Stephen King's The Simpsons Movie

The first Stephen King novel I read was The Shining. I was in 8th Grade at the time and had just seen the movie which had scared the shit out of me. It wouldn't be until I went back and read King's other novels that I realized how much a masterpiece the book is and how much the film is completely disconnected from it. But I was hooked and I've been reading King's work with anticipation ever since.

Whenever he published a new novel, I'd buy it and crack it open the day it was published. I fondly remember plowing through It in 2 days (and being somewhat disappointed in the ending). The last King novel I read all the way through was Black House. I skipped over Dreamcatcher (don't remember why), but came back to it in March of 2002. It became my workout book. I could only read it while I was riding the recumbent bike. I got about halfway through before April came around and I had my aneurysm. It took me 2 years to eventually pick the book up and finish it. And while I still continued picking up his new books (From a Buick 8, Everything's Eventual, The Dark Tower V, VI & VII, The Colorado Kid, Cell, Lisey's Story, Blaze, Duma Key and Just After Sunset), I didn't actually open them to read (although I did try reading Cell -- got about 50 pages in and stopped).

And then somewhere, somehow, an enthusiasm built in me for his latest novel Under the Dome. Not sure why, maybe it was because it was a mythical book that King had tried writing twice before and never finished (once under the title of The Cannibals). It arrived and I opened it and started reading. Two days later I was done.

Under the Dome concerns the town of Chester's Mill in Maine (where else). One day an invisible dome descends upon the town covering the whole thing area (exactly on its borders) and cutting it off from civilization. King paints a great portrait of what would happen if something like this existed. Moving vehicles would smash into it, the air would become still then stale and as the wind blew particles outside they would slowly collect on the surface turning the view into a murkey muddy mess.

Meanwhile, in the town society starts to fall apart. Like The Stand and The Mist before it, Under the Dome is really a look at how society can unravel at the seams when faced with unexplainable circumstances. People start falling into two categories: those that want to proactively find a way out (change) and those that want to proactively find a way to use the situation to their advantage because its a "new world order" (in actuality preserving the status quo). King's political commentary is not subtle at all. The town is run by a group of Selectmen, but it is the Second Selectman who really runs the show (and he's not happy that Obama's president).

King is still able to present us with a huge cast of characters that remain three dimensional and engaging. His writing style has always been one of accessibility that easily drags a reader in. Here, he keeps you engaged for the entire run of the novel -- even up to the somewhat disappointing ending. Let's face it, if a giant dome were to appear and seal off an entire town one day there would only be two explanations: it's man-made (meaning "the government") or its alien. I won't tell you which one King opts for, but it leads of a vague, confusing and somewhat silly resolution at the end.

All in all, Under the Dome falls on the better end of the King spectrum. It isn't The Stand, but it isn't The Tommyknockers either. Its worth a read whether you like King or not.

Meanwhile, it has inspired me to "catch up" on what I've missed. I'm probably going to start with The Dark Tower books and go back to the beginning of the series. Anyone interested in starting a book club to discuss them?

Be seeing you.

Too Many Children...

So the Sci-Fi Channel (I refuse to refer to them as SyFy because that's just plain stupid) aired a remake of "Children of the Corn", a mediocre Stephen King story from his "Night Shift" collection.

King's short story isn't the best of that collection, nor is it the worst. It does pack enough of a punch and contains King's great penchant for developed characters and visceral images.

The 1984 big screen adaptation just got a 25th Anniversary Blu Ray release, which is kind of funny for a film that was/is a big cheesy pile of crap that took the title, some characters and some "events" from King's story and fashioned something "new" (cliched). It proved the old adage that a short story doesn't have enough meat on its bones for a full length feature by going off in several different directions.

But the film developed enough of a cult following to spawn more sequels than it deserved almost a decade after the fact. The sequels had barely any connections to the original film let alone the original short story, but they obviously made some money since there's still the threat of another one looming over us all.

Stephen King had written a script for the 1984 film that was rejected by the producers at the time. The new TV version is apparently credited to both King and director Donald P. Borchers (who is also one of the producers of the 1984 film). Now, I don't know how much of this is really King (obviously he either worked on it or decided not to contest the credit), but the film is a very faithful adaptation of King's short story. Of course, that aspect now highlights both the deficiencies of King's story being made into a feature and Borchers' directing ability.

In regards to the former, we are presented with Vicky & Burt (on their way to California in the 1970s to help their marriage) who spend about 45 minutes yelling at each other after they accidentally run over a dead child. When they arrive at the next town to report the accident, they discover a strange cult of children who worship a god known as "He Who Walks Behind The Rows". We then get 30 minutes of Burt being chased through the corn fields and then 15 minutes of a silly ending complete with Vietnam flashback and gratuitous sex scene (between minors) before we reach the end of the story as King wrote it.

