Wednesday, May 19, 2004

NBC: Backwards and Forwards 2004

Hey folks,

Welcome to my annual look at the TV season. Usually I do a review of the season as its ending and then a preview of the newly announced season before it starts as two separate pieces. This year I’m combining them.

Today we’ll look at NBC. Tomorrow will be ABC. Then The WB and then FOX. There will be nothing on CBS or UPN as I don’t watch any shows on either of them and don’t care about what they may be adding. You’ll have to look elsewhere for them. After the piece on FOX, I’ll do a quick bit on cable/syndication and DVD. We’ll then return you to your regularly scheduled movie reviews (I’m sitting on “Van Helsing”, “Scary Movie 3” and a few others right now and once the TV stuff is done, “Noises Off” will be over and I can get back to what we all like best…me reviewing movies).

So…away we go…

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN – The following shows will not be returning to NBC’s airwaves next season.

Lyon’s Den – 12 Episodes Produced/6 Episodes Aired
Never saw this…but I’ll bet that Rob Lowe is regretting leaving “The West Wing”. Or is he? Have you seen that show lately? Me neither.

Frasier – 11 Seasons/264 Episodes
Wow. Eleven years is a very long time to be on TV…especially since eight of them were on the same level of consistency (Seasons 9 & 10 were a bit off…11 didn’t have enough time to recover completely as they knew the show was coming to an end). Here is a show I will miss seeing new episodes of next season. Luckily, it’s still on in syndication and the first three seasons are on DVD (with the final season to join them in September…that’ll be an interesting experiment…they better be releasing Seasons 4 through 10 at some point).

Ed – 4 Seasons/83 Episodes
It’s unfortunate that this show never really took off the way it should have. However, we’re fortunate enough to have gotten four full seasons out of it. This last season’s been a bit lacking as the whole Ed/Carol romance started moving away from the will they/won’t they phase. The quirky and fun minor characters got pushed to the side. The series’ end was obvious and disappointing. Oh well.

Friends – 10 Seasons/236 Episodes
Here’s the perfect example of a show that should have left us many years ago (sometime around season six or seven). This show has been limping to its very obvious and unfunny finish line for quite some time. Add to that the fact that NBC advertised the final season like it was the coming of the Messiah (or second coming depending on your religion) and you wind up with what has to be the most obnoxiously unfunny final 18 episodes of any show in the history of television…okay…it wasn’t that unfunny…Joey still managed to be funny…which is why I’ll look forward to his spin-off and hope that none of the others show up on it for a very long time.

Coupling – 10 Episodes Produced/4 Episodes Aired
Here’s the perfect example of how “Friends” could have gone wrong. This clone of a clone (it’s a British version of “Friends” that got Americanized) died a swift and deserved death.

Boomtown – 2 Seasons/24 Episodes
It always sucks when the network executives stick their two cents in to “help” good shows that are stuck in “bad” time slots. Such was the case of “Boomtown”. The first season (soon on DVD) gave us a great twist on the crime drama. Events unfolded from various points of view in a non-linear time frame. When the show returned for its second season, gone were the multiple points of view and non-linear time frame. Luckily, the show had other strengths (great characters played by great actors in great stories). Unfortunately, the timeslot was now Friday nights at 10pm. I still miss this show.

Good Morning Miami – 2 Seasons/40 Episodes/9 Unaired
This show is proof that good and evil are universal constants. It is evil that kept it on the air for 2 seasons and good that finally put it out of our misery. With all the good Must See Thursday TV shows finally gone, we will no longer be subjected to the “slot fillers” like this piece of shit.

Miss Match – 18 Episodes/7 Unaired
I like Alicia Silverstone, but her talents were wasted in this “cute” show.

The Tracy Morgan Show – 18 Episodes/2 Unaired
Tracy Morgan is more talented than this show ever was and we deserved better.

Whoopi – 22 Episodes
I HATED the pilot to this show and skipped the next few episodes. But then people were telling me the show got better and there were so many people telling me this I had to take a second look. It got much better. It was never great, but it had a crisp freshness that you rarely see on TV sitcoms. The show wasn’t afraid of any topic and did its best to play the center line on most of them (everyone got skewered…black, white, rich, poor, Christian, Muslim, Jew, Republican, Democrat, male and female). I was looking forward to a second season…but alas it’s not to be.

