-ROM technology. Of course, DVD-ROM is not backward compatible (so don't think you can play all those CD-ROM games on a new DVD-ROM player). The only way this format will succeed is through the computer industry. People are looking for faster and more powerful access to information. The home entertainment industry is treating this like the tail wagging the dog. Their sales in VCR's and Laserdisc players have been waning for years. The software companies see an opportunity to resell their libraries all over again (Batman Forever in yet a new format). While DVD for home entertainment uses has lots of potential, they're going about it all wrong. And the first generation of discs will be crap. Stripped down, watered down versions of movies that don't use the format to its potential. They also may not be compatible with second generation players (thanks to the convergence of two technologies not having been hammered out completely). More info will be passed on as it arrives. The format's having many problems in the Japanese market right now, not all the discs work on all the players.
that's all folks
Well, that ends another issue. Be here next month for more reviews, news, and stuff you can't use. Hopefully, reviews of TV shows I haven't done yet this season, Daylight, the new Toy Story laserdisc box set, and whatever else floats my boats.
Be seeing you,
Joel
The Very Model Of A Modern Major General
BONUS REVIEW
My Fellow Americans - what do you get when you cross The Fugitive with Grumpy Old Men and A Clear And President Danger. You get this hysterically funny film about two ex-presidents (James Garner and Jack Lemmon) who hate each other, but find themselves on the run from the NSA when they uncover a plot by the current administration (Dan Aykroyd). Yes, the film does have something of a political message, but that can be overlooked due to the humor of the whole thing. The film also stars Wilford Brimley, Sela Ward, and Lauren Bacall (who has the best lines and should have had a bigger role). Warning: there are three really horrible digital effects near the end of the film. It's obvious that Lemmon and Garner's faces were digitally plastered over two other men riding horses. But run out and see the film anyway. You won't be disappointed.
Well...this month marks the culmination of the 30th Anniversary festivities for Paramount's Star Trek franchise. And to celebrate the festivities, we've gotten bombarded with "special" things from each of the four incarnations. Here are my reviews and insights of each part of the world of Trek:
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - I'm gonna get clobbered here, but in my opinion, this has grown into the best version of Star Trek yet. It has tossed aside Roddenberry's sterile, happy version of the future and given it the gritty, realistic edge it deserves. We have a Captain (Benjamin Sisko) who is plagued not only by the death of his wife (at the hands of the Borg), but who has also been elevated to a revered religious status which he has no idea how to handle. The Chief Security Officer (Odo) used to be a shapeshifter, but he not only found out about his mysterious past rather early in the series, but was also exiled from his people who made him a solid before casting him out. Worf's on board for all those Trekkos who love Klingon crap. We have a gossip loving Science Officer who is in love with the grumpy Worf and also happens to be over 300 years old. The Starfleet Medical Officer is a horny little bastard. The bar's run by a greedy Ferengi whose idiot brother is now part of O'Brien's engineering crew. And there's the Bajoran First Officer who is currently carrying the O'Briens second child (for reasons I won't get into). These are great characters who are played by perfect actors. The stories they've been given are wonderful and full of a nice blend of suspense and humor (when called for). In celebration of the 30th Anniversary, we got an episode which combined both Classic Trek and this show quite seamlessly. Sisko and crew were thrown back in time to the original episode The Trouble With Tribbles and were forced to find a fugitive Klingon (who was disgraced by Kirk in that episode) before he can kill James T. Kirk. The episode mixed footage of the original episode in so seamlessly that it was just amazing to watch. This is a perfect example of a 30th Anniversary tribute as it keeps the integrity of the original relevant to the plot.