Any real scares are robbed of their power as Borchers shows his hand seconds before he should. The biggest "creep" factor of King's story is that you never see the kids until Vicky & Burt get to the town and even then we don't see them until Burt does some exploring and figures out that there's something odd. Here, as in the 1984 film, we see the kids right from the beginning and I think it does deflate the concept of doing a "faithful" adaptation of King's story.

This new film has also gotten a release on DVD in an uncut version with several extras. I may revisit this at some point later in life if I get bored and can find it really cheap (like $5), but for now I'm good with having seen this on Sci-Fi where the commercial interruptions kept me from leaping up and throwing a brick at my TV. This was a noble effort, but a completely missed and wasted opportunity.

The nice thing is that I'm sure this won't be the last word on this "franchise".

Be seeing you.

Testing

So I'm testing out a blogging app from my iPhone...nothing to see here unless I can get a picture posted as well.



-- What do you know...it's me and my new hat! Now let's see about posting video...

-- hmmmm...not sure that worked, but we're posting anyway.

-- Posted from my iPhone

Spider-Mouse??? And just where will Superman be coming from?

So the big shock at the start of the week was the announcement that Disney was buying Marvel Comics for $4 billion (hmmm...wasn't that a number similar to some unused funds from the government bailouts of one of the banks or something???)...

As the week has worn on, there has been lots of muscle flexing and few real answers to some major questions.

Disney did state up front in their press release that any existing deals between Marvel and other companies would be honored until they came to an end. All nice and good, but does anyone really expect Disney to sit by and let Universal Studios have the Hulk & Spidey walking around taking photos until that deal ends (and I have no idea when that is). Universal was quick to release their own statement about the Marvel characters remaining an integral part of the Orlando park's experience.

Fox also did some "damage" control by announcing a producer & writer for a previously barely mentioned 2nd reboot of "Fantastic Four" (which had been mentioned a few months ago with a reboot of "Daredevil" as well). Apparently, Fox has rights to make movies from the Marvel characters they've licensed for as long as they continue to make movies based on those characters (apparently not a problem for the X-Men franchise which has made enough money to keep chugging along, but FF makes two movies that gross $154 million and $131 million and those numbers are considered bad).

The head scratcher here is why Disney would make a deal and then have to wait for the real heavy hitters (on the movie front) to come back into the fold. Spider-Man is tied up at Sony for about another 10 years. The X-Men, Fantastic Four and Daredevil are at Fox for who knows how long. Blade is at Warner (for now). Everyone else is still in the Marvel Studios "box", but some of them are tied to distribution deals with other studios (mostly Paramount who has distribution for Iron Man, Thor, Captain America and The Avengers, but I believe that Universal still has those rights for the Hulk).

Maybe they're willing to wait on those deals and just exploit the rights to everything else they can get now (just because Spidey's at Sony doesn't mean Disney can't slap him on underwear of all shapes and sizes).

Another oddity to this deal comes on the comic book front. Disney's had a presence for years in the comic book market and owning the largest publisher of comics gives them easier access...but how does this affect the deal Disney made with Boom Studios (a much smaller comic book company) who has been publishing comic books based on various Pixar properties and The Muppets for about a year now?

This will most likely be a good deal all around at the end of the day (especially if Disney treats Marvel how they treat Pixar and keeps their hands off the creative end)...but there are plenty of questions that need answering before everything makes sense.

It will be an interesting development.

In other comic book legal news, a judge has given various rights to the heirs of Jerry Siegel & Joe Shuster concerning the creation of Superman. The specifics can be found online elsewhere (and by more knowledgible people), but it seems that Warner has until 2011 to make another Superman movie before they lose the rights they have to the families. On top of that, unless they cut a separate deal with the families certain "origin" info is off limites (like all the planet Krypton related material).

I expect at the end of the day the families and DC/Warner will come to a financial arrangement to keep everything together (its not like the families would take a Superman without Lois & Lex to Marvel and restart everything from scratch -- and I don't see Warner letting go of Superman's background). But it could get more nasty before its all over since there are lawyers involved.

Anyway...be seeing you.

Taking The Train Is Easy As 1, 2, 3

I've always been a big fan of train movies. "The Cassandra Crossing", "Murder On The Orient Express," "The Train," "Runaway Train" and "The Taking Of Pelham 1, 2, 3" are all great films. The latter is especially one of my favorites.

Based on a novel, "The Taking Of Pelham 1, 2, 3" stars Walter Matthau and Robert Shaw, respectively, as a NYC MTA Police Detective and a man holding a train car of people hostage for ransom. The battle of wits between the two men as the city grinds to a halt is tense and mesmerizing. The film is a great reflection on its time and yet still stands the test of time. It is both a moment frozen in time (New York in the 1970s) and timeless.

This is probably why the film has been remade (for the second time actually since there is a 1998 TV Movie with Edward James Olmos and Vincent D'Onofrio replacing Matthau and Shaw). This time on the big screen we have Denzel Washington and John Travolta in the roles previously played by Matthau and Shaw. Of course, things have been modernized and updated for a post 9/11 New York.

