Friday, May 27, 2005

Talk Of Revenge

Every six months or so, I have an appointment with my dentist for a cleaning. I always go because I know I should, even though it will be painful to an extent.

That's pretty much how I felt about seeing "Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith" when the opportunity presented itself.

So avast ye maties...thar be spoilers ahead (that's for all you pirates watching the film on DVD from the copy floating around online).

First, this is not the worst of the prequel trilogy...but I'm not sure it's the best either. I had many problems with this movie and quite honestly don't understand some of the gushing that's going on about how great it is (and the reaction I've gotten from some people to my reaction reads like a political discussion between Republicrats and Demicans where they're "right" and I'm "wrong"...so I'm going to say my peace and be done with it for a while).

This is easily the busiest film ever made...and that's just the start of a myriad of problems it contains. Lucas has filled each and every frame with so much background minutia that it's hard to pay attention to certain things. Now, maybe he did it on purpose so you'd be watching all the ships zip by the window as Anakin and Padme have yet another boring, stilted, cliched conversation about how much they love each other and how confused they are about their current situations. Maybe it was Lucas' way of endorsing the powerful aspect of filmmaking in that it should be a visual medium (except he forgot that it should visually be telling a story as well). Maybe he's just a lazy and easily distracted filmmaker. I vote for the latter.

The film is boring for a good chunk and then it gets silly for a while before actually coming up with one of the most brilliant and poignant scenes in the prequel trilogy (the killing of all the Jedi...who as powerful as they seem to be are too stupid to really notice what's going to happen) before descneding back to boring and ending with some of the funniest shit ever put in a "Star Wars" film. Between the "excuse" for Padme's death and the "creation" of what I'm going to call Short Vader.

As far as our young lovers are concerned...together they've had three movies to really develop a relationship and have yet to do so by the time they're ready to make their exits. What's barely there is strung together by weak dialog and exposition at best. This should have been the centerpiece of this trilogy and it got such short shrift as to make me long for the whole Trinity/Neo love story of "The Matrix". Lucas should have gone back and watched the original trilogy to get a sense of how to develop a relationship (but of course, since he didn't actually write the scripts for "Empire" and "Jedi" he really would have no idea how to write for Han & Leia...can you imagine what that would have been like if he had...ugh...Han would have had a whole speech as he descends into the carbonite freezing chamber instead of the perfectly simple "I know" in response to leia's "I love you.").

When Padme finally expires, we have plenty of possible reasons for her death...but the one we are given is so stupid it's laughable. She could have died from asphyxiation or childbirth (or ebola...anything...just give us a real reason)...but apparently she was medically fine and just lost the will to live (I'd suggest she must have lost it around the same time as Lucas lost his ability to write...but I'm beginning to think he never had one).

As for Anakin...well...we know where Luke gets his whiney side from that was so distinct in Episode IV (but thankfully he grew out of it...see...he had "real" writers who knew how to develop character over the course of the original trilogy...I'm beginning to think someone else actually wrote Episode IV at this point). We're expected to believe that this whiney, easily manipulated and impulsive punk is going to become the greatest screen villain of all time? I don't think so. On top of that, he's much shorter looking than he will appear in the next three films (or the first three films...depending on which way you count). If they're rebuilding him, couldn't they have given him leg extensions?

Christopher Lee should be happy that Lucas, unlike Peter Jackson, gave him an onscreen death...of course he should be pissed that it happens about 10 minutes in (after like 2 minutes of screen time). Leave it to Lucas to take his more interesting and well written characters and get rid of them much too soon. This film needed more Count Dooku...especially once Palpatine's finally revealed to be manipulating everything from behind the scenes. Dooku could have been a great addition to a three-way battle once he realzied he was being manipulated just like everyone else.

Speaking of Palpatine...what was easily the best part of all three films quickly becomes the silliest once the revelation is made (and anyone who's surprised by this should just stop watching movies...you're too stupid to deserve to watch movies). His behind the scenes manipulation of both sides was a bit too hidden at times (exactly what he's doing and the reasons for it need too much discussion and explanation), but it was easily the best part...until his change. Once that happens, he's cackling more than Jack Nicholson's Joker and wheezing more than Vader himself. A plausible and better explanation for the difference between Palpatine's look in this trilogy and his look in the previous one would have been the ravages of time and use of the Dark Side of the Force. To have it all happen at once because of the latter is just silly (was he not using the Force elsewhere before that moment).

The action scenes are workman-like as far as I'm concerned. Nothing is really too exciting because Lucas has developed a case of ADD. He cuts into things very quickly and from bad angles. It's annoying. He couldn't let the fights play out as they did in Episode I? The Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, Darth Maul fight remains the highlight of the prequel trilogy. The rest of the fights in this new film are either too much like previous fights (the Anakin/Dooku fight was too much like the Luke/Vader fight in "Jedi" and the Anakin/Obi-Wan fight felt like the one from "Empire"). The battles with Palpatine were just bad and videogame-like (and did he not have any money to teach Ian McDiarmid how to hold a sword and not look silly...I mean...I can forgive the silly looking effect that is obviously one actor's head on another guy's body because an old man can't really flip around like that, but make it look convincing when you go in for a closeup).

The more I think about it, even with more Jar Jar (he makes a few silent background appearances in the new film), I think I like "The Phantom Menace" better. It at least has the excuse of being "the first". It has a lot to set the stage for and showed that there may be some surprises down the road (of course, there weren't). There are a few good action scenes that don't play as much like video game stages (I'm thinking the above mentioned sabre duel and the pod race)...and we weren't "burdened" with the "actor" known as Hayden Christensen...or is it Christian Haydensen...or something else entirely...I don't care...I'm too lazy to look up the correct way on the IMDB and he sucks anyway.

So...now we have a complete series and the question become how to watch it. There's the obvious order of:

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

but quite honestly I think watching the prequels will ruin the surprises and foundations of the original trilogy. Watched in order anyone getting to "Empire" will now exactly what Yoda means when he tells Obi-Wan "No, there is another" (and did Ben coveniently forget Luke has a sister), you'll be instantly creeped out by the possibility of a Luke/Leia romance because you know their siblings from the start and you'll marvel at how the Empire was able to build a second Death Star in four years when the first one took them 18.

Then there's this interesting theory I came across somewhere on the internet...perhaps the best way to watch the entire saga is in the following order:

4, 5, 1, 2, 3, 6

By setting the earlier chapters as flashbacks just as the rebellion enters its darkest days (at the end of The Empire Strikes Back) we can temper the awfulness of the ending of the whole story (Return of the Jedi) by enduring the awfulness of The Phantom Menace, and Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith.

I will applaud Lucas for trying to make this the story of someone we like who turns into someone we hate (or love to hate)...but he pretty much botched it at every turn. He should have taken a look at his good friend Francis Ford Coppola's "The Godfather Trilogy"...even with a weak third part, he knew how to handle exactly what Lucas was trying to and did it so much better.

As for me...and my son...when he's old enough to watch "Star Wars" he will see them how I saw them...and then we'll talk about the possibility of him seeing the prequels AFTER the original trilogy.

I think I'm gonna go watch the "Clone Wars" cartoon on DVD again. It's everything the prequels should have been.

Be seeing you.

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