Star Trek: First Contact - Captain Picard and his crew of the Enterprise E travel back in time to stop the Borg from preventing the first warp flight which was spotted by some Vulcans, resulting in first contact between humans and aliens. This eighth film in the series is fun and entertaining, but has a few problems. Allow me to indulge some nit-picking for a few moments. There are seven major cast members of this show (Picard, Data, Riker, Worf, Dr. Crusher, Geordi, Troi). With Patrick Stewart and Brent Spiner demanding more money and bigger parts with each successive film, it's obvious that most of the screen time is taken up by Picard (hell bent on vengeance against the Borg for assimilating him) and Data (seduced by the Borg Queen into helping her). The others (who all had plenty of times in the seven year run of the TV series to shine) are reduced to bit parts and cameos. Now while some have bigger parts more than others, some are treated poorly. Riker and Worf get the next amount of screen time. Worf doesn't even belong here anymore (but they'll keep finding ways to throw him of the goddamn Enterprise...mark my words). Riker continues to be the Kirk clone he always was. Both Troi and Geordi shine in their even smaller roles (and we don't even get an explanation of Geordi's new "eyeballs"). Dr. Crusher however has been relegated to a role so small that even Lt. Barclay (Dwight Schultz), who was one of those great re-occurring characters on the TV series, puts in a larger cameo than Gates McFadden. I guess her pay justifies the shitty treatment (a first draft I read spread the crew out evenly...but sacrificed the great Zephram Cochran who spent most of the script in a coma). James Cromwell and Alfre Woodard are great as the drunken scientist Cochran and his assistant Lily and they bring some much needed humor to this dark, gritty script. Other cameos include Nurse Ogawa (another series holdover), Robert Picardo as the Enterprise's own Emergency Medical Holographic Program (I'm a doctor, not a doorstop), and Ethan Phillips (who plays Neelix on Voyager, but doesn't here). Time travel stories are always tough to keep track of if you think about them too long (especially here since the crew pretty much tell Cochran all that he's going to do in the next few years....Prime Directive my ass). My biggest complaint comes in the change of Picard. He's now a bitter old man and while I think it's a great change....the justification's weak. It's been six years since the Borg assimilated him, and only now he's starting to feel the effects like this? I don't think so. Also as someone who used to risk his entire ship for even the lowliest crew member and who knows that people can be de-Borgified, Picard has no qualms about killing off half his crew when they become assimilated. He's a heartless, bitter bastard and while he's more interesting now than he ever was, it was much of an evolution. On a last note: The most impressive thing about this film is Jonathan Frakes' directorial debut (better than some other actors who have won Oscars for doing less impressive work their first time out). The funniest thing was a line from the six year old behind me the second time I saw it. When the Phoenix (Cochran's warp ship) got into outer space and spread it's nacelles, the kid said: "Mommy, I saw that on TV, I want that for Christmas."
Star Trek: Voyager - guess where Gilligan and the Skipper went this month? You guessed it, back in time....all the way back to 1996 (oohhhh....a budget saver...and two parts no less). This time the lost in space (and ratings) crew fight the evil Ed Begley, Jr. (now here's the most sinister man in Gotham) before he can destroy the future when he....oh, who cares (which should be the motto of this show, not Millennium) . This show had some promise, but it was flushed down the toilet long ago. The interesting characters (Chakotay, The Doctor, and give me a minute or a year...I might come up with a third) are either underused or have had their interesting parts thrown out and then got restarted from scratch. If I were on Voyager, I'd lead a mutiny. Kill Janeway and force the writers to bring us home. Maybe that'll fix the show....maybe not. Anyway...the less said about this show, the better. Expect the Borg to show up here sometime this season.
toe jam
Before I say a lot of nasty and negative things, let me state that Space Jam was entertaining. HOWEVER, it embodies EVERYTHING that is wrong with Hollywood movies today. All style and no substance. This movie came to life as a commercial and it's still caught in that reprehensible role. The special effects are nothing too special (they haven't advanced the mixing of humans and cartoons any further than Who Framed Roger Rabbit - all they've done is add computer effects). And if you were going to pick a basketball team out of the Looney Tunes, would any of the five picked here actually be on the team (Speedy Gonzales would probably have been a good choice, but remains in the background). All in all, miss this if you can.
quick shots
Matilda - will be appearing on video soon after you read this. It's a great adaptation of Roald Dahl's book and is well directed by actor Danny DeVito. Great family viewing.