Both characters get a bit more of a backstory this time (Washington's Garber is no longer a detective, he's just a dispatcher for the MTA -- well, not just a dispatcher but that's what he's doing when the film starts as he's also under investigation for taking a bribe). Gone are the colorful code names of the original foursome who hijacked the train (most likely since Quentin Tarantino used the same gimmick in "Reservoir Dogs" and most people will just assume this film was ripping that off instead of being the other way around) and a laptop with an internet connection has been added onto the train (maybe to replace the now missing/changed undercover cop, but also to give the events that "in your face" feeling we get from living in a society where we can almost be "watched" 24/7 anyway).

Washington and Travolta keep things moving with the help of screenwriter Brian Helgeland. The dialogue is sharp and crisp (though I'm convinced that Travolta's role may have been written with Samuel L. Jackson in mind since he tends to end sentences with "mother fucker" one too many times). The editing may be a bit "herky jerky" at times, but it actually fits the film nicely (as does the music score & song choices which also seem a bit jarring at first). Director Tony Scott keeps things flowing and tense throughout most of the film. It is only when we finally get off the train for the last third of the film when things start to lose steam. The ending is also not as satisfying as that of the original, but luckily these changes don't derail the whole proceedings.

If you're looking for a quality remake of a classic film that can stand on its own without "replacing" the original, you could do a lot worse than "The Taking Of Pelham 1, 2, 3." Its also a great popcorn flick to boot.

Hopefully, any success from this film will bring about a special edition DVD or Blu Ray of the original (as well as some sort of release for the 1998 TV Movie which is not available on any format including VHS). At the very least, seeing this has finally inspired me to read the damn book.

Be seeing you.

2009-2010 Upfronts Part 5: The CW

And finaly we have the upfronts for The WB...I mean UPN...I mean The CW (which has pruned most of the UPN type shows now and is mostly emulating The WB's teenage bent). I don't watch much on this network, so I don't have much to say beyond reporting what the new lineup is. You may notice there are no half hour sitcoms.

MONDAY

8pm GOSSIP GIRL-- Returns for a 3rd Season

9pm ONE TREE HILL -- Returns for a 7th Season.

TUESDAY

8pm 90210 -- Returns for a 2nd Season.

9pm MELROSE PLACE -- I guess since 90210 has been a success the return of that show's spin-off was inevitable.

WEDNESDAY

8pm AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL -- Returns for a 13th Season? Really? And a 14th? Yikes!

9pm THE BEAUTIFUL LIFE -- Its about models and stars Micha Barton. Do you need to know more? Is there more?

THURSDAY

8pm THE VAMPIRE DIARIES -- Cashing in on the whole "Twlight"/"True Blood" machine seemed inevitable. Two vampire brothers (one good, one evil) battle for one girl. Meh.

9pm SUPERNATURAL-- Returns for a 5th Season. Suppsedly a good show, but I've never watched more than 5 minutes.

FRIDAY

8pm SMALLVILLE -- Returns for a 9th Season. This is apparently the "Coach" of Comic Book Shows. Yes, we still watch...but half the time I'm not sure why. Story logic goes out the window (and that's saying a lot for a Comic Book based show). The cast is still doing an admirable job considering the material half the time. The best episodes are the ones that feature other DC Comics characters. I hope that this will be the last season (and a move to Friday night seems to suggest that, but this is The CW and not one of the other networks so all bets are off), but Tom Welling is apparently signed to a 10th Season as well. I say, let Season 9 go to 26 episodes. That would make 200 episodes total. Then put Superman back where he belongs: on the big screen.

9pm AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL (Encore) -- We need more of this?

MIDSEASON

Parental Discreation Advised -- A girl who has lived with foster families all her life finally finds her real parents and tries to make them a family.

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

Easy Money -- 1 Season/8 Episodes/4 Unaired

In Harm's Way -- 1 Season/10 Episodes/5 Unaired

Valentine -- 1 Season/8 Episodes./4 Unaired

The Game -- 3 Seasons/64 Episodes

Everybody Hates Chris -- 4 Seasons/88 Episodes

Reaper -- 2 Seasons/31 Episodes -- The first season of this show was a lot of fun. Most of that was due to Ray Wise as Satan. The second season was missing something, but it was still mostly fun. The series finale is next week and I hope it wraps up as much as it can...but I'm sure it won't. If you didn't see this, I do recommend catching it on DVD as both seasons will be available soon after the show's run ends.

That's all for the major networks. I'll be back tomorrow or Saturday with a wrap-up of what I'll be watching.

Be seeing you.

2009-2010 Upfronts Part 4: CBS

Beyond "Criminal Minds" not much has won me over on CBS since my boycott years ago (you can look for the story elsewhere in my blog). It was a good excuse to prune my TV viewing and I still look for those excuses (in attempts to not watch new shows). So I don't really have much to say about most of these shows on CBS as I don't watch most of them. I'll try not to get too snarky.