Happy Family – 22 Episodes
I don’t think we’ve ever had a show with two very funny and talented people trapped in an inane, contrived, clichéd and boring sitcom. Thankfully both Christine Baranski and John Larroquette can now find better work.

RETURNING SHOWS

American Dreams – It’s entering its third season and I still don’t watch it.

Law & Order: Criminal Intent – Entering its 4th Season, this is the best of the franchise just because of Goran and Eames. They’re Holmes and Watson for the 21st Century. There’s still a reason to watch NBC on Sundays.

Crossing Jordan – I saw some of this show during its first season and in spite of the talented cast, couldn’t find a reason to stick around. It returns for a fourth season, but who knows if it’ll be a full season or not (the third season was only 12 episodes).

Fear Factor – Ugh. When did a show that started as a contest to overcome fears become a show about people eating disgusting things and jumping from moving vehicles??? This show is a reason to stay away from all reality shows.

Las Vegas – I like James Caan, but couldn’t get into this show. It returns for a second season.

Third Watch – This show is the “Coach” and “Wings” of the hour long dramas. I can’t believe it’s going into a sixth season. Don’t care for it much.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit – The branch of the franchise I don’t watch and don’t know why as I was a big fan of Richard Belzer’s character when he was on “Homicide” oh so long ago. Entering its sixth season.

The West Wing – I hate politics and politicians. It’s all about lying, manipulating and deceit. In fact, it’s more entertaining watching the real ones go at it, so why bother with what tends to be liberal claptrap?? Entering its sixth season.

Law & Order – Wow. This show will be entering its 15th Season come September and losing its longest running cast member as Jerry Orbach’s Lenny Briscoe moves to the fourth entry in the series (see below). Will he find better food and drink there? Will Dennis Farina’s replacement character nosh as much as Lenny? Will Elizabeth Rohm ever return to “Angel”? (That’s a big no.) Will Fred Thompson vote for John Kerry? (Another big no.)

Scrubs – NBC finally has done the smart thing and renewed this for two seasons…so we get this show through at least 2006 (and then we’ll get it ad nauseum as it enters syndication). This is easily the best sitcom the network has for the next two seasons and while I believe the best spot for it is on Sunday nights on FOX (wedged in that slot they can’t fill between “The Simpsons” and “Malcolm in the Middle”), NBC is keeping it on Tuesdays (instead of moving it again).

Will & Grace -- NBC needs to change the name of this show. Regardless of Debra Messing’s pregnancy, the show was already turning into “Will & Jack & Karen & Their Friends Played by Famous Guest Stars in Stunt Casting Bits”. The only reason to watch at this point is to find out who’s gonna stop by next.

ER – I still stand by decision when I picked watching “Chicago Hope” instead back in 1994 when both shows debuted. And that’s why I’ve got one less hour of wasted TV time on my hands now.

Dateline – I forget how many times this really winds up being on each week, but according to the new fall schedule we’re only subjected to it on Fridays and Sundays in September (until something gets cancelled).

Average Joe – While the first one was an interesting experiment (will a “hot” girl choose an “average” guy over the washboard male models), the second one was an experiment in torture (why did we want to see a second guy get shot down??). And the return of Adam just proved that guys are just as dumb as the hot females. I think next season if I want to deal with people being let down on “dates” I’ll just follow my single friends around.

The Apprentice – Whether it was watching The Donald’s hand gestures when he punctuated “You’re fired” or watching Omarossa distort the truth worse than any politician she may have worked with, this show put the “real” back in “Reality TV Series”. It’ll be interesting to see how they keep it fresh for the next season.

Saturday Night Live – While the show still has a few talented people hanging around, it amazes me that anyone would leave for other things. Beyond Will Ferrell, who’s done other good things? The show will be 30 years old next season.

For Love or Money – Another “reality” show. I didn’t watch it the first time. I didn’t realize there had been four versions so far. And I’ll be damned if I could actually tell you what the premise is. They’ve all started to blend together.

NEXT SEASON’S LINE UP
When two shows are listed for one time slot it means the second show is currently scheduled to take over at mid-season or after a complete uninterrupted run of the first show.