Joe's Apartment - this comedy was extended from a group of MTV shorts and while it does have a jumpy pace, it's a real hoot watching a bunch of cockroaches sing and dance.
Thinner - it's amazing that a rather faithful adaptation of a Stephen King novel could remove all the humor and suspense from the book and come up this flat (every pun intended).
Pandora's Clock - this tense and well acted mini-series is worth a second airing and a viewing if you missed it the first time.
update on bond prices
Unconfirmed rumor has it that the 18th James Bond film will be entitled Avatar. It will be directed by Roger Spottiswood (And The Band Played On, Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot). Pierce Brosnan will return for his second outing as Bond, as will Judi Dench as M and Samantha Bond as Miss Moneypenny. Terrence Stamp will play the villain, a British businessman who would rather see Hong Kong destroyed than handed over to the Chinese. Natasha Henstridge (Species) is in the running for the female lead. As I get more confirmed info, I'll pass it along.
In the meantime, Raymond Benson's first Bond short story, Blast From The Past, has appeared in the January 1997 issue of Playboy (it has Marilyn Monroe on the cover). Benson proves himself worthy of taking the pen from the three previous Bond authors, and even comes very close to imitating Fleming's style without copying it or ripping it off. The story concerns Bond's investigation into the death of his son living in New York. Bond has a son, you ask? When did that happen? In Fleming's novel You Only Live Twice, Bond gets revenge on Blofeld for the death of his wife Tracy. He escapes from the exploding castle, but is hit by debris and loses his memory. When he finally leaves Japan in search of his past, he leaves behind a pregnant Kissy Suzuki, who later gives birth to a son she names James. Benson offs this character without letting the reader, or Bond, for that matter get to know him. While he could have made an interesting addition to the world of Bond, Benson uses James to almost cut off Bond from his past...he has nowhere to go but forward. Oh and who killed James Suzuki? All I'm gonna say is that it has something to do with the epic story Fleming laid out in both On Her Majesty's Secret Service and You Only Live Twice. Benson's got me hooked by this exciting and simple story. I can't wait for his novel, Zero Minus Ten coming this spring.
this is the way the world ends
While it takes forever to get started, Tim Burton's Mars Attacks!, is ten times better than Independence Day. Burton has concocted a great spoof of alien invasion movies. First, unlike the summer blockbuster, this film has an A-list of stars: Jack Nicholson (as both the President and a Las Vegas hotel owner), Glenn Close (the first lady), Pierce Brosnan (a pompous scientist), Annette Benning (wife of Las Vegas Hotel Owner), Danny DeVito (gambler....part lasts about a minute), Sarah Jessica Parker (fluff news reporter), Martin Short (Presidential Press Secretary), Michael J. Fox (GNN New Reporter), Natalie Portman (daughter of President), Lucas Haas (teenager), Joe Don Baker (teenager's father), Christina Applegate (teenager's brother's girlfriend), Jim Brown (Casino bouncer), Pam Grier (Jim Brown's wife), Rod Steiger (war-bent army general), Paul Winfield (peaceful army general), and Tom Jones (Tom Jones). Secondly, unlike the summer blockbuster (where you could predict the outcome without knowing anything about the movie), nothing is sacred here...there are only six survivors of this major cast (and yes Tom Jones is one of them, but surprisingly none of them is Nicholson). The cruelest fates go to Brosnan and Parker (I won't mention what happens to them here). The film has the look of a Burton movie and that look remains consistent throughout (including the special effects which are very smooth, unlike the summer blockbuster). However, this film is not for everyone. It is rated PG-13 and unlike ID4, I think the Martians will scare the shit out of little kids. Danny Elfman brings his usual musical bag of tricks to the table and Peter Suchitzsky's widescreen photography captures everything very nicely. If you've liked Burton's other films (Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Beetlejuice, Batman, Edward Scissorhands, Batman Returns, Ed Wood, and hell even though he didn't actually direct it The Nightmare Before Christmas) you'll like this. It isn't his best work, but it's very funny (in spite of the fact that it takes about an hour to really get rolling).
look, up in the sky...