MONDAY

8pm HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

8:30 ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE -- Jenna Elfman stars as a single woman who finds herself "accidentally" pregnant. I'm sure it'll fit in with the rest of the network's comedies.

9pm TWO AND A HALF MEN -- I think they're going to try and break "According To Jim's" record for longest running mediocre comedy that you eventually forget is even on.

9:30 THE BIG BANG THEORY

10pm CSI: MIAMI-- Still on the air if only so Joel McHale can keep making fun of it on "The Soup"

TUESDAY

8pm NCIS -- What does this stand for anyway? No Carpet Is Stained? No CBS Is Stagnant?

9pm NCIS: LOS ANGELES -- A Spin-off that airs right after the original? And its not "CSI" based? Chris O'Donnell & LL Cool J star.

10pm THE GOOD WIFE -- Its a law drama mixed with a family drama as Julianna Margulies stars as a woman who goes back to her original job as a defense attourney after her husband (Chris Noth) is thrown in jail for a sex/political scandal. Christine Baranski also stars as a lawyer/mentor for Margulies. Hmmmm...may give it a shot.

WEDNESDAY

8pm THE NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE-- I'm still waiting for "The Old Adventures of New Christine"

8:30 GARY UNMARRIED

9pm CRIMINAL MINDS-- Sure I broke my CBS boycott because Mandy Patinkin was returning to TV, but I stuck around because even without him the show is still well written and well acted. And now we've got Joe Montegna which may be even better.

10pm CSI: NY-- Of the three shows in this "franchise", this is the one I really liked...but I was watching them on DVD and eventually had to prune the silly stuff from the collection (a work in progress). I do miss this on occassion, but not enough to go back.

THURSDAY

8pm SURVIVOR

9pm CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION

10pm THE MENTALIST

FRIDAY

8pm GHOST WHISPERER -- If you didn't think this was a rip-off of NBC's "Medium" you might now that that...

9pm MEDIUM -- has moved to CBS

10pm NUMB3RS

SATURDAY

8pm CRIMETIME SATURDAY

10pm 48 HOURS MYSTERY

SUNDAY

7pm 60 MINUTES

8pm THE AMAZING RACE -- Is it really that Amazing?

9pm THREE RIVERS --A medical show. How original.

10pm COLD CASE

MIDSEASON

Arranged Marriage -- Because we haven't seen enough humiliation during all the other "reality" shows on TV.

Undercover Boss -- A show where high level executives (you know...the guys who caused our economy to collapse) take a "pay cut" to find out what its really like to work in their companies. Now only if the bozos had done this years ago we wouldn't be in the mess they made.

The Bridge -- A cop show. Haven't seen one of these in a while. Especially on CBS' schedule.

Miami Trauma -- I'm pretty sure this is where the injured of "CSI: Miami" are gonna wind up. I know its where Caruso goes when he jabs himself in the eye with his sunglasses.

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

Eleventh Hour -- 1 Season/18 Episodes -- Meant to watch this as I like Rufus Sewell. Oh well.

The Ex-List -- 1 Season/13 Episodes/9 Unaired

Game Show In My Head -- 1 Season/1 Episode -- Guess it should have stayed in his head (whoever "he" is)

Harper's Island -- 1 Season/13 Episodes -- I liked the concept but apparently not enough to bother watching after it got terrible reviews.

The Unit -- 4 Seasons/69 Episodes -- Maybe Dennis Haysbert can get a job in Season 8 of "24" as a David Palmer clone or twin or maybe the real one isn't really dead.

Without A Trace -- 7 Seasons/160 Episodes -- And now it will live up to its title...wait...if both Eric Close & Dennis Haysbert are out of work...maybe CBS can finally bring back "Now And Again" especially since Glenn Gordon Carron is now working for them again since "Medium" has changed networks (I know that isn't how any of this works, but I can still have dreams, no?)

Worst Week -- 1 Season/15 Episodes

Tomorrow brings the end of the Network Upfronts with The CW.

Be seeing you.

2009-2010 Upfronts Part 3: NBC

Yesterday NBC also announced their new fall schedule. I'm tackling my thoughts today.

MONDAY
8pm Heroes (September) -- I stopped watching mid-way through this past season. Not sure if I'm going to continue with a 4th season...we'll see if I catch up with the episodes during the summer. This show really went off the track.

8pm Chuck (January) -- Glad this got a renewal. Even if its only 13 episodes and will be subsidized by Subway (meaning I expect Sarah to no longer be working at the Frogurt place -- assuming she doesn't get axed because of budget cuts on the show -- but I assume we'll lose all the Buy More characters before that happens).

9pm Trauma (September) -- Sounds like "ER" without the budget or baggage. Blah.

9pm Day One (January) -- Sounds like CBS' late lamented "Jericho" with more destruction and rebuilding. Maybe I'll give it an episode.

10pm The Jay Leno Show -- This is either going to be smartest thing NBC has done in years or the dumbest. Either way, it's gonna cost them less than what a scripted show would.