Mondays
8pm Fear Factor
9pm Las Vegas
10pm LAX

Tuesdays
8pm Average Joe/The Contender
9pm Father of the Pride
9:30 Scrubs
10pm Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Wednesdays
8pm Hawaii
9pm The West Wing/Revelations
10pm Law & Order

Thursdays
8pm Joey
8:30 Will & Grace
9pm The Apprentice
10pm ER

Fridays
8pm Dateline
9pm Third Watch
10pm Medical Investigation

Saturdays
8pm Crap on a stick (okay…its NBC’s Night at the Movies, but does it matter?)

Sundays
7pm Dateline
8pm American Dreams
9pm Law & Order: Criminal Intent
10pm Crossing Jordan

NEW SHOWS

LAX – Heather Locklear and Blair Underwood star in what essentially sounds like “Hotel” set in an airport. Yawn!

Father of the Pride – This CGI sitcom follows the trials and tribulations of the white tigers owned by Siegfried and Roy. The voices are done by John Goodman, Carl Reiner, Orlando Jones and Dave Herman among others. Siegfried and Roy will not be providing voices for themselves. I honestly don’t know what to say about this show. Is it a tribute to the two men and their fame or just in bad taste and silly? Only time will tell.

Joey – If anything had to be spun off from “Friends” this would be the one to do it with (although I’d prefer Joey & Chandler together again for their own show minus the other four). Joey moves to Hollywood (or just around the block as the NY set is probably just around the corner or just being redressed) and moves in with his sister (Drea de Mateo from “The Sopranos”) and his nephew (who’s a genius). Toss in the hot next door neighbor and hilarity will ensue for at least one season. Will this be the next “Frasier” or another “After M*A*S*H*”? You decide.

Medical Investigation – This new series is based on true events of members of the National Institute of Health. These doctors travel all over and take over cases when they need to as they’re experts in life or death matters. The only reason this medical show gets a shot from me is the wonderful Neal McDonough. He was previously the dark and brooding D.A. in “Boomtown”. The show also stars Kelli Williams formerly of “The Practice”.

Hawaii – Add the word “Vice” to the title and you’ll have a pretty good idea of what the show’s about. YAWN! Did Michael Biehn lose a bet or is James Cameron mad at him that he had to take on this show?

MID-SEASON REPLACEMENTS

Revelations – Bill Pullman tries to stop the Apocalypse. That’s pretty much all it is (except that he’s a scientist who much reject fact and embrace faith). He’s got help of course.

The Contender – Sylvester Stallone teams up with Mark Burnett (producer of “The Apprentice” and “Survivor”) to bring us what is essentially “Rocky: The Reality Series”. I think there’s another version of this on another network also. When it rains, it pours.

Law & Order: Trial by Jury – Jerry Orbach’s Lenny Briscoe gets Jury Duty (and maybe better access to more snacks) as the franchise’s tentacles claim another slot. This time we see how FOX’s “The Jury” gets done by someone else. Will it be better? Don’t know until I get a look at both.

Crazy for You – A Shitcom about a negative genius and a positive occupational therapist who fall in love. Awww….isn’t that sweet? No? Didn’t think so. I don’t know where this show will wind up as the slot between “Friends” and “Will & Grace” is gone and not available to stupid shit like this anymore.

The Men’s Room – Three guys start seeing a male guru to better their lives. See the above entry for further commentary.

Medium – The amazing Glenn Gordon Carron returns to TV with a show that sounds like a rip-off of “The Sixth Sense” starring Jake Webber and Patricia Arquette. But if you look at other stuff Carron has created (“Moonlighting” and “Now and Again”) you know that this is worth catching because it’ll be different.

The Office – Look…another hit British show that won’t be translated to U.S. audiences well.

Well…that’s NBC. Of the new shows, I’ll catch “Joey” and “Medical Investigations” for a bit. I look forward to “Medium” replacing something and I’ll check out the new “Law and Order” simply because it’s “Law and Order”. Of the returning shows, well…I’ve got “Scrubs”, the two versions of “Law and Order”, “The Apprentice” and most likely another go-round of “Will and Grace” (the wife still likes it). It’s starting to look like I’ll be watching even less TV than this season. Miracles can happen.

Look for ABC and The WB in your e-box next.

Be seeing you.

Spleenless

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