Since the first season of Superman: The Animated Series only consists of 13 episodes, here's a quick guide to the first 11 (the last two will air in February):
The Last Son Of Krypton - this originally aired as a 90 minute special, but is broken up into three half hours for Saturday mornings. Part one gives us the Krypton story where we meet scientist Jor-El, his wife Lara, and their son Kal-El. Jor-El discovers that Krypton will soon explode, but the council of elders won't believe him because the super computer that stores all Kryptonian knowledge, Brainiac, tells the council Jor-El is wrong. Brainiac does this because he doesn't want to have to formulate an evacuation plan for the planet. He downloads his entire memory core into a satellite and escapes. Jor-El sends Kal-El to earth. Krypton explodes. Part two covers the Smallville years and the beginning of the Metropolis years. The young Kal-El is found by Jonathan and Martha Kent and renamed Clark Kent. He has a high school sweetheart Lana Lang and then discovers his Kryptonian heritage. Clark then moves to Metropolis where he gets a job as a reporter for the Daily Planet. We meet Perry White, Jimmy Olsen, and Lois Lane. We also find that Metropolis is pretty much owned by multi-billionaire Lex Luthor. In Part Three, Luthor unveils a super-suit for the army to use as a line of defense, but it's stolen by terrorist John Corben. Superman arrives. Fights Corben, who's using the Lexoskel suit, and saves the day. It turns out Corben was being backed by Luthor. There is a great scene between Luthor and Superman (who has no physical proof of Luthor's involvement). Clark, of course, gets the story to the paper before Lois. This is a great start to the series (and much better than ABC's live action Lois And Clark which was good it's first season and has gone downhill ever since.)
Fun And Games - Metropolis' other multi-billionaire, Bruno Mannheim is kidnapped by Toyman, who then also kidnaps Lois Lane. It seems that Mannheim may have destroyed the career of a toymaker and his son is now out to get revenge, and Lois will tell his story. Superman saves the day, but the Toyman isn't found in the wreckage of his warehouse. A great story with some wild animation effects and story ideas (like the super ball that gets faster the more it bounces and makes large dents in things).
A Little Piece Of Home - Luthor opens his new museum of natural history, but some robbers (financed by Luthor) break in and try to steal something. Superman stops them, but is strangely affected by some moon rocks. It turns out the rocks are actually Kryptonite, meteorites from Krypton's explosion that are radioactive and harmful to Kryptonians. Luthor uses this to his advantage in bringing Superman down, but lead protects Clark from the harmful effects. Another wonderful story that continues plotlines from the pilot.
Feeding Time - Roy Jones, a janitor at S.T.A.R. labs helps out in the theft of some chemicals, but is exposed to them in the process. He now has the ability to absorb energy (as well as thoughts and memories) from whatever he touches. Of course he eventually touches Superman, discovers his secret identity, and kidnaps him, using him as a battery to recharge himself whenever he needs a fix. Jimmy Olsen, being the snoop that he is, saves the day. Fun, but slightly on the weak side. The Parasite (Jones's name after the accident) has never been one of Superman's more interesting villains, but an attempt is made to make him sympathetic. It almost works.
The Way Of All Flesh - John Corben returns. This time he's in jail and has contracted some rare disease. Luthor is willing to help, but his solution is ghastly. Corben's brain is transferred into an exo-skeleton covered in a synthetic skin. He still looks like Corben and acts like Corben, but he's completely metallic. And his metal body is powered by radiation from Kryptonite which is now his "heart". Corben gets frustrated that he can't feel, and tries to take it out on Superman at Luthor's urging. Lois and Clark discover that Corben was injected with the rare virus to begin with by a prison doctor on Luthor's payroll. Superman saves Luthor from Corben, who is lost at sea. A great episode that truly humanizes another of Superman's lesser villains.