TUESDAY
8pm The Biggest Loser (two-hour edition in September/90 minute edition in January) -- I really should try to get on this show next time they have auditions.

9:30 100 Questions (January) -- This sitcom focuses on a woman who joins a dating service and each question in their questionnaire will serve as a look back on where she's been in romance before. At least that's what I got from the description. Yawn.

10pm The Jay Leno Show

WEDNESDAY
8pm Parenthood (September) -- Based on the hit movie of 20 years ago, this already spawned a failed TV series. This reimagining (they're no longer the Buckmans, they're the Bravermans) has nothing going for it beyond an interesting cast that doesn't interest me enough to watch (Craig T. Nelson, Maura Tierney, Bonnie Bedlia).

8pm Mercy (January) -- So NBC needs two medical shows to replace "ER"? Yawn.

9pm Law & Order: Special Victims Unit -- Its the one I don't watch, but its still kicking around for an 11th Season.

10pm The Jay Leno Show

THURSDAY
8pm SNL Weekend Update Thursday (multi-episode run in September) -- Nice to know they're ready for Prime Time after all these years.

8pm Community (January) -- Joel McHale and Chevy Chase star in this sitcom about a Community College. McHale gets me watching. Chase makes me a bit leery, but after his wonderful turn on "Chuck" as an evil Bill Gates he may do well here.

8:30 Parks and Recreation -- Didn't watch it. Returns for a 2nd Season.

9pm The Office -- Returns for a 6th Season and I still don't watch because I thought the British version was better.

9:30 Community (September)

9:30 30 Rock (January) -- Funniest sitcom around returns for a 4th Season. YAY!!!!

10pm The Jay Leno Show

FRIDAY
8pm Law & Order -- Its the Energizer Bunny of TV shows. 20 Seasons and it keeps going and going and going and going...

9pm Southland -- Returns for a 2nd Season. Don't watch, don't care.

10pm The Jay Leno Show

SATURDAY
8pm Dateline NBC -- Yay! More news shows. (Sarcasm)

9pm Trauma (encore broadcast September)

9pm Southland (encore broadcast January)

10pm Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (encore broadcast)

SUNDAY (September)
7pm Football Night in America

8:20 NBC Sunday Night Football

SUNDAY (January)

7pm Dateline NBC
8pm The Marriage Ref -- Sure the title sounds like a bad sitcom, but its actually a show that mixes "The View" and "Real Time With Bill Mahr" with "Oprah" and "Seinfeld" (since Jerry's the producer of this). Could be interesting.
9pm The Celebrity Apprentice (season premiere; two-hour edition) -- While its the funniest train wreck on TV, two hours is WAY TOO MUCH (and don't get me started on the THREE HOUR Season Finale this year).

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

My Name Is Earl -- 4 Seasons/96 Episodes -- I stopped watching after Season 3. The show just got boring by that point.

Medium -- 5 Seasons/95 Episodes -- The show kind of petered out for me during Season 3. I figured I'd eventually catch up, but that hasn't happened. I do like Glenn Gordon Carron's shows and may eventually come back to it -- epspecially since its now moving to CBS on Friday nights. Let's see what that brings (more tomorrow).

Howie Do It -- 1 Season/21 Episodes -- Howie Mandel does his own "Candid Camera"/prank show. Didn't realize it even lasted as long as it did.

Deal Or No Deal -- 4 Seasons/203 Episodes -- Don't worry. Only the Prime Time version is going away. You can still catch the goofiness in daytime syndication.

America's Toughest Jobs -- 1 Season/9 Episodes -- I'd say one of the toughest jobs was keeping this show on the air, but there are shows that didn't even last this long.

Chopping Block -- 1 Season/3 Episodes -- Too many Chef-based Reality Shows spoil "The Soup".

Crusoe -- 1 Season/13 Episodes -- Had he been time travelling on his island, he may have lasted longer.

Kath & Kim -- 1 Season/17 Episodes -- Just proves my point that Molly Shannon isn't funny.

Kings -- 1 Season/12 Episodes (7 Unaired) -- Saw the one episode my friend was in as an extra. The rest are waiting to be watched on my DVR (along with many other shows including the last 4 episodes of "Raines" -- which will tell you how long I sometimes keep things on my DVR).

Knight Rider -- 1 Season/17 Episodes -- I was never a big fan of the original version. Now I can never get a chance to not become one of this version either.

Life -- 2 Seasons/32 Episodes -- They should have picked a better title or a better board game to be based on (like "Clue" or "Monopoly" or even "Sorry").

Lipstick Jungle -- 2 Seasons/20 Episodes -- Apparently only "Sex in the City" can be "Sex in the City".

Momma's Boys -- 1 Season/6 Episodes -- Looked like it could have been a fun train wreck, but I was busy doing other stuff.

My Own Worst Enemy -- 1 Season/9 Episodes -- Meant to watch this show -- and I still can as its one of the few cancelled shows turning up on DVD.

Superstars of Dance -- 1 Season/5 Episodes -- Apparently they weren't that super.

ER -- 15 Seasons/331 Episodes -- 15 years ago I made my choice and went with "Chicago Hope" as MY medical drama. Never regretted it, haven't looked back, haven't peeked in. Was this show any good?

Back tomorrow with CBS (should be short as they haven't really recovered on my schedule from my boycott years ago).

Be seeing you.

2009-2010 Upfronts Part 2: ABC

Today we take a look at ABC's new fall lineup:

MONDAY
8pm Dancing with the Stars (two-hours in September)-- Hmmm...still don't care.

8pm The Bachelor (two hours in January) -- Why do we still need this?

10pm Castle -- I like Nathan Fillion. The show's been sitting on my DVR. Hope to get to it this summer. We'll go from there.

TUESDAY

8pm Shark Tank -- From the creators of "Survivor" comes this show that sounds like "The Apprentice" but with fewer contestants and more Donald Trumps. Oh...and the contestants aren't celebrities...so we're back to the earlier seasons with "real" people. Yawn.

9pm Dancing with the Stars the Results Show (September)

9pm Better off Ted (January) -- I really like this weird funny comedy from the creators of "Andy Richter Controls The Universe" and am glad to have it back. Look for a DVD/Blu Ray release this summer to catch up on what you may have missed.

9:30 Scrubs (January) -- Returns for a 9th Season. Why? With both Zach Braff & Sarah Chalke turning up as guest stars for about 6 episodes and a few other cast members not signed yet (Judy Reyes & Neil Flynn who is in a new show anyway), this show's gonna have to pull itself off life support pretty quickly. Don't know if I'll keep watching at this point.

10pm The Forgotten--Jerry Bruckheimer brings us a cop show that doesn't contain the letters "c," "s," or "i" in it. These cops try to identify victims of crimes so they don't become "forgotten". I'll pass.

WEDNESDAY
8pm Hank -- Kelsey Grammar stars as a titan of industry to suddenly finds himself out of work. Could be funny simply because of Grammar.

8:30 The Middle -- Patricia Heaton returns to TV (still paired with Kelsey Grammar in an odd way) as a mother of three in middle America. Sounds like "Roseanne". Neil Flynn (Janitor from "Scrubs") also stars, so I expect he's no longer part of that show either.

9pm Modern Family-- Ed O'Neil also returns to TV in this mockumentary about a family.

9:30 Cougar Town -- And Courtney Cox returns to TV as well as a divorced single mom getting back into the dating scene. Okay...never a big Courtney Cox fan, but since ABC's already got my attention with the other sitcoms, I'll give it a shot.

10pm Eastwick -- First it was a book, then a movie, then a musical and then a TV pilot. Now its back again as an actual TV series and aside from Rebecca Romaijn, the cast does nothing for me. I don't know that Paul Gross can step into the shoes of Daryl Van Horne as worn by Jack Nicholson (movie), Ian McShane (musical) and Jason O'Mara (failed TV pilot). But it'll get a shot from me...mainly because I do like the material and have tired of "Desperate Housewives"

THURSDAY
8pm Flash Forward -- A mysterious event causes a world-wide blackout and gives everyone a glimpse into their future. How does humanity cope? We'll see. There's enough creative talent involved behind the camera and in front for me to take a peek.

9pm Grey's Anatomy -- Returns for a 6th season. Still don't watch

10pm Private Practice-- Returns for a 3rd Season. Is Tim Daly still wasting time doing this show?

FRIDAY
8pm Supernanny -- A 5th Season? Really?

9pm Ugly Betty -- Returns for what will be its 4th and most likely last season. Fridays at 9pm? Does that show any confidence in the show anymore? I still like it for the most part.

10pm 20/20 -- Returns for its billionth season because we can't have enough news stories in this age of tweeting where this show is a dinosaur.

SATURDAY
8pm Saturday Night College Football -- anyone remember when there was actual scripted programming on Saturday nights? "Love Boat?" "Fantasy Island?" "Golden Girls?" Ah...those were the days.

SUNDAY
7pm America's Funniest Home Videos -- no matter how often you see it there's something funny and kids and animals falling down and men getting hit in the nuts (as long as its not me)

8pm Extreme Makeover: Home Edition -- Is there any other edition still around?

9pm Desperate Housewives -- If it weren't for the Scavos and Carols and Mrs. McClusky, I'd have left this show a long time ago. I may ditch it soon after the 6th Season starts if Orson doesn't kill Bree and get away with it.

10pm Brothers & Sisters -- Don't watch it, don't care. 4th Season? Really?

MIDSEASON

Deep End -- A law show with Clancy Brown, Billy Zane and Norbert Leo Butz. Those few cast members alone get me to watch an episode.

Happy Town -- The description is vague and it sounds like "Twin Peaks" with Sam Neill. I'll check it out, but it better be damn good to get me past one episode.