Stolen Memories - Brainiac shows up on earth and wants to trade information with humans (okay Luthor). But he has a far more sinister plan. Brainiac wants to store all the information he can about earth in his collection of knowledge orbs and then destroy the planet. Superman learns more about his heritage and even gets an offer from Brainiac to join him. But the man of steel declines and defeats the super-computer before he can accomplish his goals. Superman is able to save the Kryptonian orb and Brainiac downloads himself into Lexcorp's computers before his ship is destroyed. Another great twist on a confusingly written Superman villain. My only complaint is the destruction of all the other planetary orbs. Why did we have to lose all that info about other planets?
Main Man - this two part episode features Lobo, a bounty hunter, who is hired to bring Superman to the collection of a man who keeps a museum of "lasts", Superman being the "last" son of Krypton. Lobo delivers the goods, but instead of being paid, he is also added to the collection, being the last Czarnian (Lobo destroyed his own people...probably in a drunken stupor). The second part of the story involves Superman and Lobo teaming up to escape from the museum. Part one is fun just watching Lobo and Superman beat the crap out of each other, part two is fun watching Lobo double-cross Superman at every turn. The storywriters have taken one of the DC Universe's most annoying characters and given him a nice spin (he's still annoying, but it's now fun to watch).
My Girl - Lex Luthor shows up at a fashion show, being covered by Lois and Clark, with famous fashion designer Lana Lang on his arm. Superman saves Lana from being kidnapped and she knows exactly who he is. She is still in love with him and tries to prove her love by spying on Luthor and giving Clark the info to stop him. Of course, Luthor finds out about this and tries to kill her. Of course, Superman saves the day and Lana gives up her spying. This is one of the most bizarre twists on the Lana Lang character I've ever seen, but it works. Luthor and his bodyguard/chauffeur, Mercy Graves, are developed even more in this tightly written story.
The last two episodes will air in February. One features The Flash and the other features Darkseid, the evil ruler of Apokalypse.
delayed video disaster
As you may well know (by walking into any electronics store), the new home entertainment system dubbed DVD, which either stand for Digital Video Disc or Digital Versatile Disc, or nothing, has yet to hit the market after much hype and ballyhoo from the Major players (Toshiba and Warner). They are promising a first quarter 97 rollout, but we'll see what happens. Meanwhile, computer companies are gearing up for DVD-ROM players and software to hit soon after the new year. DVD-ROM is faster and can hold much more data than the current CD-ROM technology. Of course, DVD-ROM is not backward compatible (so don't think you can play all those CD-ROM games on a new DVD-ROM player). The only way this format will succeed is through the computer industry. People are looking for faster and more powerful access to information. The home entertainment industry is treating this like the tail wagging the dog. Their sales in VCR's and Laserdisc players have been waning for years. The software companies see an opportunity to resell their libraries all over again (Batman Forever in yet a new format). While DVD for home entertainment uses has lots of potential, they're going about it all wrong. And the first generation of discs will be crap. Stripped down, watered down versions of movies that don't use the format to its potential. They also may not be compatible with second generation players (thanks to the convergence of two technologies not having been hammered out completely). More info will be passed on as it arrives. The format's having many problems in the Japanese market right now, not all the discs work on all the players.
that's all folks
Well, that ends another issue. Be here next month for more reviews, news, and stuff you can't use. Hopefully, reviews of TV shows I haven't done yet this season, Daylight, the new Toy Story laserdisc box set, and whatever else floats my boats.
Be seeing you,
Joel
The Very Model Of A Modern Major General
BONUS REVIEW
My Fellow Americans - what do you get when you cross The Fugitive with Grumpy Old Men and A Clear And President Danger. You get this hysterically funny film about two ex-presidents (James Garner and Jack Lemmon) who hate each other, but find themselves on the run from the NSA when they uncover a plot by the current administration (Dan Aykroyd). Yes, the film does have something of a political message, but that can be overlooked due to the humor of the whole thing. The film also stars Wilford Brimley, Sela Ward, and Lauren Bacall (who has the best lines and should have had a bigger role). Warning: there are three really horrible digital effects near the end of the film. It's obvious that Lemmon and Garner's faces were digitally plastered over two other men riding horses. But run out and see the film anyway. You won't be disappointed.
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