V -- Everyone's favorite Man Eating Lizard Aliens return in this "rethink." And since Elizabeth Mitchell (Juliet on "Lost") is a lead, we can assume she didn't survive the end of the season on her other show. Also stars Scott Wolf and Monica Baccarin (from "Firefly") as Anna who I believe is this version's Diana. I'll watch because its "V". Let's hope its more "V: The Original Mini-Series" and less "V: The TV Series." I would feel better if Kenneth Johnson were still involved or they were using J. Michael Straczynski's script from a few years ago, but at least we've got new "V".

True Beauty -- Tyra Banks and Ashton Kutcher do make overs for a 2nd Season.

Lost -- Coming into its 6th and final season, I'm only watching because I've invested so much time and energy and need to see it through...but its gotten a bit silly and ridiculous with all the headache inducing time travel stuff. Where's Doc Brown and his blackboard when you need it (oh...right...JJ Abrams trotted that out on "Fringe" with great effect). So here's my theory: The Island is actually the Garden of Eden and "Jacob" and the other guy (Esau?) are just re-enacting the whole Cain & Able story with the Oceanic Group, the Dharma Initiative, the Others and us poor viewers caught in the middle.

Wife Swap -- Henny Youngman returns from the dead to host...what? Oh that's not what its about? Is it porn? Or just fodder for "The Soup" at the end of each week?

Surviving Suburbia -- Bob Saget got a new sitcom and no one watched. So why is it back? Oh...maybe just this summer? OK.

Other shows ABC is still considering for Mid-Season are The Law (with Cedric the Entertainer), Married Not Dead, This Little Piggy and Inside the Box

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

Boston Legal -- 5 Seasons/101 Episodes -- The show had some great moments and when it broke the 4th wall it got really bizarre, but it had a good life and I enjoyed its entire run.

Dirty Sexy Money -- 2 Seasons/23 Episodes -- Never saw it.

Eli Stone -- 2 Seasons/26 Episodes -- Here's one of two ABC shows that I will miss. I hope the 2nd Season gets a DVD release because the 1st Season shouldn't be so lonely. Great show, if you missed it you missed something special.

Homeland Security USA -- 1 Season/3 Episodes -- I blinked. What was this about?

In the Motherhood -- 1 Season/6 Episodes -- Even my wife, who usually loves stuff like this, didn't like it.

Life on Mars -- 1 Season/17 Episodes -- This show was great up until the last 10 minutes of the final episode when they gave us a literal definition of the title and made the "mystery" silly and trite. If you didn't see it, catch it on DVD but turn it off after Sam & Annie kiss in the last episode. This way you'll go out on a high and not the low those of who watched on TV had to sit through.

Opportunity Knocks -- 1 Season/3 Episodes -- What was this about?

Pushing Daisies -- 2 Seasons/22 Episodes -- The show I will miss the most...but thankfully the whole series will be on DVD and we've got a 12 issue miniseries coming from DC Comics to continue the story (sort of -- the plot is supposedly Ned & Chuck and the guys versus zombies). And there's still talk of a big screen version (which happened for "Firefly" but we're still waiting for "Veronica Mars").

Samantha Who? -- 2 Seasons/33 Episodes -- Never saw it. Heard it was good.

The Unusuals -- 1 Season/7 Episodes -- Meant to watch it, but was busy with more important things.

Cupid -- 1 Season/7 Episodes -- The 1998 version lasted 1 Season/15 Episodes. Loved that show. Didn't catch this version. Bobby Cannavale is no Jeremy Piven. Sorry.

According to Jim -- 8 Seasons/181 Episodes -- Our long national nightmare is finally over.

Tomorrow I'll be back with NBC's fall lineup (which was announced today, but I had other things to do -- so I'll be a day behind but will have covered everyone by the end of the week).

Be seeing you.

2009-2010 Upfronts Part 1: FOX

I know its been a while since I've written, but life has been very crazy...that story (or stories) are for another time. Today we start tackling the TV Network Upfronts...something I used to do every year, but skipped last year (for a variety of reasons). But this year, we're back and in full force.

Today FOX has announced its new Fall lineup...so here it is (with my comments where they need to be):

MONDAY
8pm HOUSE -- returns for a 6th Season. Still remains a fun show to watch and in this day and age was able to pull a huge surprise off without everyone knowing it beforehand. This will remain on my viewing list.

9:00pm LIE TO ME (September)-- returns for a 2nd Season. I haven't watched all of the 1st Season episodes yet. My wife and I have seen enough that we enjoy it, but its not priority watching.

9pm 24 (January) -- returns for an 8th Season. Set in New York so you can assume that instead of never going to the bathroom during the show, Jack Bauer pees wherever he wants like the rest of the city. The actresses playing Agent Walker & President Taylor are returning as well -- so unless they're now playing other characters we can guess they both survive tonight's season finale.

TUESDAY
8pm SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE Performance Show (September) -- I like to call this "I Don't Care If You Can Dance". I know my wife will be watching. I'll be doing something else I'm sure.

8pm AMERICAN IDOL Performance Show (January) -- Nope...don't care about this show either.

9pm PAST LIFE (January) -- This new show is about a team of "investigators" who research people's pasts to see if what is happening to them today is a result of who they were before. Between "Lost" and "Fringe" I don't have anymore brain capacity for shows that are gonna make me want to scream about the confusing issues of pseudo-science. Plus, there's no one in the cast who cries out "Watch Me!"

WEDNESDAY
8pm SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE Results Show (September) -- see above.

8pm AMERICAN IDOL Results Show (January) -- see above

9pm GLEE (September) -- The "previews" for this look interesting. I'll give the episode airing this week a shot (and maybe even review it) and we'll go from there.

9pm HUMAN TARGET (January) -- Mark Valley steps into the shoes of Rick Springfield to star as Christopher Chance, a man who impersonates people in danger to save them and solve the crime/mystery. At least that's what the premise has been in all the comics published by DC Comics. Now he's got two sidekicks, but they're played by Chi McBride & Jackie Earle Haley, and the premise sounds a bit muddy (early reviews are basically saying its not "Human Target" from the comics, but "Generic Action Show Premise #5"). The cast and the DC Logo get me watching. Now if the premiere of this show can get Warner Home Video to release the Rick Springfield version on DVD, I'd be happy. We all need the human touch.

THURSDAY
8pm BONES -- returns for a 5th Season (and I believe has also been renewed for a 6th as well). I stopped watching during Season 2. Miss the show, but not enough to pick it up again on a regular basis. Maybe here and there.

9pm FRINGE -- My favorite new show of last season returns for a 2nd round. It took a while to find its footing, but its everything the later years of "The X-Files" wanted to be and seems to know where its going (where it was obvious "The X-Files" didn't). I'm still wondering if FOX & Warner got any complaints about the final shot of the first season ender.

FRIDAY
8pm BROTHERS -- This new sitcom is about an NFL star who goes home again (or learns he can't go home again). The cast (which includes Daryl "Chill" Mitchell and CCH Pounder) sounds interesting, but not enough to make me watch on a Friday night.

8:30 'TIL DEATH -- Returns for a 4th Season...or maybe they're still burning off episodes from the 2nd & 3rd Seasons that have yet to air. Who cares? Not even sure why this show still exists...didn't they get rid of the young couple?

9pm DOLLHOUSE-- Returns for a 2nd Season. I've got all of Season 1 sitting on my DVR. The pilot bored me, but I meant to keep watching. Maybe this summer I will. We'll see how that goes.

SATURDAY
8pm COPS
9pm AMERICA'S MOST WANTED

SUNDAY
7pm THE OT (September -- gets replaced by Animation reruns after Football Season ends) -- An hour should be plenty of time to wrap up a damn football game and not intrude on my holiest day of the week. I just can't function properly when the animation lineup doesn't start on time. Throws my whole week off.

8pm THE SIMPSONS -- Returns for a 21st Season. Wow. Sure there are clunkers here and there, but I still find the show funny.

8:30 THE CLEVELAND SHOW (September)-- This spin-off from "Family Guy" finds Cleveland moving to his hometown in Virginia to start his life over. Expect the usual Seth MacFarlane humor. If you don't like it on his other two shows, don't watch this one. Will switch to 9:30 in January.

8:30 SONS OF TUCSON (January) -- Three brothers (aged 13, 11 & 8) hire a dad to replace their real one when he goes to prison. I guess since Tyler Labine plays the "dad-for-hire" we can assume THE CW has cancelled "Reaper". I'll watch since its sandwiched between other shows I watch (and Labine is funny).

9pm FAMILY GUY -- Returns for an 8th Season.

9:30 AMERICAN DAD -- Returns for a 5th Season. Will switch to 7:30 in January.

KITCHEN NIGHTMARES Will return at some point as well.

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

King of the Hill -- 13 Seasons/253 Episodes -- There may be some more in production and the show may have a little glimmer of life left in it at some point this season...but its run its course and probably should have ended a while ago (how far did Fox Home Video get with the show on DVD? That's probably when it should have ended).

Prison Break -- 4 Seasons/81 Episodes (2 have yet to air but are being released on DVD/Blu Ray as "Prison Break: The Final Break" in August) -- I still believe the show should have ended 5 minutes before the end of Season 2 and you'd have a great show. Stopped watching mid-Season 3 as the show got sillier and sillier.

Sit Down, Shut Up -- 1 Season/5 Episodes -- From the creators of "Arrested Development" this should have been funnier.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles -- 2 Seasons/31 Episodes -- Wanted to watch. Meant to watch. May eventually watch on Blu Ray. Good thing I'm not a Neilsen home and my viewing habits don't count for anything.

Do Not Disturb -- 1 Season/6 Episodes (3 Unaired) -- Anyone remember this show? Didn't think so.

Well...that's all for FOX. I'll be back tomorrow with ABC & NBC.

Be seeing you.